# Is it "cheating" to sleep with someone else while "on a break" from a relationship? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [February 24, 2012, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822 "2012-02-24T09:04:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2012, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/61 "2012-02-26T05:33:26Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > In a dating relationship, the agreement is that the relationship can be dissolved at will by either party. Agreed. Although common courtesy dictates you should probably tell the other party once you decided to disolve the relationship! ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2012, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/62 "2012-02-29T01:38:55Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > But a in a marriage, I think you have an obligation to move towards a legal separation before you start banging other people. Marriage means that you intend to involve the other party in major decisions about the relationships, even if all you can really do is give them fair warning that it is done. Anyway, unless otherwise agreed upon, “I’m not going to run and have sex with the first stranger I meet whenever we have a fight” is a standard part of the marriage contract. This reminds me of the _Hill Street Blues_ story arc where Furillo and Davenport are separated (they had married a year previously) and he was having dinner with a woman (a female cop). She made her play and he said, “I’m a married man.” “Separated,” she replied. He shrugged and said, “I’m a separated, _married_ man.” While they did share one kiss (“just to see what we might be missing”) he ended up going home alone. Good man! ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/63 "2012-03-01T02:50:05Z")
If someone kicks me out of home, then I don’t think they get a say in where and with whom I sleep. Tough titties. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/64 "2012-03-02T18:38:51Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > If someone kicks me out of home, then I don’t think they get a say in where and with whom I sleep. Tough titties. Hear, hear. And btw Crosby and Jasmine were not married–they had been _engaged_, but Jasmine had said in the wake of their fight, before saying “we need to take some time”, that she wasn’t so sure they should get married after all. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/65 "2012-03-02T21:25:32Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > If someone kicks me out of home, then I don’t think they get a say in where and with whom I sleep. Tough titties. They get a say if you want to continue or renew a relationship with them. If you don’t, then of course they have no say. If you do, then of course they do. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/66 "2012-03-02T22:53:29Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > I think getting kicked out of the house during an argument with your SO is different than being on a “break”. Turning around and sleeping with someone else that very night suggests to me that you were not terribly interested in working through the problem. Seriously, if Crosby wanted to be with Jasmine so bad, he wouldn’t have jumped another chick’s bones just because Jasmine got pissed at him. > > If you’re on a long term “strategic” break, I would say the entire point is to live life for a while without the other person as your SO, thus romantic entanglements are almost a requirement. Male, but exactly. The scenario presented is not IMHO, a break in the relationship- they had a fight and she said please don’t be in the house right now… If they had separate residences and the same words were said, perhaps there could be ambiguity, but they both lived there, right? Was she telling him to go rent another place? ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/67 "2012-03-03T08:28:38Z")
> [@gurujulp](#): > > Male, but exactly. The scenario presented is not IMHO, a break in the relationship- they had a fight and she said please don’t be in the house right now… > > If they had separate residences and the same words were said, perhaps there could be ambiguity, but they both lived there, right? Was she telling him to go rent another place? There was no “please” about it. “What are you doing here?” was the annoyed, seemingly incredulous question. She didn’t say to rent another place, but she said something along the lines of “I don’t know if we should get married after all”. Why wouldn’t \*she \*be the one to leave, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/68 "2012-03-03T21:29:15Z")
It’s cheating ON THE NEW PERSON unless that person understands what it means that their new lover is “on a break” from somebody else. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2012, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/69 "2012-03-04T12:58:34Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > It’s cheating ON THE NEW PERSON unless that person understands what it means that their new lover is “on a break” from somebody else. That’s actually a pretty interesting point, that has a lot to recommend it and hasn’t been raised so far. (In this case, Crosby would be in the clear on that front as it was only after he drunkenly cried on Minka Kelly’s shoulder about what had happened with Jasmine, that the two of them slept together.) ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2012, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/70 "2012-03-05T23:47:01Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > They get a say if you want to continue or renew a relationship with them. If you don’t, then of course they have no say. If you do, then of course they do. Only in the sense that you have the right to tell someone one thing and then expect another. It’s like when you tell someone that you don’t mind if they go out, but then get all mad at them when they come back because they should have known that you didn’t really mean it. If you say you are on a break, you are suspending the relationship. If you do not specify that you want the other person to be monogamous during this break, then you have no right to be upset if they don’t. Except in the same sense that you have the right to be an asshole. And then I go with my maxim: “You have the right to be an asshole, but then I have the right to kick that ass.” ---
**Author:** ![Doubticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e56c9b/32.png) [@Doubticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doubticus)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822/71 "2012-03-06T23:42:21Z")
I would assume a “break” is a “break up.” If you are in a relationship and something isn’t working and one party wants to step away, I think they are inviting competition from other people and sex is certainly a part of that. Thus the decision to go on a “break” is one that should be taken seriously if at all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-cheating-to-sleep-with-someone-else-while-on-a-break-from-a-relationship/613822.md?page=3)