# Is he into me? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 12, 2011, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464 "2011-10-12T21:07:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/41 "2011-10-14T15:23:29Z")
> [@aerodave](#): > > Nonsense. It’s every man (and woman) for himself out there, and it’s not her job to respect his girlfriend. If she goes after him and can actually pry him away from an unhappy relationship, good for her. To the victor go the spoils and all that. Maybe it’s because he’s in the wrong relationship. If he weren’t, he’d be able to resist. In any case, it’s his problem, not hers. > > Also nonsense. Yeah, yeah…anecdotes aren’t data. But my current marriage (a long, stable, and happy one) is the product of just the same scenario described in the OP. Though, admittedly, I was less creepy about things than that guy. > > I was in a relationship when I met my now-wife at work. I started flirting with her and hanging around her more than I had to because I was unhappy with my then-girlfriend, but was too stupid/scared/lazy to end the relationship. The “new girl” provided the motivation I needed, I guess. She knew I was “taken” but she decided that was my problem, not hers. She reciprocated my attention, and after a short while I dumped my gf and started dating her. And in the 14 years since, I haven’t gone seeking the affections of any other woman. > > Sometimes guys flirt outside their relationship because they’re scum. But sometimes they do it because they’re in the wrong relationship. So you would have zero issues with someone hitting on your current SO, even if they know that she’s already in a relationship with you? You don’t find that distasteful and disrespectful towards you because all’s fair and it’s every man for himself? And your SO would have no problem with a girl, who knows about your relationship, hitting on you and trying to pry you away? It’s rude behavior and really has no place in polite society. But if that’s acceptable behavior where you’re from, then more power to you. ---
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/42 "2011-10-14T15:41:26Z")
I was contemplating a long, measured response to that, but it’s not like you’d be convinced of anything, so I’ll just say this: Both of our attitudes toward that other person would be one of “Go ahead, knock yourself out…” We can’t control others’ behavior, and there’s no harm done in the scenario you describe. ---
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/43 "2011-10-14T15:57:12Z")
totally disrespectful of you - not to mention his girlfriend. have respect for yourself and send him packing. that and getting your meat where you buy your bread is never EVER a good idea. plus… _ **ew** _. this lowlife is pinging my shit-o-meter big time. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/44 "2011-10-14T16:03:32Z")
> [@PacifistPorcupine](#): > > Certainly looks that way. I’m not going to judge, maybe she would like him in her pants. She just needs to remember there may be consequences for her and others. if she’s okay with that, then do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. You mean with Mike Rowe in a sewer? ---
**Author:** ![runcible\_spoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc29f/32.png) [@runcible\_spoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runcible_spoon)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/45 "2011-10-14T16:21:18Z")
> [@Scubaqueen](#): > > totally disrespectful of you - not to mention his girlfriend. > > have respect for yourself and send him packing. that and getting your meat where you buy your bread is never EVER a good idea. > > plus… _ **ew** _. this lowlife is pinging my shit-o-meter big time. Disagree. By purchasing meat and bread at the same location, one can reduce per-day trips taken, thereby saving both time and gas money, and simultaneously reducing the ecological impact of their shopping. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/46 "2011-10-14T16:42:39Z")
If he’ll do it with you, he’ll do it to you. The cheetah doesn’t change his spots. > [@runcible\_spoon](#): > > Disagree. By purchasing meat and bread at the same location, one can reduce per-day trips taken, thereby saving both time and gas money, and simultaneously reducing the ecological impact of their shopping. I dunno, what if the meat goes bad? It could spoil the bread too. ---
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/47 "2011-10-14T16:49:06Z")
> [@umop\_ap\_sdn](#): > > If he’ll do it with you, he’ll do it to you. The cheetah doesn’t change his spots. People parrot that idea all the time despite plenty of evidence to the contrary. It’s just not absolutely true, and may not even be generally true. All that can be said for certain is that it goes on a case-by-case basis. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/48 "2011-10-14T17:12:50Z")
> [@aerodave](#): > > People parrot that idea all the time despite plenty of evidence to the contrary. It’s just not absolutely true, and may not even be generally true. All that can be said for certain is that it goes on a case-by-case basis. [citation needed], anecdote is not the singular of data, etc. If there’s plenty of evidence, it shouldn’t be hard for you to find some. Oh, and methodology matters, because technically there’s a 100% quit-rate for every cheater–the day they die. ---
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/49 "2011-10-14T17:45:16Z")
But if the hypothesis is an absolute statement, it only takes one data point to refute it. In which case, an anecdote is sufficient. The burden of proof is on the person who made the original assertion that “once a cheater, always a cheater.” ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/50 "2011-10-14T17:52:21Z")
Technically you’re not a data point, because you don’t know whether you might cheat in the future. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/51 "2011-10-14T17:58:54Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > Technically you’re not a data point, because you don’t know whether you might cheat in the future. Get a room, you two!! ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/52 "2011-10-14T18:03:14Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > Technically you’re not a data point, because you don’t know whether you might cheat in the future. Also, who knows what the heck his wife/gf might be up to. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/53 "2011-10-14T18:17:36Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Get a room, you two!! I’m sorry, but I don’t sleep with data points. My taste trends toward Gaussian curves 😃 ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/54 "2011-10-14T22:03:29Z")
> [@aerodave](#): > > People parrot that idea all the time despite plenty of evidence to the contrary. It’s just not absolutely true, and may not even be generally true. All that can be said for certain is that it goes on a case-by-case basis. Did you at least like my pun? ---
**Author:** ![Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Romeo_and_Whatsherface)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/55 "2011-10-14T23:51:26Z")
The OP isn’t asking if this guy is morally right. She’s not asking if she SHOULD boink him. She’s just asking if he’s into her. The answer is yes, he is. And aerodave is not defending cheating in general. He’s just pointing out the dangers of this moral absolute. The older I get, the less judgmental I become. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/56 "2011-10-15T01:46:06Z")
> [@Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](#): > > The OP isn’t asking if this guy is morally right. She’s not asking if she SHOULD boink him. She’s just asking if he’s into her. The answer is yes, he is. > > And aerodave is not defending cheating in general. He’s just pointing out the dangers of this moral absolute. > > The older I get, the less judgmental I become. Me, too. I often try to offer advice, knowing it won’t be taken. Some lessons must be learned, not taught. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/57 "2011-10-15T02:39:08Z")
She did say she’s wondering if this is something to pursue. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/58 "2011-10-15T02:54:34Z")
> [@umop\_ap\_sdn](#): > > She did say she’s wondering if this is something to pursue. She doesn’t need to pursue. He’s doing the pursuing already. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/59 "2011-10-15T12:41:57Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > So you would have zero issues with someone hitting on your current SO, even if they know that she’s already in a relationship with you? You don’t find that distasteful and disrespectful towards you because all’s fair and it’s every man for himself? And your SO would have no problem with a girl, who knows about your relationship, hitting on you and trying to pry you away? > > It’s rude behavior and really has no place in polite society. But if that’s acceptable behavior where you’re from, then more power to you. I’m with \*\*aerodave \*\*on this one. I think that if my girlfriend were letting the hitter onner get as far as the OP’s boyfriend is going, it would be a blessing to know what kind of woman I was with in a relationship. And, I believe, per your last paragraph, that it is rude, but, I disagree that it has no place in polite society. I know that this behavior takes place, and, in the end, people sympathize with the new couple, rather than the cuckold/cuckoldess in these scenarios. Am I rambling? You bet… hh ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464/60 "2011-10-17T07:12:48Z")
Naw, he’s not into you at all. What ever gave you that stupid idea? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-he-into-me/599464.md?page=4)