# Is "Every Breath You Take" about love or stalking? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 24, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062 "2011-05-24T20:39:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/41 "2011-05-25T21:04:41Z")
I never thought the _intention_ of the song was to express a desire to stalk (and eventually harm) someone, but the lyrics are creepy as fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/42 "2011-05-25T21:09:49Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > Actually, it [Because of You] seems more about emotional abuse from a parent, perhaps mother after divorce, that made the narrator emotionally repressed. But perhaps domestic violence played a role in that mother’s trauma. I should have been more unclear. The speaker in the song blames her mother’s acceptance of being abused on her own inability to love and trust. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/43 "2011-05-25T21:12:21Z")
I always found it to be quite sinister. Sting draws out his "S"s in a hissing way that really defines it for me. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/44 "2011-05-25T21:17:38Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I always found it to be quite sinister. Sting draws out his "S"s in a hissing way that really defines it for me. I think that is just because he’s sssso sssself-abssssorbed. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/45 "2011-05-25T21:28:53Z")
Another dodgy choice of wedding song (and I’ve witnessed this) is REM’s _The One I Love_ “A simple prop, to occupy my time” you say. Thanks, darling! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/46 "2011-05-25T21:30:53Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I should have been more unclear. The speaker in the song blames her mother’s acceptance of being abused on her own inability to love and trust. :smack: Obviously that first sentence should end with the word _clear_. In my own defense I was distracted by my decades-long stalking of Karen Carpenter. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/47 "2011-05-25T22:14:55Z")
And don’t you have the direction of the blame reversed, too? Surely, the singer’s inability didn’t lead to her mother’s acceptance, did it? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/48 "2011-05-25T22:16:53Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > And don’t you have the direction of the blame reversed, too? Surely, the singer’s inability didn’t lead to her mother’s acceptance, did it? Don’t bother me with syntax. I am stalking Elizabeth Bathory and don’t have time for such things. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/49 "2011-05-25T22:33:31Z")
I voted for stalking. The song is clearly intended to have a creepy feel. However, I believe I have heard Sting say it was intended to be about totalitarianism and the surveillance state (inspired by the book 1984 I think). I do not altogether believe that, but it does seem possible that he had this in mind _as well as_ a depiction of some sort of obsessive, creepy infatuation (I am not sure that people actually called it stalking yet, back then). Songs can be about more than one thing, and it would not be the first time that a political message has been packaged in the format of a (twisted) love song. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/50 "2011-05-25T22:45:02Z")
Incidentally, I do not think stalkers in general, or the stalker of this song in particular, are necessarily “planning something nefarious.” Surely most of them think they actually are in love, and their “plan,” inasmuch as they have one, is that the object of their attentions will eventually recognize their devotion and return their love. Of course, this inevitably fails, and, in rare cases, the stalkers frustration, when they eventually recognize the failure of all their passionate and obsessive hopes, may lead them to an outburst of violence, but I am pretty sure this is never or hardly ever the “plan.” ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/51 "2011-05-25T23:36:09Z")
Agreed. Hence my comment about the poll options. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/52 "2011-05-26T06:24:46Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Agreed. Hence my comment about the poll options. I happen to know one woman who actually helped out her stalker, because she realized how completely pointless being scared of him was. She gave him some of her shampoo so he could smell her. She thinks the idea of being creeped out by someone who likes you and wants to watch you is silly, and that the animosity is what leads to stalkers who wind up doing something violent or destructive. I envy her ability to overcome such emotions. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/53 "2011-05-26T06:27:02Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > Un-creepy unrequited love should only be known to the person in love, and maybe one or two close friends. If the object of that “love” knows about it, you’ve crossed a line. Did you really mean to say that? Most of the time people with unrequited love only know it’s unrequited after talking with the other person. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/54 "2011-05-26T13:20:27Z")
The line “my poor heart aches with every breath you take” you clearly a stalker’s idea–I’m hurting because of you. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/55 "2011-05-26T14:29:56Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I happen to know one woman who actually helped out her stalker, because she realized how completely pointless being scared of him was. She gave him some of her shampoo so he could smell her. > > She thinks the idea of being creeped out by someone who likes you and wants to watch you is silly, and that the animosity is what leads to stalkers who wind up doing something violent or destructive. I envy her ability to overcome such emotions. Everything I have read, from some very knowledgable people, says that was an incredibly risky thing to do. I’m very glad it worked out for your friend, but I think it’s irresponsible to recommend it as a course of action. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/56 "2011-05-26T14:37:58Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I happen to know one woman who actually helped out her stalker, because she realized how completely pointless being scared of him was. She gave him some of her shampoo so he could smell her. > > She thinks the idea of being creeped out by someone who likes you and wants to watch you is silly, and that the animosity is what leads to stalkers who wind up doing something violent or destructive. I envy her ability to overcome such emotions. To a stalker it can be a very fine line between “she gave me her shampoo to help me get over this” and “she gave me her shampoo because she really does like me and wants me to smell her and I should step up my pursuit of her because it is obviously working”. Doing anything to encourage the infatuation can be used to vailidate the feeling and get them to move the line closer. The song is pretty clesarly a stalker. I think most people who use the song in romantic setting really have not listened to the lyrics more than superficially. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/57 "2011-05-26T15:15:23Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Did you really mean to say that? Most of the time people with unrequited love only know it’s unrequited after talking with the other person. Sometimes it would be obvious, and sometimes the other person would be married, gay, etc. You wouldn’t necessarily need to directly ask the other person to know that they didn’t feel the same way. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/58 "2011-05-26T16:29:12Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > … But it’s not nearly as bad as this: > > \*If you hear somebody knocking on your door > If you see something crawling across the floor > Baby it’ll be me > And I’ll be looking for you. > > If you see a head a-peeping from a crawdad hole > If you see somebody climbing up a telephone pole > Baby it’ll be me > And I’ll be looking for you.\* > > Oo, _creepy_. Betcha didn’t know Jerry Lee Lewis wrote the mother of all stalking songs (“It’ll Be Me”). :eek: I think Aretha Franklin (actually Morris Broadnax, Clarence Paul, and Stevie Wonder) has that one trumped, \*Though you don’t call any more I sit and wait in vain I guess I’ll rap on your door (your door) Tap on your window pane (tap on your window pane) … Although your phone you ignore Somehow I must - somehow I must - how I must explain I’m gonna rap on your door (your door) Tap on your window pane (tap on your window pane) I’m gonna camp by your steps By the chance I’ll get through to you I’ve gotta the change your view baby (Till you come back to me - that’s what I’m gonna do) (Till you come back to me - that’s what I’m gonna do) (Till you come back to me - that’s what I’m gonna do)\* No ifs there! But I feel I must point out any song written before _stalking_ was stalking isn’t going to read the way the writer intended it. If you grew up in that pre-stalker period all of those songs were about the lengths you needed to go to to prove your love to your intended lovee, they weren’t _Stalking for Dummies_. The idea that one needed to go to extreme lengths to prove one’s love goes back, at least, to the troubadours and the ideals of chivalry and courtly love. And, of course, all of that behavior was supposed to be directed towards someone open to receiving such attention and their rejection was just all in the game. All in the wonderful game, that we know as love. CMC fnord! ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/59 "2011-05-27T02:26:51Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Wait, are we still talking “Every Breath You Take”? I don’t get sinister and broody at all from the music. It sounds more reflective and nostalgic to me. Yeah. Musically, it’s evocative (purposefully, I believe) of Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me.” It sounds nostalgic because you know the chord progression. Color me surprised that people consider R.E.M.'s “The One I Love” as a love song. It has the word “love” in it, true, but nothing in this song sounds loving. It’s brooding and threatening, and the lyrics starkly indicate that the narrator has moved past the conquest of the one he loves. This is a mean song, with the subtlety of a 2x4 to the head. EBYT, however, is slightly more along the lines of a romantic comedy where the protagonist says and does shit that would a) get him arrested and b) creep the hell out of his desired but it “works” under the guise of “romance.” Be careful what you wish for. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062/60 "2011-05-27T03:29:49Z")
i don’t know why this is, but i don’t pay attention to lyrics in songs. at first, this was a love song. when the lyrics were hightlighted to me, it was obviously a stalker’s song. now, it’s just dissonant. the music is a love song, the lyrics otherwise. > [@BigT](#): > > I happen to know one woman who actually helped out her stalker, because she realized how completely pointless being scared of him was. She gave him some of her shampoo so he could smell her. > > She thinks the idea of being creeped out by someone who likes you and wants to watch you is silly, and that the animosity is what leads to stalkers who wind up doing something violent or destructive. I envy her ability to overcome such emotions. Jenna? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-breath-you-take-about-love-or-stalking/583062.md?page=4)