# Is almost anyone capable of having a romantic relationship?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-almost-anyone-capable-of-having-a-romantic-relationship/615113>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [March 8, 2012, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-almost-anyone-capable-of-having-a-romantic-relationship/615113 "2012-03-08T04:00:29Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-almost-anyone-capable-of-having-a-romantic-relationship/615113/21 "2012-03-09T02:54:13Z")

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> [@RealityChuck](#):
>
> You’re capable. It’s just that you have to overcome a lot of baggage.

This sounds really condescending. It’s possible to win the lottery too, just very unlikely.

> [@monstro](#):
>
> I’ve been pondering the question. Am I capable of having a romantic relationship? I don’t know. Can someone “learn” how to have romantic _feelings_? I am certain I could do and say all the right things to make someone fall in love with me. But I am not certain I could ever fall in love with them. So sure, I could be in a romantic relationship, but I don’t think it would be a honest one.

I understood the OP was only talking about people who want relationships. Since you don’t, I don’t think it really applies to you.

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**Author:** ![Corcaigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Corcaigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corcaigh)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-almost-anyone-capable-of-having-a-romantic-relationship/615113/22 "2012-03-09T19:05:15Z")

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> [@Robot\_Arm](#):
>
> I don’t think my background is nearly as extreme as the one you describe, but I’ve had no real romantic experience to speak of.

Via the internet, I’ve ‘met’ many people who had similar upbringings - some worse than mine (I know a woman who was beaten savagely on a daily basis by her mother), others not so bad, but all have found it practically impossible to form romantic relationships as adults

> [@RealityChuck](#):
>
> You’re capable. It’s just that you have to overcome a lot of baggage.

You could be right (about me being capable), I have managed to throw away a lot of the baggage and am in a much better place (as they say) now. However I’m old and men don’t like old women who’ve never married - it’s like you’ve got the mange or something…

> [@lavenderviolet](#):
>
> That sounds like a terrible way to grow up. I hope you realize that there was nothing about you that could have justified them treating you that way. They are the ones who had the problem, not you.

Thanks. Yes, I do realise it was my mother who had a problem, some sort of bi-polar/histrionic personality disorder, which developed after I was born (possibly an off shoot of PND?). I think subconsciously my father saw me as the catalyst that set his wife off, so he wanted nothing to do with me. He did try to make up for things in later years by giving me a large sum of money.

I’m not sure if my brother is just copying my (our) mother, or if her condition is hereditary.

> [@](#):
>
> I’m sure that you are capable of having a relationship and finding a decent person to love you if that’s something you want out of life.

I rather fear that at nearly 50, t’is too late for me to find a suitor! I’m working on getting me some cats instead 😉

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