# Is anything \_NOT\_ the 'perfect christmas gift'? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 26, 2003, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340 "2003-11-26T06:30:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Doc\_Nickel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@Doc\_Nickel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doc_Nickel)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/41 "2003-11-26T23:00:42Z")
Topical AND funny. I believe **Ilsa\_Lund** wins this thread. 😃 We have some lovely parting gifts for the rest of you backstage. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/42 "2003-11-26T23:05:54Z")
:::Bows::: ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/43 "2003-11-26T23:42:01Z")
A menorah? ---
**Author:** ![HDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/bb73d2/32.png) [@HDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HDS)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/44 "2003-11-27T00:08:45Z")
According to my brother, the perfect gift was NOT a big battery all wrapped up pretty and labeled “gift not included”. ---
**Author:** ![TVAA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TVAA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVAA)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/45 "2003-11-27T00:17:58Z")
Give a videotape copy of _The Ring_. It’s the gift that keeps on killing. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/46 "2003-11-27T00:38:03Z")
This thread is killing me. [sub]Or is it that copy of _The Ring?_ Hmmm…[/sub] My dad once got my mom The World’s Least Thoughtful Christmas Present. And the sad thing was, she’s tearing off the wrapping paper and it’s in the box he bought it in, of course, so my mom is laughing excitedly, saying, “Oh my God, you didn’t _really_ get me an electric knife sharpener, honey! What’s actually in here? What did you really get me? Oooh, what could it be?” I will leave it to you all to imagine the tense and uncomfortable silence when she opened the box and saw… An electric knife sharpener. The sad thing is, he didn’t just screw up in a thoughtful way…he was trying to get out of having to sharpen her kitchen knives, which heretofore had been _his_ responsibility. I think a gift that rivals that for Demerits Earned was the hair-dryer my best friend was given for Valentine’s Day. Nothin’ says lovin’ like a…hair-dryer. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/47 "2003-11-27T01:04:40Z")
I’ve got a gift to add to this list. My grandparents went to Spain and came back with a bunch of souvenier doodads for presents. My gift that year was a gold figurine of a Spanish Inquisitor (and no, I wasn’t expecting him). Which looked remarkably like a Klansman. Down to the hood. And didn’t have a little plaque on it that explained it. So I manage to sputter out “You…got me a KLANSMAN?!” And then they explained it, to this noted athiest, that this was a Spanish Inquisitor and I should appreciate it since I didn’t like Catholics…“You mean, like the ones who ran the INQUISITION?” ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/48 "2003-11-27T01:12:40Z")
**GMRyujin** , you must have been really surprised by that gift. After all…_Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!_ Well, **someone** had to say it… ---
**Author:** ![peri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/67e7ee/32.png) [@peri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peri)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/49 "2003-11-27T01:30:41Z")
[Freedom from Anxiety](http://how2ed.com/Catalog/Jerilyn%20Ross/Freedom%20From%20Anxiety.htm), a multiple-cassette, multiple $100s, self help course. And he was so fucking proud of himself. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/50 "2003-11-27T01:33:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chefguy \* > \*\*Hey! I got my wifey a mop for Christmas _last_ year! This year I’m gettin’ her a handle for it. She’ll be _so_ pleased… \*\* Be sure to tell us far up your ass she shoves it before she breaks it off. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/51 "2003-11-27T01:59:59Z")
Roast fedora makes a very bad Christmas dinner, and, when entertaining the guests, it is best not to wear a dead goose on one’s head… ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/52 "2003-11-27T03:41:48Z")
Am I the only one who’s heard the radio commercial: _Give yourself the gift of Botox this holiday season!_ Yeah…“the perfect Christmas gift” to myself is botulinum toxin A! ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/53 "2003-11-27T04:14:14Z")
As the unbaptised Jehovah’s Witness on this board, I am happy to provide each you with our virtually annual "anti-Christmas’ edition of _The Watchtower_. A perfect gift for the ‘holiday’ season. Have a nice day! ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/54 "2003-11-27T15:26:36Z")
capcitor— why unbaptised? and throw in an anti-Christmas sermon tape by Herbert W. Armstrong (I know, not a JW), and you’ve got a deal! ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/55 "2003-11-27T15:45:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Uvula Donor \* > \*\ ***GMRyujin** , you must have been really surprised by that gift. After all…_Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!_ > > Well, **someone** had to say it… \*\* :eek: 😃 I think I strained something laughing at this. Perhaps the perfect Christmas gift could be an Ace Bandage? Nah. It didn’t go over well last time. FaerieBeth ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/56 "2003-11-27T15:53:39Z")
/wicked Zab **GMRyujin** Maybe people aren’t getting you the right “underpants”? Maybe [these knickers](http://www.axfords.com/Site/index.cfm/fuseaction/Product.ViewAcc/ID/K643.cfm?CFID=9705864&CFTOKEN=33547148) are more to your likeing? Or, how about [these?](http://www.fredericks.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=Holiday2002&category%5Fname=Boyleg+Panties&product%5Fid=52121) Or, are [these festive](http://www.fredericks.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=Holiday2002&category%5Fname=Mens&product%5Fid=01159) underpants more your style? 😉 wicked Zab/ ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/57 "2003-11-27T18:11:51Z")
> [@](#): > > My dad once got my mom The World’s Least Thoughtful Christmas Present. > > And the sad thing was, she’s tearing off the wrapping paper and it’s in the box he bought it in, of course, so my mom is laughing excitedly, saying, “Oh my God, you didn’t really get me an electric knife sharpener, honey! What’s actually in here? What did you really get me? Oooh, what could it be?” > > I will leave it to you all to imagine the tense and uncomfortable silence when she opened the box and saw… > > An electric knife sharpener. Hey! I _asked_ for an electric knife sharpener this Christmas! I think they make fine presents. A musical toilet plunger, on the other hand, probably would not. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/58 "2003-11-27T19:54:38Z")
A box of used kitty litter is not a very thoughtful gift. ---
**Author:** ![Mycroft\_Holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a5b964/32.png) [@Mycroft\_Holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_Holmes)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/59 "2003-11-28T12:09:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*I’ve got a gift to add to this list. My grandparents went to Spain and came back with a bunch of souvenier doodads for presents. My gift that year was a gold figurine of a Spanish Inquisitor (and no, I wasn’t expecting him). Which looked remarkably like a Klansman. Down to the hood. And didn’t have a little plaque on it that explained it. So I manage to sputter out “You…got me a KLANSMAN?!” And then they explained it, to this noted athiest, that this was a Spanish Inquisitor and I should appreciate it since I didn’t like Catholics…“You mean, like the ones who ran the INQUISITION?” \*\* Here’s what I posted in the MPSIMS thread where you also mentioned this gift: Sorry, but the guy in the pointy hat (and I must admit they do look like Klansmen) is NOT an Inquisitor (even if you weren’t expecting him). It is probably a likeness of a member of one of the “cofradias” that takes part in one of the processions during Easter (Semana Santa) in Spain. Probably the most famous Easter procession is in Sevilla. You can find more information here. So, you should commend your parents on getting you a nice Nazareno, which you can now use to impress your friends with your knowledge of Spanish Catholocism. Plus, you learned something new thanks to your little KKK look-alike statue. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340/60 "2003-11-28T19:28:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zabali\_Clawbane \* > \*\*/wicked Zab > > **GMRyujin** Maybe people aren’t getting you the right “underpants”? Maybe [these knickers](http://www.axfords.com/Site/index.cfm/fuseaction/Product.ViewAcc/ID/K643.cfm?CFID=9705864&CFTOKEN=33547148) are more to your likeing? Or, how about [these?](http://www.fredericks.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=Holiday2002&category%5Fname=Boyleg+Panties&product%5Fid=52121) Or, are [these festive](http://www.fredericks.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=Holiday2002&category%5Fname=Mens&product%5Fid=01159) underpants more your style? 😉 > > wicked Zab/ \*\* Hey, as long as they’re the right size. I hate people who lame-out and buy underpants and don’t even buy my size. Though you don’t want to see my large manass being constrained by a thread of material. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-anything-_not_-the-perfect-christmas-gift/215340.md?page=4)