# Is divorce ever bad? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 18, 2008, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686 "2008-12-18T02:38:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/1 "2008-12-18T02:38:46Z")
After the initial healing period has anyone ever really been upset that they got a divorce. It seems to always be a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![Lawn\_Gnome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lawn\_Gnome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lawn_Gnome)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/2 "2008-12-18T03:02:42Z")
Unless you are strictly speaking about the divorced husband and wife, I would think there are tons of children who think divorce is bad . . . ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/3 "2008-12-18T03:05:29Z")
Um… what? Isn’t divorce _inherently_ bad? I mean, sure, there are people who are better off without each other, but the whole idea of a once-solid relationship gone sour isn’t generally “good”. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/4 "2008-12-18T03:49:07Z")
And there’s the people who remarry each other. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/5 "2008-12-18T04:02:09Z")
When people look back at things, there is a tendency to make it seem less bad then it was. That’s why people say “Twenty years from now we’ll laugh about this.” ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/6 "2008-12-18T04:27:13Z")
It can be good for the kids, when done right. Nothing is an absolute, and there are so many variables in all the lives involved it can be overwhelming to figure out what is best. For the kids, a peaceful stable home with very involved parents is important, and that can actually come\*\* as a result of a divorce\*\*. There are many many sad and frightened children out there, very confused and upset about mommy and daddy and what has happened to them. They are scared, and wish for something better…for mommy and daddy to get along. And these kids have parents who are married and in the same house. Think about that. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/7 "2008-12-18T05:05:39Z")
It was definitely better for my kids and myself. Their dad would go on violent rages when he was drunk (which was quite often). Better to have_no_ dad than a dad like that. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/8 "2008-12-18T06:25:20Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > And there’s the people who remarry each other. Which has got to be one of the champion stupid things in the whole world. Right up there with invading Russia. ETA: The only thing stupider that I can think of is: “Let’s have a child so we’ll have a reason to stay together!” My father’s parents did both of these very stupid things. They were divorced again before my father was born. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/9 "2008-12-18T06:25:42Z")
Although I can’t speak from experience, I can imagine that if you had a lot of money before getting divorced, and now you have half as much money, that would be bad. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/10 "2008-12-18T11:28:01Z")
I think there are a lot of people that almost get divorced and then years later are very happy that they didn’t. However, it’s impossible to say that they wouldn’t be equally happy if they had gotten divorced. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/11 "2008-12-18T14:37:22Z")
It’s bad if children are involved and the reason it’s happening is not due to abuse (physical, emotional, etc.) or non-support. If the adults have just gotten bored with one another, they need to find some way of accommodating their interests without disrupting the children’s family lives. Or to learn to live with being bored. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/12 "2008-12-18T15:21:40Z")
People get divorced and go for the do-over wedding all the time. Divorce can be bad for the couple and the kids, but it is usually for the best. Even when children are involved. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/13 "2008-12-18T17:04:04Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > It’s bad if children are involved and the reason it’s happening is not due to abuse (physical, emotional, etc.) or non-support. > > If the adults have just gotten bored with one another, they need to find some way of accommodating their interests without disrupting the children’s family lives. Or to learn to live with being bored. Maybe, maybe not. I wouldn’t want my (hypothetical) children to think that my (hypothetical, again\*) loveless, boring marriage is what they should expect and settle for. \*We’re very happy and still crazy in love after 15 years. ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/14 "2008-12-18T17:44:30Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Although I can’t speak from experience, I can imagine that if you had a lot of money before getting divorced, and now you have half as much money, that would be bad. Not necessarily. My husband has always said that the money he spent getting rid of his ex-wife was the best [insert six-figure sum here] he ever spent. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/15 "2008-12-18T17:56:10Z")
> [@TroubleAgain](#): > > Maybe, maybe not. I wouldn’t want my (hypothetical) children to think that my (hypothetical, again\*) loveless, boring marriage is what they should expect and settle for. > > \*We’re very happy and still crazy in love after 15 years. Kids don’t care if your marriage is boring. If you make the decision to have kids you shouldn’t flake out just because your marriage isn’t as fun anymore. That goes for men and women. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/16 "2008-12-18T18:10:56Z")
You should meet my Dad. My Mom left him after thirteen years of marriage in the early '70’s. Three years later he married my Step-Mom and they’re still married over 30 years later. He’s still pissed off and bitter about it. ---
**Author:** ![Sateryn76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Sateryn76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sateryn76)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/17 "2008-12-18T18:15:10Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > It was definitely better for my kids and myself. Their dad would go on violent rages when he was drunk (which was quite often). Better to have_no_ dad than a dad like that. I second this - I was one of those kids. Good on you for getting rid of him. Even though, 15 years later, my and dad and I have a good relationship, my parents getting divorced was the best thing that ever happened in my childhood. ---
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/18 "2008-12-18T19:06:40Z")
I believe in _earning_ your way out of a marriage. When a couple, especially one with children, divorces without having tried marriage counseling or parenting classes it indicates to me that they have little regard for their children and little respect for family. That having been said, if the couple have gone through counseling and have found through the process that they are never going to be happy or compatible together, it’s sad, but better. Children will live what you show them, not what you tell them. Showing them never to expect happiness is Not Good. Showing them that it’s best to abandon commitments once they become difficult without trying to take control of the situation to make it more acceptable is also Not Good. The lesson we want our children to learn is that we are in charge of our own happiness, and both examples preclude that. To answer the OP’s question, divorce is never good, but there is such a thing as a good divorce. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/19 "2008-12-18T20:48:58Z")
My first husband told me a few years after that leaving me was a huge mistake and he never should have done it. So yeah, it can be a bad thing in that sense. I think this is what you are going for? No, we never got back together. Some things I just don’t forgive. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686/20 "2008-12-18T21:02:30Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Um… what? Isn’t divorce _inherently_ bad? I mean, sure, there are people who are better off without each other, but the whole idea of a once-solid relationship gone sour isn’t generally “good”. Your logic doesn’t follow. Yes, I would say “the whole idea of a once-solid relationship gone sour isn’t generally ‘good’” is true. But these things happen. IMHO, the **bad** arises from not being able to do escape the failed relationship by divorcing. **Knead** Happily Divorced [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-divorce-ever-bad/477686.md?page=2)