# Is it acceptable to say "No" to dancing at a company function? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 2, 2013, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445 "2013-07-02T14:41:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/61 "2013-07-03T00:40:03Z")
I love to dance. If I could, I would dance all the time. But this is only when I’m by myself. And maybe with my closest family members. I would not be traumatized if I had to dance with coworkers, but it would be something I would do with great reluctance. Especially if the music isn’t jammin’. Yes, in an ideal world a person will know how to laugh off life’s embarrassments and not be self-conscious. But we aren’t in an ideal world, and embarrassment is every much a feeling as joy is. That said, you gotta choose your battles, even if you are in the right. The OP drew way more attention to him/herself by resisting than they would have by joining in with the crowd for 30 seconds. Once on the dance floor, you don’t have to do Saturday Night Fever. You can’t go wrong with swaying side to side and just looking like you’re having a good time. I think this is really what motivates the pushy dancing people to proselytize. In their minds, if you aren’t dancing, you must not be enjoying yourself. And a party isn’t really a party unless everyone is happy!!! ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/62 "2013-07-03T00:56:12Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > That said, you gotta choose your battles, even if you are in the right. The OP drew way more attention to him/herself by resisting than they would have by joining in with the crowd for 30 seconds. Once on the dance floor, you don’t have to do Saturday Night Fever. You can’t go wrong with swaying side to side and just looking like you’re having a good time. I think this is really what motivates the pushy dancing people to proselytize. In their minds, if you aren’t dancing, you must not be enjoying yourself. And a party isn’t really a party unless everyone is happy!!! I’m not sure you’re hearing us. It’s not going to happen, and the more I’m pushed, the more of a scene the pusher will be making. This is a line I will not cross. Not at a work party, not at a wedding, not anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/63 "2013-07-03T01:02:39Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > Dancing is truly a joyful and fun experience. And takes zero skill. I feel sad for people who can’t share in the common experience of dancing together. It’s really a fundamental human experience undertaken by all cultures throughout time. I would encourage people to give it a try. I feel sad for people who think their preferences are universal and think everyone should do what they do. I would encourage them to go away. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/64 "2013-07-03T01:13:50Z")
I have the same problem. I use two lines, both of which are true. a) I only dance with my wife b) If you pull me out to dance I’ll stand and do nothing, nothing at all. A couple tried and pulled me out to dance and I stood up, looking at the floor. They got pissed and “you’re not nice”, but I told them. I don’t get the “you HAVE to dance, it’s FUN” attitude. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/65 "2013-07-03T01:39:15Z")
> [@nogwart](#): > > Sorry, I didn’t describe that accurately. I didn’t mean to imply that employees were to go directly from a meeting to the party, then after the party, go directly back to another meeting. What I meant was that the company planned the party to immediately follow a workday in which “important” meetings were held. More precisely, the meetings were held during the day of the party, but employees went home after the workday, then came to the party in the evening. The next “meeting” was scheduled for the next workday. So (I guess), every employee had a chance to “sleep it off”. Oh. That sounds normal actually. Though in my experience usually any social function was on a Saturday afternoon or evening. I can see where this might be useful to get the greatest participation at the party. The wheedling you into dancing is still unacceptable, but I am quite gratified to see that I misunderstood your post. Golly. Can you _imagine_ how horrible the other would be? I could see it is a plot-point in some black comedy set in a dystopian world where your boss could schedule such a soirée-cum-meetings. Thanks for putting my mind at rest. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/66 "2013-07-03T01:44:55Z")
Of course an office party obligates you to dance with people who ask. Look at it from their point of view. Regardless of what relationship you do or do not have off the dance floor, they are entitled to hold your body and rhythmically move their own body against you, for minutes. Hey, wait a minute, that doesn’t sound right. Of COURSE nobody else can obligate you to dance. In other news, I am aghast at the opinions suggesting that those of us who do not like dancing should do so anyway because we don’t get that it is actually fun. Fun is in the mind of the beholder. I don’t like dancing. How dare you tell me that I like it?! Which one of us do you think knows more about what I like, what I feel inside? Well?? ---
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/67 "2013-07-03T01:45:59Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I’m not sure you’re hearing us. It’s not going to happen, and the more I’m pushed, the more of a scene the pusher will be making. This is a line I will not cross. Not at a work party, not at a wedding, not anywhere. Yeah. I follow the approach my father takes. If you attempt to bully him into dancing, he will tell you to fuck off (well, he’s more polite than that, but that’s the general idea). If you then act upset that he won’t dance, he’ll point out that _you_ were the person who pushed the issue, not him. So sure, ask me to dance. And if you accept my polite decline, all is well. ---
**Author:** ![Win\_Place\_Show](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/win_place_show/32/13469_2.png) [@Win\_Place\_Show](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Win_Place_Show)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/68 "2013-07-03T03:45:49Z")
> [@Strainger](#): > > “I’ll dance if you do karaoke.” > [@gotpasswords](#): > > Good lord, don’t ENCOURAGE them! > > If I never hear another slurred rendition of \*Don’t Stop Believin’ \*or _Hotel California,_ I will be eternally happy. Though I did chuckle at **gotpasswords** ’ response, I agree with the point that **Strainger** made. I’m apparently a rare breed, in that I don’t mind getting up and singing in front of a room full of people, but I can’t dance a lick, and “you can’t make me”. I’ve found that that is a great response - whether it’s in a bar, a company Christmas party, etc. “hey jerkoff, you get up there and sing, and after that I’ll get out there and dance”. Pretty much makes them back the fuck off, nine times out of 10. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/69 "2013-07-03T06:17:37Z")
The best tactic for this and similar situations is “Thank you, but no, I don’t want to” offered pleasantly and repeated as many times as necessary (which may be quite a few). This works in response to essentially every possible form of encouragement. It’s much better than any detailed explanation, as it can’t be disputed - you are the sole authority as to what you do and don’t wish to do. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/70 "2013-07-03T08:34:49Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I love to dance. If I could, I would dance all the time. Me too, just sort of hard to waltz in a wheelchair or polka on crutches:( ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/71 "2013-07-03T08:41:33Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Me too, just sort of hard to waltz in a wheelchair or polka on crutches:( I’ve heard of wheel-chair square dancing. You get a square of wheel-chair couples, and volunteer square dancers to stand behind each one and push them around. As the caller calls the dance, the volunteers push the people in the wheel-chairs around accordingly. I haven’t seen it myself, but I’ve heard that good times are had by all. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/72 "2013-07-03T08:50:49Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > **I’ve never understood the appeal of company parties or picnics. It’s my free time, but I’m still surrounded by you assholes!** Nobody remembers the guy who blew off the company picnic, but they remember the guy who got drunk at the Xmas party and puked, or the guy who refused to dance. There is absolutely no upside to going to work functions. It’s all for the free FOOD! (Assuming you believe it will be good.) Screw the assholes; I’m just there for the FREE MEAL, if I think it will be good. Storytime! My hi-tech company (this was 25-some years ago in Silicon Gulch) threw a company-wide picnic one day. It was “officially” billed as a company training or morale-building exercise or some such bullshit. Attendance was allegedly NOT optional. (Although I didn’t notice anyone taking roll.) It was held at a large public park, with a BBQ Pit and picnic tables and playing fields. The company provided all the grub, and some of the employees did the BBQ. The main course was BBQ Chicken! Then afterward, it was off to the playing fields for the morale-building exercises: Playing all those stupid outdoor-party games, like three legged race and other goofy games like that. That was all nowheresville. I watched for 5 minutes or less, then wandered off, back to the picnic area, where there were still heaping piles of left-over BBQ Chicken. Soon thereafter, another employee joined me there. Then we had another sumptuous BBQ Chicken picnic, just the two of us, as we pigged out on BBQ Chicken to our hearts’ content, while the rest of the company goofed around with their silly “morale-building training exercises”. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/73 "2013-07-03T11:06:26Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > I agree that both sides share some blame. > > Dancing is truly a joyful and fun experience. And takes zero skill. That’s the way people who tell me I “have to drink, stop being such a party pooper, I can’t have fun if you’re not drinking” feel about drinking. I do not. To the OP, they were assholes. I certainly hope your current coworkers are better. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/74 "2013-07-03T13:15:26Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > Dancing is truly a joyful and fun experience. And takes zero skill. I feel sad for people who can’t share in the common experience of dancing together. It’s really a fundamental human experience undertaken by all cultures throughout time. I would encourage people to give it a try. Please spare us your pity. You say this as if it’s a fact, not an opinion. There are people in all cultures throughout time who simply didn’t enjoy dancing. I myself is one of them. And I’m sure most were forced by peer pressure just as we are today. I’ve just never understood how to move my body to music (nor do I have any desire to learn) and what everyone finds so damn fun about it. And believe me, I’m no buzzkill. I just prefer sitting around a table drinking wine or beer with friends, just talking or playing a game. For what it’s worth, I’ll be 34 in a month. Question for the OP: You make it sound as if everyone was dancing the _entire_ event and were trying to coax you the _entire_ event. Surely people did something else other than dance? If not, I completely commiserate. It sounded like a nightmare. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/75 "2013-07-03T13:41:37Z")
I did this once when I was kind of dragged to the dance floor. I let myself be dragged, then calmly walked back to my seat. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/76 "2013-07-03T14:05:36Z")
Another possibility: Tell them you only know one dance. Then go out and do the Hokey Pokey. Badly. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/77 "2013-07-03T14:55:20Z")
Wipe the smile off your face, lower your voice, look the person directly in the eye and say; “Please don’t do this. I really do **NOT** want to dance/have cake, whatever. Thank you for understanding.” Drop the smiley pretext, be very open, direct and honest. The person you are speaking to will react to that. Instead what appears coy, grinning, cajoling. I feel a big part of getting people to hear your ‘no’, is on you. If your response isn’t working, change it up! ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/78 "2013-07-03T15:27:02Z")
I think that if someone drags you out on the dance floor when you have made it clear that you don’t want to, then you should be allowed to abduct them and drag them to something you enjoy and think they should too. Who doesn’t love surprise bukkake parties? ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/79 "2013-07-03T15:41:06Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Wipe the smile off your face, lower your voice, look the person directly in the eye and say; > > “Please don’t do this. I really do **NOT** want to dance/have cake, whatever. Thank you for understanding.” > > Drop the smiley pretext, be very open, direct and honest. The person you are speaking to will react to that. Instead what appears coy, grinning, cajoling. > > I feel a big part of getting people to hear your ‘no’, is on you. If your response isn’t working, change it up! The idea is to say “no” while being polite. Usually doing the “serious no” results in a complete buzzkill in the opposite party and you’re seen as the bad guy. I’ve only used it when pushed so far, and it either reveals the opposite party for the bully for which they are (they continue with force and jeer about it), or they avoid you for the rest of time with a “what’s wrong with YOU” look on their face. Generally, turning people off like this isn’t a bad result as you wouldn’t want to be their friend anyway, except at a company party it’s with coworkers who you have to work with and get along with. It’s more difficult to be a team player when you’re seen as the buzzkill person. Not good for the job if people take it seriously. People are assholes when they push it that far. It’s unreasonable to be mad at me for something they’ve done, but it happens. Kind of a no-win scenario. If someone is pushing you to the point of the serious no, they’re not usually nice people who won’t blame you (or they would’ve stopped long before). I don’t like resorting to the serious no as it backfires as often as it works. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445/80 "2013-07-03T17:19:03Z")
Yup, it’s a no-win situation. That’s why I suggest the “This is the last time I’ll say it politely” approach: it gives them a last chance to back out and save face. But as I’m sure you know, some fools ignore it. Anyway, I love jumping off high rocks into cold water! It’s a joyful and fun experience. And takes zero skill. I feel sad for people who can’t share in the common experience of jumping together. It’s really a fundamental human experience undertaken by all cultures throughout time. I would encourage people to give it a try. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-acceptable-to-say-no-to-dancing-at-a-company-function/662445.md?page=5)