# Is a Wheelchair a Turn-off?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 8, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447 "2012-12-08T20:58:20Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/1 "2012-12-08T20:58:20Z")
Well? Can this question A) be answered by people _other_ than those who have already had personal experience with such matters (had a family member in a chair or had dated a person in a chair), and B) be answered honestly? Ladies, if you are generally considered a “9 or 10”, would you ever consider dating a guy in a wheelchair?
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/2 "2012-12-08T21:10:16Z")
And please, don’t let the idea of “being a shallow or bad person” stop you from being honest. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with saying people in wheelchairs just aren’t attractive and you could not see yourself in a relationship with that person. However, whenever this question comes up, people just fall over themselves rushing to say how much the wheelchair DOESN’T matter and its the personality that counts. Well ask any person who uses a chair if their chair “matters” when it comes to dating. Hell to the yeah.
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/3 "2012-12-08T21:11:49Z")
I haven’t dated anyone who was in a chair, but I have worked with a few. The only problem for me would be that _all_ of the women I have known who were in wheelchairs were also so overweight as to be a total turnoff even without the chair.
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### Author:  [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/4 "2012-12-08T21:13:20Z")
When adding up the pros and cons, it would almost certainly be a con.
That is not to say it would be deal breaker, but it probably wouldn’t help.
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/5 "2012-12-08T21:20:17Z")
I’m not in the market, as it were, but to answer the question anyway: no - the unfamiliarity of the territory, and the fear of the unknown, or fear of committing some ignorant act of social horror, could be a turn-off, but that’s not the same as the chair being a turn-off, I think.
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/6 "2012-12-08T21:22:27Z")
I guess I don’t find being in a wheelchair _unattractive_ but it just seems like it’d make things really fucking difficult.
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### Author:  [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/7 "2012-12-08T21:26:21Z")
The wheelchair itself? Not really. The disability that necessitates the wheelchair? Very likely. For instance, is the sex going to suffer?
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### Author:  [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/8 "2012-12-08T21:45:21Z")
On the face of it - no. My last significant relationship was with someone who frequently had to use a chair, and it didn’t bother me one bit. For the record we have since separated but his physical condition (RA) had absolutely nothing to do with that.
However, when we first started dating, he was not very impaired and very physically active…would I date, with a serious eye towards a LTR, someone in a chair? That’s a tricky one…physical activity - namely walking, biking and hiking, is a big part of my life. If the person was very intellectually interesting, perhaps. But I admit, someone who couldn’t share physical recreation would have to be pretty damned intellectually interesting to get my interest. And, not to be crass but I’m gonna be: someone who is incapable of sexual activity, probably wouldn’t be a candidate for an LTR. However based on previous experience, I totally realise that a person in a wheelchair isn’t de facto sexually impaired.
Depending who you talk to, I am somewhere between a 7 and a 10 on the age-appropriate dating scale.
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### Author:  [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/9 "2012-12-08T21:46:41Z")
It’s certainly not in the “pro” column. At best, it’s a pretty profound inconvenience, and at worst it means no sex and lots of caretaking. Why on earth would I go there?
Of course, that applies to \*starting \*a relationship with someone in a wheelchair. Being in a relationship with someone who suddenly needs a wheelchair is a different thing governed by different factors. I might stay with that person, or I might not. It would depend on the relationship.
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### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/10 "2012-12-08T21:56:09Z")
Well, I am neither a 9 or a 10 - I one point I could probably have been considered a solid 8 - now I’m a 40 year old single mother and the gents aren’t exactly lining up to woo me, so draw your on conclusions; HOWEVER,
with that out of the way, back when I was an 8, I’m sad to tell you that I got so much male attention that a wheelchair probably would have been a deal-breaker. Not because it’s inherently unattractive, or the guy in it isn’t good looking, or whatever, but because when you have so much to choose from, any additional hassle seems like too much trouble, if you know what I mean. I imagine that women who are 9s or 10s have so many options, that the wheelchair may render you somewhat invisible in the crowd. That is, not that you would make a bad impression - just that you wouldn’t likely make ANY impression.
So, if you’re looking for dating advice (and I don’t know if you are, but you did ask the question), I think you should continue to hit on anyone you think is cute/nice/smart/funny/whatever; however, if the lady in question doesn’t seem to be picking up what you’re putting down, I wouldn’t take it personally, I would assume that perhaps you got lost in the signal to noise ratio is all.
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### Author:  [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/11 "2012-12-08T22:00:08Z")
Not if she’s really hot.
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### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/12 "2012-12-08T22:18:47Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#):
>
> Well, I am neither a 9 or a 10.
Nonsense. You are.
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### Author:  [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/13 "2012-12-08T22:20:03Z")
The wheelchair itself would not be a turn-off in terms of physical attraction, if she was hot to begin with and we were “just having fun”.
But in terms of a long-term relationship, it would be too much to deal with and I don’t think I’d be able to change my life enough to make it work. Too many of the things I do for fun involve being outdoors, on uneven terrain.
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### Author:  [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/14 "2012-12-08T22:20:52Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Ladies, if you are generally considered a “9 or 10”, would you ever consider dating a guy in a wheelchair?
Well, I asked a 5 and a 4, and they’re cool with it, but the 8 I spoke with says no. So maybe a 3-some?
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/15 "2012-12-08T22:31:52Z")
Not a wheelchair, but I once dated a guy who’d been a (TMI?) [Thalidomide](http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?p=thalidomide%20baby%20pictures) survivor. He had just little flippers instead of arms, but he could do virtually anything with them.
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### Author:  [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/16 "2012-12-08T22:41:19Z")
Anyone I’m interested in will be an outdoorsy person, and an outdoorsy guy in a wheelchair will already have the outdoor recreation possibilities worked out, so the chair wouldn’t be a problem for me. Outdoorsy wheelchair guy will be in charge of the plans, finding accessible parks, activities and such, but movies, dinner, music, friends, and bed wouldn’t worry me in the least.
As for the OP specifically, I’d support the muscle head competitions but wouldn’t want to listen to endless workout and diet details. Wouldn’t be happy about confrontations in parking lots, either, but a quiet phone call to authorities to report parking transgressions would work fine. (Nothing personal, J, I understand your position, but I don’t want to get in a fight on a date with any guy unless a puppy or damsel needs a hero.)
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### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/17 "2012-12-08T22:44:13Z")
> [@Muffin](#):
>
> Nonsense. You are.
Well, perhaps on a scale of 15 or 20 depending on the day, but thanks just the same. 😃
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### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/18 "2012-12-08T22:50:38Z")
Not even close to a 10, but as an average girl who’s reasonably congenial, not horrible looking, and fit-ish, it’s a con. Obviously if I were already in love with someone, and an injury placed him in a wheelchair it wouldn’t matter at all, but with someone I just met, I honestly view it as a hassle that I wouldn’t want to deal with. Not a deal breaker, no, but the guy would have to overcome it with exceptional awesomeness. Is that unfair? Probably, but life’s unfair.
Edit: Oh, and not to sound like a pervert, but his penis has to work.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/19 "2012-12-08T22:51:56Z")
[quote=“steronz, post:7, topic:643447”]
. For instance, is the sex going to suffer?[/QUOTE
This is something that hits very close to home. Spinal cord injury usually involves some degree of sexual functioning-impairment (usually), as it also usually involves some loss of sensation and motor function. This is fairly common knowledge. What ISNT common knowledge is just how broad the spectrum of SCI (and by extension those who use chairs) is and how that spectrum manifests in it’s physical symptoms.
I deal with this widespread igorance in MY SCI everyday. I have complete sexual functioning, orgasm and ejaculation complete. But the outside world (including potential dating prospects) just sees the wheelchair and all the assumed implicit baggage that goes along with it.
I’ve tried broaching this subject from a humorous angle; having a tshirt made that says “Don’t Worry, It Still Works” emblazoned in big red letters on the front. :p. The reactions are priceless
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### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [December 8, 2012, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/20 "2012-12-08T22:55:03Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> I’ve tried broaching this subject from a humorous angle; having a tshirt made that says “Don’t Worry, It Still Works” emblazoned in big red letters on the front.
Ha! Well all right then.
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