# Is a Wheelchair a Turn-off?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 8, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447 "2012-12-08T20:58:20Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 8
### Author:  [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/141 "2012-12-10T21:37:44Z")
Yes, it would be an immediate hesitation for me, however, I would think it could be quickly overcome with a great personality.
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### Author:  [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/142 "2012-12-10T21:38:52Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> We’re getting off topic, but to a lot of straight men, the face is less important than the body. I’m not one of those – to me a great face can more than compensate for a so-so body, while the reverse is not true – but I can understand men who find Coulter attractive if only she’d shut the fuck up.
Bringing it back to topic then, here is a good example of how a disparity of one person’s 4 being another person’s 9 can come about. You and I think that her body can’t make up for her face, and other men think that it can. Shockingly, we have different ideas of what is and isn’t a turn on.
(We never got an answer to MOL’s question whether he agreed that “hot chicks” by whatever standard did not actually share a monolithic hive-mind.)
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> …even if at times I think his methods could be better.
Maybe I’m mis-reading somehow, but I think that is actually what it comes down to for the people who post and “give him flack” for his approach to perceiving and handling discrimination. The first post of his I remember seeing is one where he described following a man out of the gym screaming at him over something-or-other. I don’t recall the inciting incident, but that in my mind is less vital than the fact that the dude was _already walking away from him_. Said dude was already trying to disengage and flee – Ambivalid had **WON** , fer crissakes. But he wouldn’t just take the victory and go on with his life.
That’s not behavior I admire in anyone, regardless of what or whether minority status they have. It’s certainly not a good first impression to give. One can stand up for themselves AND engage in a little anger management, simultaneously – which I would admire a lot more. Frankly, I think the histrionics undermine the power of the message.
And it’s likely a bigger factor in the outcome of his romantic life than the chair.
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### Author:  [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/143 "2012-12-10T21:46:46Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#):
>
> Are you implying that an out-of-shape guy in a wheelchair is more attractive than an in-shape guy in a wheelchair?
Certainly I am not. I am saying that I believe we live in a society in which the male figure that the greatest number of women ages 18-30 find attractive is one that can be described as slender, compact and “pretty”, rather than bulging, veiny and powerful. Flat abs are a selling point, but huge shoulders are not so much. In addition to finding muscularity imposing, many women feel that men who expend a great deal of time and effort on gym-related pursuits must be vain, egotistical, and aggressive. (Note that I am not saying these perceptions are accurate–simply that they are common.)
Are there women who find unusual muscularity attractive? Of course! There are many who vastly prefer muscular men, but they’re a distinct minority these days and I would imagine that a disproportionate number of them would find physical disability a deal-breaker, as it may violently conflict with their idea of what constitutes “proper” masculine strength, independence, and capability.
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### Author:  [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/144 "2012-12-10T21:52:04Z")
I’ve never seen people discriminate because of a handicap in the way that Ambivalid describes. Of course, I don’t live his life. I understand that. However, I don’t think anyone goes out of their way to give a handicapped person a difficult time. However, I’ve had handicapped people give me trouble for simply not holding the door for them.
As for the dating scene, it can be rough, but that’s just dating in general. People get rejected for numerous reasons. I can understand how being handicapped could affect one’s self-esteem, but you need to work with what you got.
Going for 8’s, 9’s, 10’s, even though it’s subjective, probably isn’t the best approach. You need to be honest with yourself, first and foremost. Are you really a George Clooney or are you more of a Paul Rudd?
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/145 "2012-12-10T23:30:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> And its not just “parking lot vigilanteism” that I practice. Just last week I testified before the Michigan House of Representatives in support of a proposed piece of legislation that would double the fine for illegally parking in handicapped parking. I initially had reservations about doing so, as enforcment-or lack therof-is the real issue-but I realized that the ball has to get rolling somewhere. Attention has to be drawn to the subject somehow. I think this is a good first step.
Since I know some of y’all [probably don"t believe a word I say.](http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2012/12/traffic_talk_why_do_so_many_pe.html)
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/146 "2012-12-10T23:33:15Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Since I know some of y’all [probably don"t believe a word I say.](http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2012/12/traffic_talk_why_do_so_many_pe.html)
You’ve always been pretty open about your real life, Jamie; hell, the fact that we generally know your real first name is indicative of that. When you say you did something I operate on the assumption that you are relating an event that actually occurred. What people sometimes doubt, I think, is whether they would agree with your interpretation of events – that is, whether the motives of the persons you talk about are their true motives. That’s a concern about your viewpoint, not your truthfulness.
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### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/147 "2012-12-10T23:42:38Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Since I know some of y’all [probably don"t believe a word I say.](http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2012/12/traffic_talk_why_do_so_many_pe.html)
Erm, now granted I can only speak for one mean old lady, I’m not sure that people’s beef with you is they don’t \*believe \*what you say. You’ve come across to me as, if nothing else, pretty sincere. All shit talking aside, good stuff testifying in from of the MI House about this.
But seriously, just read the article – no hyperbole? EVERY. SINGLE. Parking lot. You EVER go in. Every. Single. Time. Has someone illegally parked in handicapped spaces? I realize this is a hijack, so feel free not to respond. But then again, you started it, so you have to answer me.
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### Author:  [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/148 "2012-12-10T23:50:53Z")
This is neither here nor there, but the electronic card system the first commenter to that article mentions sounds like a pretty good idea.
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### Author:  [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/149 "2012-12-10T23:53:52Z")
> [@brickbacon](#):
>
> I am sure there are plenty of people whose rankings would vary that much (eg. Kim Kardashian, Tilda Swinton, Paris Hilton, Melissa McCarthy). Not sure I always agree with such disparities, but they obviously happen fairly often.
I agree with this quite a bit. Of course when it comes to Hollywood/entertainment most of those folks are fairly attractive or else (sadly) they wouldn’t get a lot of work. You mentioned Tilda Swinton and that is one I know is true as far as my little world.
I have a friend who rates her as a solid 9 out of 10. I’ve been “WTF?” with him about it for a long time because to me she is a 4 on a good day. To me a 9 means that as you see it, that person is almost perfect. He insists she’s a 9 no matter how much I want him to see the truth 😛
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### Author:  [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/150 "2012-12-11T00:03:08Z")
I am in a wheelchair. Before I stopped driving I would guess that 1/10th of the people parking in handicapped spaces had no placard or used a relative’s.
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### Author:  [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/151 "2012-12-11T00:04:10Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> I also know you’re the Handicapped Expert because your husband has a limp, but I hope you realize other people know disabled people, right? Like, some of us have them in our immediate family, so please stand down with this “I understand his pain, and therefore will never criticize him; everyone else can suck it” nonsense. It was old a long time ago.
Isn’t Broomstick the esteemed SDMB member who has said that on _several different occasions_ that servers in restaurants have flat-out, openly, unashamedly told her that her husband and his wheelchair were physically repulsive to all of the other diners and so therefore requested him to leave, though she was more than welcome to stay and enjoy her meal?
Does this not happen daily to all of the people who are selfless enough to publicly accompany their friends & family who are in wheelchairs?
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/152 "2012-12-11T00:24:15Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> Erm, now granted I can only speak for one mean old lady, I’m not sure that people’s beef with you is they don’t believe \*what you say. You’ve come across to me as, if nothing else, pretty sincere. All shit talking aside, good stuff testifying in from of the MI House about this.
>
> But seriously, just read the article – no hyperbole? EVERY. SINGLE. Parking lot. You EVER go in. Every. Single. Time. Has someone illegally parked in handicapped spaces? I realize this is a hijack, so feel free not to respond. But then again, you started it, so you have to answer me.
The only stipulation I would make to my original claim of every parking lot, my ONLY one, would be to say all parking lots larger than 10 spaces or so. Not tiny parking lots. So yes, I WAS guilty of SOME hyperbole, I guess. You got me. Busted.
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### Author:  [@brickbacon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brickbacon)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/153 "2012-12-11T02:17:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> I stick up for myself and my rights-andvthe rights of other disabled people. If I don’t no one will. If that means someone can’t “forget that I’m in a chair”, well I don’t think id want that anyway.
I think your general AIMS are admirable. What I would imagine would be tiresome is the strident and myopic way you seem to go about achieving those goals. It just seems like most of the your energy and interests revolve around the chair. Like I said, I don’t know you, but your your advocacy, while well meaning and laudable, would have the effect making a relationship with you about your disability. It’s like the difference between dating a Jewish guy and dating a rabbi.
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> Jamie takes a lot of flak for being an uppity cripple but that’s the only way there is going to be change in this world. Not everyone who is disabled is able (due to lack of energy/stamina, resources, or ability to communicate) to fight this fight. He doesn’t have to do it, even if there’s something in it for him, and I for one had some admiration for his willingness to stand up for himself even if at times I think his methods could be better.
He is an uppity cripple (to use your verbiage). That’s not a bad thing in this case as he is making life better for others, but I can see how many people would find that off putting in a dating situation.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/154 "2012-12-11T02:28:30Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> Also, no one in their right mind is going to scoff at him for sticking up for the rights of the disabled.
There are quite a few people out there not in their right minds.
> [@](#):
>
> I know that in your mind if someone has a beef with a handicapped person acting like an asshole, it’s because we’re down on “uppity cripples,” but maybe it’s the assholery we have a beef with.
Nonesense - I have no problem telling someone they’re being an asshole, including **Ambivalid**. I just lack the kneejerk response that if he’s posting something he’s automatically wrong and offensive.
> [@](#):
>
> I also know you’re the Handicapped Expert because your husband has a limp, but I hope you realize other people know disabled people, right? Like, some of us have them in our immediate family, so please stand down with this “I understand his pain, and therefore will never criticize him; everyone else can suck it” nonsense. It was old a long time ago.
Please get over yourself - I very clearly did not refer to EVERYONE. There are some posters who have flat out said I’m delusional. Unless you were one of them that comment doesn’t refer to you.
I’ve criticized him plenty, and no, I don’t understand every disability. Mind you, my husband doesn’t have “just” a limp, he too has an SCI and while he can still walk he very much has had other effects from it than a mere limp. But let’s just diminish the scope of problems someone has to cope with, shall we? Because it makes life ever so much better. :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/155 "2012-12-11T02:33:50Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#):
>
> Isn’t Broomstick the esteemed SDMB member who has said that on _several different occasions_ that servers in restaurants have flat-out, openly, unashamedly told her that her husband and his wheelchair were physically repulsive to all of the other diners and so therefore requested him to leave, though she was more than welcome to stay and enjoy her meal?
Nope can’t be me - my husband doesn’t use a wheelchair. I don’t know where this notion came that he does as I’ve been quite clear for over a decade here that he _doesn’t_ use one and is able to walk one his own.
So it’s someone else. Please stop confusing me with that person.
I’ve never seen/been with someone in a wheelchair that was refused seating in a restaurant, it is not something I’ve personally experienced or witnessed.
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### Author:  [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/156 "2012-12-11T02:37:42Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> Nope can’t be me - my husband doesn’t use a wheelchair. I don’t know where this notion came that he does as I’ve been quite clear for over a decade here that he _doesn’t_ use one and is able to walk one his own.
>
> So it’s someone else. Please stop confusing me with that person.
>
> I’ve never seen/been with someone in a wheelchair that was refused seating in a restaurant, it is not something I’ve personally experienced or witnessed.
My mistake; I am sorry for mixing you up with someone else.
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### Author:  [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/157 "2012-12-11T02:52:59Z")
A hot guy in a wheel chair is a hot guy.
Just one lady’s opinion, but I’d definitely hit it
[ ](https://www.easier.com/uploads/cache/thumbs/0/5/2/217/400x400/28275/wheelchair-athlete-makes-olympic-bid.jpg)
[http://users.eastlink.ca/~koolweb/anthony1\_files/image002.jpg](http://users.eastlink.ca/~koolweb/anthony1_files/image002.jpg)
[http://www.kinesiotapingafrica.co.za/galpic5.jpg](http://www.kinesiotapingafrica.co.za/galpic5.jpg)
[http://www.itftennis.com/media/133810/133810.JPG](http://www.itftennis.com/media/133810/133810.JPG)
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/158 "2012-12-11T02:56:39Z")
> [@brickbacon](#):
>
> I think your general AIMS are admirable. What I would imagine would be tiresome is the strident and myopic way you seem to go about achieving those goals. It just seems like most of the your energy and interests revolve around the chair. Like I said, I don’t know you, but your your advocacy, while well meaning and laudable, would have the effect making a relationship with you about your disability. It’s like the difference between dating a Jewish guy and dating a rabbi.
>
> He is an uppity cripple (to use your verbiage). That’s not a bad thing in this case as he is making life better for others, but I can see how many people would find that off putting in a dating situation.
So advocating for the expansion of disability laws before state Congress is “strident and myopic”? As far as the every-day stuff, its certainly not stuff that I go looking for; my god no. This is just the shit thrust in my face on a daily basis, and I cannot ignore it and pretend it doesn’t go on.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/159 "2012-12-11T02:58:44Z")
> [@April\_R](#):
>
> A hot guy in a wheel chair is a hot guy.
> Just one lady’s opinion, but I’d definitely hit it
> [http://www.easier.com/uploads/cache/thumbs/0/5/2/217/400x400/28275/wheelchair-athlete-makes-olympic-bid.jpg](http://www.easier.com/uploads/cache/thumbs/0/5/2/217/400x400/28275/wheelchair-athlete-makes-olympic-bid.jpg)
> [http://users.eastlink.ca/~koolweb/anthony1\_files/image002.jpg](http://users.eastlink.ca/~koolweb/anthony1_files/image002.jpg)
> [http://www.kinesiotapingafrica.co.za/galpic5.jpg](http://www.kinesiotapingafrica.co.za/galpic5.jpg)
> [http://www.itftennis.com/media/133810/133810.JPG](http://www.itftennis.com/media/133810/133810.JPG)
Nice.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2012, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-wheelchair-a-turn-off/643447/160 "2012-12-11T03:03:22Z")
> [@brickbacon](#):
>
> I think your general AIMS are admirable. What I would imagine would be tiresome is the strident and myopic way you seem to go about achieving those goals. It just seems like most of the your energy and interests revolve around the chair. Like I said, I don’t know you, but your your advocacy, while well meaning and laudable, would have the effect making a relationship with you about your disability. It’s like the difference between dating a Jewish guy and dating a rabbi.
>
> He is an uppity cripple (to use your verbiage). That’s not a bad thing in this case as he is making life better for others, but I can see how many people would find that off putting in a dating situation.
And girls that I meet don’t have any idea of my advocacy or past incidents, and I AM capable of using dicretion and having “a life” at the same time. Let’s be clear here, I DO date.
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