# Is hating or disliking oneself always irrational? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2013, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-hating-or-disliking-oneself-always-irrational/661640 "2013-06-22T16:21:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-hating-or-disliking-oneself-always-irrational/661640/21 "2013-06-24T16:47:29Z")
“Whoever despises himself still respects himself as one who despises.” - Nietzsche (yes, I know you saw _Confessions of a Dangerous Mind_ too, but He of the Cowcatcher Moustache was on to something there) ---
**Author:** ![Clawdio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d07c76/32.png) [@Clawdio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clawdio)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-hating-or-disliking-oneself-always-irrational/661640/22 "2013-06-24T20:17:07Z")
> [@Alan\_Smithee](#): > > I don’t hate myself, but I don’t particularly like myself. I don’t think I’d want to be friends with me if I were somebody else. I think I have good qualities, and I can see why other people like me, but frankly they only have to put up with me occasionally for a little while at a time; I have to put up with me _all the time_. Think about how hard it is to find the right person to marry. Only a tiny percentage of the population are people I would want to spend my whole life with. What are the odds I would be one of them? Whoa. You are either me, or you are stealing my thoughts. Cut that out. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-hating-or-disliking-oneself-always-irrational/661640/23 "2013-06-24T20:42:18Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Because self loathing takes effort and energy. As such, it is a choice. To this I say, “Nu-uh!” It certainly _consumes_ energy but it’s quie effortless. Basketball requires effort and energy, growing a tumor requires only energy. But I’d be curious to hear more of your thought process–I might just be misreading you. As for the OP I’m going to make some assumptions: “hate” means “to find extremely distateful,” and “oneself” means “the collection of what you’ve done, why you’ve done it, and what you think your future actions will be like.” Based on those–no, it’s perfectly rational to be disappointed, disgusted even, with your past and to know, maybe because of impulsiveness, you will never be what you would consider to be a decent person. That said, if you’re at the point where you hate yourself, you _might_ also be at a point where you can take some steps away from that trap. Not holding your past against yourself can take considerable effort. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2013, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-hating-or-disliking-oneself-always-irrational/661640/24 "2013-06-25T04:13:39Z")
It’s not always irrational, but it’s never beneficial. There’s a reason why therapy for depression has you challenge only your negative thoughts to replace them with rational positive ones. You can just as easily come up with rational negative thoughts to replace positive ones. But only one helps you stay functional. To hate yourself means you also hate the part of you that is hating yourself. There’s no way to get anything done if you are that divided against yourself. You can only hate part of yourself, not all of you. At the very least, you have to like the part of yourself that wants to do better. I’m being very loose with the term “hate” here, meaning something closer to dislike than actual, active hatred. Hatred is inherently irrational. It involves intentionally thinking about something or someone just so you can dislike them. It involved deliberately ignoring the good aspects of something because it feels good. This is never a rational thought process, even if it turns out that the hated thing really deserves to be disliked. Finally, because I can’t believe no one else has said this: **monstro** , you may have a few rough edges, but there’s not even an irrational justification for you to hate yourself–at least, based on what I’ve seen of you here. If this question is about yourself, then, I would assume it is even more irrational than usual, so please get that checked out. In general, people who like themselves don’t ask this question–especially without clarifying that it doesn’t apply to them. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2013, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-hating-or-disliking-oneself-always-irrational/661640/25 "2013-06-25T04:27:47Z")
Yes it’s irrational. Generally if there is something unlikeable or apparently dispiseable about yourself, it’s because you already hate part of yourself. So hating yourself more is not a viable solution, only loving yourself properly is. It’s only by coming to terms with those painful and uncomfortable parts of ourselves that we can progress [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-hating-or-disliking-oneself-always-irrational/661640.md?page=1)