# Is anybody else scared of the Illuminati? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 7, 2000, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552 "2000-12-07T21:52:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/1 "2000-12-07T21:52:51Z")
In doing research for a … um … research paper, I found out about several hundred billion disturbingly successful plots that were executed by the Illuminati. Apparently, the Illuminati plotted to and gained control of both the European and American economy by establishing the Bank of England and the Federal Reserve respectively. They completely rigged an election to get Woodrow Wilson into the White house so he would sign the bill to establish the Federal Reserve. Apparently they did this by financing programs to annhilate the Jewish population in Russia, Poland, etc… so the Jews would come to America. Then the Illuminati educated them to vote Democratic and Woodrow Wilson was only the second Democratic president in the White House since the Civil War. And I guess the Illuminati or some associate of them have financed both sides of every war since 1776. If this is all true, then uh… it sucks and I’m scared. I think I hear something :runs away and hides under bed: ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/2 "2000-12-07T22:02:05Z")
_I’m under the bed, too. Hey, the rest of youse, let us know when the Mother Ship gets here, okay?_ ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/3 "2000-12-07T22:08:04Z")
Steeljaw! Where have you been, boy? You ran away, and left me to run for president against the likes of **dpr** all by myself! How could you? Unless, of course, it was an Illuminati scheme. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/4 "2000-12-07T22:11:59Z")
I thought it was total BS, but fun BS, until there was an unsuccessful coup in Italy mounted by a cadre of Freemasons. Made me think, but not too much. Hard on the brain. ---
**Author:** ![fnord1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/5 "2000-12-07T22:16:21Z")
I used to be scared of em, but not anymore. I joined up. Ha ha. Hail Eris! ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/6 "2000-12-07T22:18:18Z")
Jesus H. Buddha, are you nuts man?!?! Are you trying to get killed? You’re just attracting their attention. In fact, you may already know too much. And you didn’t even mention, how they set up the Kennedy family with all their wealth, and promised Joe the presidency for one of his sons - Joe wanted his oldest his son, but the Illuminati disagreed and had him offed in the WWII, giving the presidency to Jack, but when he slept with Marilyn Monroe (an Illuminati covert agent) and found out about all their evil plans, they had him killed too. And then there’s Watergate, and the Exxon Valdez, and Monica Lowinsky. If anybody found out that I knew this stuff, I wouldn’t last a wee… Ooops. Gotta go. Siberia’s calling. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/7 "2000-12-07T22:36:33Z")
So we’re in agreement then? The saucer people are conspiring with the reverse vampires, in conjuction with bigfoot, cooperating with the Rand Corporation, with a grant from the Chubb group to eliminate the meal of supper. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/8 "2000-12-07T22:36:56Z")
Don’t worry, Steeljaw, the Illuminati don’t exist, and if they did exist, they would be generous individuals concerned about the well being of the world, but they don’t. ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/9 "2000-12-07T23:50:24Z")
I was gonna talk about the whole Kennedy thing Jack, but I figured that the post was getting too long and I know I just stop reading after a few lines. Anyway, they are also responsible for the establishment of the United Nations and the Council on Foreign Relations. I guess those are just steps toward the institution of their one world government. I wonder if the Illuminati probe people like UFO’s do? Any Illuminatus out there who can answer that, it would be greatly appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/10 "2000-12-08T00:07:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by steeljaw \* > \*\*Any Illuminatus out there who can answer that, it would be greatly appreciated. \*\* I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill myself. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/11 "2000-12-08T00:21:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by steeljaw \* > \*\*I wonder if the Illuminati probe people like UFO’s do? > \*\* No need. Most everything you could need to know is in their garbage. You just **think** garbage men are stupid. Oh what the Sanitation Industry has on people… ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/12 "2000-12-08T00:54:19Z")
The Illuminati simply don’t fnord exist. The are a figment of fnord your imagination. They don’t have anyfnordthing to do with anything. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/13 "2000-12-08T01:45:15Z")
You didn’t get [this](http://www.theparafiles.com/articles/illuminati.html) from me. ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/14 "2000-12-08T04:18:11Z")
> [@](#): > > I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill myself. Seeing as how I know nothing, can I use that as my sig line so that I can play off knowing nothing. Jack Batty, that’s the best site ever on the Illuminati. Kinda makes you wonder who actually put it there. Concise, to the point. I give it two conspiratorial thumbs up. What the hell is this fnord stuff? I came across a website about it, but I never took the time to read it. I associate with Pinky from the cartoon Pinky and the Brain. Come to think of it, Brain was always trying to take over the world… ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/15 "2000-12-08T04:57:47Z")
I believe Fnord started with Steve Jackson, or the original Illumatis trilogy. ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/16 "2000-12-08T05:01:18Z")
> [@](#): > > I wonder if the Illuminati probe people like UFO’s do? Yup. They do anal probes. They hurt like a bitch, but if you don’t cry you pass into recruitment stage. It gets really ugly from there. You didn’t hear it from me, though. ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/17 "2000-12-08T05:05:29Z")
mmmmmmmmmm…Nachos :thumped over head with officially sanctioned Illuminati thumping club: ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/18 "2000-12-09T21:55:03Z")
Bah, the Illuminati are wimps. I can take 'em singlehanded. They pay me an annual tribute to leave 'em alone. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anybody-else-scared-of-the-illuminati/44552/19 "2000-12-09T22:08:20Z")
Why is everyone worried? The Illuminati are just another ISP.