# Is calling someone a liar rude? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 31, 2013, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645 "2013-08-31T07:58:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2013, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/41 "2013-09-01T07:52:43Z")
Not really. I mean, if someone really is lying, what else are you going to do? On the other hand, saying “shut up!” was practically profanity when I was little. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2013, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/42 "2013-09-01T09:29:47Z")
I think it’s somewhat rare that people tell blatant, intentional lies to your face, so calling someone a liar is rude because it usually isn’t applicable. Mostly people are simply wrong, confused, misinformed, misremembering, embellishing etc. But if someone looks me in the eye and says: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”, then fuck that, I’ll call it and I don’t think that’s rude at all. That’s like punching someone after they punched you: sure punching someone is rude, but if they didn’t want to go there it was their call in the first place. I’m trying to think when might’ve been the last time I said it, but I can’t recall saying it _directly_ _to_ someone. People don’t usually blatantly lie, that would just be weird. I did recently say: “If your teacher really did say exactly that, then I’m sorry to say that your teacher was lying.” Because she claimed that Lithuanian was the _only_ Indo-European language (no, not that it retained similarities to PIE, that it was the only IE language!), would not accept otherwise and claimed her teacher as authority. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2013, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/43 "2013-09-01T12:52:17Z")
First off, a person can lie once without being a “liar” in much the same way that a person can cough once without being an asthmatic. The term “liar” has a broader and more general usage than simply a person who has told an untruth. Then there are degrees of lying: telling a small and unimportant lie to avoid causing stress to an elderly grandparent? That’s different from lying to a judge, or to the voting public, or… I tend to say, “That’s not true,” and focus on the specific statement rather than the person. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2013, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/44 "2013-09-01T14:20:16Z")
Asking for a cite doesn’t inherently imply disbelief or doubt. One might want to know more about what was said for the sake of learning, or hope that other relevant information might be found there, or want to be able to cite the source themselves such as when writing a paper. There are all kinds of reasons to wish for a citation. If I’m asked for a citation, I happily try to deliver. My mindset, honestly, is that “knowledge is good”. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2013, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/45 "2013-09-01T15:10:05Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > When i was growing up, i was taught that calling someone a liar was virtually the same as punching them in the face. The only reason to call someone a liar was that you intended to have a fight with them anyway, and this was a way to get them angry enough to throw the first punch. Recently, I’ve come to the realization that i might be the only person in the world who was taught this. Where I come from, a full grown adult punching someone in the face is called “assault” and makes you subject to arrest. Besides. How would me beating the crap out of you lend you more credibility?😃 That said, calling someone a “liar” is certainly rude (as is any name calling). Generally it’s more preferable (as in a professional setting) to simply tell them “I don’t believe you”. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2013, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/46 "2013-09-01T18:32:34Z")
It’s a terrible thing to call somebody. It’s not rude (but still an extremely aggressive move) if you have proof positive in hand to back it up. Someone should explain that to Joe Wilson. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/47 "2013-09-01T21:32:32Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > First off, a person can lie once without being a “liar” in much the same way that a person can cough once without being an asthmatic. The term “liar” has a broader and more general usage than simply a person who has told an untruth. Then there are degrees of lying: telling a small and unimportant lie to avoid causing stress to an elderly grandparent? That’s different from lying to a judge, or to the voting public, or… > > I tend to say, “That’s not true,” and focus on the specific statement rather than the person. I think its irrelevant what the liar is actually doing in regards to the OP. Actually, I think calling someone a liar is more of a tactic to win an argument. Regardless of whether the liar actually told a lie or not, is calling them a liar rude where you grew up? Where I grew up, even if the lie was obvious, it was rude to call them a liar. > [@msmith537](#): > > Where I come from, a full grown adult punching someone in the face is called “assault” and makes you subject to arrest. > > Besides. How would me beating the crap out of you lend you more credibility?😃 > That said, calling someone a “liar” is certainly rude (as is any name calling). Generally it’s more preferable (as in a professional setting) to simply tell them “I don’t believe you”. Strange isn’t it? Conversely, calling someone a liar doesn’t automatically make their statement false. I think “i don’t beleive you” is virtually the same thing as saying “you’re a liar” or “thats a lie” because it is directed at the person not what they said. > [@CookingWithGas](#): > > It’s a terrible thing to call somebody. It’s not rude (but still an extremely aggressive move) if you have proof positive in hand to back it up. > > Someone should explain that to Joe Wilson. Im beginning to think proof is irrelevant. Calling someone a liar is a type of straw man argument where you attack something else (the person) instead of the facts at hand. I found something else, there is a counter tactic to the “you’re a liar” accusation: “well, if im lying, prove it.” This places the proof burden on the accuser and is itself rhetorical sleight of hand. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/48 "2013-09-02T09:42:26Z")
Let’s see: calling a someone a liar is a subset of the set of insults. (Insults that happen to be true are still insults, so whether they’re actually a liar here is irrelevant.) Insults are a subset of the set of things that are rude. So yeah, calling someone a liar is rude. That’s only a problem if one confuses ‘rude’ with ‘impermissible.’ You don’t want to be rude gratuitously, but sometimes there’s no avoiding it, like hanging up on a telemarketer who won’t give you an opening to politely say, “this call is at an end, goodbye.” If someone’s persistent lying is a problem, it may be necessary to call them on it. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/49 "2013-09-02T13:35:36Z")
AS a child I was taught that lying is a bad thing , but not that calling someone a liar is bad or rude. As a young adult I became a Christian and somewhat obsessive about the truth, and always telling it. Even after I left the church my personal philosophy was to tell the truth at all times. I noticed all the ways we as a society accepted and expected lying. I don’t think calling someone a liar is rude, if you are very sure they are lying. Lying is the intent to decieve. Being mistaken, repeating incorrect information, is not lying. In almost all cases I would choose, “you are mistaken” or, 'there’s been some misunderstanding" rather than call someone out for lying. If someone had lied and been caught several times, and there was zero doubt in my mind, I wouldn’t feel rude for calling them a liar. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/50 "2013-09-02T14:51:20Z")
No. My mother actually accused me (unjustifiably) of lying on a near-daily basis. There was a presumption of falsehood and distrust when I was growing up. Didn’t really realize that until you asked this question… so, thanks! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/51 "2013-09-02T21:59:29Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Strange isn’t it? Conversely, calling someone a liar doesn’t automatically make their statement false. > > I think “i don’t beleive you” is virtually the same thing as saying “you’re a liar” or “thats a lie” because it is directed at the person not what they said. Pretty much. I don’t know if a person is lying and calling them a liar casts dispersions on their character. However, I can decide if “I” believe what they are saying. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/52 "2013-09-02T22:13:28Z")
I will on a rare occassion call someone a liar. All kinds of lies come into play, many are harmless story telling. I sometimes feel embarrassed for the storyteller but feel no urge to call them on it. Malicious lies should never be left unchallenged, but sometimes the risk is not worth the trouble. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/53 "2013-09-02T22:39:08Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > My parents taught me to call it as I see it. Don’t want to be called a liar? Don’t fucking lie. Doesn’t count, you’re Israeli. ETA : FTR, I was never taught that. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/54 "2013-09-02T23:01:36Z")
Other. It’s rude to say it, but I have no idea where I learned it. That said, everybody lies. Calling somebody a liar should have about as much impact as saying they’re breathing, or that they have skin. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/55 "2013-09-02T23:31:41Z")
When I was about 6, I called my mom a liar\* and she gave me a really good smack across the face. I haven’t called someone a liar to their face since. \*I was technically correct, but you know adults–they hate being called liars by little kids… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/56 "2013-09-03T01:23:33Z")
Generally, I had never considered it rude, just some sort of a way to say “I don’t believe that (irrespective of bad faith or just bad information)”. However, I had one friend from Mexico that I got into an argument/discussion with. We were discussing theology, and he made a statement that had no basis in logic, and I had never even heard even the most fruit-loopy of cults/etc… come up with. I said “No, you’re wrong there.” He gave me a semi-chilling look and said “Are you calling me a liar?” I suspect that fisticuffs or loss-of-friendship would have resulted, but, I said something deflecting like “No, I’m just questioning your sources.” Fast forward to the late 80s, when I first saw ‘Scarface’. I remember the scene where Tony just got back from his first meeting with Soza, and Mel said something indicating distrust, and Tony said “Are you calling me a liar, Mel?” (Which struck me as amusing, since Mel had already paid him to be an assassin, he was a drug dealer, etc…and, we saw that he had lied to INS, at the beginning of movie-but, to be called a ‘Liar’!) Same look/tone as my friend gave me. Since then, I have seen that a LOT of people would consider it something akin to a corporal-to-capital crime to be called a liar. To me, it means “Meh, don’t wanna hear it.” ---
**Author:** ![Chilliwack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@Chilliwack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chilliwack)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/57 "2013-09-03T15:41:32Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Not trying to offend, but that implies that before this incident (assuming you had a supervisory position and thus at least mid to late twenties or older) you called people liars without hesitation? No offense taken. In fact, it lead to further reflection, and the following conclusion: Socially, with freinds and family, I can call a spade a spade - not calling someone a liar, but calling BS the odd time. (I generally don’t associate with genuinely dishonest people) In work settings, I have dealt with liars in two types of jobs: retail, and construction. In retail we would either back down and take the loss (“See the sign [that the customer obviously put there] says it’s $2.99 so you have to give it to me at that price”“Certainly sir, my mistake [removes sign then and there]”), or lie back at them (“This package [that I just opened] is open, can you mark down the price for me?”“No [takes the product], the supplier gives us credit for damaged packages”). In construction, well, as I related above, I’ve learned that my job is to parse the lies, sort out the actual facts, and report/enforece accordingly. I was just relating that in the hammer-swinging community, calling someone a liar, even if they are lying, is a punch-in-the-faceable offence. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2013, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645/58 "2013-09-03T21:23:00Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Using rhetoric in a debate isn’t the same as a flat-out lie. Intentionally using bad rhetoric has equivalent results, and might be even more heinous. > [@Rachellelogram](#): > > No. My mother actually accused me (unjustifiably) of lying on a near-daily basis. There was a presumption of falsehood and distrust when I was growing up. Didn’t really realize that until you asked this question… so, thanks! Wow. So sorry to hear that. You seem to be reasonably well-adjusted, so good for you. (Or am I mistaking you for someone else? 😉 ) There are few (nonphysical) things I remember as being more intolerable, as a kid (and perhaps even now), than to be falsely accused of lying, and I doubt that ever happened by my parents, which would have made it far worse. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-calling-someone-a-liar-rude/667645.md?page=2)