# Is 13 too young for the Goth look? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 26, 2011, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910 "2011-10-26T21:49:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/21 "2011-10-27T00:40:09Z")
> [@heathen\_earthling](#): > > Not necessarily. Uh-oh, there’s nothing good that can come from this… At least that couple in the photo didn’t look psychotic, I think at that point it’s just a trendy, fun thing to do. (I’m willing to bet they also both play WoW online and D&D board games…OOooooh, naughty :D) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/22 "2011-10-27T00:54:00Z")
Let her have the jacket. Seriously. It’s awesome. Also, more seriously. . .really, you don’t get a huge window in which wearing this stuff is really viable. I mean, I’m 28, and as much as I love jackets like that, my clothing budget is largely allocated towards clothing that I can wear to, say, work. Without a big long explanation about appropriate work dress, that is. When you’re in your teens, though, you get to wear all kinds of awesome things, and it’s okay! No one’s worried about you looking professional! The most judgement you’ll get is, “those damn kids today!” When you’re older, people look at you askance, and you feel silly. There’s tons of judging going around. Seriously. Get her the jacket. She’ll squee, and you’ll be a hero. And, no, the jacket isn’t really too old. Maybe a year or two, but that’s less about any kind of maturity level, and more about most parents being unwilling to spend money on it. You, however, are at least considering it. My inner thirteen year-old loves you for it. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/23 "2011-10-27T02:49:03Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > I think it’s a neat coat but I wouldn’t buy anything so fancy and expensive for a kid who is still growing. I’d tell her to save her money up to buy it herself. I do think 13 is a little young for it, so by the time she saves up all the money, she’ll be old enough! 🙂 I’m not a parent but that’s the first thing I thought. 129 GBP is over $200 USD, for something she will grow out of by her sophomore year of high school. That’s way to friggin’ much. I think the coat looks neat and I don’t care how kids dress but 13 is too young for really expensive clothing. 🙂 I bought my first pair of Doc Martens and I bought my first pair of combat boots. The Docs had to wait until I was way old (and rich) but the boots I was able to get at PayLess for $20. I say look for something less expensive if you’re going to allow the look. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/24 "2011-10-27T09:56:16Z")
Here are some different [Goth looks](http://www.blackwaterfall.com/viewall.php)… I’d say not to worry too much. Don’t spend money you can’t afford on clothes she’ll outgrow. There’s an element of DIY in most Goth subcultures; let her be creative. Do let her know that certain looks aren’t suitable for all occasions. And avoid using words like “slutty” or phrases like “looking like a whore”–as one particular poster who obviously knows some really skanky whores suggested. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/25 "2011-10-27T11:50:05Z")
> [@heathen\_earthling](#): > > Not necessarily. [The Guardian](http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2011/oct/24/goth-culture-research?newsfeed=true) just reported on a study of adult goths. Hey, it’s Bob from uk.people.gothic - cool. Think I went to a few parties with him back in the day 🙂 (feeling like I’ve had a brush with net fame now - chuffed!) 🙂 Umm, back to the topic - maybe get her to help earn the cash for the coat? It’s very Trinity/Matrix - IIRC there are worse female role models to have. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/26 "2011-10-27T11:53:40Z")
The coat is a nice crossover piece, a little goth, a little military, a little sophisticated. If anything, it’s a little too long for a kid. MY 13yo wanted an avant garde haircut. First she said just a little shaved above the hairline on one side - I asked her to draw a pic of it, ad I got back an illustratioin of a goth kid with half her head shaved. She moved the goal posts on me, I put my foot down, no shaved heads until a) you are a straight A student and/or b)you are in sleep away camp for the summer. She sometimes cuts her own hair, but hates the sound of the clippers so I guess we’re safe for a now… ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/27 "2011-10-27T13:04:30Z")
I love teenage fashion experimentation and found the noughties rather depressing, given that all the teenagers then wanted to dress like J-Lo. I’m heartened to see many more fads appearing, like the hipsters. I would be more than happy with a Goth teenager – I even tried it myself at that age but my mother was MUCH more disapproving than the OP, she wouldn’t even allow me to have a denim jacket. A couple of years ago my niece went through a goth faze - for one Christmas she banned any clothing presents that weren’t black or red. We al found it hilarious. As soon as she dumped her goth boyfriend she dumped the look, I reckon it lasted six months tops. Anyway back to the OP, I don’t have a problem with how the jacket looks but I would certainly have a problem with the lavishness of it - expensive leather jackets are a treat you buy for yourself when you’ve earned the dosh. Also, 13 year olds change shape, size and fashion interests rapidly, a jacket like that could be dumped in 6 months. If my imaginary daughter wanted one, I’d say ‘fine, but you’ll have to earn the money for it yourself, my coat budget for you this year is for something warm and suitable for all occasions’. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/28 "2011-10-27T13:27:29Z")
You tell her not to wear it, she’s going to want to wear it that much more. She’s thirteen, dress is less than important. Pick your battles. As to the nice coat in the link (which I rather liked!) do one of two things: either, if you plan to buy it for her, buy it as a Christmas present as opposed to other things (as in, she has to give up some gifts to get this really nice one) or make her buy it herself out of her allowance, and help her with the budgeting. I like the latter because it gives her a chance to delay gratification and learn money management, both important skills for the teen years and on. On a larger scale…She’s thirteen. She’s begun the long process of pulling away from you. This is just one step. Start teaching her independence, in a few years she’s going to be out in the world with the rest of us. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/29 "2011-10-27T13:32:49Z")
Damn, I love that coat. I had/have a similar situation with my daughter (nineteen now). She has always dealt with a very limited clothing budget, and I try to guide her towards things that are wardrobe staples, rather than things that are “costumes”. Come to think of it, I had to curb those same tendencies in myself! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/30 "2011-10-27T13:36:46Z")
That jacket would go great with a Gestapo officer’s hat, a riding crop and one of those long-ass cigarette holders. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/31 "2011-10-27T15:14:20Z")
I’m with those who say let her get the coat, but don’t buy it for her. If she wants something help her save up for it. If she doesn’t follow through then she may have realized she doesn’t care _that_ much. As for the look overall, I dressed punk/goth quite often between the ages of 12 and 15. I was never called slutty. What happened more often than not was that I got compliments and felt like I was better able to express myself. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/32 "2011-10-27T15:18:00Z")
Nah. She’s exploring. As long as you explain you want her properly covered up and she may have to tone it down for certain events (weddings or church or whatever), it’s fine. I had 12 holes in my ears by the time I was 13. My mother was slightly horrified, but let me keep them. She was more concerned about me as my chest grew in high school - she hates cleavage (and I didn’t even do it on purpose). Gosh, you’d never know it now. I’m a 26 year old Gap/Banana Republic/Coach wearing teacher with blonde hair and manicured nails, but I too wore back lipstick in 8th grade. PS Being her age, she’s free to experiment a little, right? How about steering her towards steampunk? Clothes (and [jackets](http://www.ebay.com/itm/LADIES-NEW-BLACK-GOTHIC-MILITARY-SATIN-STEAMPUNK-FLORAL-BROCADE-JACKET-COAT-/270839807803?pt=UK_Women_s_Coats_Jackets&var=&hash=item84b904201e)) are so much more fun. eBay is a great source. ---
**Author:** ![kbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kbear)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/33 "2011-10-27T16:13:58Z")
Thanks for all the input. It’s much appreciated. I think I’ll look around some more for one that’s not leather. It’s the length not the fabric that appeals to her and at 5’7" she can pull it off. Unlike her “never met a gadget she didn’t NEED to have” twin sister, she doesn’t ask for much so it could still turn up under the tree. Although you’re right; it is a much better plan for her to pay for it herself. ---
**Author:** ![kbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kbear)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/34 "2011-10-27T16:15:50Z")
[QUOTE=. PS Being her age, she’s free to experiment a little, right? How about steering her towards steampunk? Clothes (and [jackets] ([Steampunk Floral Coats, Jackets & Vests for Women for sale | eBay](http://www.ebay.com/itm/LADIES-NEW-BLACK-GOTHIC-MILITARY-SATIN-STEAMPUNK-FLORAL-BROCADE-JACKET-COAT-/270839807803?pt=UK_Women_s_Coats_Jackets&var=&hash=item84b904201e))) are so much more fun. eBay is a great source. [/QUOTE] So now my next thread is “Is 50 too old for steampunk?” Don’t answer that. I might buy it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/35 "2011-10-27T16:50:38Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > Here are some different [Goth looks](http://www.blackwaterfall.com/viewall.php)… > > I’d say not to worry too much. Why am I reminded of a certain South Park Goth group?.. Don’t worry? Trust me, if I had a daughter and she went even just halfway in any of those styles, it would be time for daddy to talk to each of her friends, search her room thoroughly, then sit down and have the very long chat ;). Am I the only one that’s concerned? It doesn’t matter where or how you live, there are bad eggs in every part of society, trust me on this. My bro and I grew up in a very nice neighborhood, the kind where your neighbors gather together and everyone goes to greet someone who just moved in (it’s creepy, I know), they’re all Christian and suddenly you think you’re in a B&W movie or even a Brady Bunch episode. Somehow, though, my brother was able to find the one group of kids that were bad, he got involved in gangs, got hooked on cigarettes as well as Mary Jane, and drank alcohol in excess (or at least it was for a thirteen yr. old). So yeah, I worry about this stuff, this may be the reason I’m not looking forward to having any kids, I don’t know if I could handle the pressure. Okay, sorry 'bout the doom and gloom, I’m just trying to give fair warning, and it always starts with something small, and either it fades, gets bad, or will merely be innocent fun and everythings fine…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/36 "2011-10-27T16:52:14Z")
> [@kbear](#): > > So now my next thread is “Is 50 too old for steampunk?” Don’t answer that. I might buy it anyway. Never! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/37 "2011-10-27T16:54:55Z")
> [@kbear](#): > > Thanks for all the input. It’s much appreciated. I think I’ll look around some more for one that’s not leather. It’s the length not the fabric that appeals to her and at 5’7" she can pull it off. Unlike her “never met a gadget she didn’t NEED to have” twin sister, she doesn’t ask for much so it could still turn up under the tree. Although you’re right; it is a much better plan for her to pay for it herself. She has a TWIN? That explains some of the ‘I must identify myself as someone clearly different from the rest of you’ stage. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/38 "2011-10-27T16:56:09Z")
> [@kbear](#): > > So now my next thread is “Is 50 too old for steampunk?” Don’t answer that. I might buy it anyway. Haha, if it makes you feel better, my MOM introduced steampunk to me. I’m 27; she’s 49. I had never heard of it until she told me about it. I’m still not even really sure what steampunk “is.” I’m fogier than her when it comes to being a fashionista. ---
**Author:** ![kbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kbear)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/39 "2011-10-27T17:39:17Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > She has a TWIN? That explains some of the ‘I must identify myself as someone clearly different from the rest of you’ stage. There’s not a soul in her school who dresses like this so she very much wants to be different; not just from her sister but from every one else too. She’s often disappointed that I don’t find her weird. Not sure how healthy that is but she seems to be better adjusted about it than I am. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Lovely\_Margo\_Lane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/34f0e0/32.png) [@The\_Lovely\_Margo\_Lane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Lovely_Margo_Lane)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910/40 "2011-10-27T23:32:06Z")
> [@Bosstrain](#): > > [snip] > Am I the only one that’s concerned? It doesn’t matter where or how you live, there are bad eggs in every part of society, trust me on this. My bro and I grew up in a very nice neighborhood, the kind where your neighbors gather together and everyone goes to greet someone who just moved in (it’s creepy, I know), they’re all Christian and suddenly you think you’re in a B&W movie or even a Brady Bunch episode. Somehow, though, my brother was able to find the one group of kids that were bad, he got involved in gangs, got hooked on cigarettes as well as Mary Jane, and drank alcohol in excess (or at least it was for a thirteen yr. old). So yeah, I worry about this stuff, this may be the reason I’m not looking forward to having any kids, I don’t know if I could handle the pressure. > [snip] It’s always a good idea for parents to get to know the friends and talk about the social dynamics a kid is getting into, there’s no reason to assume that the goth group is going to be the “bad” group at any given school. Sure, at one school they might be the one setting fires or planning Columbine:TNG, but at another they might be wearing their entire rebellion on the outside and it’s the lacrosse team you have to worry about because they discovered coke and date rape a few years early. Judging on clothes is a shortcut and can lead to missing the real problems. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-13-too-young-for-the-goth-look/600910.md?page=3)