# Is being a picky eater inherently bad? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 8, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728 "2010-03-08T15:44:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/321 "2010-03-21T14:58:56Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > BUT I like the option to choose to not attend. That you don’t think any type of planning or forethought is necessary seems ridiculous and can put people in… . make that NOT necessary. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/322 "2010-03-21T15:17:12Z")
**Dio** , I would tend to agree about the class issues and food snobbery. It really seems like a smug form of picky eating that can be more irritating than the restaurant veto-er with a very selective diet, Still, food snobbery is more acceptable, perhaps because food snobs will eat oddball exotic foods; they’ll happily slurp down a bowl of goat eyeball soup, but turn down anything that isn’t “authentic”, organic, fair-trade, free-range, artisanel, hairloom, local, and so on. I seldom see threads or posts criticizing their behavior on the SDMB or elsewhere. I’m also wondering how often Dopers in the Anglosphere find themselves invited to dinner at the house of people from some ethnic group where it’s considered a grave insult to not lick your plate entirely clean. Seems like in Doperland, people get invited to the homes of such ethnics all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/323 "2010-03-21T15:33:16Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > That you don’t think any type of planning or forethought is necessary seems ridiculous and can put people in awkward positions. This is not a matter of what _I think_. It has nothing to do with me at all. It’s a basic fact of human existence that activities involving people who have regular contact with each other are often not planned. And the longer the interrelationships exist, the increasing likeliness that things like routine office lunches will be unplanned. The closer and more familiar people are with each other, the less likely they will engage in planning. It’s not me. It’s life. You can’t expect that people will always follow a script. Furthermore, any adult human being should be flexible enough to deal with this kind of variation in human behavior, unless they are suffering from some form of social disability or Asperger’s or something. > [@](#): > > There really are people in the world that do not like the things that you do. As adults, we should be able to choose to go with the flow, or paddle up a different stream. As adults, when you are the member of a group, you also should be aware of the messages you send by the choices you make. When your position is, “I absolutely need to know in advance, because I’ll only join in when it’s my preference that’s being honored. On occasions that X is the one getting his way, then I’m not playing. Ever.” That sends a pretty clear signal to the other members of the group. And the message being sent to **aruvqan** was pretty clear: “Picky Girl is more important than you are. So long as she is not out sick, her preferences will always trump yours.” > [@Lamia](#): > > I doubt that someone who flies off the handle over being called picky on a message board is going to deal well with not getting the lunch she wanted in real life. Yeah, because on the internets people are much more restrained and self controlled than they are in real life. Flame wars happen every day in real life, and these same people almost never do that on message boards. Yep. That’s an accurate description of the world. Dead on. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/324 "2010-03-21T21:26:55Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Furthermore, any adult human being should be flexible enough to deal with this kind of variation in human behavior You may want to step back for a second, and take your own advice. Since this is not the PIT, I can only give you one of these :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/325 "2010-03-21T21:39:17Z")
Seriously, I invite you to set forth a logical deconstruction of my position. You really shouldn’t need to resort to pit language. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/326 "2010-03-21T21:44:51Z")
I sense an “intolerance of intolerance is not the same thing as intolerance” debate brewing. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/327 "2010-03-21T21:52:16Z")
This is a pretty basic rule of human interaction. “I’ll be happy to join you when we’re doing what I want, but when we’re doing what you want I’m taking a pass. Every time.” That’s a “fuck you,” pure and simple. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/328 "2010-03-21T22:38:48Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Seriously, I invite you to set forth a logical deconstruction of my position. You really shouldn’t need to resort to pit language. OK, easy. I think that people should be able to decied for themselves what they want to eat. You don’t think that people should have a choice with regard to what they eat. You think that everyone must eat what you like. You have made that quite clear. I disagree. In my opinion, that makes you an over bearing bully that has no consideration for other people. Is that clear? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/329 "2010-03-21T22:45:28Z")
I love the ads I am getting right now. Hot Pockets Stuffed Crust. Transform Picky Eaters. Toddler Recipes. No More Mealtime Battles. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/330 "2010-03-21T23:09:46Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > This is a pretty basic rule of human interaction. “I’ll be happy to join you when we’re doing what I want, but when we’re doing what you want I’m taking a pass. Every time.” That’s a “fuck you,” pure and simple. Whoa. So in this scenario: > [@typical office scenario](#): > > “Hey, want to go to lunch?” > “Where are you heading?” > “The ‘Table of Repulsive Food.’” > “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass. Have a great lunch!” you hear “fuck you”? and not just “fuck you,” but a pure and simple one? Because - wow. No, what’s really meant is “I hope you enjoy your lunch. Have fun.” ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/331 "2010-03-21T23:25:20Z")
Here’s an opinion that could work for either side (at least on this one sub-issue): it seems to me that if someone asks you, “we’re going to lunch; wanna come?” and nothing else, and you don’t ask where they’re going, you are tacitly accepting the possibility that they’ll all want to drive an hour each way to the Goat Eyeball Cafe. What you do if that happens is up to you. If they refuse to tell you, or say “ehh, we’ll decide in the car,” you can press the issue, are making the tacit acceptance above, or you can decline (“sorry, I’d rather know; maybe another time?”). If you decline for that reason, it shouldn’t reflect poorly on you, and only MAY reflect poorly on the asker. ETA: Reading **amarinth’s** response above to **ascenray** : Is there any way to say, in that situation “sorry, I just don’t like X food” and not seem like you’re saying “fuck you”? Because if the group likes X, and eats that every time, and you say up front that you don’t like X, in an apologetic way, doesn’t that put all the responsibility for the reaction in the court of the group? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/332 "2010-03-21T23:40:46Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > Here’s an opinion that could work for either side (at least on this one sub-issue): it seems to me that if someone asks you, “we’re going to lunch; wanna come?” and nothing else, and you don’t ask where they’re going, you are tacitly accepting the possibility that they’ll all want to drive an hour each way to the Goat Eyeball Cafe. What you do if that happens is up to you. I think the problem is 99 percent of the time its not the goat eyeball fondue (try our blooming cheddar buckeyes!) place that is the destination of choice. Its either a remotely normal “new” place or a place that some/most of the folks in the group have been to already or wouldnt freak out about going to in the first place. The tolerable “picky eater” won’t think twice about going and reasonably hoping any normal place will have an edible salad or soup or something average that they like and will barely make a peep about it. Nor will one taste Bob, who only really likes a BBQ place, but is willing to take one for the team THIS time around. On the other hand, the “Irritating Picky Eater” will either not go, or go and make a big production about it, or both. Most folks here arent ragging on the PEs, but the IPE’s. As has been said over and over, its about not ALWAYS getting what you want MOST, despite what OTHERS want. Yeah, when push comes to shove, you get to do exactly what you want. But, socially, people are gonna think your a whinny brat when you do that and do a bunch of :rolleyes: at you (or behind your back). ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/333 "2010-03-21T23:46:02Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > On the other hand, the “Irritating Picky Eater” will either not go, And the problem with this is…? > [@](#): > > or go and make a big production about it Which is why I mentioned the tacit acceptance of the possibility that it’s the Goat Eyeball Palace for everyone, since this person is SO picky, yet didn’t even think to ask where everyone was going. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/334 "2010-03-21T23:55:43Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > And the problem with this is…? The problem is people WANT you along to be SOCIAL, which is supposed to be benificial to ALL parties involved. Its not some evil plan to just make picky eaters eat shit they dont want to. Thats why people who go out to eat sit at the SAME table. Yeah, I guess if its JUST a financial transaction to share a taxi or carpool then the social aspect is moot. But, IMO, anybody who thinks that is generally the case has Aspergers or sumptin. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2010, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/335 "2010-03-22T00:26:19Z")
Why would people WANT someone who would nix any choice they make other than generic American, and whine about it for hours if they lose, to be social with them in a food setting? Because that’s the people you said you were concerned about. A bunch of friends want to go out for karaoke. I don’t like karaoke. Or they want to go out to a bar that is only a bar (no pool tables or whatever), and I don’t drink. Am I wrong for saying “no thanks, I’ll catch you when you go out to eat, though”? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2010, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/336 "2010-03-22T00:37:40Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > A bunch of friends want to go out for karaoke. I don’t like karaoke. Or they want to go out to a bar that is only a bar (no pool tables or whatever), and I don’t drink. Am I wrong for saying “no thanks, I’ll catch you when you go out to eat, though”? Because, unless you are picky (or self centered) as hell IMO (and most others), you can find something tolerable to EAT at virtually any EATING establishment anywhere without making a production of it. Whats your next example? Man, those pussies didnt wanna go climb Everest with me? What a bunch of unsociable assholes! At some point/level your type of analogies fail. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2010, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/337 "2010-03-22T00:40:23Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > Why would people WANT someone who would nix any choice they make other than generic American, and whine about it for hours if they lose, to be social with them in a food setting? Because that’s the people you said you were concerned about. Well, they DONT if THATS how they act. But they WILL also think they are first class twits for doing so. And thats pretty much been the WHOLE point of this thread. The real problem is the irritating picky eaters want to have their “i am not a twit” cake and not eat it too. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2010, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/338 "2010-03-22T01:01:03Z")
Let’s be clear about the social dynamic here. We’re talking about a social group, perhaps work-based, who routinely as a part of their group activities share meals together. [quote=“enipla, post:328, topic:531728”] > [@](#): > > You don’t think that people should have a choice with regard to what they eat. Utter nonsense. > [@](#): > > You think that everyone must eat what you like. You have made that quite clear. Utter blithering nonsense. > [@](#): > > I disagree. You’ve disagreed with a ghost. > [@](#): > > In my opinion, that makes you an over bearing bully that has no consideration for other people. Is that clear? Yes, because consideration, reciprocation, egalitarianism, and flexibility are the hallmarks of bullying. Bra-vo. > [@Leaper](#): > > Is there any way to say, in that situation “sorry, I just don’t like X food” and not seem like you’re saying “fuck you”? Because if the group likes X, and eats that every time, and you say up front that you don’t like X, in an apologetic way, doesn’t that put all the responsibility for the reaction in the court of the group? It depends on how much you want to be a part of that social group and how much they want you. The ideal answer is, “Okay, you don’t like it there? We won’t go so often.” “That’s great, if you still want to go there every once in a while, I’ll still be happy to come along.” If the reply is, “Okay, when you want to go to that place that all the rest of you like, I’m never coming with you,” you’re basically saying you’re willing to be a full member of the group. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2010, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/339 "2010-03-22T02:17:52Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Because, unless you are picky (or self centered) as hell IMO (and most others), you can find something tolerable to EAT at virtually any EATING establishment anywhere without making a production of it. > > Whats your next example? Man, those pussies didnt wanna go climb Everest with me? What a bunch of unsociable assholes! At some point/level your type of analogies fail. This x 3… There is nothing wrong with not liking a particular food, or class of foods - but really - if you can’t find something you like (or at least, don’t mind) on any menu, then you are a self centered arsehole. - just wait and see now someone will come and site a restaurant that only serves 5 different kinds of crayfish and say that I am being exclusionary for not considering that restaurant ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2010, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/340 "2010-03-22T14:18:34Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > This is blind denial of basic human nature. First of all, all this developed in concert with things like language. Second, humans even now heavily rely on all forms of connecting, verbal and non-verbal. Third, whatever technological advances have taken place to make food more plentiful have happened much to soon to have any effect on basic human nature. Fourth, in reality, everyone is always a step away from hunger. Breaking bread is embedded as a basic form of human interaction. Wishful thinking isn’t going to help anyone handwave it. Cite? Eating is barely interactive. If you want to assert it’s still a “basic” human social ritual, pony up some proof, and “because I say so and my Mom thinks I’m smart!” ain’t gonna cut it. Of course, I see in subsequent posts that you’re asserting things as basic all over the place based solely on your opinion. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728.md?page=18)