# Is he a freak? Am I a freak? WTF? (TMI Warning) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 25, 2002, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916 "2002-10-25T22:50:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/41 "2002-10-27T05:18:50Z")
…not that there’s anything WRONG with that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/42 "2002-10-27T06:23:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by glarGH \* > \*\*as to why we’re still together? It sucks to be lonesome, I guess. \*\* So how is it to be frustrated and sad? It’s not fun either, is it? “It sucks to be lonesome” is NOT a reason to stay with someone. It _can_ be a reason to be miserable. Just not a good reason. You two may not be sexually compatible. So find someone you are compatible with. I think you’ll be lonely in the short term, but much happier in the long term. Just my opinion. I could be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/43 "2002-10-27T06:38:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by glarGH \* > \*\*as to why we’re still together? It sucks to be lonesome, I guess. \*\* So how is it to be frustrated and sad? It’s not fun either, is it? “It sucks to be lonesome” is NOT a reason to stay with someone. It _can_ be a reason to be miserable. Just not a good reason. You two may not be sexually compatible. So find someone you are compatible with. I think you’ll be lonely in the short term, but much happier in the long term. Just my opinion. I could be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/44 "2002-10-27T06:57:30Z")
_iGod damn hamsters!!!_ ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/45 "2002-10-27T10:29:12Z")
Perhaps **Eleusis** ’s post was poorly worded. I can’t speak for him, but I **might** know what he **might** have been getting at. I also can’t speak for Mr. **glarGH** , but here goes anyway. When he was 17 and **glarGH** was 19, he was caught up in the “glamour” stage of dating. **glarGH** dressed up and acted flirtatious, and together they lived out a Sex and the City scenario. Two years later, they’re in the “domesticity” stage, but they’ve also outlived his attention span, and at 19, he’s not ready for domesticity anyway. It might not be so much **glarGH** ’s weight\* as the fact that he sees her in her grubbies more often than he sees her in club gear. In other words, he has a wife, common law or not, and would prefer to still have a girlfriend. Move on. He has some growing up to do, and he doesn’t have to do it on your time. \*Although he might be making comments that foster her self-consciousness…she’s saying “I’m overweight, but I’m not” in a way that leads me to think this opinion comes from an outside source. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/46 "2002-10-27T18:12:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by glarGH \* > \*\*. . . He says,“I’m usually tired.” . . . He sits at a fucking desk all day looking at cars and messageboards. What does he have to be tired about? He does even less than I do . . . \*\* Has he been checked out for depression? ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/47 "2002-10-27T19:12:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snugglebear \* > \*\* It’s frustrating but eventually our sex drives will get back on a normal schedule. Most likely after the baby is born. \*\* _mmph_ Anything’s possible, I guess. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/48 "2002-10-27T19:18:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*“bisexual,” for a man = homo. They just don’t want to admit it. \*\* How do you know? I know plenty of bisexual men who’d disagree. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/49 "2002-10-27T19:59:37Z")
My earlier post was _way_ too snarky. I apologise. Posting in the Pit on worst PMS day without thinking VERY hard first = bad plan - for me anyhow. Sorry all. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/50 "2002-10-27T22:11:57Z")
1. You have mentioned once that you secretly hope he is cheating so you can kick him to the curb. (Even if this was in JEST, it’s very telling) 2. You have mentioned that you WONDER when he’s going to leave you. (Even if this is in JEST, it’s very telling) and in the midst of your sexual problems I haven’t seen you say ONCE in this thread that you HOPE it works out because you LOVE him so much. Do you see a pattern? ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Magic8ball](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Miss\_Magic8ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Magic8ball)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/51 "2002-10-27T22:27:10Z")
Get him drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Sparc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Sparc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparc)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/52 "2002-10-27T23:03:54Z")
> [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic > > “bisexual,” for a man = homo. They just don’t want to admit it. > > _Coldfire_ > > How do you know? I know plenty of bisexual men who’d disagree. Here’s one to start with. You have no clue **Diogenes** , no clue wahtsoever. ---
**Author:** ![glarGH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/76d3ee/32.png) [@glarGH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glarGH)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/53 "2002-10-27T23:56:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*1. You have mentioned once that you secretly hope he is cheating so you can kick him to the curb. (Even if this was in JEST, it’s very telling) > > 1. You have mentioned that you WONDER when he’s going to leave you. (Even if this is in JEST, it’s very telling) > > and in the midst of your sexual problems I haven’t seen you say ONCE in this thread that you HOPE it works out because you LOVE him so much. Do you see a pattern? \*\* Yeah I do. I’m kind of hoping that it **will** end. Call me a bad person. Go ahead. I know that there are those out there that wanna. Go ahead and tell me how heartless and callous that sounds. Fuck. We fight a bunch ( about other stuff ie, my being a selfish bitch and him being an irresponsible, lazy pile of dog turds, not jsut this) and I’ve tried to leave (he won’t let me) and have tried to kick him out (he just won’t leave). What would you suggest? Most of the time our co-existance is a familiar, comforatble,ok, but if he’s gonna be a little bastard and keep me stuck here, he very well better make me happy, goddammit. And he hasn’t been doing a very good job of it, truth be told. I got to spend my 21st birthday buying beer for his underage bastard friends. I spent our 1 year aniversary watching him chat on the goddamn internet until it was 2 am, and way too late for anything “special”. I gave up a life in another state, with my good friends because he cried and said he’d die if I left. So. Fuck. Yeah. I guess we are both freaks. Heh. I guess I’m just unhappy. Period. The End. ---
**Author:** ![glarGH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/76d3ee/32.png) [@glarGH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glarGH)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2002, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/54 "2002-10-28T00:15:00Z")
BTW, I \*\* do\*\* have feelings for him. I do care if he’s happy, or if he’s sad. I do love him, in my own emotionally stunted way. I just wish he’d grow up some and learn how to think about others. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2002, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/55 "2002-10-28T00:31:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*“bisexual,” for a man = homo. They just don’t want to admit it. \*\* Oh, bullshit. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![glarGH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/76d3ee/32.png) [@glarGH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glarGH)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2002, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/56 "2002-10-28T00:46:40Z")
umm… aren’t we all “bisexual” to some extent? I remember reading this somewhere… I’m not sure where, though. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/57 "2002-10-28T02:06:17Z")
Leave glarGH. Leave now. If he doesn’t ‘let you’, then call the police. Period. The end. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2002, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/58 "2002-10-28T16:36:59Z")
glarGH, I was in a relationship like that for 2 years. I was paying the full rent, but when I tried to kick him out he wouldn’t leave because it was “his house.” Yeah, right, whatever. I couldn’t leave b/c I had no place to go. I was in school full time and working two jobs while he worked part time and spent all of his money on weed. I cut my losses and left, leaving all of my stuff behind (went back with friends and a moving truck and got it when he was at work) having to forcefully push myself out the door. I had no bank account (he destroyed my credit), no place to live and $40 bucks in my pocket. With the help of friends and family, two years later, I have a great job, about to graduate college, some savings, my own apartment, and a b/f I actually love. The point of all of my rambling is that even though it may seem impossible now, you CAN leave. It’s the only way anythings going to get better. Turn to your friends and family and do what you gotta do. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2002, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/59 "2002-10-28T21:32:54Z")
**glarGH** , no one is calling you a bad person. Everyone gets in a bad situation now and then. Good luck with this one. ---
**Author:** ![Human\_Bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/43a26b/32.png) [@Human\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Human_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2002, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916/60 "2002-10-28T22:59:15Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by glarGH \* He’s tall, broad shoulders and has put on at least 40 pounds since we’ve met. QUOTE] This is telling. **What** it’s telling, I don’t know. That’s a lot of weight to pack on in a relatively short time. More than just an, “I’m comfortable now, so I can let myself go” kind of thing. There’s something physical or psychological going on here (I suspect the latter, but have no idea) beyond a mere libido problem. Weight gain could also account for the perpetual tiredness. Get him outside and do something together - walk, run, whatever. You’re in HAWAII, forgodssake. Enjoy it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-a-freak-am-i-a-freak-wtf-tmi-warning/133916.md?page=4)