# Is it better to love or to be loved? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 3, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906 "2003-05-03T20:39:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dlknox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c4cdca/32.png) [@dlknox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dlknox)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/1 "2003-05-03T20:39:59Z")
This is for those way more experienced in life than I am. So, is it better to _love_ or to _be loved_? Which is more virtuous, or which brings more pleasure? And, the issue of unrequited love: For those who have been in that situation (as I am in right now), would you rather be the lover or the beloved? Tentatively, I think that it is better to love than to be loved, but I haven’t made up my mind yet. (Mainly because it seems more Christ-like, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35). Related question: If you had to choose one, would you rather do wrong or suffer wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/2 "2003-05-03T20:44:21Z")
Definitely better to love. It gets me out of myself. To be loved just feeds my own narcissism. ---
**Author:** ![dlknox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c4cdca/32.png) [@dlknox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dlknox)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2003, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/3 "2003-05-03T21:09:39Z")
Although, I had one friend’s girlfriend (who did not love him) tell me “It’s better to be loved, because you get all sorts of gifts, attention, admiration, adoration, etc. And you get taken out to eat for free. It’s wonderful.” She ended up dumping him. ---
**Author:** ![hansel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6bbea6/32.png) [@hansel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hansel)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/4 "2003-05-03T21:55:41Z")
Because when you’re watching someone sleep, all night long, from the tree outside their bedroom, it gives you a warm feeling. When someone else does that to you, it’s just creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Squirebob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Squirebob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squirebob)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/5 "2003-05-03T22:12:51Z")
My friends say I am soppy but I truely love my flatmate, she might know she might not. I dont know wether she know’s. i don’t really care if we were to start going out it might ruin our friendship, but just beeing near her puts me in a good mood. Its better to love…:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/6 "2003-05-03T23:27:25Z")
Both are equally miserable if not reciprocated. ---
**Author:** ![dlknox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c4cdca/32.png) [@dlknox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dlknox)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/7 "2003-05-04T00:37:09Z")
Possibly relevant info: According to Plato, there is no unrequited love: “Thus, it is logically necessary that a genuine, non-pretending lover is loved in return by the object of his love.” (Plato, _Lysis_ 222a). This same view is expressed at _Phaedrus_ 255a. And, the prayer attributed (wrongly) to St. Francis of Assisi asks: “Grant that I not so much seek . . . to be loved as to love.” To clarify my own situation, I would say that my beloved and I both love each other, but in different ways. 🙂 By the way, what is your definition of love? ---
**Author:** ![Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violet)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/8 "2003-05-04T09:46:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hansel \* > \*\*Because when you’re watching someone sleep, all night long, from the tree outside their bedroom, it gives you a warm feeling. When someone else does that to you, it’s just creepy. \*\* Hahaha! As I pull down the shades… ---
**Author:** ![lekatt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lekatt/32/7269_2.png) [@lekatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lekatt)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/9 "2003-05-04T10:27:48Z")
[http://ndeweb.com/deke.htm](http://ndeweb.com/deke.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2003, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-better-to-love-or-to-be-loved/172906/10 "2003-05-04T10:59:50Z")
Hansel, that was just great (no irony) and I am going to keep it for future reference 😉 If only one person is in love, then I’d say that it’s better if the other person is the one in love, because you’ll spare yourself the heart-ache at the end of the relationship. However, dlknox, the way you have it: “To clarify my own situation, I would say that my beloved and I both love each other, but in different ways.” is the best possibility, imho. As for the related question, I’d rather do wrong, if those two were the only choices I could pick. I am not known to do wrong, though 😛