# Is finding an adult young enough to be your child attractive disgusting? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 5, 2016, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996 "2016-05-05T16:24:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/21 "2016-05-05T20:15:12Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I instinctively turned my head for a second\* and when I turned my head back towards my GF, she’s giving me the stink eye. Which is weird because she is NOT a jealous person. So I was caught a little off guard. > > Anyway, that’s what started this whole “debate”. We all have our insecure moments. She might be typically not given to jealousy but having a down day where she was already feeling bad about herself for some reason. Then she caught you looking too long, and it made things worse. The issue is perhaps not that the woman going by was twenty years younger than you but rather that she was twenty years younger than your girlfriend. Debating the topic is guaranteed to be futile. At that point, you’re just probing a sore spot. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/22 "2016-05-05T20:22:38Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Having eyes, no. Same as it’s not disgusting to think that someone was damn hot back when they were, which may have been before you were even born. I refuse to consider that finding Patrick Swayze, back when he was alive, a grown up, etc. attractive should count as necrophilia. Holy shit Patrick Swayze is dead? (check) Well I’ll be damned. I honestly had no idea, I figured he was just out of the limelight. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/23 "2016-05-05T20:33:05Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Sigh… Sort of. I was hesitant to put this in my OP, because I’m not interested in advice on how to deal with my relationship. > > Basically, what started this whole tiff was my GF and I were having coffee at a Starbucks. We were sitting on the patio. Some girl pulls up, steps out of her car with her boobs practically falling out of her shirt. > > I instinctively turned my head for a second\* and when I turned my head back towards my GF, she’s giving me the stink eye. Which is weird because she is NOT a jealous person. So I was caught a little off guard. > > Anyway, that’s what started this whole “debate”. > \*It felt like a second to me, she claims I was leering. Yup, been there, done that. I’m always surprised when this comes up, we’re guys, we look. Ok, we’re not supposed to act like a cartoon wolf but we’re not going to ignore it either. Now you can’t turn it around on her directly and accuse her of staring at guys, you have to twist it a little and complain that guys are ogling her. That may distract her long enough for you go buy her some flowers. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/24 "2016-05-05T20:47:48Z")
I can think of several much-younger men who I find to be attractive, as well as some older ones. I may even comment about it to my husband. He may think I’m comparing him to them, but that has nothing to do with it. There are certain men who look particularly good to me. I’m not interested in pursuing them and goodness knows, they’re not likely to be flattered by the attentions of a 62-y/o woman, but that’s not the point. Good-looking is good-looking. And besides, I could never date a man who was better looking than I am! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/25 "2016-05-05T20:56:57Z")
I have a social theory that ideally, there should be about 20 years difference between spouses. First, a guy 20 ought to marry a woman 40, who has already raised a family, dosn’t want any more, and both are at their sexual peak. When the woman was 20, she should have married a guy 40, who would impart some maturity to her, have the financial security to raise her children, and love having a hot young chickie. Then, around 60, a man and woman of equal age can get together to live out their later years together. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/26 "2016-05-05T20:57:44Z")
I think there’s a difference between “I can still look upon that person and perceive their sexually attractive qualities that once upon a time I would have reacted to” and “I want to do it with that person, now, that’s hotttt” Or at least I hope you agree that that is so. Because when I was a little kid I was attracted to girls my own age. And I can remember what that was like. I’m not a pedophile, honest! \*\* thinks \*\* I think lots of folks have embraced a… I don’t know if it is fair to call it “moralistic” exactly, but it’s an attitude with strong streaks of “supposed to be” embedded in it, an attitude about who it is and who it is not OK to experience feelings of sexual attraction. I would think that carrying all that around as an imperative and dumping it into your responsiveness and awareness of your own feelings would make it rather difficult to know what you actually feel. You can feel attracted to someone without that causing you to be inclined to go forth and actively do something about it. Especially if you have significantly stronger feelings that you do tend to act on. Whether it is straight guys maintaining a forbidden-zone category for any feelings of sexual attraction for other guys or old codgers feeling creeped out because they’re finding young folks the same age as their kids to be sexually attractive or whatever, I don’t think the feelings themselves can be said to be bad. Frankly, if the way one acts when one does feel sexual attraction to another person involves having a disregard for what that other person wants or for what would creep them out or traumatize them for the rest of their lives, one has problems worse than the designation of an appropriate attraction-choice. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/27 "2016-05-05T21:15:22Z")
Back in my 20’s I used to get hit on alot by older women. Arent they called “Cougars”? ---
**Author:** ![Reluctant\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@Reluctant\_A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reluctant_A)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/28 "2016-05-05T22:17:58Z")
I guess I’ll go against the grain. I’d say that “disgusting” is too strong a word, but it definitely makes me feel skeevy to think about girls my son’s age in a sexual context. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/29 "2016-05-05T22:27:57Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Wait’ll you’re my age, and they are young enough to be your grand daughter. > > Regards, > Shodan That was going to be my point. Yoga class is especially challenging some days. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/30 "2016-05-05T22:30:12Z")
It’s OK to like, to _look._ Acting on it… is another matter entirely. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/31 "2016-05-05T22:34:44Z")
**Reluctant A.** - do you then think that finding someone attractive automatically suggests a sexual context? Or are you saying that you consider that sexual context to be skeevy? Come to think of it, does attractive = pleasing to the eye? Or attractive = drawn towards? In a social circle, I choose the former but in scientific circles, it’s the latter. I don’t suppose my definitions are universal… ---
**Author:** ![Reluctant\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@Reluctant\_A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reluctant_A)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/32 "2016-05-05T22:57:54Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > **Reluctant A.** - do you then think that finding someone attractive automatically suggests a sexual context? If there is an occurrence where it _doesn’t_, I don’t know nothing about that life. > [@](#): > > Or are you saying that you consider that sexual context to be skeevy? Uh… I guess I am? ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/33 "2016-05-05T22:58:38Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > I have a social theory that ideally, there should be about 20 years difference between spouses. First, a guy 20 ought to marry a woman 40, who has already raised a family, dosn’t want any more, and both are at their sexual peak. When the woman was 20, she should have married a guy 40, who would impart some maturity to her, have the financial security to raise her children, and love having a hot young chickie. . . . I read somewhere that this is (or once was?) common and well-accepted in French culture. Anyone know if that is so? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/34 "2016-05-05T22:59:13Z")
> [@Reluctant\_A](#): > > If there is an occurrence where it _doesn’t_, I don’t know nothing about that life. Well, you’ll find out about that when you’re older, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Reluctant\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@Reluctant\_A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reluctant_A)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/35 "2016-05-05T23:03:01Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > I have a social theory that ideally, there should be about 20 years difference between spouses. First, a guy 20 ought to marry a woman 40, who has already raised a family, dosn’t want any more, and both are at their sexual peak… That sounds viable, as long as the 20 year-old doesn’t want to have biological kids of his own someday… But, what if he does? ---
**Author:** ![Reluctant\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@Reluctant\_A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reluctant_A)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/36 "2016-05-05T23:04:25Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Well, you’ll find out about that when you’re older, I guess. I’ll be forty-one in four days. How much older are we talking about? ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/37 "2016-05-05T23:29:40Z")
When I was in my 20’s I was attractive to men 13 years or more older than , younger guys were too immature for me. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/38 "2016-05-05T23:42:57Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > I have a social theory that ideally, there should be about 20 years difference between spouses. First, a guy 20 ought to marry a woman 40, who has already raised a family, dosn’t want any more, and both are at their sexual peak. When the woman was 20, she should have married a guy 40, who would impart some maturity to her, have the financial security to raise her children, and love having a hot young chickie. Then, around 60, a man and woman of equal age can get together to live out their later years together. I really like this theory. My tastes have changed with age. When I was below the age of consent I mostly found adult women more attractive than ones my age (lucky for their relationship with the law, none of them ever hit on me). I’m 35 now and generally most attracted to young adults 18-25 or so (though I’d pursue casual relationships with older women or same age women too). In general, I think some people are looking for a ‘leader’ role in their relationships, and other people are looking to be 'led". There’s nothing inherently wrong with either one, and I think they can make for healthy and happy relationships. As someone whose attractions tend towards age disparate relationships and always have, I suspect that’s what lies behind a lot of these sorts of relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/39 "2016-05-05T23:43:14Z")
no. If that were true then any person (but lets be honest, any man because that is who the person who talked to the OP was talking about) who is 75 who is attracted to anyone under 45 would be disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996/40 "2016-05-05T23:57:58Z")
Since I still feel like the kid I’ve always been, I can certainly appreciate the attractiveness of all kinds of adult ages. It’s when I remember what I look like on the outside that I feel a little silly, but not “disgusting”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-finding-an-adult-young-enough-to-be-your-child-attractive-disgusting/753996.md?page=3)