# Is grown men wanting to have sex with teenagers really all that weird? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2009, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382 "2009-06-01T17:59:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/62 "2009-06-02T14:53:08Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > Actually not so much in “history”. It’s kinda important in agricultural communities to get established somehow, and that often takes men until their mid-20’s. There wasn’t so much prejudice against, it, though, so you did sometimes see 14-year old brides (and husbands) and such. Prehistory, you’re probably right - medical care was almost nonexistant and nutrition poor and erratic, so they got started early. I suppose you could look at it the same way you look at higher culture- subsistence societies don’t produce great music or visual art or literature because their denizens don’t have time to faff around with paintbrushes if they want to eat. Similarly, they don’t have time to allow their offspring to develop fully before putting them to work in the fields or the kitchens or the bedrooms. > [@](#): > > Why do you consider it to be such a huge difference? Because by the time I was a (2nd-year) college senior, freshmen all looked and sounded like they might have been twelve. They don’t know _anything_ (and nor did I when I was their age). I didn’t have the same feeling when I was a high school senior, or now. Obviously, some 18-year-olds are mature, but the majority are still children. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/63 "2009-06-02T14:59:38Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Because by the time I was a (2nd-year) college senior, freshmen all looked and sounded like they might have been twelve. They don’t know _anything_ (and nor did I when I was their age). I didn’t have the same feeling when I was a high school senior, or now. > > Obviously, some 18-year-olds are mature, but the majority are still children. anecdotes \<\> data ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/64 "2009-06-02T15:13:26Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > anecdotes \<\> data There’s no objective measure of maturity. ---
**Author:** ![JR\_Brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JR\_Brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JR_Brown)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/65 "2009-06-02T15:22:25Z")
> [@PeacePlease](#): > > I’m in the same camp as I believe the majority here are: No it’s not weird at all. It’s inappropriate in many cases, but I think there are very few men out there that don’t go “Wow, what a hottie. I’d do her” if a hot little, young number walks by. Again, it’s biology. Y’all are supposed to have that reaction. Those little hotties are the ones that can bear you the most children and pass along your genes. I am sick and tired of this. Adolescent (especially barely post-pubescent) women ARE NOT more fertile. In primitive societies (which are our closest examples to the conditions under which we evolved), women are most likely to be able to raise a child to adulthood (the only definition of fertility that really counts, evolutionarily) in their _early to mid thirties_. If fertility were the criterion, “biology” would make men “have that reaction” to crow’s feet and stretch marks. What makes younger women more biologically desirable: 1. No kids that you might be expected to help raise 2. No prior relationships that might encourage her to cheat 3. Lack of experience makes her less selective / more easily manipulable For a nice readable discussion of all this, see _Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty_ by Nancy Etcoff. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/66 "2009-06-02T15:28:58Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > There’s no objective measure of maturity. On that, we can agree completely. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/67 "2009-06-02T15:42:21Z")
My wife is 55. I am 65. When I was 18, she was 8. So when did the age difference get OK. In some countries ,it is OK all the ages. In our system, states determine the age a girl can have sex and marry. One states wife is another states pervert. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/68 "2009-06-02T15:44:37Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > It goes against the social code. That’s the only reason. We have evolved to a point that responsible, informed consent by both parties is the expectation with regard to sexual relationships. > > I think a 16- or 17-year-old girl or boy in today’s America is probably capable of entering into an “equal” relationship with an older person. I don’t believe that most 13-year-olds are capable of it. > > The skeevy part, in my opinion, is that an older person would _want_ to spend “meaningful” time with a kid who has limited life experience. The sexual aspect of it is very understandable to me. An older person who always prefers a young teenager to a person their own age has developmental and interrelationship problems. To me, it smacks of a power trip rather than a desire for an equal relationship. The physical attraction part I can understand, but per my OP I do think wanting to have an true emotional-sexual committed “relationship” with teenager is somewhat baffling. Dealing with my teenagers as a parent often makes my brain want to batter its way out of my skull, I can’t imagine having a “real” sexual-emotional relationship with a teenager. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/69 "2009-06-02T16:12:49Z")
> [@astro](#): > > The physical attraction part I can understand, but per my OP I do think wanting to have an true emotional-sexual committed “relationship” with teenager is somewhat baffling. Dealing with my teenagers as a parent often makes my brain want to batter its way out of my skull, I can’t imagine having a “real” sexual-emotional relationship with a teenager. I could barely tolerate a parental relationship with MY teenager! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/70 "2009-06-02T16:26:55Z")
Right. Vis-a-vis physical sexual attraction in and of itself, once puberty has been completed, desirign sex with that person is not “weird” per se. Being aroused by a hot 16-year-old is NOT pedophilia and trying to say it is distorts the concept. OTOH pursuing sex with someone where there is a pronounced age difference involves difficulties in establishing the nonphysical, emotional part of the relationship and is often considered unethical or improper by our culture because of all those considerations about relative equality and motivations that have been discussed. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/71 "2009-06-02T16:48:58Z")
Why is it so unusual for the dynamic to be the other way around? As in older woman younger man? I had a friend several years ago who had an ex that was in her thirties (he was 22) and everybody found the circumstances rather unusual. Also, what about just hookup (ie sex, no relationship) situations, where the young person just wants sex from the other person and is totally fine with that? How are they getting taken advantage of? I speak from personal experience as I lost my virginity to a woman who was about ten years my senior and hardly consider myself ‘taken advantage of’ in the situation. Personally I thought it was win-win. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/72 "2009-06-02T17:02:02Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > See the age of consent chart I linked to in post #12. 18 is only the line in very few places in the world - and nowhere in the western world except for a few states in the U.S. The glaring majority draw the line somewhere lower than 18. I thought it was interesting how many gray areas there are with “no information available”. It makes me wonder if there are some places where there literally is no minimum age of consent. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/73 "2009-06-02T17:18:33Z")
Compare Mary Kay Letourneau with Woody Allen. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/74 "2009-06-02T17:34:25Z")
If two people are over the age of consent it’s entirely their business if they want a relationship with each other. Others may scream skeevy and inappropriate until they’re blue in the face, it’s so much hot air. Some young girls prefer older men, some young men prefer older women, and vice versa. The only thing skeevy about such “age-inappropriate” relationships is in the fevered mind of the puritanical critic. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/75 "2009-06-02T18:06:54Z")
> [@JR\_Brown](#): > > What makes younger women more biologically desirable: > > 1. No kids that you might be expected to help raise > 2. No prior relationships that might encourage her to cheat > 3. Lack of experience makes her less selective / more easily manipulable It’s funny that people try to find complex reasons why men are attracted to young women. I think it’s pretty basic: Humans like new things. We prefer a brand new car with smooth leather seats and a shiny paint, versus an old car with fading paint and lots of dents. We prefer a rose in its prime, not when it is starting to whither. New is good. In the case of humans, it means luscious, shiny hair, no wrinkles in the skin, the right amount of subcutaneous fat, eyes that don’t look tired, etc. Of course, that means that both men and women should be equally attracted to the younger members of the opposite sex, though traditionally, it has been unbalanced. As the status of women in society changes, and as they become more financially independent, we may see more of an emphasis on how women like their sexual partners just as young as men do (and I believe we have started to see this with “cougars” etc, though those terms are a bit derogatory, which means that society has not adjusted yet) To be clear, the above is for sexual attraction, not for the search for a long-term relationship, which involves many other variables. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/76 "2009-06-02T18:15:57Z")
> [@aldiboronti](#): > > If two people are over the age of consent it’s entirely their business if they want a relationship with each other. Others may scream skeevy and inappropriate until they’re blue in the face, it’s so much hot air. Some young girls prefer older men, some young men prefer older women, and vice versa. One dimension that has not been brought up in this discussion is the level of success of the older male. If a 50-year-old guy is successful, like for example, Virgin Atlantic’s Richard Branson, being seen with a younger woman (e.g. in her twenties) is no big deal. If a 50-year-old guy is just a regular Joe with a regular job and income, being seen with a younger woman (e.g. in her twenties) makes him look skeevy and that something must be wrong with him and the relationship he is in. So, it’s not so much “grown men wanting to have sex with young women” that society frowns upon, but “_unsuccessful_ grown men wanting to have sex with young women”. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/77 "2009-06-02T18:26:40Z")
> [@aldiboronti](#): > > If two people are over the age of consent it’s entirely their business if they want a relationship with each other. And a lot of the discussion in this thread have been about relationships with at least one person _under_ the age of consent. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/78 "2009-06-02T18:34:55Z")
> [@aldiboronti](#): > > If two people are over the age of consent it’s entirely their business if they want a relationship with each other. Others may scream skeevy and inappropriate until they’re blue in the face, it’s so much hot air. Some young girls prefer older men, some young men prefer older women, and vice versa. > > The only thing skeevy about such “age-inappropriate” relationships is in the fevered mind of the puritanical critic. But what about a guy who’s with a girl who’s a year or so under the age of consent? Is that line more than a legal one to you? Is it a “skeeve” line? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/79 "2009-06-02T18:39:20Z")
Men prefer younger women because their **stories** are shorter. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/80 "2009-06-02T18:57:15Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > One dimension that has not been brought up in this discussion is the level of success of the older male. > > If a 50-year-old guy is successful, like for example, Virgin Atlantic’s Richard Branson, being seen with a younger woman (e.g. in her twenties) is no big deal. > > If a 50-year-old guy is just a regular Joe with a regular job and income, being seen with a younger woman (e.g. in her twenties) makes him look skeevy and that something must be wrong with him and the relationship he is in. > > So, it’s not so much “grown men wanting to have sex with young women” that society frowns upon, but “_unsuccessful_ grown men wanting to have sex with young women”. True dat Jerry Seinfeld pretty much got a pass for his teenage girl adventure. [When he was in his late thirties, Seinfeld began a romantic relationship with then-seventeen year old high school student Shoshanna Lonstein](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Seinfeld) ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/81 "2009-06-02T19:00:39Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > There is a _huge_ difference between the maturity level of a college grad and a college freshman. So what’s worse? A 23 year old hooking up with an 18 year old recent high school grad or a 34 year old woman? (Or what I like to call, “Summer of '96”) IMHO, girls become mature women a lot sooner than boys become mature men. > [@Polerius](#): > > One dimension that has not been brought up in this discussion is the level of success of the older male. > > If a 50-year-old guy is successful, like for example, Virgin Atlantic’s Richard Branson, being seen with a younger woman (e.g. in her twenties) is no big deal. > > If a 50-year-old guy is just a regular Joe with a regular job and income, being seen with a younger woman (e.g. in her twenties) makes him look skeevy and that something must be wrong with him and the relationship he is in. > > So, it’s not so much “grown men wanting to have sex with young women” that society frowns upon, but “_unsuccessful_ grown men wanting to have sex with young women”. Rich 50 is middle class 30. -Jack Donaghy What is society going to frown on him for? Being awesome? While dating much younger women is fairly common, I can’t imagine what I would talk about with a teenager or even an early 20-something. The new Twilight film? Tickets to see Miley Cirus and The Jonas Brothers? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382.md?page=5)