# Is a dating red flag the same as a deal-breaker?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-dating-red-flag-the-same-as-a-deal-breaker/969976>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [August 20, 2022, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-dating-red-flag-the-same-as-a-deal-breaker/969976 "2022-08-20T02:37:12Z")\
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**Author:** ![Frosted\_Glass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frosted_glass/32/3926_2.png) [@Frosted\_Glass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frosted_Glass)\
**Post date:** [August 20, 2022, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-dating-red-flag-the-same-as-a-deal-breaker/969976/1 "2022-08-20T02:37:13Z")

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Is a dating red flag the same thing as a deal-breaker?

_Poll ([view on site](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-dating-red-flag-the-same-as-a-deal-breaker/969976/1))_

I haven’t posted in [this thread about home schooling being a red flag for dating,](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-re-dating-is-finding-out-someone-was-home-schooled-a-red-flag/969723) but several posters raised an interesting question that I was also wondering about. Before this thread popped up I never really considered a dating red flag to be a deal-breaker. My friends and I consider red flags to be warnings that add up to deal-breakers that, at the very least, deserve some investigation.

For example, I consider it a red flag if a potential partner has **only** dated black guys. This is not necessarily a deal-breaker but I definitely have questions. Did you grow up in a predominantly black area? Does your family have a lot of black people in it? Is your friend group predominantly black? Was your school predominantly black?

Answering yes to any of these questions would make that red flag disappear for me. However, if you’ve only dated black guys for no reason other than “that’s just who I’m attracted to” then it is a red flag for me but not necessarily a deal-breaker.

I also consider it a red flag (and potential deal-breaker) if you’ve **never** dated black guys. Have you dated other races before? Did you grow up in an area that was fairly homogeneous? Are there any mixed marriages/relationships in your family? Is your friend group predominantly made up of one (non-black) culture group?

I’m almost 40 so these are both bigger deals to me now than when I was a 20-something, but either scenario would definitely raise my “proceed with caution” alert.

I’ve dated people that fall into both of these categories and most of these relationships were healthy and perfectly normal. The reason these are red flags for me is because I’ve had at least one relationship from each of these categories that ended very poorly after having very rocky starts.

As several people in that thread pointed out, being home-schooled isn’t really a big deal if they’re over 30. Life experience definitely wipes out most of the concerns but I feel like it’s perfectly legitimate to have some questions if a potential partner raises red flags.

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