# Is grown men wanting to have sex with teenagers really all that weird? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2009, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382 "2009-06-01T17:59:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/122 "2009-06-03T15:12:41Z")
> [@alexandra](#): > > Shocking as it may seem, not all young women are golddiggers. I’d go as far as to say that many women I know who dated older men were mature and saw the older men as mentors, if the men were successful. Not that that’s the entire reason they were attracted to them, but it is definitely a plus when you compare a like-aged guy who’s still finding his way in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/123 "2009-06-03T16:30:26Z")
> [@alexandra](#): > > Shocking as it may seem, not all young women are golddiggers. Of course not. Only the ones with the 60+ year old multi-millionaires. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/124 "2009-06-03T16:47:16Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > When I was in the military, I also worked at a pizzeria. One of my coworkers was a the wife of a sergean major (but not in my organization). They had a 17 year old daughter. I was 25 or 26. > > Yeah, you _think_ you have an inkling of where this is going, but it’s not. > > My coworker – the mother – made a real, real effort to hook us up. The father must have agreed, because sometimes they’d order pizza and ask for me to deliver. Why wouldn’t they? From the perspective of a working class family, the fact that you are military and work another job to make extra money makes you a pretty good catch compared to some of the losers their daughter might end up with. > [@Clothahump](#): > > Keep in mind that for the vast majority of humanity’s existence, the life span was maybe 30 years. As soon as a female became sexually mature, at around 12 to 13, she became a potential mate. That way, she would become pregnant, have the baby and be around to raise it until it reached sexual maturity, and then die off and get out of the way for the next generation. There’s another whole thread on that topic, but people did not all die off when they turned 30. Infant deaths were far more common and people had a much greater chance of being killed by something or someone, but if you survived into your 20s and 30s, chances are you would probably live a pretty long time. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/125 "2009-06-03T17:35:11Z")
> [@alexandra](#): > > Shocking as it may seem, not all young women are golddiggers. I didn’t say they were after money, but they are attracted to success, which may involve money, or some other type of success and status in society. And of course, not every woman has the same preferences, so my statement was a generalization. But the issue is that in many cases, e.g. threads here on the SDMB, I see women say stuff like “This old guy tried to chat me up at the coffee shop, and it was disgusting, _as if_ he had any chance with me! He was older than my dad!” when, in reality, the age, per se, of the person had nothing to do with it, just that he didn’t have the right “credentials” for a person his age to approach the woman above. It’s like saying "People with a limp are disgusting, they should never approach people who don’t limp. The other day in the coffee shop, this guy with a limp approached me and it was gross. _As if_ he had any chance with me! when in reality, this person might be attracted to people with a limp if they have some other desirable characteristics. It’s OK to overlook some faults in a mate if they have some desirable characteristics, but if there are things that you find “gross” and “disgusting” (e.g. someone is old enough to be your father) it’s weird that someone can overlook such a big issue for them just because the other person has some desirable characteristics. ISTM that what is “gross” and “disgusting” is not “being chatted up by someone who is old enough to be my father” but “being chatted up by someone who is unsuccessful/low status and is old enough to be my father” ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/126 "2009-06-03T18:11:18Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Well, you said “or even a 20-something”. I’d certainly agree that teenage girls have no idea how to give head, but I wouldn’t say the same about 22-year-old girls. In any case, it’s not so much the quality of the blowjob, it’s the willingness to do it and the ability to learn. That 22-year-old who gives good head didn’t just wake up on her 22nd birthday knowing what to do. She’s been practicing for a while. And it’s that willingness that makes all the difference. The women my age and older that I dated were just flat unwilling to do anything much beyond straight vanilla missionary position sex. But I could go just a few years younger and and find much more adventurous partners. In that regard, I’d call it a “generational thing” more than an “age thing”. I’m right among the first of the post-Baby Boomer generation (born 1966), so women older than me were generally Baby Boomers. I found that partners born in the early '70s and later were more willing to experiment. This may be the difference between women whose parents grew up in the '50s (like mine) and women whose parents grew up in the '60s. The latter probably had parents with more liberal views of sex. > [@msmith537](#): > > There’s another whole thread on that topic, but people did not all die off when they turned 30. Infant deaths were far more common and people had a much greater chance of being killed by something or someone, but if you survived into your 20s and 30s, chances are you would probably live a pretty long time. This. There’s a distinct difference between “life expectancy” and “average lifespan”. It also occurs to me that up until not all that many generations ago, having male heirs was of paramount importance in just about every culture. So starting women young allowed for the aforementioned longer reproductive life, which would mean more births, which increased the likelihood of producing sons who survived to adulthood. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/127 "2009-06-03T18:13:43Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Well, you said “or even a 20-something”. I’d certainly agree that teenage girls have no idea how to give head, but I wouldn’t say the same about 22-year-old girls. And after I’d already posted my previous reply, I remembered a bit from an old rap song by UTFO, “Battle of the Sexes”: I find it funny when I ask a young lady to blow me She says, “I don’t usually do this”. I say, “What?” and then they show me The demonstration that I get is really rough What they really mean to say is, “I don’t do this _enough_.” ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/128 "2009-06-03T20:03:19Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > Your 18yo daughter moved in with a 25 yo man against her parents expresses wishes and then became a drunk, a druggie and allowed him to repeatedly beat her. That speaks volumes about what your daughter had learned about her self worth and about making moral and relationship judgements in the preceeding 17 years. That’s all. No myths are implied. It speaks volumes about a man that would leap to the defense of a stranger about whom he only knows two facts: that that stranger likes to have sex with children and he seduces them with illegal drugs and alcohol. What is reflected of my parenting in my daughter is that she never became dependent on drugs or alcohol (unlike her piece of shit ex-boyfriend) and that she had the strength of courage to leave an abusive, controlling relationship. Methinks you protest too much. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rhodes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhodes/32/273_2.png) [@Rhodes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhodes)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/129 "2009-06-03T20:23:20Z")
It’s always fun to go put in public with my sister and watch the accusing glares we get from strangers. I’m 31 and she’s 18. We get an even better reaction if we’ve got an infant or toddler with us. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/130 "2009-06-04T01:45:01Z")
This thread makes me happy I never returned anyone’s advances as a teen. I wasn’t thrilled that older men’s interest in what I had to say somehow coincided perfectly with my hot new bod, and their overestimation of my interest in their shiny cars and ‘life lessons’ was embarrassing. ETA: I suspect, by the frequency with which the whole ‘women are gold diggers’ meme is brought up on here, that men don’t know how often women actually get hit on by wealthy men. If you’re attractive and in a major metropolitan city and go out a lot, it’s not exactly a rare event, and it’s more of a novelty than a sure thing for the guy (and maybe a few free drinks for the women), even if he’s handsome. Yes, they may go home with someone after making their rounds, and maybe they have to make a few more rounds than someone with, I don’t know, the keys to a shittier car, but enough with this constant stereotyping, quasi sociobiology bull. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/131 "2009-06-04T03:52:33Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Considering that pregnancies are more difficult and dangerous for young teens than adults, [and](http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/14332_1159.asp) the babies of young girls are far more likely to suffer health issues, _does_ it make sense biologically to be attracted to someone who is not yet full grown? Keep in mind too that girls are often [not full-grown](http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/growthdevelopment/l/aa031701a.htm) until several years after their first period. I once knew a woman in her 20s who looked like a 15-year-old. She was a runt. This, she explained to me, was because she got pregnant about the age of 14, and having a baby growing in her during what should have been a growth spurt stunted her growth. (The baby came out all right, though. Very intelligent, in fact. Also he was the Antichrist, but that’s another story.) ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/132 "2009-06-04T04:24:21Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > ISTM that what is “gross” and “disgusting” is not “being chatted up by someone who is old enough to be my father” but “being chatted up by someone who is unsuccessful/low status and is old enough to be my father” How the hell do you know this? I like them young and cute and I can earn my own money, thank you. I’m going to be just as annoyed being geezed on by a rich guy as a poor guy. Stop blaming your own insecurity on women. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/133 "2009-06-04T05:48:00Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > How the hell do you know this? I like them young and cute and I can earn my own money, thank you. I’m going to be just as annoyed being geezed on by a rich guy as a poor guy. You cannot possibly believe that I meant that every single woman on the planet, including you, thinks like that. Yes, there are exceptions. Yes, every woman is different. But, there are general patterns, just like there are general patterns for men’s behavior. Doesn’t mean every single woman or every single man obeys those patterns. And stop focusing on the rich vs poor thing. It’s a more general success/status/power issue (which is correlated with money, but not always) Some non-filthy-rich people who made statements to this effect: - “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac” [Henry Kissinger](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Henry_Kissinger) - Patrick Stewart (Captain Picard from Star Trek TNG) was being interviewed at the height of the success of TNG, and he mentioned, half-jokingly, how disappointed he was that this success hadn’t come earlier, because of all the female attention he was now getting ever since he became famous. Same guy, practically the same age he was before fame, becomes famous, and has to fight women off with a stick - Unfortunately I can’t remember his name, but a few years ago some political “celebrity” was being interviewed on NPR, and he mentioned that when he goes around college campuses to give speeches, he gets girls’ panties and dorm room keys thrown up to his podium, which surprised him since he said he was quite unattractive, was quite old, and did not get any such attention when in an environment where the people didn’t know who he was. Even if the women who behave like this are in the monority, they constitute a much larger percentage of the female population than their counterparts in the male population. Almost no young guy would want to have sex with an unattractive older woman, just because she was considered a “guru” in some area of politics and came and gave speeches on campuses. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/134 "2009-06-04T06:02:00Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > And stop focusing on the rich vs poor thing. It’s a more general success/status/power issue (which is correlated with money, but not always) I’ve always wondered why you almost never hear about female pop/rock stars having male groupies. Oh, that’s right, when they’re males, they’re _stalkers_! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/135 "2009-06-04T06:18:00Z")
FYI, a related article I just found - [Sure, Power is an Aphrodisiac … Unless You Lack a “Y” Chromosome](http://blog.juliaallison.com/2006/05/sure_power_is_an_aphrodiasic_u.html) Some excerpts: > [@](#): > > “And while politics may be show business for ugly people,” Wells continues, “that doesn’t mean that the misshapen lumps of flesh prowling Capitol Hill have trouble getting a date.” Having worked on the Hill and dated some of these lumps, I can vouch that this is, sadly, the case. > > “Ugly men who run the world have no trouble” scoring with women, concludes Wells. “So how come it doesn’t work for the ladies?” > > … > > In other words, women are turned on by power even absent good looks. Men, on the other hand, require looks above all else. > > So it seems that Kissinger’s quote could have used a qualifier. Let’s try my version: Power, in men, is an aphrodisiac. In women, power may be an aphrodisiac – if they’re young and/or sexually attractive, and if the man involved isn’t intimidated. Of course, this is just one woman’s opinion and proves nothing. It’s just a data point. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/136 "2009-06-04T08:34:00Z")
> [@](#): > > When I was 26 I went out with an 18 year old. As I said, that sort of age gap is nothing. My current love is eight years younger then I am. Yes, there are some exceptions where the younger person is very mature…but overall, it’s just very skeevy. Like I just know SO MANY people who changed in their midtwenties…its not even funny. ---
**Author:** ![alexandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@alexandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alexandra)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/137 "2009-06-04T17:04:17Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Of course not. Only the ones with the 60+ year old multi-millionaires. Sure. I’ve never seen that out and about, never mind \*known \* someone in the category, but I guess. Although people are just weird, sometimes. I knew a 40 year old dating an 80 year old man, and she had a very rich father. I’m not sure what people mean when they say women aren’t attracted to ordinary older guys, and how this is definitive proof of women’s golddigger status. First of all, success can make a guy more confident, which could translate to attractiveness in many different ways. Second of all, I highly doubt, say, Madonna struggles to attract men. Anyway, this thread has devolved from a worthwhile ethical question to a series of gripes against young adult women. Meh. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/138 "2009-06-04T18:24:06Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Actually, a woman’s success does have an impact on her attractiveness- for the negative. Many times in my life, in many cultures (including our own US of A) I have heard young women advised not to pursue advanced degrees, etc. because it would hurt their prospects for marriage. This is just one possibility. I certainly cannot speak for men and women in general, but I have several years of experience in traditionally high power industries and careers. My experience has been that most women with such careers are simply more selective about the career of their mate. A man doesn’t necessarily care about his spouse’s career if she is attractive, devoted, and sufficiently sexually compatible. Many of the women in similar positions simply did not want to take a mate whom they considered “inferior”. Female success seems to have a larger selection effect by female design than by male intimidation in my experience. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/139 "2009-06-04T18:43:36Z")
Yeah, the immediate attraction to a teenage girl is completely normal. They are beautiful pristine creatures just coming into the flower of their femininity. There is nothing weird about appreciating that beauty. But if you approach them and aren’t turned off by their childish mental/emotional nature, then you probably have some issues. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/140 "2009-06-04T18:45:27Z")
> [@Cattitude](#): > > A 21 year old guy and a 17 year old girl, not skeevy in my book. > A 40 year old guy and a 15 year old girl, blecchhh. The older I get, the younger these teens look. Definitely. I have recently hit some threshold where the girls at NYU look like small children to me. I am starting to view 18-20 year olds in the same way as I used to view 12-14 year olds. And not to put it too crudely. Why would you want to go with a young teenage girl? She doesn’t know how to fuck yet. Give me a 35 year old woman any day! ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382/141 "2009-06-04T20:59:17Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Yeah, the immediate attraction to a teenage girl is completely normal. They are beautiful pristine creatures just coming into the flower of their femininity. There is nothing weird about appreciating that beauty. > > But if you approach them and aren’t turned off by their childish mental/emotional nature, then you probably have some issues. Well… to quote[Dave Attell](http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=6100565), the prevailing attitude might be - “They say she’s retarded, but those titties ain’t retarded!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-grown-men-wanting-to-have-sex-with-teenagers-really-all-that-weird/498382.md?page=6)