This may call for some strategizing, actually. I think it’s a good idea to tell the teacher this is not cool. I think that’s what I’d do. OTOH I don’t have to deal with a teacher on a daily basis who has power over my child. From my friends’ experiences, I gather that you kind of have to pick your battles and see how much political capital you’ve got. Otherwise the teacher (and school) will just come to see you as that annoying crazy lady who never shuts up, and will discount whatever you have to say.
So, give it some thought–do you and the teacher get along? What have you done for her lately that will make her think that you’re a useful human being and not just being aggravating? Have you had to express concerns in the past, and how did she respond? How recently did that happen?
To me this would be a biggie and worth saying something about. There is no way I’m building a clay shelter because someone tells me to. But if you find that you aren’t in a good position, you might want to see if another parent feels the same and wants to help you talk about this (one at a time, so the teacher doesn’t feel ganged up on).
Not that I know much about doing this kind of thing. I’d be a terrible PTO parent. But that’s the kind of thing I hear about from my friends.
Generally they give at least two, maybe three weeks for major projects like this. Obviously this includes a couple weekends. If a child cannot count on a couple hours of meaningful adult interaction over the course a few weeks, then they are indeed deeply neglected. If you are really so busy you don’t have, say, fifteen minutes on Saturday and Sunday over the course of two weeks to spend with your kid, god help you all. What the hell is a 4th grader doing all day, from 2:45 to 9:00 and all day on weekends and summers if every adult around them is too busy to cut some archways in a cardboard box? I was a latchkey kid myself, but my mom did came home from time to time.
If you are in that extreme of a situation, maybe it is absolutely appropriate for you to summon up the resourcefulness and inner strength to build the mission yourself. That’s not having it rubbed in your face at all. The reality is that building a mission is just one of many things that kids going into puberty are going to have to deal with, and if you don’t have any outside resources at all then you have to develop your inner ones. Completing a marginally complex feat using the resources available to you is one of those things you have to learn at some point or another.
But nobody here is in these straits (at least, judging from your post counts), and this conversation is not really about neglected kids at all. It’s just being thrown out there because it supports a point that you’d hold even if there were no neglected children on this earth.
What if I have lots of free time to spend with my kids, but don’t particularly want to spend it building an adobe shelter?
P.S. And this is NOT the 4th grade mission project for kids in California! This is just something the teacher thought would be fun for her 3rd grade class. Someone mentioned the mission project and now it seems everyone is assuming that is what I’m talking about… it’s not!
I do not remember my parents being involved with my schoolwork until my Dad gave me tutorial help with high school algebra.
I do not remember being involved with my children’s schoolwork unless I was asked for help.
The project on family background (Cultural Mosaic stuff) or how to write a three-point enumeration essay, ok. And that was more in the area of ‘time management’ than teaching.
(OK, what do you want it to look like? What materials do you need? What else do you need to do?).
Craft projects? I don’t recall being asked, and if I had been I would have objected loudly.
Why in blazes would I want to have my artistic skills tested? If building a mission is so vital, do it in class. Surely to Og I can find some more meaningful parent-child interactions than a school project, for marks.
I’m a rebel from way way back. When my daughter attended a francais school, and all school circulars came in French, I sent them my replies in Irish. I said, we have a language in common, and if they didn’t understand my second language [shhh - I know about 20 words in Irish, but I have books] I could offer classes. They had only to ask.
See, THAT would have been excellent home-school collaboration, but for some reason they didn’t like me assigning them homework …
What if the parents and child want to do something besides homework in their time together? What if they already had a really cool project going that they came up with themselves? Maybe they prefer to go on bike rides together.
MsWhatisit: My question was: Do you think that: kids in good home environments shouldn’t be expected to do small projects (over a couple weeks, not 1 night, especially for a project of the scope the OP mentions), just because there are children who don’t have this family life?
dangermom-Part of growing into a responsible adult is learning tha you need to finish unpleasant tasks (homework/chores/work tasks) BEFORE doing pleasant stuff (video games/tv/bike riding)
Yes, but that is a lesson for the kids to learn. The child must do her homework before riding her bike. But that isn’t a lesson for the teacher to try to impose on the PARENT.
That’s what we’re talking about. Not a homework assignment for the kids. A homework assignment for the parents.
Perhaps look for a school that builds “minimal parental involvement” into its educational philosophy?
I suspect you will have trouble finding one, however, since it runs counter to students’ best interests. Parental involvement is strongly correlated with academic success. While correlation is not causation, there is evidence that programs that increase parental involvement also increase student success. Fostering, nurturing and strengthening parental bonds seems to make for better students. Not a lot of schools are going to want to give up that way of giving their students an advantage in life.
As for “I don’t wanna!,” it could be worse. My high school friend’s parents learned the hard way that after your kid gets thrown in jail for the upteenth time for acting like a jackass, you are still required to drive down and sign her out even if you are frankly sick of it and wouldn’t mind if she just stayed there for a few weeks so you can get some peace. From birth control talks to boy band concerts, parenthood is full of unpleasant and unwanted duties.
Palo-are you worried (maybe justifiably) that your kid will just “let you” do his homework? That’s a perfectly reasonable concern, but NOT the teacher’s fault.
I don’t think it’s a question of not wanting to but of wanting to prioritize time. If you have a busy schedule, it may not be the best use of your time to spend it doing a project that you’re not even in class for. (I’m talking about the parent.) Give the kids the opportunity to do it in school or give them something they can do on their own but giving the parents homework is silly.
Plus, some parents just aren’t that skilled when it comes to art projects. It’s just not something they’re into. Their inability to help doesn’t necessarily mean that their kids are fucked, just that they’re better off getting help from their teachers, not their parents, in those types of projects.
FreudianSlit is 100% right that certain projects won’t fit a parent’s skill set (for a long time I had to consciously pay attention drawing a face, lest I draw the person cross-eyed). And because I haven’t explicitly said so already, there’s no reason this project couldn’t be done in class (“mission” or otherwise)
This is just weird. Unless you are excited about your child’s teacher assigning you homework, you just aren’t an involved parent and your child may go to jail?
Last week I was at her school on track and field day helping the kids do long jump. I made a cake for the spring festival last night. And I am on a committee to help chose a new teacher to replace one who is retiring. Plus of course I help with with homework as needed. I am plenty involved, thanks.
But I have a job. And 3 other kids. And friends, family and hobbies. I finished 3rd grade 34 years ago and I don’t need to be assigned homework.
Not MsWhatsit, but I’ll answer. No, I think parents, whether good or bad, shouldn’t be expected to run around buying special clay and building adobe huts. I have passed third grade, and have no interest in doing it again. I think there is nothing wrong with expecting kids to do small projects, but such projects should be guided by the teacher, and if there are special materials required, they should be provided.
I am already involved in my child’s life, and providing appropriate educational experiences for her as I think appropriate. (This weekend she and her father took apart a broken toy helicopter, figured out how it worked and what had caused it to fail, and examined the teensy tiny screws under a microscope and talked about how they are made. They would not have had time for that if they had been building a mud hut.)
The families that are involved don’t need an assigned project, and the families that aren’t involved are just going to half-ass the assigned project and probably not actually learn anything from it or have any special time together anyway. (Or the parent will do the whole thing just to get it out of the way.)
You completely missed the point of that, but whatever, let’s move on.
This is all coming off as “you’re not the boss of me,” which isn’t really a compelling argument on it’s own. You enrolled your kid in this school, and working with the teacher for the good of your kid’s education is a part of the deal. If you don’t understand or agree with the purpose of the project, contact the teacher and ask for an explanation. Maybe they will argue their case and you will see how it is useful. Or maybe they won’t have a good answer, and you can propose an alternative.
I’m not sure if you are going to win too many fans with “a teacher should never expect anything specific out of a parent,” because the fact is that expecting things out of parents makes for more successful students. It’s great that you bake cakes and do long jumps, but not everyone does that and for some students this is probably useful. Unless it really is a huge burden, and not just an ideological spat, it doesn’t seem worth fighting for something that makes everyone’s education worse.
Couple comments- GREAT that your hubby and daughter figured out what was wrong with her TOY HELICOPTER, and fixed it. But the project was HOMEWORK, as such, it SHOULD take precedent over her recreation. 2nd, I’ve already stipulated that it’s great that there are involved parents, but that doesn’t mean they can bet let off the hook by believing,“I’m a great parent, it’s not my fault some of my kid’s classmates don’t have such great parents.”
Assigning a kid whose parents don’t help them a homework project is making them statistically less likely for them to succeed. Assigning a kid whose parents don’t help them a homework project that is dependent on the parent’s interaction is ENSURING they won’t succeed.
Bad idea. Still, it’s better than the “write to a complete stranger (famous person that you admire)” project that I had in the sixth grade. Your grade was based, in part, of the response that you got. (You had to summarize the response letter.)
Luckily for me, I chose Bob Packwood. It’s part of the job description to respond to letters from little kids. The actors that the other kids chose–not so much.
