# Iron Chef comes to SDMB (cooks come!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 3, 2001, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167 "2001-01-03T01:08:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Mamapotomus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Mamapotomus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mamapotomus)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/141 "2001-01-11T02:29:45Z")
**Scylla-san** , I beg forgivness for the delay, but having to purge between each course is very time consuming. Have you ever seen a fat **B** imbo **D** u **J** our?? I thought not. :::gigglegiggle:::: **Pinapple Battle** Iron Chef Zenster: Taste: 9 Presentation: 5 Creativity: 5 Iron Chef Zensters’ recipies were really yummy! He used alot of vegetable flowers- they were pretty! ::giggle:: Javamaven1: Taste: 10 Presentation: 4 Creativity: 5 Challenger Javamaven1 used alot of yummy alcohol! Mmmmmm! :::slightly drunken giggle::: **Jalapeno Battle** Iron Chef Troy: Taste: 9 Presentation: 3 Creativity: 4 The Iron Chef didn’t use pretty plates… no flowers, either. It was yummy, but not so pretty! ::giggle:: Opengrave: Taste: 10 Presentation: 5 Creativity: 5 A perfect feast! No calories, no purging! Chef Opengrave is a master!!! ::giggle:: **Halibut Battle** Iron Chef MikeG: ::blecchhhhhh:: ellycat: Taste: 9 Presentation: 5 Creativity: **6** Biscuits with halibut and cinnamon apples and gorgonzola cheese and plum sauce?! Yummy! ::giggle:: **Suckling Pig Battle** Whammo: Taste: 10 Presentation: 4 Creativity: 3 Yummy piggie, Challanger Whammo, but **Pig Heart and Blood Sherbert**? That was the most creative you could be? Please, that’s been Ben & Jerry’s most popular flavor for years! What a disapointment! ::giggle:: Fenris: Taste: 10 Presentation: 5 Creativity: 5 Everything was perfect! Plus, Fenris used a scallion flower! I love flowers! I’ve never has a piggie tail before! It was so yummy! ::giggle:: ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/142 "2001-01-11T04:31:18Z")
Wicked Blue, the bitchy old fortune teller, still bitchy, still old, regards the latest collection of culinary delights presented to her by **Chef ellykat**. She regards the **Halibut Salad on Fried Potatoes** with a stony face of indifference. She lifts one ever so gently to her gross old lady mouth, and gingerly takes a bite. If someone was sitting beside her, they may have been able to hear a grunt of satisfaction. The **Hand Rolled Halibut With Tomato and Olives** seems to hold her attention…she has never seen such a thing outside of Japan. She holds up a piece, and pops the whole thing in her maw like it was a piece of sushi. Another little grunt escapes from her dried out, mummy-like lips. When dessert is served, she still shows almost no expression. “ **Fish, with cinnamon apples and cheese in a plum sauce** … that may be weird,” she thinks. She tries a piece, and the look of indifference in changed into a sour puss. Or, it just may be her usual sour puss…hard to tell with the old battle ax. She picks up her scorepad and scratches in some notes. Rose ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/143 "2001-01-11T04:53:39Z")
**sharpens his cleaver while giving Fenris the "evil eye"** ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/144 "2001-01-11T05:11:25Z")
Wicked Blue thinks she will burst if she eats another bite, but she still has to taste **Chef Troy’s** selection. She doesn’t mind that much really, because before the show, he sent her a long, passionate love letter. 😉 Normally, she would deduct point for such obvious ass kissing, but Chef Troy is just so _cute_, she tries to give him a fair score. She tries one of him **Mini Seafood Chiles Rellenos** , and is pleasantly surprised. Not insanely hot, but not dull either. Next she samples his **Indian Summer Soup** , and as she slurps it from the spoon, she attempts to make goo goo eyes at Chef Troy. He looks quickly away, trying not to show the revulsion in his face. Next she is passed a bowl of his **Maque Choux** , and looks at it wearily, and as she takes a bite, her eyes widen at the spiciness. She shoots Chef Troy a sly smile, but once again, he stares straight ahead, and does not make eye contact…an old woman eating corn is not an attractive sight. She tries his **Roast Pork Tenderloin with Cranberry-Jalapeno Glaze** next, and is pleased with the combination of the pork and the sweet potatoes. She also seems to enjoy his **Salad with Creole Garlic and Jalapeno Vinaigrette** It is hard to tell though, because the difference between liking something and hating something is almost invisible on her craggy old face. Her face does seem to soften a bit though, when she tastes his **Jalapeno-laced Cranberry Granita**. She thinks it was a perfect ending for such a spicy meal, prepared by such a spicy man. 😉 She seems a bit startled when **Whammo** passes his **Suckling Pig** at her. She was so distracted by the spicy Chef Troy, she didn’t even see the little piggy coming. Luckily, she is a big fan of all things porky, so she hurries to taste it. The pork and hot tomato chili rice go together nicely, and she almost looks pleased. When Chef Whammo passes her a cup of the **Suckling Pig Heart and Blood Sherbert** she smiles slightly. Nothing an old witch like herself likes more than some yummy pigs blood and internal organs. Scribbling for the last time in her little scorepad, Wicked Blue will give her scores after this quick commercial break. Rose ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/145 "2001-01-11T05:16:36Z")
DOH!!! I only got 1/4 the post… ☹ _sharpens cleaver while watching Wicked Blue intently_ ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/146 "2001-01-11T05:27:46Z")
I will make this short and sweet 🙂 **Zenster** I can not give you a perfect score, mainly because I am a cranky old woman, so I will give you a 19 **JavaMaven1** You shall also get a 19, beacuse, like I said before, I am an old cranky witch. **Fenris** I was going to give you an 18, but you scored an extra point for the piggy tail. You gat a 19 as well. **ellycat** I shall give you an 18, but only because of that fish pastry…while I thought it was creative as hell, i don’t think it would taste very good. That does entitle you to a bonus IC grossness point though, so you really get a 19. **Chef Troy** I will also give you a 19, all your dishes seemed really yummy. **Whammo** I have to give you an 18, only because you did not prepare as many dishes as the rest of the others. The blood sherbert does get a bonus IC grossness point, so that brings you up to 19. This was fun 🙂 Rose ---
**Author:** ![robgruver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@robgruver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robgruver)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/147 "2001-01-11T05:30:59Z")
[hijack]I would like to be a challenger in the next round. :)[/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/148 "2001-01-11T05:39:09Z")
WHOOOHOOOO!!! …ahh… wait… I think _everybody_ got 19… ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/149 "2001-01-11T16:41:07Z")
**Iron Chef Cajun/Creole** humbly bows his head, wishing he could explain to **Wicked Blue** that his stoic stare was meant to hide passion, not revulsion. Mindful that the Chairman has forbidden liaisons between the judges and the Iron Chefs, **Iron Chef Cajun/Creole** has been forced to suppress his yearning for the well-marinated judge (knowing that her sour expression hides a soul of great beauty), expressing his feelings only through the artistry of the dishes he presents her with. [aside]Chairman Scylla, I hope that in the future my challenger does not go AWOL… having no loser takes some of the fun out of winning. Clearly the person screening the contestants should be putting his name on the _seppuku_ board right about now. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2001, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/150 "2001-01-13T01:45:47Z")
Before I can tally and declare winner(s). I think enough time has passed, and will accept scores from the first party that posts them (no you can’t score you’re own dishes.) ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/151 "2001-01-16T03:18:31Z")
Iron Chef Fenris, in a fairly obvious attempt to pretend that he isn’t bumping the thread, comments to Otah that this is the _longest_ commercial break he’s ever seen! 😃 Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/152 "2001-01-16T03:33:59Z")
**Whammo shields his mouth with his hand and attempts to throw his voice in a high falsetto pitch from the middle of the croud** I think **WHAMMO** is the winner! He gets MY high score!! Yeah **WHAMMO**! ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/153 "2001-01-16T05:04:55Z")
::: **Whammo’s** scream jolts annoying but silent camerman Veb out of shock coma induced by the hideous sight of **Iron Chef Troy** in a passionate liplock with cronelike fortuneteller **Wicked Blue** ; not even an on-camera hari-kiri or close-ups of fish eyeballs simmering in pineapple juice was this traumatic. Fighting migraine induced by injury caused by the wacko karoke rock start, the incessant giggling of the BDJ and the lights reflecting from Chairman Scylla’s tasteful, mirror plated jacket, annoying but silent camerman Veb brains Hatori with the camera, just on general principles::: ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/154 "2001-01-17T02:29:57Z")
This is getting ridiculous. First some of the Iron Chefs and contestants don’t even bother to post recipes or dishes (though the one’s that did did a fantastic job,) now the panelists aren’t even bothering to score their dishes. We need at least one moore panelist to chime in. **Tveblen** Put down that camera. Get over hear and taste this food, and post your scores. **Otah** This is your big chance. As Chairmen I deputize you both and make you panelists. Let’s see your scores so we can declare whose cuisine reins supreme ---
**Author:** ![SpartanDC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@SpartanDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpartanDC)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/155 "2001-01-17T05:36:14Z")
Aw geez… can’t the fortune teller just tell us who’s going to win? Seriously, though, I will step down from my commentator position to judge the dishes. I’ll look them over and post my scores Wednesday night. [aside]Did anyone see the battle this weekend where Kaga was so pissed he crushed a tomato? Sweet![/aside] ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/156 "2001-01-20T02:42:51Z")
In spite of some problems, those who participated did so exceptionally in this thread. In respect of their efforts, and in an effort not to leave things unfinished, I must take the unprecedented but necessary step of publishing my scores. So. **Zenster** Lobster toast: I find the taste of the Lobster and pineapple to blend exceptionally well. By closing my eyes and concentrating, I can pick out either at will. The delicate balance of spices is teased out by the heat of the jalapeno. These sensations send me into ecstasy. But then I bite into the toast. WTF! Wonderbread?!? White bread? I found myself wishing a dried toasted baguette with a hint of olive oil, a bagel slice, or even pumpernickel. Fortunately I instantly forgave you this indiscretion as I tasted your Mexican Miso Soup. While eclectic and whimisical it is perfectly balanced. The pork cracklings are a touch of pure genius. I conditionally accept the salad as satisfactory yet uninspired. Like the intermission of a classic movie it serves a necessary purpose. With the Halibut I believe you have accomplished the difficult task of bringing refinement to this staple. The poet in me appreciates the irony of preparing the smallest portions of this giant fish as if they were shrimp. While you break tradition by preparing in this manner, your execution is flawless and to be commended. Seeing what was to come I put aside the gulab, feeling the delicacy of the halibut had prepared me adequately for the heady yet rough taste of your suckling pig. After my first taste I realized both my mistake, and your intention. I had thought that the pork and mashed potatos would clash. The sweetness of the gulab matches the glaze of the pork perfectly, and the hint of rose petal compliments the garlic. Very nice. I did find the sweetness of your dessert salad to be almost cloying, but I appreciate the balance it adds to your feast after the lasting impression left by the garlic potatos. Yet, in my heart I longed to replace the blood oranges with chocolate covered strawberries? Perverse? Perhaps, but this is how I felt. In Japanese culture, the truly beautiful is characterized by intentional imperfection, and the subsequent longing I felt enhance my experience of this dish. I would give you a perfect score, but must penalize you for the higher standard you have taken upon yourself by using all the ingrediants. **19** **Javamaven:** Your offer to mail recipes is greatly appreciated. As judge though I can only grade upon what is actually presented. I felt unhappy as I gazed upon your ceviche as I thought that the tomatos and garlic would clash with the pineapple. Interestingly though the avocado serves as a catalyst which bridges this gap to my palate. While I did not find the taste to be as highly refined as I might like, I understand that you have explored new territory here. When an explorer journeys into the wilderness and faces great danger and hardship, returning with a diamond of remarkable size and color one does not complaign about the quality of the cut. WIth each bite, I appreciate the journey. As if reading my mind after the adventure you have brought me on, the Thom Kah Gai Soup is like a sauna and massage after a hard day’s work. I feel that I am being teased. While I was happy and weary after the Ceviche, the soup makes me sexually aroused with anticipation. My tumescent and anticipatory state left me perfectly prepared for your swordfish and I pounced upon with the gusto and enthusiasm I might bestow upon a hearty country wench! The swordfish and I ravished each other! The Granite was like a soothing balm, relaxing and fulfilling the previous experience. I am grateful, but also . Not a young man, will I be up to what is coming next? My fears prove groundless. As the very delicate and refined taste of your pork places no demands upon me, but rather seems content to fulfill my desires. The light celery taste combined with the sweet pineapple is like a wind caressing my memories. It brings me back to my youth and invigorates me. Delicious! The pineapple salad proves the weakest of your dishes so far, but only in comparison to the dichotomy of the previous dishes. I’m not sure what you are trying to accomplish, but my palate is neither offended, nor particularly pleased. Your Pineapple tart comes on to me like a cheap slut who found an expensive dress and a ticket to the opera. I am surprised at my own enthusiasm and evil intents as we meet, and I use abuse, and devour her. “Bitch!” I cry as I thrust my fork deep into her moist pineapple throwing bits of crust hither an yon in orgiastic abandon, until at last, spent, and breathing heavy I let my sweaty face cool against thw twin speckled ivory cones of ice cream. It hasn’t been like that for me in years. Send me the recipes. I give you **20**. This would have been a tie, had it not been for Zenster’s penalty point. Two of the finest meals I can imagine. I am determined to create both IRL. This battle goes to Javamaven. She is our victor. I will continue when my strength returns. ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/157 "2001-01-20T07:50:11Z")
> [@](#): > > Your Pineapple tart comes on to me like a cheap slut who found an expensive dress and a ticket to the opera. I am surprised at my own enthusiasm and evil intents as we meet, and I use abuse, and devour her. BWAAAAHAHAHAAA! (oh, it hurts to laugh, stop, make it stop!) ::: regains composure ::: I turn to Iron Chef **Zenster** bow deeply and offer my hand in friendship, as he has been a very worthy opponent and I believe that this has been a difficult battle. ::: slips **Stoidela** the “backup” pineapple tart for not sticking her fingers in any more of my dishes before service ::: Scylla, you’ll see recipes soon. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/158 "2001-01-20T19:40:52Z")
**Zenster** bows to **JavaMaven** and congratulates her upon her victory. ---
**Author:** ![SpartanDC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@SpartanDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpartanDC)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/159 "2001-01-20T20:13:20Z")
Scylla and other posters on this thread: Sorry for not evaluating the meals on this thread, as promised. I have spent the last week spending some time with my mother, who I will not see for another 5 months or so. She wanted to see me, so that was my priority. The only posts I’ve made recently have been ones that require little thought. Thus, I’ve kind of had to slack off on my Otah responsibilities. I had a lot of fun and enjoyed that a newbie like me could have such an active role in a kick-ass thread. I will also be very busy in the coming days, so if someone else would like to pick up the commentary, be my guest. Thank you all for the good time, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/160 "2001-01-21T02:09:39Z")
Moving on: **Ellykat** I find the halibut salad as you described and intended it. Simple straight-forward and direct. The caviar is an appropriate touch. It lends sophistication to your starting dish, producing nice contrasts, and hinting at subtlety to come. I confess that as I leap into your main dish, I feel that the promise of sophisticated subtlety is not fulfilled. My eyes gravitate to your side dish. I find the presentation flawless, as well as the execution. They are good strong dishes, but I feel unfulfilled by the generic spicing. As I behold your desert, I smile. The subtle interplay of tastes, this is what I crave. I appreciate the difficulty of turning a meat dish into a desert. The plum, gorgonzola and cinnamon apples contrast nicely and bring out flavor of the light fluffy halibut. **WAIT!!!** What is this? Is this a Pillsbury biscuit? How did this abomination get into Kitchen Stadium? Oh, it is a cruel, cruel joke! I understand the great disdain you must feel for your opponent who failed to provide any dishes, and died for his sins. But was it necessary to spit on his grave with a supermarket biscuit? You are a cruel, cruel women. I feel that the present was good. The flavors of the halibut were certainly represented and supported, but except for the last dish I did not sense any great creativity. Your score: 16 Mike G: 2 (I give one point for the suicide’s creativity, one point for the presentation, but refuse to taste the dish.) As per Iron Chef Zenster’s earlier request, he has been entered in all contests as he used all ingredients, but is being held to a higher standard because of the advantage this variety gives him. His final score of 76 gives him the victory against your final total of of 72. **Winner: Zenster** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167.md?page=9)