# Is it acceptable to say "No" to dancing at a company function? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 2, 2013, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445 "2013-07-02T14:41:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/41 "2013-07-02T19:23:49Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > And even if it has, it’s about as back-handed and insulting a “compliment” as one can receive. > > The OP is talking about a company function. Not becoming an object of mockery in your professional space isn’t just about hurt feelings. It’s about remaining effective at your job. And part of being effective at your job often means having to make an effort to fit in, even if it’s pretty damn horrible and painful. I am not a dancer at all. However once at a reception my 60-something liquored up boss dragged me out to dance. What am I going to say? “No, you are making me uncomfortable.” No you do it and then make your escape as soon as possible. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/42 "2013-07-02T19:28:51Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > And part of being effective at your job often means having to make an effort to fit in, even if it’s pretty damn horrible and painful. > > I am not a dancer at all. However once at a reception my 60-something liquored up boss dragged me out to dance. What am I going to say? “No, you are making me uncomfortable.” No you do it and then make your escape as soon as possible. And sometimes you have to decide if it’s better to look like a bitch or a fool. There’s a lot of factors that go into that calculation. ---
**Author:** ![nogwart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nogwart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogwart)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/43 "2013-07-02T19:29:08Z")
Just for the record, I’m fairly fit, and am not overweight. I “overpowered” the owner and won the tug-o-war simply because he was very thin, short, and elderly. About avoiding the party altogether, the company arranged the party around a series of meetings both before and after the party so that everyone had to attend. They did this on purpose so that all employees would be present and no one could ditch. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/44 "2013-07-02T19:37:48Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > The boss is clearly wrong to physically force someone onto the dance floor. However, at the point that someone is grabbing your hand and pulling you up from your seat, there’s no use in resisting and making things into a tug-of-war on the dance floor. > > At the point they are dragging you with them, just stop resisting and walk with them. Walk through the crowd of people who are tripping the light fantastic, proceed with deliberate speed through them and to the other side of the floor (you might want to do a little head bob or something to really convince your attackers that you’re “into it” and buy a few second of time), then circle the perimeter of the ballroom, grab your coat, and make a beeline for the door. > > On edit: If that ploy doesn’t work, you can always go with this handy phrase that I use a few times a week: “Unhand me or I will punch you in the balls.” If someone forces you to dance, just grind on them until you finish, no one present will ever ask you again. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/45 "2013-07-02T19:45:17Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > My response: > > > [@](#): > > > > I haven’t the slightest idea how to dance, having never received any instruction or experience, and don’t like the idea of learning to dance in front of everyone with amateurs as teachers. Please ask someone else. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do that, or that they’re not assholes. Someone who keeps bugging you about doing something you don’t want to do is no doubt an asshole. But at a work function, it’s harder to call people out on being an asshole for something like this, without people thinking that you are being unreasonable. So if you don’t want to cause a scene, you can either give in, or try to avoid the situation like I suggested in my last post. You can keep repeating the same thing over and over and then leave, but people might think you are a buzzkill or something. It sucks, but that’s how it is. There should be some sort of public campaign about how No Means No, not just in sexual situations, but also regarding social situations. Adults can choose what they want to do or not to do. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/46 "2013-07-02T19:49:44Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Speaking as someone who has been the biggest person at the party on many occasions, I gotta say that when you feel like you’re the “look at the fat woman dance!” for everyone else, it’s NOT a “joyful and fun experience”. And people DO go home and talk about the fat woman dancing, it was the funniest thing ever hahaha. Trying to get a big woman to dance is often not about “helping her have fun”. It’s really about asking her to humiliate herself so everyone else can get a good laugh. In all the parties I have been to in my life, not once has one of the evenings goals been to get a fat person to humiliate themselves dancing so everyone can get a good laugh. I pictured the OP as tall and her boss as short. ---
**Author:** ![phreesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@phreesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phreesh)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/47 "2013-07-02T20:08:42Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > And even if it has, it’s about as back-handed and insulting a “compliment” as one can receive. > > The OP is talking about a company function. Not becoming an object of mockery in your professional space isn’t just about hurt feelings. It’s about remaining effective at your job. I’ll just say that I’m disapointed in some people’s view of humanity. Do YOU make fun of large people dancing? I don’t. How do you know you’re an object of mockery? Is everybody making fun of everybody who dances? What if they are? Fuck them, not the people out there having fun. Again, I won’t defend people forcing people to do things they don’t enjoy. That was a shitty thing to do. I just want non-dancers to consider that life sometimes presents opportunities to do enjoyable things. Dancing is potentially one of those things. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/48 "2013-07-02T20:14:27Z")
You should not need to give any explanation. I can understand a bit of overenthusiastic encouragement, but this clearly went way beyond that. I think you did the right thing under the circumstances. There’s only one other suggestion I have, which is eventually to say, “This is the last time I’ll say ‘no’ politely.” The trick is to not give others the power over you, and you did very well by that standard. The total zenmaster might have found a way to dispel the situation without going as far as you had to, and my hat’s always off to people who manage to do that. I vehemently disagree with those who feel this is partly your “fault”. Are you partly responsible for the situation? Yes: you’re responsible for the fact that you choose not to dance. You are not responsible for assholes who think that it’s necessary for you to dance. They manage to be assholes all on their own. Everybody isn’t the same. Others have no idea what’s going on in your head and why you choose not to dance. You have no obligation to disbuse them. I can’t imagine this happening anyplace where I’ve worked, but perhaps I’m just lucky. I’m a professional, and I work with professionals (in both small companies and large ones). Anyone acting like your boss would have been clued in by someone. The closest I came was at a bachelor party, long ago, at a strip club, for a long time friend and the president of the small company along with co-workers and other friends. I didn’t handle it as I could/should have, but it wasn’t nearly as relentless as what you describe (and nobody tried to drag me). Anyway, that was my fault not theirs, and no permanent damage was done. I do still have a limp, though … (just kidding) ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/49 "2013-07-02T20:18:35Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > Again, I won’t defend people forcing people to do things they don’t enjoy. That was a shitty thing to do. I just want non-dancers to consider that life sometimes presents opportunities to do enjoyable things. Dancing is potentially one of those things. I think most people who prefer not to dance understand what dancing is and how much enjoyment they may or may not get from it. I do love it when life presents opportunities to do enjoyable things. For me it’s threesomes. But you don’t see me pressuring everyone else to enjoy my favorite pastimes. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/50 "2013-07-02T20:25:15Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > I feel sad for people who can’t share in the common experience of dancing together. It’s really a fundamental human experience undertaken by all cultures throughout time. How many cultures practice bullying of unwilling participants during celebratory activity? ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/51 "2013-07-02T20:34:10Z")
> [@nogwart](#): > > Just for the record, I’m fairly fit, and am not overweight. I “overpowered” the owner and won the tug-o-war simply because he was very thin, short, and elderly. > > About avoiding the party altogether, the company arranged the party around a series of meetings both before and after the party so that everyone had to attend. They did this on purpose so that all employees would be present and no one could ditch. What? Meetings before and after the party? Wow! No wonder you were happy to leave that company for another. Talk about controlling the workers. I really can’t imagine any of the firms I have worked for (or owned for that matter) ever even \*considering \*such a thing. What were the spouses and SO’s supposed to do? Just show up on their own for the party and then go home to wait for the employee to return after the later meetings? This is one of the least considerate ideas I have ever heard of in all my years in academia and business. Well, come to think of it, there were some pretty horrible things I endured as a graduate assistant, but I thought of that as ‘paying my dues’ to an extent. But this? Beyond the pale. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/52 "2013-07-02T20:37:23Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > Dancing is truly a joyful and fun experience. See, this is an absolutely subjective assessment; you have no business proclaiming it as a universal truth for all people for all time. Let try replacing the word “dancing” in your paragraph with another phrase that fits my subjective experience of it: > [@nobody](#): > > public humiliation is truly a joyful and fun experience. And takes zero skill. I feel sad for people who can’t share in the common experience of being publicly humiliated together. It’s really a fundamental human experience undertaken by all cultures throughout time. I would encourage people to give it a try. As to your final sentence there…I’ve been alive for over 43 years now, and it’s just conceivable that I’ve actually tried dancing before and found it not to my liking. I don’t feel a burning need to try it yet again, in your presence, just to prove to you that I don’t like it, simply because you refuse to believe me when I tell you upfront that I don’t like it. You want to feel sad for me? That’s fine. Go feel sad for me over there on the dance floor. Without me. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/53 "2013-07-02T20:49:45Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > I’ll just say that I’m disapointed in some people’s view of humanity. Do YOU make fun of large people dancing? I don’t. > > How do you know you’re an object of mockery? Is everybody making fun of everybody who dances? What if they are? Fuck them, not the people out there having fun. > > Again, I won’t defend people forcing people to do things they don’t enjoy. That was a shitty thing to do. I just want non-dancers to consider that life sometimes presents opportunities to do enjoyable things. Dancing is potentially one of those things. Yeah? You know what’s another activity that has been greatly enjoyed by billions since the dawn of prehistory? Ball-licking. Do you know that not a day, not an _hour_ goes by in the world that doesn’t see someone gently laving the tangy, moist nutsack of their social superior, savoring the briny wine of dickspume as it trickles in a refreshing trail down their face to finally congeal and dangle, like the world’s most precious, gooiest pearl, off the tip of their chin. That pearl is life and love, the vital genesis of all of humanity containing within it the seed of every one of our hopes and dreams. To partake in this sacred miracle is to know all pleasure and sorrow, the foamy heights of anticipation and the depths of bleach-smelling, eye-stinging dread. Some would say that no life is complete that lacks the experience of this, at once the holiest and most profane of social acts. But I still ain’t doing it at the company picnic. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/54 "2013-07-02T20:52:11Z")
OMG colander, I just spit water everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![phreesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@phreesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phreesh)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/55 "2013-07-02T20:52:14Z")
Two points: 1. Everybody who equates ‘dancing’ with ‘public humiliation’ has got some serious baggage. That’s on you, not people who are out there dancing 2. I fully support your choice to not dance ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/56 "2013-07-02T20:59:34Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > 1. I fully support your choice to not dance If this means that you will graciously accept someone’s polite “no thank-you” when they refuse your invitation to dance, and not pursue the matter further, then all’s well. > [@](#): > > Everybody who equates ‘dancing’ with ‘public humiliation’ has got some serious baggage. Perhaps I overstated my subjective experience of dancing. The fact is that I don’t dance in private or in public, so maybe equating it with public humiliation isn’t all that accurate. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/57 "2013-07-02T23:34:01Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > How many cultures practice bullying of unwilling participants during celebratory activity? All of them. ---
**Author:** ![nogwart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nogwart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogwart)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2013, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/58 "2013-07-02T23:34:05Z")
> [@Gagundathar](#): > > What? > > Meetings before and after the party? Wow! No wonder you were happy to leave that company for another. Talk about controlling the workers. I really can’t imagine any of the firms I have worked for (or owned for that matter) ever even \*considering \*such a thing. What were the spouses and SO’s supposed to do? Just show up on their own for the party and then go home to wait for the employee to return after the later meetings? This is one of the least considerate ideas I have ever heard of in all my years in academia and business. Well, come to think of it, there were some pretty horrible things I endured as a graduate assistant, but I thought of that as ‘paying my dues’ to an extent. But this? Beyond the pale. Sorry, I didn’t describe that accurately. I didn’t mean to imply that employees were to go directly from a meeting to the party, then after the party, go directly back to another meeting. What I meant was that the company planned the party to immediately follow a workday in which “important” meetings were held. More precisely, the meetings were held during the day of the party, but employees went home after the workday, then came to the party in the evening. The next “meeting” was scheduled for the next workday. So (I guess), every employee had a chance to “sleep it off”. ---
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/59 "2013-07-03T00:17:05Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > Two points: > > 1. Everybody who equates ‘dancing’ with ‘public humiliation’ has got some serious baggage. That’s on you, not people who are out there dancing > 2. I fully support your choice to not dance Yeah, well, I mean it’s not like those of us who don’t wish to dance are sitting there thinking “Look at all those assholes dancing! Aren’t they making public spectacles of themselves?” I mean, we do understand that some folks like to dance, and I don’t think most of us have a problem with that. It’s just that we don’t enjoy it - and not usually because we’ve never tried. I’m glad you respect that, but not everyone does, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/60 "2013-07-03T00:34:35Z")
[QUOTE=Strainger] “I’ll dance if you do karaoke.” [/QUOTE] Good lord, don’t ENCOURAGE them! If I never hear another slurred rendition of \*Don’t Stop Believin’ \*or _Hotel California,_ I will be eternally happy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445.md?page=4)