# Is "Every Breath You Take" about love or stalking? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 24, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062 "2011-05-24T20:39:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/21 "2011-05-25T00:34:07Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I would not say that the emotion a stalker feels for his or her victim is best described as love. Love is the state of mind in which the well-being of another person is essential for one’s own peace of mind. Doesn’t apply to stalking. Hence the quotemarks around “love” in my first sentence. I’m fully aware of the fact that the emotions a stalker feels are really not love in any meaningful sense of the word, but if asked they will claim it’s “love” ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/22 "2011-05-25T01:58:33Z")
The sentiment that one’s significant other should be there, metaphorically, for you is based on reciprocity. Portions of the verses indicate the two are no longer together, so that moves the song clearly into stalking. There still is an element of love being expressed, though. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/23 "2011-05-25T02:37:34Z")
It’s the second creepiest choice for wedding music next to one couple who used Lyle Lovett’s **L. A. County** ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/24 "2011-05-25T02:43:03Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > It’s the second creepiest choice for wedding music next to one couple who used Lyle Lovett’s **L. A. County** I’ve heard rumors that some couples have used Pearl Jam’s “[Betterman](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWzLgWWu5wU)”, which is about a woman who wants to leave an abusive relationship but fears she can’t do any better. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/25 "2011-05-25T03:35:46Z")
Of _course_ it’s a song about obsession/stalking. But it’s not nearly as bad as this: \*If you hear somebody knocking on your door If you see something crawling across the floor Baby it’ll be me And I’ll be looking for you. If you see a head a-peeping from a crawdad hole If you see somebody climbing up a telephone pole Baby it’ll be me And I’ll be looking for you.\* Oo, _creepy_. Betcha didn’t know Jerry Lee Lewis wrote the mother of all stalking songs (“It’ll Be Me”). :eek: ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/26 "2011-05-25T04:38:51Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > I’ve heard rumors that some couples have used Pearl Jam’s “[Betterman](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWzLgWWu5wU)”, which is about a woman who wants to leave an abusive relationship but fears she can’t do any better. I wonder if that’s true. I do recall some TV show in which a couple is getting married, and they argued over using the song. It was kind of done subtly though. If I recall the bride was incredulous, and the groom said something like, “Hey, I love Pearl Jam!”, but they never went into the details - it was sort of a joking nod to the audience. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/27 "2011-05-25T04:46:20Z")
The song is definitely about stalking. It’s confirmed by the Police and I think the lyrics speak for themselves. I will say though that as a child I had a much more innocent mind and I thought this song was a father singing to his daughter. He’d be watching her as she grew up, eventually ‘leaving the nest’, so it was a bittersweet feeling for the father. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/28 "2011-05-25T05:00:33Z")
As others have mentioned the author has clearly labeled it as a song about obsessive love veering into stalker territory; so much so, that he wrote “If You Love Somebody (Set Them Free)” as a palate cleanser. The music is purposefully upbeat. Sting has done this before; listen to the lyrics of “Can’t Stand Losing You.” On first listen it’s a cute little ditty about a guy who gets dumped, but it’s a pretty twisted tale of a guy who threatens suicide if his girlfriend leaves him. And the protagonist is a stalker, too. I think there’s some pretty dark stuff going on in the mind of Mr. Sumner, there… ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/29 "2011-05-25T05:13:13Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > While I too fall in the _The speaker’s got a handkerchief and chloroform in his pocket, probably a knife too, for God’s sake shoot him now while we have the chance!_ camp I wouldn’t necessarily go that far. He’s definitely watching her in a stalkery way, but he’s not _necessarily_ threatening her. I don’t know whether he has any intention of _doing_ something, or whether (like the title character of the Kinks’ “[Art Lover](http://www.kindakinks.net/discography/showsong.php?song=24)”) he’s content just to watch. > [@](#): > > I know some reasonably intelligent (if somewhat over-romantic) listeners who see it as a genuine love song. Doesn’t the sinister, broody _music_ mean anything to them? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/30 "2011-05-25T07:08:10Z")
You ask whether the song is about love or stalking but your poll doesn’t contain the latter as an option, as such. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/31 "2011-05-25T07:36:33Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Doesn’t the sinister, broody _music_ mean anything to them? Good point! The only people I know who think it’s a normal love song - after listening to the lyrics properly at least - are not terribly bright people. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/32 "2011-05-25T17:55:49Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > It’s the second creepiest choice for wedding music next to one couple who used Lyle Lovett’s **L. A. County** I went to a wedding a few years back in which the couple danced to Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You,” a song that is transparently about domestic violence. I think that’s creepier. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/33 "2011-05-25T17:57:56Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > You ask whether the song is about love or stalking but your poll doesn’t contain the latter as an option, as such. I thought the _nefarious_ line was pretty obvious. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/34 "2011-05-25T18:52:36Z")
I’ve heard of people dancing to “One” by U2. It’s a break-up song. (In fact, wasn’t it partially inspired by a gay man telling his estranged father that he’s dying of AIDS?) Bono thought fans were nuts when they told him they used the song at their wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/35 "2011-05-25T19:26:05Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I’ve heard of people dancing to “One” by U2. It’s a break-up song. (In fact, wasn’t it partially inspired by a gay man telling his estranged father that he’s dying of AIDS?) > > Bono thought fans were nuts when they told him they used the song at their wedding. Hey, at my high school prom they played “Excitable Boy” by Warren Zevon. 😃 Obviously, whoever chose the music wasn’t listening to the lyrics - just the boppity beat … or at least, so I hope. For those unfamiliar, the lyrics contain the following: > [@](#): > > He took little Susie to the Junior Prom > Excitable boy, they all said > and he raped her and killed her, then he took her home > Excitable boy, they all said > Well, he’s just an excitable boy ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/36 "2011-05-25T19:41:12Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Doesn’t the sinister, broody _music_ mean anything to them? Wait, are we still talking “Every Breath You Take”? I don’t get sinister and broody at all from the music. It sounds more reflective and nostalgic to me. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/37 "2011-05-25T20:56:39Z")
I go for stalker. But I can see how someone not looking close could mistake it. This and the other examples listed in this thread all fall prey to what I call “commercial syndrome”. Ever notice how a commercial will pick some popular song to sell their product, and then snip out one sentence or refrain that sounds like it makes the point they want, but conveniently ignore/delete the part that is counter to the image they want to convey? As if nobody will recognize the song, realize what the rest of the lyrics are, and put 2 and 2 together? Well, that’s because a lot of people either don’t pay attention to lyrics (“they’re just mouth music”), or don’t understand all the lyrics and only pick up the refrain or a line here and there. So someone can pull out, for example, the lines And the lights of L.A. County Look like diamonds in the sky When you’re driving through the hours With an old friend at your side and latch on to that as a sentimental expression of being together, and totally miss the part about the ex driving with his 45 to track them down at their wedding and shoot them dead. Oops. > [@RealityChuck](#): > > It’s the second creepiest choice for wedding music next to one couple who used Lyle Lovett’s **L. A. County** Yikes! > [@Lamia](#): > > I’ve heard rumors that some couples have used Pearl Jam’s “[Betterman](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWzLgWWu5wU)”, which is about a woman who wants to leave an abusive relationship but fears she can’t do any better. Double Yikes! > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I went to a wedding a few years back in which the couple danced to Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You,” a song that is transparently about domestic violence. I think that’s creepier. Actually, it seems more about emotional abuse from a parent, perhaps mother after divorce, that made the narrator emotionally repressed. But perhaps domestic violence played a role in that mother’s trauma. > [@Guinastasia](#): > > I’ve heard of people dancing to “One” by U2. Again, if you look at it in a certain light, with the last lines One love One blood One life You got to do what you should One life With each other Sisters Brothers One life But we’re not the same We get to Carry each other Carry each other and project that into the message of the song that they are trying to celebrate. But the song as a whole is about the narrator telling off someone else for _not_ being this way. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/38 "2011-05-25T20:58:24Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Wait, are we still talking “Every Breath You Take”? I don’t get sinister and broody at all from the music. It sounds more reflective and nostalgic to me. I agree. The music softens the lyrics. They don’t sound as bad in the performance as they appear on paper. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/39 "2011-05-25T20:58:32Z")
**Skald** , this is simple. Do you have a goatee? Oh, wait, you wanted to still talk about the song? I thought that was pretty well settled. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/40 "2011-05-25T21:00:30Z")
Quoth **Irishman** : > [@](#): > > This and the other examples listed in this thread all fall prey to what I call “commercial syndrome”. My favorite (though non-creepy) example of this was Philadelphia cream cheese using the opening line of “New York, New York”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062.md?page=3)