# Is being a picky eater inherently bad? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 8, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728 "2010-03-08T15:44:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MitzeKatze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@MitzeKatze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MitzeKatze)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/41 "2010-03-08T20:08:24Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > Although I started my first post in this thread by saying that I don’t think picky eating is a character flaw, in this particular case I’d be very suspicious if the “I’m 18 and I’m only going to eat at Subway” pickiness is actually one manifestation of a character problem. As in, it sure sounds very passive-aggressive to insist on eating only Subway. True. But again that is not really the pickiness that is the problem. It’s sometimes a fine line, but it is his managing the pickiness and the insistence that it be acknowledged and catered to that is the real issue. Insisting on always getting your way is rude (and speaks to character as well) no matter what your reasons are; whether you only like that food or only like to eat on yellow benches. He could be just as picky without troubling his family and without the drama, but he may not always be as pleased that way. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/42 "2010-03-08T20:13:36Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > Although I started my first post in this thread by saying that I don’t think picky eating is a character flaw, in this particular case I’d be very suspicious if the “I’m 18 and I’m only going to eat at Subway” pickiness is actually one manifestation of a character problem. Personally, I think you may be on to something. 😉 It’s very frustrating, but seeing as how we’ve only recently acquired the boy and he’s on the verge of adulthood now, my husband is not inclined to try repairing any of the damage. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/43 "2010-03-08T20:16:02Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > My stepson is like this. He went on a trip with his dad last year, and they only ate at Subway the whole time because that’s all he wanted to eat. At home, he usually asks what’s for dinner, then says he’s not hungry, or he takes the food and picks it apart to find the acceptable items. I’ve been told (by his dad, my husband) not to use the word “casserole” to describe anything. If we get a pizza for the family, we start by asking the boy which restaurant to order it from, then what kind he wants, then we worry about the rest of us. When the boy doesn’t want to eat what we’re having, his dad offers to cook him another meal. The kid is eighteen fucking years old, and if he were mine, he’d never see nineteen because his ass would starve to death. At 18, I’d welcome him to learn to cook his own dinners if he wants to live that way. Isn’t 18 a little young to be running a household? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/44 "2010-03-08T20:30:15Z")
> [@chela](#): > > Oh how I wished my picky eater had not suddelnly reverted to a pouty child when she saw the menu at Bonefish fricking Grill. I was ready to pounce on her, give me a break, look at the sides menu there’s potatoes, steamed veggies rice,and uh hello spinach fettucine, crunchy shrimp? They’ll take all that extra crap off it ifyouwant (SPeaking between clenched teeth) > > NOTHING? OK missy, no bread for you! Maybe soon the car! Grrr. > > Finally, a sigh and a request for the pasta but with the garlic cream sauce on the side. See? how hard was that? Whose choice was it to eat there? I’m guessing yours, and it sound rather inconsiderate to choose a place your companion probably wasn’t going to like. See, that’s the other side of the coin - people who insist that everyone must eat at X without taking anyone else’s preferences into account then whine that people who were badgered into going somewhere are picky for not liking the menu. Many of those situations could have been avoided if the non-picky person put more effort into compromising about where to eat rather than decreeing it had to be at X. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/45 "2010-03-08T20:30:20Z")
I used to be on a restricted diet. My line was, “Don’t worry about me; I’ll enjoy it vicariously.” I associate with my friends primarily for their company. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/46 "2010-03-08T20:32:18Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > At 18, I’d welcome him to learn to cook his own dinners if he wants to live that way. Isn’t 18 a little young to be running a household? 😉 I’ll mull that over later while I’m folding his laundry… ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/47 "2010-03-08T20:42:10Z")
Maybe **Dung Beetle** should try cooking something _other_ than dung for her stepson. It’s not everybody’s favorite, y’know 😉 Seriously, he’s old enough to learn to cook for himself when he doesn’t like what you’re having. > [@MitzeKatze](#): > > Insisting on always getting your way is rude (and speaks to character as well) no matter what your reasons are; whether you only like that food or only like to eat on yellow benches. Yes. Always _wanting_ your own way is natural and inevitable. If you didn’t want it that way, it wouldn’t be your own way, would it, now? Always _insisting on getting_ your own way is rude. (My mom used to yell at me for “always wanting my own way”, and I couldn’t figure it out. After all, however I want things is my own way, right?) ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/48 "2010-03-08T20:49:35Z")
To clarify: I don’t think he should learn to cook as some sort of punishment for his pickiness. I think he should learn to cook because that’s something all 18-year-olds should know how to do. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/49 "2010-03-08T20:53:31Z")
I think most picky eaters are just picky eaters, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but then again I have known picky eaters where it’s clearly a pathological condition- it’s a big control issue, an eating disorder. Which still doesn’t indicate any defect of character, but more of a mental illness. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/50 "2010-03-08T20:58:18Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > (My mom used to yell at me for “always wanting my own way”, and I couldn’t figure it out. After all, however I want things is my own way, right?) Parents and the silly things they come up with sometimes… I was once chastised for “insisting on having the last word”. The right response to that one, FTR, is silence, not “Is that a problem because you want the last word?” 😃 It gets ugly when people start being honest about the last word. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/51 "2010-03-08T21:26:02Z")
I don’t know if this is possible, but I think we need to be clear that there is a difference between being a picky eater and having an aversion to certain foods. For example, if you’re one of those people who just doesn’t like spicy foods I certainly wouldn’t classify you as a picky eater. I don’t like Thai food (nothing to do with spice level) but I don’t consider myself to be a picky eater. If everyone else in my group wanted to eat Thai I’d go with them and order off the menu. I just wouldn’t go there of my own accord. Odesio ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/52 "2010-03-08T21:34:06Z")
Agree with **odesio**. I’ve been on a lacto-vegetarian diet for a year now, and I never have problems eating out with my friends or going to my friends’ houses to eat. I have one friend who is diabetic, another who is prone to gout (which I am too), and another who is lactose intolerant (or so he says, I have my suspicions). Somehow, we all manage to eat with each other without all this drama. You all must hang out with some real assholes and nutjobs (I keed, I keed). ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/53 "2010-03-08T21:37:17Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > I don’t know if this is possible, but I think we need to be clear that there is a difference between being a picky eater and having an aversion to certain foods. For example, if you’re one of those people who just doesn’t like spicy foods I certainly wouldn’t classify you as a picky eater. I don’t like Thai food (nothing to do with spice level) but I don’t consider myself to be a picky eater. If everyone else in my group wanted to eat Thai I’d go with them and order off the menu. I just wouldn’t go there of my own accord. So, what _is_ the difference between being a picky eater and having an aversion to certain foods? 'Cause last I checked, that was the _definition_ of being a picky eater, with the only subtleties being 1) how restrictive your preferences are with regard to selection, 2) how averse you are to the things you don’t like, and 3) how much you whine if things aren’t as you prefer them to be. Oh, and 4) how hard your friends try to get you to eat things they know you don’t want to eat. Personally, to me the instant a person chooses one food over another due to a preference they’re being picky - they’re picking something, aren’t they? They’re excluding a food in preference of another, aren’t they? Don’t you want that apple with all the bruises, or the soup with the flies in it? Then you’re picky. But to me it’s not a problem to be picky unless your pickiness becomes a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/54 "2010-03-08T21:38:12Z")
I’m going to disagree with the OP. I’ve done a lot of travelling on business, and there were usually two types of business travellers that got by pretty well. I was the kind that embraced the differences and ate as close to what the natives ate that I could. I spent 5 months in China and I ate a lot of sheep lung and duck feet and donkey dumplings and the like. I, and people like me, got by fine. The other kind that were successful worked very hard to maintain the eating habits they would have had at home. In a city of almost 3 million people with maybe a thousand places to eat I saw people spend months at a time and only eat at three different places, because they had western style menus with English translations. Oh, I’d kid them about it, and tell them that they were allowed to eat food that their mom’s hadn’t packed for their lunch in middle school, but they got by fine as well. Those folks stuck in the middle had trouble. They wanted to try different places, but some of them were too different, and without English menus they couldn’t tell until it was too late and the calf’s brains were floating in the soup. So, picky, not inherently bad, as long as you know it in advance. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/55 "2010-03-08T21:44:52Z")
I’ll tell you when it gets really tricky- when you’ve got a picky eater, and _then_ you throw religious or philosophical dietary restrictions into the mix. This is what I face when I want to go out to dinner with my parents. They’re becoming less adventurous eaters as they get older. They’re to the point where they pretty much won’t eat any dish they’re not familiar with. Ethnic cuisine other than Americanized Italian or Chinese is out of the question. I keep kosher, so I won’t eat any meat, poultry, or seafood (other than kosher fish) in a non-kosher restaurant. Places that serve the standard American food my parents like often tend to be places that don’t serve a lot of things I can have. I deal. I make sure that any restaurant that I’m going to take them to has something familiar for them and something Mr. Neville and I can have. If they stay for an extended period of time, we will often go out for something like sushi that we’ve missed while they were visiting right after they go home. I’ve learned to accept that this is just the way they are, and it is not my job to try to change them. We manage to eat out, with a minimum of drama. I think some people who don’t like picky eaters need to accept that we’re adults, and as such get to decide what we will and won’t eat. I don’t try to change my parents’ non-adventurous eating habits- if they want to eat that way, that’s their choice. Accepting that choice cuts down on the drama. > [@Odesio](#): > > I don’t know if this is possible, but I think we need to be clear that there is a difference between being a picky eater and having an aversion to certain foods. For example, if you’re one of those people who just doesn’t like spicy foods I certainly wouldn’t classify you as a picky eater. I think there are two separate classes of “picky eaters”. One is where you have an aversion to one or several ingredients or flavors. People who don’t like spicy foods would fit into this category. Someone in this category might be willing to try an unfamiliar dish, as long as they could determine that it didn’t have anything they don’t like in it. If you had several such aversions, or had them to common foods in your culture, you could be considered a picky eater. The other is people who are afraid to try new combinations of foods. The people in this category are the ones who hear “There’s not a thing in here that you don’t like” a lot. My parents are an example of this. There’s no particular ingredient they object to, but the idea of eating unfamiliar foods is uncomfortable for them. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/56 "2010-03-08T21:47:49Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Whose choice was it to eat there? I’m guessing yours, and it sound rather inconsiderate to choose a place your companion probably wasn’t going to like. > > See, that’s the other side of the coin - people who insist that everyone must eat at X without taking anyone else’s preferences into account then whine that people who were badgered into going somewhere are picky for not liking the menu. Many of those situations could have been avoided if the non-picky person put more effort into compromising about where to eat rather than decreeing it had to be at X. CHoice? It was the Dad’s choice and wholeheartedy endorsed by the 13 and younger set which includes the picky eater I mentioned. An off night for her, hence the pout about the food when she knew darn well special requests would be accommodated, Heather our waiter even said so! ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/57 "2010-03-08T21:58:13Z")
You can eat with even a very picky eater without drama, if you and they both want to. The problem comes up when someone _doesn’t_ want that. The problem might be a person who uses their food preferences to get attention, or it might be someone who makes a big deal out of it when someone else won’t eat something. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/58 "2010-03-08T22:02:00Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > So, what _is_ the difference between being a picky eater and having an aversion to certain foods? 'Cause last I checked, that was the _definition_ of being a picky eater, with the only subtleties being 1) how restrictive your preferences are with regard to selection, 2) how averse you are to the things you don’t like, and 3) how much you whine if things aren’t as you prefer them to be. Oh, and 4) how hard your friends try to get you to eat things they know you don’t want to eat. > > Personally, to me the instant a person chooses one food over another due to a preference they’re being picky - they’re picking something, aren’t they? They’re excluding a food in preference of another, aren’t they? Don’t you want that apple with all the bruises, or the soup with the flies in it? Then you’re picky. **But to me it’s not a problem to be picky unless your pickiness becomes a problem.** That’s a very long post to conclude with the simple assertion that sometimes picky eaters are a problem. Isn’t that what the OP is saying? ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/59 "2010-03-08T22:15:06Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > So, what _is_ the difference between being a picky eater and having an aversion to certain foods? 'Cause last I checked, that was the _definition_ of being a picky eater, with the only subtleties being 1) how restrictive your preferences are with regard to selection, 2) how averse you are to the things you don’t like, and 3) how much you whine if things aren’t as you prefer them to be. Oh, and 4) how hard your friends try to get you to eat things they know you don’t want to eat. It is a rare individual who will literally eat anything that is edible as most of us have aversions to certain foods based on personal preference or cultural norms. Those with picky eaters have an exceptionally narrow group of foods that they do not have an aversion to. > [@](#): > > Personally, to me the instant a person chooses one food over another due to a preference they’re being picky - they’re picking something, aren’t they? You’re being pedantic. While you might be literally correct that isn’t how most people use picky. I don’t like chicken gizzards but nobody’s called me a picky eater because of that. Odesio ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728/60 "2010-03-08T22:16:20Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > That’s a very long post to conclude with the simple assertion that sometimes picky eaters are a problem. > > Isn’t that what the OP is saying? It sounds to me like the _OP_ is the problem - in his sphere, anyway. He’s actively bothered by people who won’t eat try anything and everything - and by gum start liking it! He’s seriously floating the idea that being personally selective in what you eat is “inherently bad”. I listed four ways to be a picky eater, but only three of them had to do with the habits of the person themself. 4 was “how hard your friends try to get you to eat things they know you don’t want to eat.” In this case there’s a problem, but it’s not the picky eater, it’s the person or people making a stink about it. Sure, there are people who whine if they can’t have their PB and J for every meal. Many of them are still in elementary school. But among _adults_, I think the people making the problem are likelier to be the non-picky ones. After all, the picky ones are happy to just keep eating the same stuff they like - its the others who are more likely to want to branch out into areas of contention, due to boredom or the (misguided?) desire to ‘improve’ their more conservative companions’ diets. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-being-a-picky-eater-inherently-bad/531728.md?page=4)