# Is every man in this world inclined towards infidelity ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 31, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767 "2013-05-31T03:55:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/21 "2013-05-31T12:29:07Z")
35 years with Madame Pepperwinkle and never strayed, never been inclined to. I have harem sex fantasies, but I’d never act on them. ---
**Author:** ![anson2995](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@anson2995](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anson2995)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/22 "2013-05-31T12:41:12Z")
Lots of folks here making pronouncements about “the majority of men.” There are billions of us in many varieties. How many have you met? Lots of men are monogamous. Lots are promiscuous. Lots are celibate. As you get older and.or gain more life experience you begin to see that people are individuals. If you;re a young woman and all the men around you are incapable of fidelity, keep looking. ---
**Author:** ![AaronX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7bcc69/32.png) [@AaronX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AaronX)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/23 "2013-05-31T12:41:15Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Therefore, every man in this world is not inclined towards infidelity. Has a different meaning from not every man in this world is inclined towards infidelity. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/24 "2013-05-31T13:17:29Z")
I think a better question is whether we tend towards non-monogamy outside of societal constraints. In the modern era, if you don’t want to be monogamous it’s easy enough to just casually date, be polyamorous, or a swinger. Infidelity happens when you choose monogamy despite preferring non-monogamy. It’s better to be monogamous because you actually prefer it than because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do. Personally I like to sow my oats a bit and then settle into monogamy when I find the right partner. Best of both worlds. I’ve already experienced variety, but now I’m getting to experience depth and rich intimacy. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/25 "2013-05-31T13:34:56Z")
First marriage, sex was great and I was very much in love bit I still cheated. Second marriage sex was at best mediocre I never really fell in love but I never considered cheating. Presently in 17 year somewhat off and on relationship but I have never cheated when we are on. ``` I cheated in the first marriage because I felt she did not really love me beyond my paycheck. ``` ---
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/26 "2013-05-31T13:35:19Z")
I agree with **pkbites**. I believe nearly all men have the desire to sleep with new women (see the [Coolidge effect](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect)), but some just have more self-control. I’ve never strayed from my wife, but the desire to have sex with other women has always been there and probably always will. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/27 "2013-05-31T13:48:15Z")
And how are you defining “inclined”? Am I “inclined” to want to bang the hot 26 yr old waitress at my local bar or the new intern at work? Sure. But I don’t act on it. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/28 "2013-05-31T13:48:16Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > Agreed with everything you said except for this. > > Monogamy might sometimes be the right strategy, depending on circumstances. It might make sense to protect and nurture a single “investment” than to continue to spend effort trying to attract additional mates, particularly for the non-alpha males\*. > > But I admit such a phenotype would probably mean the behaviour of not actively seeking additional partners, rather than refusing offers of sex (which would almost never make sense for males). None of this is an opinion about how modern society should work. > > And I assume “natures master plan” was just poetic language. > > - I think these are the exact words I’ll use for my wedding vows 🙂 I think your putting too much critical thought into this. [Only 5% of mammals are monogamous.](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=love-for-life-animals-mostly-monogamous)[ And even then most of them are only monogamous for a single mating season. Also, HUMANS, not just men, are indeed inclined towards nonmanogamy. [URL=“[Are We Biologically Inclined to Couple for Life? | Scientific American](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=are-we-biologically-inclined)”]Here:]([Love for Life? 12 Animals That Are (Mostly) Monogamous [Slide Show] | Scientific American](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=love-for-life-animals-mostly-monogamous)) > [@](#): > > For humans, monogamy is not biologically ordained. According to evolutionary psychologist David M. Buss of the University of Texas at Austin, humans are in general innately inclined toward nonmonogamy. But, Buss argues, promiscuity is not a universal phenomenon; lifelong relationships can and do work for many people. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/29 "2013-05-31T15:08:47Z")
> [@adopedhope](#): > > The more I talk to other people about their sex life, the more confusing it gets. It seems majority of the men like it with multiple partners. > > Why is that ? Is there no such concept as “the one”… 😕 Not a valid concept, not as rendered, in my opinion. All that promise-making about exclusivity and putting jealousy and sexual possessiveness ona pedestal and pretending they’re more noble sentiments than being true to your own sexual and emotional feeling and all that. Your mileage may vary. I would not make a gendered issue of it though. The same applies equally to women. Anyway, yeah, I like an arrangement with multiple partners. Has nothing to do with infidelity, though, since I don’t make those beforementioned exclusivity promises. ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/30 "2013-05-31T15:24:11Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > No. I’m a married man. I won’t cheat on my wife. Therefore, every man in this world is not inclined towards infidelity. Same here. Married 36 years now and it’s more like 38 years since another partner. My mind can certainly go into overdrive when I see an attractive woman, but that’s as far as it gets with me. ---
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/31 "2013-05-31T15:44:14Z")
“A man is only as faithful as his options” - Chris Rock ---
**Author:** ![edwards\_beard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@edwards\_beard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwards_beard)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/32 "2013-05-31T16:04:18Z")
My first marriage was for 9 years. I never cheated. She had an affair that led the the end of the marriage. Once she moved out, I was stunned at the number of married women (or even worse, women about to get married) I knew that made passes at me. Women are just as likely to stray as men. Been in my current relationship for over three years. Never cheated. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/33 "2013-05-31T16:11:15Z")
Sure, I’m a man so I’m ‘inclined’ towards having as much sex with as many women as possible. And because I’m a man I am also in control of my inclinations. My own mother, 89 years old, told me last month that “a man will have sex with anyone if he can get away with it.” I was both flabbergasted and saddened. I’ve never cheated and I am 99.9% certain my dad never cheated yet my mom is convinced that all men have this sort of sneaky, dark side that they can’t control. Like I might just go off, like a bomb, and she wouldn’t be the least surprised. I’m hoping it’s her age talking. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/34 "2013-05-31T16:13:20Z")
> [@edwards\_beard](#): > > My first marriage was for 9 years. I never cheated. She had an affair that led the the end of the marriage. > > Once she moved out, I was stunned at the number of married women (or even worse, women about to get married) I knew that made passes at me. Women are just as likely to stray as men. > > Been in my current relationship for over three years. Never cheated. This. My husband I’ve been married 8 years, and I have been tempted a few times by guys who showed me attention, but I realize that I value my marriage more than I value sex with someone who isn’t my husband. And as far as I know from what he tells me and his by his actions he feels the same way. I think both males and females desire sex, but its up to the individual to decide how they will exercise that desire for sex. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/35 "2013-05-31T16:28:18Z")
As a former cheater, I can say that once you learn the lesson that it isn’t nearly as much fun as you thought it might be\*, that it is more destructive than you imagined, and that you can really hurt the one you love most, cheating looses all its appeal. Sure, you can meet an amazing woman that you can imagine would rock your world, but from my perspective, it’s no longer tempting in the slightest. So, I still notice attractive women and can feel _inclined_ to pursue her, but I really don’t want to in any meaningful way. I have the sex drive of a 20 year old, but I’m 100% satisfied directing all that attention on the woman I love. \*the flip side is that it really is an amazing experience, and exceeded all your expectations. In such a situation, you’re even more screwed. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/36 "2013-05-31T16:30:47Z")
Some people are just selfish, men and women both. Some people are only in relationships because they feel they have to be in one at all times and are ready to jump ship as soon as an upgrade comes along, men and women both. ---
**Author:** ![KermitTheFrig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/47e85d/32.png) [@KermitTheFrig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KermitTheFrig)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/37 "2013-05-31T16:53:50Z")
When you strip away our societal conventions, human males are females are simply here, like everything else, to reproduce. Hence monogamy in other animals is rare and in plants its nonexistent. Our NATURAL instinct–both male and female–is to pass on genes to another generation. There’s really no getting around that. As we evolved naturally, we also adopted various social systems which have helped us survive in light of our relatively long nurturing requirement after birth and our need to act cooperatively to feed ourselves. Since before recorded history, in order to maintain a workable society, we have been able to intellectually override the impulse to mate. But that impulse is not going to go away. Reproduction is the essence of life. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/38 "2013-05-31T17:05:49Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > 33+ years with my wife and I’ve never strayed. That doesn’t negate the fact that I, like all males (regardless of species) have a built-in desire to spread my seed as widely as possible to as many partners as possible. > > Humans, at least modern ones, tend to frown upon this. While monogamy may be the gentlemanly thing to subscribe to, it is absolutely contrary to natures master plan. On the evolutionary scale marriage is one of the dumbest things a human male can subject himself to. > > Infidelity may be the breaking of a social contract, and opposite of the norms of our current world. But to insist that those institutions are somehow superior to, even stronger than the instinct all males have received from nature is just arrogant! I am convinced, both by what I’ve read and by personal experience, that men have built-in desires or instincts for **both** monogamy and multiple partners (although the relative and absolute strengths of these desires may vary quite a bit). And yes, I know these two things are in conflict. This makes sense if you look at it from an evolutionary psychology perpsective, which posits that we’ve evolved the instincts to do whatever would give our genes the best chance of surviving and thriving in future generations. Note that this implies nothing about how we _should_ behave, nor that it is necessarily at all in your own best interests (let alone anyone else’s) to act upon those instincts. Your genes don’t care about your happiness. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/39 "2013-05-31T17:47:03Z")
Not every man. My mother had to get a few drinks into my father, just to get him to have sex with her. How can you commit infidelity, when your “fidelity” takes so much work? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767/40 "2013-05-31T17:57:45Z")
I post on another board that is 90%-plus women, and it boggles my mind at how many people are poly! I also personally know a woman who has a legal husband and a common-law wife. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-every-man-in-this-world-inclined-towards-infidelity/659767.md?page=3)