# Is church worth going to just to socialize? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [December 26, 2008, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746 "2008-12-26T17:25:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/21 "2008-12-27T08:52:09Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I’ve known a couple of atheists that have attended Quaker or UU churches we’ve been to over the years. I don’t think they’re faking anything, exactly; it’s more that they like the secular nature of what those particular churches do – the social justice, message of tolerance/acceptance, etc. – and don’t mind the spiritual aspects. Trying to get my Quaker boyfriend to explain almost anything he thinks about the God aspects of the faith is like trying to staple smoke to the wall. Luckily, they’re about the one Christian denomination I can’t find anything about to object to except the fairy-tale problem, so it’s all right that he can’t explain why the Jesus part is still important. I get the feeling he’s not the only one there who’s decided that the tenets are compelling enough to make worrying about the bigger spiritual questions less important than addressing the immediate human ones here on earth. Including finding fellowship, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![DMC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dmc/32/18049_2.png) [@DMC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMC)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/22 "2008-12-27T09:35:35Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > In particular, if there are children involved–what does it do to a kid to see her parent attend a church, give it lip service every week, and then do something completely different the rest of the time? I’m slightly confused by this. I grew up going to church every week, but I don’t remember anything happening in my parents’ life outside of the church that was somehow tied to what they did during church, other than a quick 10 second prayer at the Sunday meal. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/23 "2008-12-27T13:25:22Z")
> [@Spin\_Master](#): > > I guess this is what I’m trying to get at: Is it better to be a lonely atheist or a fake-Christian with many friends? Loneliness or a term I use more often is isolation is horrible, perhaps the worst thing that a person can endure. Taking your question from a believer in Jesus’ perspective is that God does not want us to be isolated, though He does use that on us sometimes. Though you state your a atheist, you are entering a house dedicated to Lord Jesus, and you are doing it for a reason, to gain something for yourself, something a loving God would want you to have anyway. I would suggest that, even though you are a atheist, you pray, or talk to Jesus, or write Him a letter, explaining your situation and why you want to enter His house. Take it from your heart, that you are very lonely and want to find fellowship. let Him know you are a atheist, don’t hold anything back, be totally honest. (yes God knows everything, even your thoughts, but this makes you be honest with yourself). After this I suspect you will know more what you should do. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/24 "2008-12-27T13:45:29Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > I would suggest that, even though you are a atheist, you pray, or talk to Jesus, or write Him a letter, explaining your situation and why you want to enter His house. Take it from your heart, that you are very lonely and want to find fellowship. let Him know you are a atheist, don’t hold anything back, be totally honest. (yes God knows everything, even your thoughts, but this makes you be honest with yourself). After this I suspect you will know more what you should do. **kanicbird** , you DO understand what atheism actually is, right? :dubious: It’s not just someone who actually believes in God, but just says he or she doesn’t just for kicks. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/25 "2008-12-27T13:46:59Z")
Everyone tells me I should go to church to meet women. I am at best an agnostic and at times atheist. I just don’t know that it would work out. But I have been tempted to try. I know lots of men who, upon becoming single, found their next “love” at church. ---
**Author:** ![shallora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@shallora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shallora)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/26 "2008-12-27T14:18:12Z")
Most churches of various faiths are perfectly fine with visitors attending regular services, no matter what your current religious beliefs happen to be. In fact, I’ve been “just visiting” a particular Episcopal church in my neighborhood for more than 10 years (not the same faith that I grew up in) and this new church is perfectly fine with me remaining a “visitor” indefinately. I grew up Roman Catholic (Roman Catholicism is among the most restrictive religions when it comes to non-converts participating in the actual Mass) and we had people of other faiths attend our services all the time. Roman Catholicism doesn’t allow communion unless you officially convert, but you are more than welcome to attend all the services and participate in all the social functions perfectly fine, no problem at all. You might even meet someone special if that’s your goal. I think any other religious faith would say the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/27 "2008-12-27T15:27:49Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > **kanicbird** , you DO understand what atheism actually is, right? > > :dubious: > > It’s not just someone who actually believes in God, but just says he or she doesn’t just for kicks. Some are not totally atheistic but more agnostic, which acknowledges there may be a God, so why not ask just incase He is real. But even for the hard core atheist I think this statement of mine: > [@](#): > > but this makes you be honest with yourself Would make sense to a atheist, even if there is no God, by doing this you are being open and honest with yourself. On my own end, I hear the OP, isolation is horrible to suffer with, I feel for that person, my heart goes out to them. I think it’s the right step admitting their loneliness, looking and asking for a solution. So few people who suffer with this will admit it. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/28 "2008-12-27T15:32:01Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Some are not totally atheistic but more agnostic, which acknowledges there may be a God, so why not ask just incase He is real. Yeah, those people are called “agnostics.” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/29 "2008-12-27T16:00:17Z")
Sure it’s okay for an atheist to go to church. Pay lip service, go through the motions, etc. I don’t see the harm if the other churchgoers don’t object. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/30 "2008-12-27T16:16:51Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > I would say that if you are an athiest, then it wouldn’t be in line with your principles or the Church’s for you to attend. This is how I feel. As I’ve posted elsewhere, I’m an atheist, but I like church services–the music, the ritual, the sense that this is a room full of people who are trying to become better human beings. But I feel like a terrible hypocrite when it comes time to recite the Apostle’s Creed or the Lord’s Prayer. I feel like I’m deceiving all of these nice folks by prentending to believe something I don’t. (I’ve been to a few UU services, but they do nothing for me. I like traditional music and traditional Protestant liturgy. All the UU churches I’ve been to have been too New Age-y for me.) ---
**Author:** ![3acresandatruck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e79b87/32.png) [@3acresandatruck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3acresandatruck)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/31 "2008-12-27T16:21:17Z")
Of course an atheist can go to church. Heck, various congregations periodically send people to my door to try to persuade me to go. I can’t remember living anywhere that I didn’t have different varieties of Christians coming around door to door, looking for souls to save. Don’t they come to your house too? Now, I’d think that it would be polite to respect their views while in their establishment, so no fair heckling the pastor or anything. And you should be aware that they’ll proselytize the heck out of you if they know you’re a nonbeliever. I think you should be honest but quiet about it if you attend: don’t bring it up, but be honest if asked. And you’d have to tolerate their efforts to help you. I’m still an atheist, but my older sister used to take me to her Baptist church for services and picnics and the like, and everyone was always really nice. Various people would attempt to persuade me to their point of view, but nobody ever berated me. So, you want to meet people and participate in community events and help others and all that stuff? Go ahead, but be aware that they might convert you. ---
**Author:** ![Spin\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Spin\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spin_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/32 "2008-12-27T17:06:37Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Loneliness or a term I use more often is isolation is horrible, perhaps the worst thing that a person can endure. Taking your question from a believer in Jesus’ perspective is that God does not want us to be isolated, though He does use that on us sometimes. > > Though you state your a atheist, you are entering a house dedicated to Lord Jesus, and you are doing it for a reason, to gain something for yourself, something a loving God would want you to have anyway. > > I would suggest that, even though you are a atheist, you pray, or talk to Jesus, or write Him a letter, explaining your situation and why you want to enter His house. Take it from your heart, that you are very lonely and want to find fellowship. let Him know you are a atheist, don’t hold anything back, be totally honest. (yes God knows everything, even your thoughts, but this makes you be honest with yourself). After this I suspect you will know more what you should do. I never stated I was an atheist in my original post. And even if I was, why would an atheist write a letter to a God he doesn’t believe in? Then you go on to say that I am very lonely and I’m going through the worst thing a person can endure. I assure you that I’m doing just great but, to be honest, your message was one of the most depressing things I ever read. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/33 "2008-12-27T17:32:11Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > Everyone tells me I should go to church to meet women. I am at best an agnostic and at times atheist. I just don’t know that it would work out. But I have been tempted to try. I know lots of men who, upon becoming single, found their next “love” at church. I have good friends who did this and wound up unhappily married to dour, pious women. You’d be happier in a community theater group. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/34 "2008-12-27T17:45:57Z")
I don’t see a problem with a non-believer going to church UNLESS that nonbeliever has children. The entire purpose of a church is to indoctrinate children into its belief system. The children are not going to know that mommy and daddy don’t really believe that stuff, and by the time they are old enough for mommy and daddy to explain, much of the damage will have already been done. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/35 "2008-12-27T18:13:38Z")
If anybody asks, just tell them you’re there for your free-trial. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/36 "2008-12-27T19:41:21Z")
> [@Krokodil](#): > > I have good friends who did this and wound up unhappily married to dour, pious women. You’d be happier in a community theater group. Are you kidding? It takes a little more work, but church chicks put out like I did with my garbage last night. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/37 "2008-12-27T20:30:05Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > Are you kidding? It takes a little more work, but church chicks put out like I did with my garbage last night. 😉 Once a week or it starts to stink? ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/38 "2008-12-27T21:47:52Z")
> [@Rand Rover](#): > > ``` > I don't see a problem with a non-believer going to church UNLESS that nonbeliever has children. The entire purpose of a church is to indoctrinate children into its belief system. The children are not going to know that mommy and daddy don't really believe that stuff, and by the time they are old enough for mommy and daddy to explain, much of the damage will have already been done. > > ``` Yes, they are going to know. Kids aren’t stupid. And many of them will lose respect for their parents. “Do as I say, not as I do” isn’t all that great a teaching philosophy. > [@DMC](#): > > I’m slightly confused by this. I grew up going to church every week, but I don’t remember anything happening in my parents’ life outside of the church that was somehow tied to what they did during church, other than a quick 10 second prayer at the Sunday meal. Maybe it’s just that I go to a church that expects a commitment that goes beyond Sundays. But say, for example, you go every week to a church that has regular sermons about the importance of honesty and helping people who are less fortunate. Perhaps you echo those sentiments yourself at church. At home, however, you routinely make comments disparaging poor people, never act generously and sneer at those who do, and cheerfully engage in shady business practices which cheat others. Do you think perhaps your child will notice a disparity between what you say on Sundays and what you do in real life? (Note that none of these comments are meant to impugn the character of atheists, simply to be hypothetical examples of possible scenarios.) At any rate, I certainly don’t object to people visiting churches for enjoyment or visiting purposes. Heck, come to mine. What I do think is wrong is to regularly attend a church–be a member of it–and give it lip service just for social reasons and not because you actually believe anything that is taught. That’s just pretending to be what you aren’t, and it’s not honest. I think that was what the OP was about, not someone going because he likes the service. Nor do I object to people who go to church for family reasons–the key is honesty. For example my best friend’s husband was not a member of the same religion as she was, but they decided to attend church together as a family in order to be together. No pretending involved. Which is great and worked very well. ---
**Author:** ![DMC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dmc/32/18049_2.png) [@DMC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMC)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2008, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/39 "2008-12-28T04:43:32Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > Maybe it’s just that I go to a church that expects a commitment that goes beyond Sundays. But say, for example, you go every week to a church that has regular sermons about the importance of honesty and helping people who are less fortunate. Perhaps you echo those sentiments yourself at church. At home, however, you routinely make comments disparaging poor people, never act generously and sneer at those who do, and cheerfully engage in shady business practices which cheat others. Do you think perhaps your child will notice a disparity between what you say on Sundays and what you do in real life? > > (Note that none of these comments are meant to impugn the character of atheists, simply to be hypothetical examples of possible scenarios.) But as you noted, believing in the doctrine of a particular religion (or any religion) doesn’t really have any bearing on whether someone is honest, charitable, kind, etc. I do agree with you that giving lip service when you don’t believe is probably not the best idea, but I was never asked when exiting the church whether I believed, agreed with the specific doctrine of the Methodist church, etc., so I’m not sure that that’s a problem. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2008, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746/40 "2008-12-28T05:17:05Z")
Well, the same thing would apply to any family where the parents said one thing and did another–it’s just that church attendance would make it pretty obvious. _shrug_ All I’m saying is that IMO active membership in a church you don’t actually believe in at all is dishonest, IMO. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-church-worth-going-to-just-to-socialize/478746.md?page=3)