Um, manny, as a fellow lefty I want to support you here, but I really think you should know that you’ve been wearing your pants backwards. Just like the rose on a garter belt, the zipper goes in the front, big guy.
All I have to say is… RIGHTIE BETTER WATCH HIS BACK!
We’re here we’re sinister get used to it!
Don’t make me start an ask the left handed guy thread.
My mother is left handed. When she went to school, her teachers forced her to write with her right hand. From what she told me, they were cruel in the way they forced her to do something anithetical to her nature and to this day she still does everything with her left hand.
This was only in the 1960’s. Creeeeepy.
Hi, I’m Beeruser and I’m a lefty. (Hi Beeruser!)
It all started in the 1st grade. I started with pencils, scissors, and crayons.
Then I moved to bigger things, like toilet paper, telephones, and nose-picking ettiquete.
In adolescence it was scratching that itchy spot, football, and masturbation. It was here that I started to worry.
And finally, after joining a group of outlaw gypsies, in toasting the great long haired dude, I raised my beer with my left hand. I became an outcast. It was then that I realized I had hit rock bottom.
Years it has been since I have struggled to reform my ways. I can pass for a righty in most circumstances now. But that ever-present gloom of my deviant past still gnaws at me from time to time.
P.S.
I’m so sorry mom and dad. It wasn’t your fault!
How noble and valiant of you, Beeruser! You are a shining example to others. It is entirely possible that now, with appropriate supervision, you could even be allowed around our children. Could you come speak at our PTA meeting? Our them is based on the ever popular hymn, Amazing Grace.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sight
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was left, but now I’m right,
Was blind, but now I see.
Grog go with you always.
Oh Beeruser I’m so sad to see that you’ve found it so hard to cope but you cannot deny who and what you are.
There’s always someone around who wants to ‘help’ you by ‘converting’ you but you need to be happy with your own kind, anyway we all know that the most fervent antis have a secret desire, a latent tendency they don’t have the confidence to show, so they try to be more right than the righteous.
There is nothing wrong with being the other way, it’s all in the minds of your oppressors.
So come on, fluant it, be proud of what you are turn that beer glass back the other way and grab that handle, raise that jar and drink to your fellow lefties, leave everything on the bathroom sink in the other holder, join the campaign to have shop counter pens chained in the middle and not on the right, that’s correct, even our oppressors deserve equality.
…and remember
I am what I am
I am my own special creation…
ooops somone else seems to have that one!
Scissors! Exactly.
I think everyone should be aware that due to the lobbying of the left-handed and supporters of the left-handed agenda, green rubber covered LEFT-HANDED scissors are routinely placed in our elementary schools and even kindergartens. This is a blatent recruitment device, designed to make left-handedness seem normal and even desirable.
I myself have struggled for years with left-handedness due to the enticement of those scissors.
Pathetic right handed humanoids! Any leftie will tell you about the manifold rewards of left handedness.
The creativity, an ability to perceive the “big picture”, nonlinear thought, inductive reasoning. All of these fabulous mentative processes await you and so much more. Still:
“I’d give my right arm to be ambidexterous.”
Statistics show that left handed people are smarter than right handed people. Right handed people live longer, but i’d rather be smarter so i could find a way to live long.
All of the left-handed people i know are the best at what they do. My bio teacher is the best in the business. My friend is a great photographer. And i dont know who else is left handed. The point is, we are smart, and you are not, so HAHA!!
Everything, that is, except a properly set table! Bahahahahahaha! Our aim is world domination…
Remember that the right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. This means that lefties are the only ones in their right minds.
I’d have to say that although you might not have a choice about being right or left handed, training definitely has a large influence on what you can do with your right or your left hand. I am an American who has lived in Germany for 13 years now (long story.) All of the right handed people I know here hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right hand, which is just opposite what I do. This amounts to me being a “Lefty” for purposes of seating at the table.
One other odd thing: My brother was right handed just as I am, but he always shot his airgun left handed.
I just wanted to make it clear that I still don’t agree with, or understand, the left-handed life style choice.
I thought RAWisSYDNEY might have some input on this issue too.
[RAWisSYDNEY]
Just curios what all the dopers think of Sinistrality.
I have the following to say.
If everyone in the world was Dex, life would go on.
If everyone turned gauche, we’d all have to learn to use those funny scissors and we’d have to replace all those one-handed desks with left-handed ones instead of right-handed ones and civilization as we know it would end and left-handed barbarian mutants would kill and eat each other in the ruins of once mighty cities.
Anyone else?
[/RAWisSYDNEY]
I was left-handed until I started school, my kindergarden teacher made everybody write with their right hands. I still do a lot of stuff with my left, though.
If it didn’t hit so close to home, it’d be funnier.
FTR, I’m right-handed.
Esprix
So there’s at least some hope for you then, Esprix.
You know, it’s right-handed fascists like the people in this thread who are working against bridging the gap between different handed-ness.
Right-handed people can’t even content themselves with knowing that they are numerically superior by nature. They recruit! Studies show that aproximately 35% of people are born left-handed, but only 10-14% still are by adulthood. Why? Because of agressive recruiting by adult righties. They prey on small children and force them to forsake their natural disposition. It makes me ill, thinking about how they’re twisting small children, often no more than 5 years old, to their own ends…They tried to recruit me, even. My first grade teacher was one of Them, but I fought off her advances and stayed true to my nature. I sort of feel bad for the kids they’ve “changed” but if they were too weak to resist, maybe we don’t need them.
" One day he go so feed up of the stupid questions he stood in his desk and shouted at the top of his lungs, ‘There’s nothing wrong with being left-handed! You people are all fascist pigs trying to oppress the miniority!’" -(Mis)adventures of a south paw
(BTW, I wrote the above humor story about how being a lefty is akin to having a disablity, at least in the eyes of some righties, back in high school. If you want, read it here http://www.geocities.com/theevilwriter/left.html)