# Is "husband hunting" really all that offensive & unreal a concept? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2014, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323 "2014-09-03T02:03:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Anita\_Dayoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Anita\_Dayoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anita_Dayoff)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/41 "2014-09-04T17:24:52Z")
Out of the city (where the corn and beans grow) it’s referred to as ‘looking for a husband or wife in the plat book’. You look for a farmers son or daughter who will inherit a lot of land and learn to love them. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/42 "2014-09-04T17:34:43Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > The only activity described in the first ad is looking for a guy. And shopping for shoes and dresses. > [@](#): > > Whether they’re looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, women are presumed to be looking for a man all the time. The word “all” does not appear in any of the ads. Nor does any other word or phrase that would suggest that presumption. Do you believe the ad about “The First Day of Kindergarten” is about hunting men? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/43 "2014-09-04T17:44:24Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > Back in the day, college towns had LOTS of college-age women from out-of-town. > > Not a one of them was enrolled, nor did they have career-type jobs. They were out for their Mrs. degrees. I remember one, distantly related to the Lear of Lear Jets, who was zeroing in on males from her first day one campus (at least she was a student. Don’t know for how long). She tried me on for size - I said "have a nice life!’ and ran. A few months later, in the cafeteria, she came in trailing a male - all he needed was a ring through his nose to complete the look. I didn’t bother getting close enough to see her left hand, but the body language was "I nailed one! Here’s my trophy - eat your hearts out, you SINGLE women. > A couple tried it on me - I took the easy sex, but told them I wasn’t going to get married in any foreseeable future. I can hear their mother’s saying “They all say that - just keep at him”. > Maybe they all say that, but some of us mean it (65 and never married). > My niece (at 17 a fat, not-attractive, not clever, not smart - absolutely nothing going for her except boobs the size of her head). She shared a bit of dating advice from her mother - “Never do it n a car - make him get a room”. She had been sexually active (as in “anything in pants who wants some”) since 14 - her parents were going through mid-life crisis while up in the middle of nowhere on a little asteroid they created to ensure the kids had no outside distractions, and turned to religion. They dragged her along on a trip to a religious gathering in the big city. At 14, she was not interested in God, but a cute butt got her attention. While they were downstairs getting religion, she was upstairs getting nailed. > My older sister (B 1947), the pretty, thin one, was enrolled in a second-rate school. I never knew her major - that is how important her studies were. We did meet the one she hooked. You know an incredible amount of info about your niece’s sex life! What is her favored position? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/44 "2014-09-04T17:54:01Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > And shopping for shoes and dresses. I wasn’t talking about the stuff on the checklist. The only activity they say they “got a shoe for” is looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. > [@](#): > > Do you believe the ad about “The First Day of Kindergarten” is about hunting men? You did see the line where I said “I realize this is one ad out of a series,” right? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/45 "2014-09-04T19:55:32Z")
To me, this is not ‘‘write an angry blog post’’ offensive, it is ‘‘roll my eyes and promptly forget’’ offensive. I dunno, I just can’t muster the outrage anymore for people who honest-to-goodness believe in these stupid gender stereotypes. It’s like being mad that there is a Flat Earth Society. Probably some women will relate to it and buy shoes. Whatever. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/46 "2014-09-04T22:21:26Z")
> [@grude](#): > > You know an incredible amount of info about your niece’s sex life! > > What is her favored position? She spent three days with me when she was 17. She had (thanks to her parent’s obscene desire to ALWAYS be the parents of small children, and this was the last one to hold on to) a “snot-nosed bitch” attitude that she could do or say anything, and it was OK. Her parents worked at the High School, so they could shelter her from the kickback that comes from that attitude. It took 2 days just to get through that crap. She had some incredible ideas about having to “put out” to be accepted - given her lack of any kind of attractiveness, that just might be the cold, hard, reality she was facing. We got into the concept of “you never forget the names of the ones you love”. She got defensive and insisted that she remembers their name. I said “it’s not 20 years down the line, either”. Then I told her: “If you aren’t going to like him in the morning, just pass on the sex”. That produced an incredible look of relief on her face. I suspect I was the first to suggest she had a choice in the matter. Follow-up: 11 years later, after getting her boobs bobbed, and lasting 2 months in a third-rate college (she learned real quick about that “everything I do is wonderful” attitude) she married a co-worker at the Target store at which she works. I didn’t attend - niece and I had a falling out over my nailing her on her “snot-nosed bitch” routine, and told her it would not go over well in the adult world. Daddy got into the act, blindly siding with his kid (she bear routine). I wasn’t invited, or even informed. From the pics provided by kid sis, they are a happy, well suited pair. I wish them well ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2014, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/47 "2014-09-05T12:44:44Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > To me, this is not ‘‘write an angry blog post’’ offensive, it is ‘‘roll my eyes and promptly forget’’ offensive. > > I dunno, I just can’t muster the outrage anymore for people who honest-to-goodness believe in these stupid gender stereotypes. It’s like being mad that there is a Flat Earth Society. Probably some women will relate to it and buy shoes. Whatever. Agreed, this is exactly how I feel about it. On the list of things to be outraged about, I just couldn’t care less about this one. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/48 "2014-09-06T15:28:51Z")
If some woman wants to “husband hunt” then fine. Not my gig but then again I’m also not into stiletto heels. What’s weird about the ad (and other ads like it) is that it’s portraying “husband hunting” as the normal aspiration for women and for clothing to be the way to get the husband. All of which is in my opinion insulting, shallow, and culturally backward. The sexism combined with the consumerism is not in the public interest. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/49 "2014-09-06T16:08:02Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I don’t think she is looking for a starter husband - I think she’s supposed to be a newbie to husband hunting. And yeah, vaguely offensive on multiple levels (like what woman doesn’t know about Fuck Me Heels and a Little Black Dress to attract male attention - that’s like telling a woman to put her keys between her fingers walking to the car - we all know (mixed signals though, ain’t it)) > > Its actually funnier if she is looking for a starter husband 🙂 I think a hyphen would’ve been our friend here. “Starter-husband hunting” or “starter husband-hunting.” > [@Finagle](#): > > True. And the ad copy in the first ad doesn’t even match the list. The woman is wearing weird black tights instead of a little black dress. You mean pants? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/50 "2014-09-06T17:22:34Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > lolwut? Good God, I so echo this. What on earth does any of this inappropriate sharing of someone else’s intimate and personal details have to do with this thread? And as far as the OP goes, I agree with **Spice Weasel** … mildly silly and totally unworthy of any armchair outrage. Some day these antiquated sexist ideas will pretty much be eradicated. Until then, only a little eye roll strain is warranted. Also: totally ugly ass shoes. Ugh. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/51 "2014-09-06T17:43:39Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > Right, that’s kinda what got me. It’s true that the treating men as objects is bothersome, and so is the idea that stay-at-home moms do nothing all day. Hey, those bon-bons don’t eat themselves. Also, if she’s really husband hunting, with a bow and arrow, is she looking for someone to marry, or looking to rid herself of one? some sort of cross-up of _The Most Dangerous Game_ and _Strangers on a Train_?-- these are important details. However, those are totally the wrong shoes. Personally, I’d wear my Army boots. Do you have to use a bow and arrow? I’d rather use a rifle. How much is the license and when are they in season? what’s the limit? ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/52 "2014-09-06T22:54:56Z")
Not that strange in my country (philippinese.) In one company, the secret battle cry of single women in their 30s is “any living breathing man will do.” ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/53 "2014-09-07T00:35:26Z")
Eh, not as bad as mothers I know that sent the daughters to college expressly to get their MRS degree. (and would tell people that) ---
**Author:** ![DingoelGringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DingoelGringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DingoelGringo)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/54 "2014-09-07T00:43:29Z")
My business here in the Dominican Republic is to introduce American men to Dominican women who are husband hunting, but the playing field is so unlevel that it is a very different thing. 5 to 12 men fly down and we have twice that many young ladies who are wishing for LTR’s. There is a lot of prostitution in this country since it is totally legal and known for such, but that isn’t what we are dealing with, but those men and women looking for marriage. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/55 "2014-09-07T00:44:22Z")
Upworthy is insufferable. ---
**Author:** ![DingoelGringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DingoelGringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DingoelGringo)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/56 "2014-09-07T00:45:16Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > Not that strange in my country (philippinese.) In one company, the secret battle cry of single women in their 30s is “any living breathing man will do.” Knew a guy who said he’d take any woman 8 to 80, blind crippled or crazy, white black or Latin, and not more than 8 hours dead. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/57 "2014-09-07T01:51:23Z")
Well here, wives complain their useless husbands will take on a lamp post if you just wrap a skirt around it. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/58 "2014-09-07T11:02:59Z")
I really feel there is a certain population of females who have zero desire for careers and want only to be wives and mothers. They might even have college degrees and incredible talents but are happiest when pushing a toddler on a swing. About half the Mom’s at my kids school are stay at homes (although volunteer work at school, church, or community can become a job in itself). So I dont begrudge them for only looking for a husband. My personal opinion, it’s about 10% of females who would rather be nothing but mothers. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/59 "2014-09-07T16:19:54Z")
I see we’ve strayed well away from the OP’s question about some specific advertising campaign and stereotypes. So I’m going to respond to a theme I see developing in the thread. I don’t understand or accept the assumption that “husband hunting” is somehow related to women not wanting to work, or wanting to be a stay-at-home. I’m a guy, but … From about age 15 I had this silly idea that at some point I’d like to be married to somebody. Not just anybody, but somebody worthwhile. And so I did a lot of things over a lot of years that included looking for nice women to date, to hang out with, to get to know well, and finally, one to marry. So I was wife hunting. But “wife hunting” sounds to me an awful lot like a straw-man argument. Are there women who want to be SAH spouses? Sure there are some. And do some of them aspire to be parents? Sure. But are there a lot of women who desire marriage, but not SAH? Sure again. So when does looking for a mate turn into husband hunting? Seems to me if the gals we want to bitch about are SAH kept-woman or Mommy wannabees, we ought to call them gold-diggers, or meal-ticket hunters, or maybe sperm donation recipients. The critical thing they desire is not the husband, but rather the fringes a husband might (not will) provide. Hunting for a husband is something about 99% of hetero women will normally want to do. Likewise hunting for a wife is a normal and legitimate goal for about 99% of hetero men. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323/60 "2014-09-07T16:47:58Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Seems to me if the gals we want to bitch about are SAH kept-woman or Mommy wannabees, we ought to call them gold-diggers, or meal-ticket hunters, or maybe sperm donation recipients. The critical thing they desire is not the husband, but rather the fringes a husband might (not will) provide. > > Hunting for a husband is something about 99% of hetero women will normally want to do. Likewise hunting for a wife is a normal and legitimate goal for about 99% of hetero men. And that isn’t unique to women. I’ve know a number of guys who “married well” so they could focus their time on - say their band. One of my very good friends has - at nearly 50, just started making enough money from his very disciplined writing to be able to support himself - for 25 years they’ve lived off his wife’s income while he writes. Another now has the primary job, but for the first 20 years of marriage, his wife did - and he did most of the stay at home parenting. Now, these guys are really in love with their wives and make fantastic couples - but there are definitely fringe benefits when your spouse is the primary wage earner - male or female [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-husband-hunting-really-all-that-offensive-unreal-a-concept/697323.md?page=4)