# Is harmless psychological manipulation immoral? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 5, 2016, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-harmless-psychological-manipulation-immoral/770714 "2016-11-05T16:32:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2016, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-harmless-psychological-manipulation-immoral/770714/21 "2016-11-06T15:06:21Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > Look at such things from the view of the other person. What happens if you tell them what you did? > > In this case, the other person is going to be very angry and feel tricked and manipulated. Therefore it is definitely not something you should do, esp. to a person you should feel obligated to be honest with. > > There’s a large range of such things and the nature of the relationship. Having the boss say something nice and pat you on the back to before being told you’re going to work overtime is quite mundane. Being told that the boss was just setting you up isn’t going to really bother you. > > But playing serious Jedi mind tricks with a spouse is not like this. It is definitely not harmless from the other person’s point of view. This. “But I did it for your own good!” is rarely a winning argument. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2016, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-harmless-psychological-manipulation-immoral/770714/22 "2016-11-06T16:46:41Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > Look at such things from the view of the other person. What happens if you tell them what you did? ‘‘I asked you for a favor when you were mad at me because I read about the Franklin Effect.’’ ‘‘You bastard! You can cook your own dinner.’’ (negative punishment.) Problem solved! ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2016, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-harmless-psychological-manipulation-immoral/770714/23 "2016-11-07T17:08:47Z")
> [@pool](#): > > Do you think it is immoral to subversively manipulate a person’s behavior through psychological means if you don’t think it’s harmful to the individual? I’ll give you a real-life example from my life that happened today. > > My wife and I had a spat today, a really minor one, a little yelling and bitching back and forth but not a big blowout and not over anything important, more just getting on each other’s nerves. My wife then left in a huff and went to the store, still angry with me but I wasn’t really angry at her anymore. Although I’ve known about the so called Benjamin Franklin effect for a little while, I never gave it much thought [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben\_Franklin\_effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect), it suddenly occurred to me that this was a chance to try it out and see if it worked. Its supposed to be counter-intuitive but supposedly if you ask someone to do you a personal favor that either doesn’t like you or is just angry with you at the moment, instead of being annoyed after fulfilling the favor for you they like you or come to an agreeable state of behavior toward you. So I called my wife who answered the phone angrily and I asked her to run some errands for her and to my astonishment its like her whole mood suddenly changed and she was talking to me happily, it’s like she was suddenly glad to be able to do something for me. > > For what its worth even though she might not be consciously aware that this is a researched phenomenon that has a name, I’m pretty sure my wife has unknowingly used this technique on me as well such as times when I was angry at her and she’s asked me to help her build something, fix her computer, drop off something at her parent’s house, and it had the same effect on me I think, suddenly I was cooperative and in a good mood although I didn’t know why at the time. > > So do you think there is something wrong with trying to consciously manipulate a person’s behavior in this way if it is essentially harmless to either of the parties in this way? I think my justification is that it not only helped us get along, even if only in the short-term and it allowed my wife to not fixate on negative feelings and put her in a good mood. I think most people do things like this just on intuition without knowing it has some researched merit to it. > > I don’t think it is wrong but I’m willing to stand corrected and I want to know what others think about this behavior. I dunno. [Are babies immoral](http://thestir.cafemom.com/parenting_news/167057/finally_proof_your_baby_is)? Haha, trick question. We all know babies are actively evil. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-harmless-psychological-manipulation-immoral/770714.md?page=1)