# Is "butt hurt" an anti-gay slur?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [March 11, 2013, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597 "2013-03-11T02:09:42Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/21 "2013-03-11T05:45:08Z")
> [@panache45](#):
>
> I’m curious as to why the OP thinks it’s a gay slur. Don’t straight people have butts? And don’t they sometimes use them for sex? And isn’t that sex sometimes nonvoluntary, as in rape?
Yes, this! Exactly! Even if it were about anal rape… what does that have to do with being a gay slur?
And if you have butthurt someone, doesn’t that make YOU the gay one, going around raping guys?
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### Author:  [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/22 "2013-03-11T06:57:58Z")
> [@Mr.Slant](#):
>
> The quoted part above is actually controversial.
> In recent years, anal sex has gotten a lot more popular with straight people.
> Engaging in anal sex is NOT a universal thing among gay men.
However, I’m going to go way out on a limb here and posit that when straight men are having anal sex, it’s not _their_ butt that’s likely to get hurt.
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/23 "2013-03-11T07:42:25Z")
> [@Malacandra](#):
>
> However, I’m going to go way out on a limb here and posit that when straight men are having anal sex, it’s not _their_ butt that’s likely to get hurt.
Not always true.
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### Author:  [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/24 "2013-03-11T12:26:35Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#):
>
> What does your cite have to do with “butthurt?”
In the chan4 culture of Internet crassness, they’re often linked. It’s that mindset that has taken what once may have meant ‘spanking’ into ‘anal rape.’
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### Author:  [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/25 "2013-03-11T13:31:26Z")
Threatening one’s enemies with being anally raped goes back to antiquity, and unfortunately there is a lot of overlap between the idea of rape as a way to establish masculine dominance and the stigma attached to people who are penetrated for pleasure. They are deliberately unmasculine! How dare they subvert the dominant paradigm! I don’t pretend to understand the mind of a rapist, but it’s a very longstanding idea that the “catcher” is much more gay than the “pitcher.”
“Butthurt” may have started innocently enough, and it may be used innocently. A lot of people use “gay” equally innocently to mean “uncool.” The fact is, being gay is still stigmatized, and a lot of that stigma is (still!) based around the idea that gays are effeminate men and / or that they are dirty because of anal sex.
I certainly took it as anti-gay when I first saw it. The spanking reference seems odd, because spanking isn’t nearly as common as it used to be, and the phrase isn’t that old. I really don’t see “butthurt” as “having a stick up one’s ass” [which seems a bit like “anally penetrated,” anyway] or “extra anally retentive.” YMMV, but you lived without the word ten years ago, try living without it now and see how it goes.
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### Author:  [@Stana\_Claus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stana_Claus)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/26 "2013-03-11T13:56:22Z")
I thought getting butt hurt was the result of having your panties in a wad.
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### Author:  [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/27 "2013-03-11T14:20:37Z")
It never occurred to me that someone would think its a gay slur.
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### Author:  [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/28 "2013-03-11T14:22:32Z")
> [@MandaJo](#):
>
> I always read it to mean “pissy in the manner of a small child who just got spanked and is acting indignant over something that was both petty and well deserved”.
Related, I always thought of it as the above or “Someone who just got their ass kicked/beat”.
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### Author:  [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/29 "2013-03-11T14:31:41Z")
> [@Stana\_Claus](#):
>
> I thought getting butt hurt was the result of having your panties in a wad.
Me too. I never associated with anal sex or rape of any kind. Or even spankings. Maybe I never gave it enough thought.
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### Author:  [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/30 "2013-03-11T15:59:04Z")
I don’t use the term, but count me among those who never saw it as a gay slur. I never saw it as a reference to anal-rape either. I always saw the comparison as being made to a whiny kid, presumably spanked. Sure, maybe spanking isn’t all that common now, but for many who would use the term, they grew up with it, so it’s all the same.
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### Author:  [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/31 "2013-03-11T16:22:11Z")
You mean to say it doesn’t have a cowboy origin?
It sounds a lot like “saddle sore” but a little more cheeky.
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### Author:  [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/32 "2013-03-11T16:32:43Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#):
>
> “Butthurt” may have started innocently enough, and it may be used innocently. A lot of people use “gay” equally innocently to mean “uncool.” The fact is, being gay is still stigmatized, and a lot of that stigma is (still!) based around the idea that gays are effeminate men and / or that they are dirty because of anal sex.
I don’t think this is a fair comparison: the specific word “gay” originated as a widely used pejorative description of sexual orientation, and the extension to “anything uncool” is a clear connection to that pejorative meaning. Anyone who uses “gay” to mean “uncool” is clearly aware of the fact that the usage is related to the idea that “gay” means “homosexual”. I haven’t seen any evidence that “butthurt” started out as a gay rape slur, or was widely used in that sense. There’s no reason to assume that a person using “butthurt” is being cavalier about a long history of rape-as-domination. I would assume that someone using “gay” is aware of the full range of connotations.
Now, you can certainly argue that whatever the origin, some people take it that way, and it’s polite to avoid using it, as it can be hurtful and alternatives exist: the same argument exists for not using “niggling” or “niggardly” or “jury-rigged”, and I am actually pretty sympathetic to it. But it’s not the same as using “gay” to mean “Uncool” and then being all like “What? I didn’t mean it that way”.
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### Author:  [@drew870mitchell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drew870mitchell)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/33 "2013-03-11T18:11:51Z")
I always saw it as referring to anal rape. I’m open to being corrected if someone can piece together the definitive etymology of butthurt.
If it helps, here are some of the synonyms for butthurt that have congealed together on imageboards:
buttmad; buttdevastated; assravaged
And there’s a meme where you write a wall of text of belligerent nonsense over an anime portrait that usually ends in a creative butthurt synonym. Here’s some examples from that:
hineyhustled; analcrusaded; bootywrecked; assdamaged; buttmutilated; buttplundered; anally anguished.
None of this helps determine the original meaning of the phrase but it may be helpful to see the associations made by people for whom accusations of butthurt are an art form.
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### Author:  [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/34 "2013-03-11T18:43:56Z")
[Well, there’s this.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10756657&postcount=110)
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### Author:  [@Laggard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laggard)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/35 "2013-03-11T19:06:30Z")
I always thought it was in the sense of a kid having a sore butt from being spanked. Never once did I think of sodomy.
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### Author:  [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/36 "2013-03-11T19:31:59Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#):
>
> Huh. I always thought it was an anal rape reference.
Never had hemorrhoids, then?
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### Author:  [@CurtC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CurtC)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/37 "2013-03-11T19:41:28Z")
> [@Jophiel](#):
>
> Related, I always thought of it as the above or “Someone who just got their ass kicked/beat”.
Yes, I associate the phrase with either spankings or ass-kickings. The gay reference seems odd and unlikely.
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### Author:  [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/38 "2013-03-11T19:55:19Z")
> [@panache45](#):
>
> Not always true.
I said “likely”, so how about we actually don’t pretend I said “never”?
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### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/39 "2013-03-12T01:38:17Z")
Like some others here, it never even occurred to me that it’s an anal rape reference. This is seriously the first time I heard of it. I always assumed it was a reference to getting spanked.
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### Author:  [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)
#### Post date: [March 13, 2013, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-butt-hurt-an-anti-gay-slur/652597/40 "2013-03-13T03:33:26Z")
> [@MandaJo](#):
>
> I always read it to mean “pissy in the manner of a small child who just got spanked and is acting indignant over something that was both petty and well deserved”.
That’s my reading, that “butt-hurt” means “upset about the entirely predictable consequences of ones own bad behavior.”
Whether this normalizes child abuse is a different thread – but a discussion I have had.
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