# Is "husband hunting" really all that offensive & unreal a concept? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2014, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323 "2014-09-03T02:03:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/21 "2014-09-03T13:48:06Z")
I don’t think she is looking for a starter husband - I think she’s supposed to be a newbie to husband hunting. And yeah, vaguely offensive on multiple levels (like what woman doesn’t know about Fuck Me Heels and a Little Black Dress to attract male attention - that’s like telling a woman to put her keys between her fingers walking to the car - we all know (mixed signals though, ain’t it)) Its actually funnier if she is looking for a starter husband 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/22 "2014-09-03T14:31:04Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > If we’re talking about what’s wrong _with the ad_, I think you ought to actually look at it; but I think, as does the blogger in the link, that the phrase “starter husband” is a big part of it. Well I wasn’t talking about the ad I was discussing the general comments about husband hunting. Looking at the links now, I can’t get too offended by them. The husband hunting one does treat guys as something like objects / animals, but that seems to be common in media generally; it’s still fair game to joke about men in that way. And I think it’s generally OK because no-one would really believe men are just automatons, whereas in the past stereotyping of women, minorities was based on real prejudice. Both ads also come across as patronising and old-fashioned in their treatment of women, but I think just a rewording could have averted internet rage. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/23 "2014-09-03T14:34:35Z")
Offensive would be a tag line like “Then take off the damn shoes, get in the kitchen and make him a sammich - with our pannini maker!” ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/24 "2014-09-03T14:53:17Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I think that’s exactly it. We look down on those “getting their Mrs.” and “golddiggers” and “trophy wives” and arranged marriages and brokered marriages and marriages of convenience and green card marriages and even, still, online dating because culturally we want marriage to be the result of love and only love, and love that is miraculous and comes out of the blue, not planned and plotted for. You are listing a bunch of disparate things there that get “looked down on” to very different degrees and, in several cases, for reasons well beyond the one you mention. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/25 "2014-09-03T15:05:22Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Some are but some like [this article](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html) get to the heart of the matter. This article pissed a lot of people off, but it zeroed in on the fact that a positive attitude and being realistic about your options will get you a long way down the line if your goal is to be married. The ad is just a stupid ad. The article, otoh, is a great big pile of dumb. Any woman who reads that list and doesn’t immediately turn into a lesbian deserves what she ends up with. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/26 "2014-09-03T15:07:52Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I think it’s really the combo of ads that is questionable. Right, that’s kinda what got me. It’s true that the treating men as objects is bothersome, and so is the idea that stay-at-home moms do nothing all day. But it’s the combo of those ads that hit me. The Upworthy page linked to [this Washington Post blog post](http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2014/08/05/nine-west-wants-to-sell-you-husband-hunting-shoes/), and from that article: > [@](#): > > But it’s not that the actual shoe selection is ridiculous — the entire campaign verges on an outdated premise, that women wear shoes for men, or for children, or for anyone besides, well, themselves. I kinda agree with that. If there were also ads for wearing fabulous shoes while giving a big presentation at work, or traveling around Europe, or negotiating a purchase for an amazing car, or going out drinking with friends, or walking your dog, or any number of other things, then I’d be less bothered by those two ads. But just these two ads together, it’s tiresome. There is actually a third ad shown on the [New York Times page about the ad campaign](http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/01/business/media/a-suggestion-for-the-right-shoe-for-unusual-moments.html?ref=media&_r=1), and it doesn’t help things, since it’s for the “Anticipatory walk of shame.” ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/27 "2014-09-03T15:33:14Z")
And I think that is what gets offensive about “the MRS”- the idea that that is all women do or that it is their only priority. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/28 "2014-09-03T15:49:43Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > And I think that is what gets offensive about “the MRS”- the idea that that is all women do or that it is their only priority. Does anybody believe that _now_? I gather that in the past it was a snarky name for a real phenomenon and there were significant numbers of women who enrolled in college, got married, and didn’t finish school. They might’ve been expected to do that or advised to do it. Today I’m pretty sure more women than men finish college and we know people are getting married and starting families later- perhaps to the point that (as in this thread) people are making assumptions about the women who do get married while they’re in college. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/29 "2014-09-03T16:28:45Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I gather that in the past it was a snarky name for a real phenomenon and there were significant numbers of women who enrolled in college, got married, and didn’t finish school. They might’ve been expected to do that or advised to do it. Today I’m pretty sure more women than men finish college and we know people are getting married and starting families later… All true. I think the point is that it makes the much smaller number of women actively husband-hunting nowadays look that much more ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/30 "2014-09-03T16:29:20Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Does anybody believe that _now_? I gather that in the past it was a snarky name for a real phenomenon and there were significant numbers of women who enrolled in college, got married, and didn’t finish school. They might’ve been expected to do that or advised to do it. Today I’m pretty sure more women than men finish college and we know people are getting married and starting families later- perhaps to the point that (as in this thread) people are making assumptions about the women who do get married while they’re in college. I think it happens less, for sure. But remnants are still there. I’m thinking back to an article advising women in Ivy League colleges to marry during undergrad as they will never find a suitable mate again-- that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/31 "2014-09-03T16:38:54Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > And I think that is what gets offensive about “the MRS”- the idea that that is all women do or that it is their only priority. The ad doesn’t even imply that. “Whether you’re looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now” is hardly pushing the idea “all women are just looking for a husband”. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/32 "2014-09-03T16:40:14Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > The ad doesn’t even imply that. “Whether you’re looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now” is hardly pushing the idea “all women are just looking for a husband”. Unless there are more ads I didn’t see, the campaign didn’t refer to the MRS thing at all. It’s something that came up in this thread as a more general reference to “husband hunting.” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/33 "2014-09-03T16:49:49Z")
That’s what “looking for Mr. Right” is. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/34 "2014-09-03T16:55:19Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > That’s what “looking for Mr. Right” is. Of course. But I don’t think the ads refer to ‘getting your MRS,’ which is a type of husband hunting specific to college. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/35 "2014-09-03T17:04:39Z")
> [@Hedda\_Rosa](#): > > The real problem is that those are fucking ugly shoes. True. And the ad copy in the first ad doesn’t even match the list. The woman is wearing weird black tights instead of a little black dress. Like the arrows, the ad mostly missed the target. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/36 "2014-09-03T17:05:09Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > That’s what “looking for Mr. Right” is. > > Regards, > Shodan > [@Marley23](#): > > Of course. But I don’t think the ads refer to ‘getting your MRS,’ which is a type of husband hunting specific to college. Nevermind; this isn’t the point of what **even sven** was saying or what you were saying. But: > [@Shodan](#): > > Whether you’re looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now" is hardly pushing the idea “all women are just looking for a husband”. That’s true, but it does leave the implication that single women are looking for a man at all times. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/37 "2014-09-03T20:03:49Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > Back in the day, college towns had LOTS of college-age women from out-of-town. > > Not a one of them was enrolled, nor did they have career-type jobs. They were out for their Mrs. degrees. I remember one, distantly related to the Lear of Lear Jets, who was zeroing in on males from her first day one campus (at least she was a student. Don’t know for how long). She tried me on for size - I said "have a nice life!’ and ran. A few months later, in the cafeteria, she came in trailing a male - all he needed was a ring through his nose to complete the look. I didn’t bother getting close enough to see her left hand, but the body language was "I nailed one! Here’s my trophy - eat your hearts out, you SINGLE women. > A couple tried it on me - I took the easy sex, but told them I wasn’t going to get married in any foreseeable future. I can hear their mother’s saying “They all say that - just keep at him”. > Maybe they all say that, but some of us mean it (65 and never married). > My niece (at 17 a fat, not-attractive, not clever, not smart - absolutely nothing going for her except boobs the size of her head). She shared a bit of dating advice from her mother - “Never do it n a car - make him get a room”. She had been sexually active (as in “anything in pants who wants some”) since 14 - her parents were going through mid-life crisis while up in the middle of nowhere on a little asteroid they created to ensure the kids had no outside distractions, and turned to religion. They dragged her along on a trip to a religious gathering in the big city. At 14, she was not interested in God, but a cute butt got her attention. While they were downstairs getting religion, she was upstairs getting nailed. > My older sister (B 1947), the pretty, thin one, was enrolled in a second-rate school. I never knew her major - that is how important her studies were. We did meet the one she hooked. lolwut? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/38 "2014-09-04T12:49:37Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > [QUOTE=Shodan] > > Whether you’re looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now" is hardly pushing the idea “all women are just looking for a husband”. That’s true, but it does leave the implication that single women are looking for a man at all times. [/QUOTE] I don’t see in any of the ads the words “all” or “always” or “most” or "usually"or “more often than not”. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/39 "2014-09-04T13:29:07Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Did you notice that the ad said “ **STARTER** HUSBAND HUNTING”? Maybe they want you start start slow & sell you bigger higher-power rifle when you are ready to hunt the next one? _ **Duck Season** _ ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/40 "2014-09-04T14:38:41Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I don’t see in any of the ads the words “all” or “always” or “most” or "usually"or “more often than not”. The only activity described in the first ad is looking for a guy. Whether they’re looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, women are presumed to be looking for a man all the time. I realize that’s one ad out of a series, but that’s what they’re offering. For that matter I’m not in marketing, but it seems to me that it’s a bad idea to say your shoe can only be worn for one thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323.md?page=3)