# Is a Wheelchair a Turn-off?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 8, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447 "2012-12-08T20:58:20Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 7
### Author:  [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/121 "2012-12-10T19:54:47Z")
Okay, I’ll admit I only skimmed the answers to this thread, so you might have answered this question already and if you did I apologize. But why do you not want people who have already dated someone in a chair to answer this question? I like to think that as a hot woman who has dated someone in a chair, I’d be a good data point.
(Okay, so I’m being a little cocky here. But you know what I look like, so you really can decide for yourself where I fall on the 1-10 scale and make of it whatever you’d wish.)
Oh, and as for it being a turn-off … yeah. It’s a turn-off but not a deal breaker. And the guy in the wheelchair that I dated went on to date a model. I apologize since I’m clearly not the target audience for this OP, what with my sharing personal experiences and all, but I just thought that was relevant to the conversation.
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### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/122 "2012-12-10T20:00:07Z")
> [@Modern\_Master](#):
>
> I’m going to be that guy.
>
> A woman being in a wheelchair would be a turn-off.
Oh, how brave. You can join that, oh, nearly everyone in this thread who admitted a wheelchair would be a negative.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/123 "2012-12-10T20:05:42Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> I’m losing track of your point here.
>
> From what I can tell, your stance is very attractive women don’t seem to even consider men in wheelchairs. **Kaio** says that not all super attractive women are some mind-sharing monolith. Also, it’s not like super attractive is some objective thing; what one guy finds stunning another may find meh. Then you called that baloney.
>
> Ah hmm. So in an effort to understand what, precisely, is baloney about that, your response is there’s not really that much discrepancy between what people find attractive. Okay, so to you the flaw in her post to you was how much variability she believes there is in what is good looking? You’re on board with the part that suggests not all gorgeous women think the same?
Just that there IS a bit of objective truth to beauty.
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### Author:  [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/124 "2012-12-10T20:11:36Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> Oh, how brave. You can join that, oh, nearly everyone in this thread who admitted a wheelchair would be a negative.
Woops! I kind of assumed that my opinion would be completely different (as it almost always is). My bad.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/125 "2012-12-10T20:21:09Z")
> [@Troppus](#):
>
> FTR, Ambivalid’s pet cause is a worthy one IMHO. Able bodied people shouldn’t take spaces from those who need them, and I suspect one of the reasons they do is because they have an image of a weak, elderly wheelchair user who is too meek to ask them to move. Those people are bullies, and won’t respond to a posted sign or polite request. I’m proud of J for sanding up for others. I would hope he wouldn’t endanger a date by risking a physical confrontation, but I don’t blame him at all for having an aggressive response to bad behavior. I feel the same about child abuse or neglect of pets, and I’m the crazy bitch who will step between a parent hitting a child (I’ve done it) and I will call the cops on any shithead who leaves a dog in a 90 degree car. Each of us has pet peeves or some idea of injustice that we are willing to fight. It isn’t our sole defining feature.
And its not just “parking lot vigilanteism” that I practice. Just last week I testified before the Michigan House of Representatives in support of a proposed piece of legislation that would double the fine for illegally parking in handicapped parking. I initially had reservations about doing so, as enforcment-or lack therof-is the real issue-but I realized that the ball has to get rolling somewhere. Attention has to be drawn to the subject somehow. I think this is a good first step.
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/126 "2012-12-10T20:23:05Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Just that there IS a bit of objective truth to beauty.
I wouldn’t put it that way. There are cultural conventions on what makes a person beautiful, but that’s not quite the same thing as objective truth on the subject.
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### Author:  [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/127 "2012-12-10T20:24:28Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> And its not just “parking lot vigilanteism” that I practice. Just last week I testified before the Michigan House of Representatives in support of a proposed piece of legislation that would double the fine for illegally parking in handicapped parking. I initially had reservations about doing so, as enforcment-or lack therof-is the real issue-but I realized that the ball has to get rolling somewhere. Attention has to be drawn to the subject somehow. I think this is a good first step.
Awesome.
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### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/128 "2012-12-10T20:25:18Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Just that there IS a bit of objective truth to beauty.
Way to answer my question. Never mind.
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### Author:  [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/129 "2012-12-10T20:30:24Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> I wouldn’t put it that way. There are cultural conventions on what makes a person beautiful, but that’s not quite the same thing as objective truth on the subject.
Also… Rule #34. There are always outliers whose preferences don’t conform to the majority convention.
Some people tell me they think Ann Coulter is hot. I am… agog that they think this.
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### Author:  [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/130 "2012-12-10T20:31:37Z")
I have to wonder if maybe Jamie’s heavy focus on bodybuilding is indirectly amplifying his dating problems. Once you start to go from toned to bulky, you’re sacrificing some of your general market appeal while at the same time greatly increasing your appeal to a particular niche: people who have a thing for bodybuilders.
Unfortunately, those who are romantically drawn to the bearers of huge muscles and immense strength are probably even less likely than average bear to seriously consider dating someone with significant physical impairments. (Not that I’ve done a study or anything, but a perusal of internet forums devoted to the topic of bodybuilding reveals a subculture that is often openly, explicitly dismissive towards those they perceive as weak, disabled or otherwise inferior. Check it out, it’s really depressing!) Outside that scene, I think he might have a bit more luck.
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### Author:  [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/131 "2012-12-10T20:35:22Z")
> [@colander](#):
>
> I have to wonder if maybe Jamie’s heavy focus on bodybuilding is indirectly amplifying his dating problems. Once you start to go from toned to bulky, you’re sacrificing some of your general market appeal while at the same time greatly increasing your appeal to a particular niche: people who have a thing for bodybuilders.
>
> Unfortunately, those who are romantically drawn to the bearers of huge muscles and immense strength are probably even less likely than average bear to seriously consider dating someone with significant physical impairments. (Not that I’ve done a study or anything, but a perusal of internet forums devoted to the topic of bodybuilding reveals a subculture that is often openly, explicitly dismissive towards those they perceive as weak, disabled or otherwise inferior. Check it out, it’s really depressing!) Outside that scene, I think he might have a bit more luck.
I think you’re onto something.
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/132 "2012-12-10T20:36:42Z")
> [@Kaio](#):
>
> Also… Rule #34. There are always outliers whose preferences don’t conform to the majority convention.
>
> Some people tell me they think Ann Coulter is hot. I am… agog that they think this.
Ann Coulter’s body has many of the elements of hotness; they just don’t fit together properly–and, of course, her personality militates against it. She’s the inverse of, say, Emma Thompson, who is more than the sum of her parts and whose screen presence makes her hotter than the, ah, “numbers” would make it seem.
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### Author:  [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/133 "2012-12-10T20:49:58Z")
> [@colander](#):
>
> I have to wonder if maybe Jamie’s heavy focus on bodybuilding is indirectly amplifying his dating problems. Once you start to go from toned to bulky, you’re sacrificing some of your general market appeal while at the same time greatly increasing your appeal to a particular niche: people who have a thing for bodybuilders.
>
> Unfortunately, those who are romantically drawn to the bearers of huge muscles and immense strength are probably even less likely than average bear to seriously consider dating someone with significant physical impairments. (Not that I’ve done a study or anything, but a perusal of internet forums devoted to the topic of bodybuilding reveals a subculture that is often openly, explicitly dismissive towards those they perceive as weak, disabled or otherwise inferior. Check it out, it’s really depressing!) Outside that scene, I think he might have a bit more luck.
Are you implying that an out-of-shape guy in a wheelchair is more attractive than an in-shape guy in a wheelchair?
Actually, on closer examination of what you said, maybe we just have different definitions of bulky. From the pictures I’ve seen of **Ambivalid** , I would sooner describe him as toned than bulky.
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### Author:  [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/134 "2012-12-10T20:54:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> Ann Coulter’s body has many of the elements of hotness; they just don’t fit together properly–and, of course, her personality militates against it. She’s the inverse of, say, Emma Thompson, who is more than the sum of her parts and whose screen presence makes her hotter than the, ah, “numbers” would make it seem.
She has a horse face. And I can honestly say I can’t remember a thing about what her body looks like, so it (or any part of it) was unlikely pinging my “mmm, hot” meter. Isn’t the rest of her as long and gangly as her face? That’s what springs to mind, anyway.
Her personality would turn me off regardless, of course, but I can’t even get on board with the “too bad she’s crazy” bandwagon. Best I can call her is “plain.” Even that’s giving her a bit too much credit, I think.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/135 "2012-12-10T21:02:03Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> I wouldn’t put it that way. There are cultural conventions on what makes a person beautiful, but that’s not quite the same thing as objective truth on the subject.
I disagree. While there is much subjective opinion in the details certain traits seem pretty universal in regards to beauty. Among those traits are symmetry of form, strength, and grace in movement. From a standpoint of leaving healthy descendents these traits make some sense as they are rough indicators of general health, nutrition, and lack of overt genetic defects. Needless to say the disabled are often at a disadvantage in one or more of those categories. In order to be seen as desirable mates they need to cultivate other traits to the point that they balance out, at least to some degree, their deficits.
Like I said, not exactly fair but that’s reality.
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/136 "2012-12-10T21:03:32Z")
> [@Kaio](#):
>
> She has a horse face. And I can honestly say I can’t remember a thing about what her body looks like, so it (or any part of it) was unlikely pinging my “mmm, hot” meter. Isn’t the rest of her as long and gangly as her face? That’s what springs to mind, anyway.
>
> Her personality would turn me off regardless, of course, but I can’t even get on board with the “too bad she’s crazy” bandwagon. Best I can call her is “plain.” Even that’s giving her a bit too much credit, I think.
We’re getting off topic, but to a lot of straight men, the face is less important than the body. I’m not one of those – to me a great face can more than compensate for a so-so body, while the reverse is not true – but I can understand men who find Coulter attractive if only she’d shut the fuck up.
Returning to the thread topic: I can understand why a person might be taken aback by the prospect of having sex with a wheelchair-bound person. One might wonder how much sensation the person has in the nether regions; how much mobility remains there; how capable they are of helping the partner to orgasm; et cetera. These are difficult subjects to broach, and one might decline to begin a romantic relationship simply from delicacy.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/137 "2012-12-10T21:03:35Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#):
>
> But why do you not want people who have already dated someone in a chair to answer this question?
Maybe he was thinking that if someone _had_ dated someone in a chair then _duh_, it’s obviously not a dealbreaker… but it would be interesting, I would think, to poll those who had dated the disabled to find out if their opinions had changed over time.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/138 "2012-12-10T21:10:01Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> I stick up for myself and my rights-andvthe rights of other disabled people. If I don’t no one will. If that means someone can’t “forget that I’m in a chair”, well I don’t think id want that anyway. My besides, if I wasn’t so adament about being treated fairly and equally, any person who spent a lot of time with me would suffer along side me as well.
^ Word.
Jamie takes a lot of flak for being an uppity cripple but that’s the only way there is going to be change in this world. Not everyone who is disabled is able (due to lack of energy/stamina, resources, or ability to communicate) to fight this fight. He doesn’t have to do it, even if there’s something in it for him, and I for one had some admiration for his willingness to stand up for himself even if at times I think his methods could be better.
But then, I’m married to someone disabled so I have experienced first hand what he says about “any person who spent a lot of time with me would suffer along side me as well”. Not to mention the flagrant disbelief some posters have greeted the presentation of facts - I’ve been told I’m delusional for reporting actual conversations I’ve had with people because, you know, it can’t be that bad. Except it is.
Forget dating, for a lot of callous, superficial people the disabled are invisible in _any_ social interaction, even the most casual. It’s not as common as it used to be, probably because it’s less accepted in general society to treat people like crap, but the attitude does exist.
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### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/139 "2012-12-10T21:25:32Z")
Way off topic here. I don’t really give a fuck about Jamie’s parking lot shenanigans. I find them annoying, and point them out in relevant threads, but not this one which has fuckall to do with whatever happened at the gym or Rite Aid or wherever he’s getting into these scuffles. Also, no one in their right mind is going to scoff at him for sticking up for the rights of the disabled. I know that in your mind if someone has a beef with a handicapped person acting like an asshole, it’s because we’re down on “uppity cripples,” but maybe it’s the assholery we have a beef with. I also know you’re the Handicapped Expert because your husband has a limp, but I hope you realize other people know disabled people, right? Like, some of us have them in our immediate family, so please stand down with this “I understand his pain, and therefore will never criticize him; everyone else can suck it” nonsense. It was old a long time ago.
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### Author:  [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/140 "2012-12-10T21:35:46Z")
Hahaa. You told her to ‘stand down’. [Yall kills me.](http://gbge.aclu.org/sites/default/files/images/stories/blog_pics_-_general/gettold.jpg)
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