# Iron Chef Episode II Attack of the Scones **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2001, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431 "2001-11-15T01:31:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/1 "2001-11-15T01:31:11Z")
**I HAVE RETURNED** If you do not know what this means, I suggest you use the search, impetuous fools. If my memory serves is almost a year ago when first I donned the crimson sparkled robe of Chairman Kaga for the epic battles here in Kitchen stadium. We have seen both spectacular culinary excellence, and mediocrity in the extreme (remember my eggs?) Though I had thought to hang out sparkly robe for good, I have been called back for one final battle. Today I received the following email: > [@](#): > > Dear Scylla: > > Thou art wise and handsome and noble in all ways, and I know that I can all on you to do the right thing. You will recall that you are the only Chef who has ever beaten me in battle, a battle which remains to this day the new high water mark in culinary excellence. > > You will also recall that Fenris is the current Iron Chef champion after defeating Chef Troy (but hey, who hasn’t?) Even that battle was unjust as Chef Troy’s kitchen was being remodelled at the time, and the only tools he had were a cutting board and a bread knife. > > Now Iron Chef Fenris has been using his powers as champion to sign endorsement deals for the Ronco Rotisserie and George Foreman Grill. > > More importantly, he says that because he beat Chef Troy, who you have lost to on two seperate occasions (and yes, I know your Rosemary Porcupine eggs were underappreciated,) that means that he is better than you. > > Allow me to put this pretender in his place and return the Championship to its rightful place. > > Sincerely, > > Javamaven Shortly thereafter I received an email from Iron Chef Fenris, but it was in the form of a song parody, and I won’t iflict it upon you, as it went to the tune “I am Woman.” After careful consideration I have decided to pick up the mantle and hold a new battle between these two, provided they are both willing, and check in, and provided that five judges also check in. The rules will follow the previous two Iron Chef contests. If you wish to be a judge please review those threads. Search for “Iron Chef” in the subject line in MPSIMS. The Chefs work very hard posting recipes and deserve timely criticism and scores. My plan is to post the secret ingredient this Friday at 10:00PM, immediately after the close of Iron Chef America hosted by the great William Shatner provided the Chefs and judges are agreable. They will then have 48 hours to post their recipes, and the judges will have 48 hours to post their detailed commentary and email their scores. So mote it be. ---
**Author:** ![Fredge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Fredge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fredge)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/2 "2001-11-15T02:53:53Z")
I volunteered to judge in the other thread, so I’ll check in here. I’m representing the ‘everyman’ - my culinary tastes are not quite as refined as those on the show so if you pick something like foia gras (which I never heard of before watching Iron Chef on TV) I’ll be lost but I’ll try to provide comments that seem both witty to myself and lame to the rest of the SDMB community. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/3 "2001-11-15T06:11:41Z")
I will apply for a judge’s position. Further participation by me as a competitor will await the fabled _ **Iron Chef Cage Match** _™ between myself and **Scylla**. PS: **Scylla** , you officially owe the recipe thread your fajitas recipe, seeing as how I have posted my dry rub blend. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/4 "2001-11-15T14:18:20Z")
::Bump:: ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/5 "2001-11-15T14:22:59Z")
I would like to be considered for judgeship. My only culinary qualifications would be owning a set of those nifty canapé cutters and a lemon zester, but I have been told that I know my way around a kitchen. My one humble request: No [konnyaku](http://www.konnyaku.com/e_data/index.html). ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/6 "2001-11-15T14:27:40Z")
**Chairman Scylla** , many thanks to you for coming just so the other two previous Chairpeople may go head to head in an epic battle for me to reclaim my title as SDMB Iron Chef. I can’t let anyone hold that title for long. Challenger Java Counting the hours before IC USA comes on ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/7 "2001-11-15T16:06:33Z")
As a prior judge, I am thrilled to see another Iron Chef thread, especially one involving JavaMaven and Fenris. Not to be missed. Unfortunately, this weekend is very bad for me. I cannot be counted upon for sure to be a judge, but if my visiting sister/dinner party/child’s ear infection/work/sleep allows for the extra hours of time necessary to do a fair job judging, I will attempt to post. However, don’t count on me. Good Luck to both chefs, although with your skills in the kitchen, you don’t need luck. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/8 "2001-11-15T16:32:56Z")
I’m in, and honored to be battling with **Javamaven**. Fenris ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/9 "2001-11-15T17:36:47Z")
:giggle giggle giggle: ooooo, (tittering behind gloved hand), please it would be most interesting? to be a judge again. I can have my satin ballgown cleaned by Friday, no prob. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/10 "2001-11-15T19:12:58Z")
> [@](#): > > …after defeating Chef Troy (but hey, who hasn’t?) That stings a bit. I won’t judge, nor will I cook. But I WILL watch and make snide remarks. ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/11 "2001-11-15T19:25:22Z")
I’d be honored to be considered as a judge. Can I be the older, grey-haired actor who knows squat about food? I have the additional qualification of having spent a couple of weeks in Tokyo last month. I watched several hours of late night television there. Scary. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/12 "2001-11-16T21:31:49Z")
… and grind ---
**Author:** ![Fredge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Fredge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fredge)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/13 "2001-11-17T01:06:26Z")
The Atlanta UPN network has postponed Iron Chef USA from tonight until Sunday so they can show the Hawks lose another basketball game. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/14 "2001-11-17T03:12:25Z")
I see we have our 5 judges. Excellent. If for any reason you feel that you will not be able to post your commentary and email me your scores before the deadline, which will be 10:15PM EST on Tuesday, please let me know. Remember each Chef will receive a possible 20 points. 10 for taste. 5 for creativity. 5 for presentation. Iron Chef and challenger will have 48 hours from the time of this post to present their final menus. Any questions or problems, please let me know immediately. Now, on to the unveiling: I have thought long and hard about what to offer these Chefs. All too easy to go with a mere turkey, or Venison, or Corn. I hearken back to my childhood years on my Grandfather’s boat. We’d go out with rakes, or even wading barefoot if the water was still warm, all for the goal of that most subtle and delicious bottom dweller. I present you with: ``` **THE CLAM!!!!!!** ``` We have Long-necks, and Cherrystones ranging in size from thumbnail small, to softball large. We have the Geoduck of the Pacific North. We have Steamers, and even the Giant clam of the South Pacific, whose shell is large enough to hide a man. What we do not have are scallops, mussels, or oysters. This is a pure clam battle. Allez-cuisine!!! ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/15 "2001-11-17T03:19:53Z")
_ **Clams???** _ the **sole** ingredient that ruins clam chowder??? **ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww**. Wait a second - let me squirm into my ridiculous satin evening gown. Well. Hmm. This may prove intersting after all. giggle giggle. ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/16 "2001-11-17T03:35:43Z")
Clams? _Clams?_ You slay me, Chairman **Scylla**. ::runs off with her huge hotel pan o’ clams, wonderin’ whatdaheck she’s going to do:: ---
**Author:** ![Fredge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Fredge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fredge)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/17 "2001-11-17T04:10:33Z")
Clams? I dig 'em! \ ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/18 "2001-11-17T04:51:44Z")
Clams? Another coastal ingredient rather than one from the heartland! Nonetheless, I shall struggle with this burden and try to create a feast! Iron Chef Fenris (Clams! Yum!) ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/19 "2001-11-17T05:32:06Z")
That may have come out more snottily than I’d intended: I was trying to do the “Ah woe is me! I’ve never seen this igredient before!” routine. ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431/20 "2001-11-17T06:08:57Z")
Konichiwa. I am honored to offer my services as judge in this exciting competition. I look forward to seeing what our worthy Chefs can do with this Japanese delicacy[sup]\*[/sup]. Aregato, **Scylla** -san. [sup]\*[/sup]Okay, so it probably isn’t. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-episode-ii-attack-of-the-scones/93431.md?page=2)