# Is it EVER appropriate to say ANYTHING about screaming neighbor kids? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 28, 2024, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366 "2024-10-28T22:09:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/21 "2024-10-29T11:04:05Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I have a friend who worked as a teachers aide (sorry, I’ve forgotten the professional job title - para-professional?) for kids needing help, who was a _master_ at saying hard things with an expression of understanding, yet clarity. I just imitate her. That’s my take. Something like, if the kid is outside and somewhere you can see them from your yard, look the kid straight in the eyes and say, in a low, calm, firm voice, “Hey, that’s hurting my ears. Please don’t scream like that. Do you need help?” Clear and direct and civil. If you need to talk to the adults first, I think a similar approach might be okay. “Hey, I wanted to check with you about something. Sometimes your kids scream, and it’s not a happy scream, it sounds upset. Is it okay if I check in with them when I hear them screaming like this?” ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/22 "2024-10-29T11:29:37Z")
Really good feedback folks! But I think I’m too chicken to say anything… ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/23 "2024-10-29T11:37:23Z")
I think their parents are doing them a disservice because they are being allowed to condition themselves into a very poor mode of communication as far as society at large is concerned. Screaming and nagging is a great way NOT to get what you want. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/24 "2024-10-29T11:58:26Z")
There’s definitely a difference between loud play and shrieking. I grew up with four brothers and we played hard and _loud_. So, I guess it’s just my conditioning but raucous play seems perfectly normal to me. Shrieking, no. But given my noise tolerance, shrieking/screaming would have to be _really_ frequent and loud to bother me. I’m pretty much a “kids gonna kid” guy, and that behavior includes the stupid and obnoxious at times. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/25 "2024-10-29T12:06:46Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > > [@needscoffee](#): > > > > She had a way of doing it while commiserating with the parents at the same time. > > How about “Wow, he’s loud for me next door. It must be really loud for you **in the house**.” > In other words, we’re all in this together, and you only stated a fact, not a judgement. (My bolding) When my grandson was in the 3-5 y.o. range, I used to joke that he had no “inside voice”, it was always turned up to 11. If we were kid-sitting and he and his older sister were running around the house yelling at each other, I’d tell them once to take it down a notch, and if the noise continued after that I’d send them outside. So yeah, there’s probably a good reason the screaming is happening _outside_. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/26 "2024-10-29T12:45:25Z")
> [@Stratocaster](#): > > But given my noise tolerance, shrieking/screaming would have to be _really_ frequent and loud to bother me. I’m pretty much a “kids gonna kid” guy, and that behavior includes the stupid and obnoxious at times. It is 7:30 in the morning. I believe the dad had the kids out front to drive them to daycare or something. I could hear the kid clearly through the closed windows. It is more like the kid doesn’t seem to know appropriate speaking levels. Just communicating with his dad as they get in the car he does so at (what seems to me) an unnecessarily and unusually high level. I just remember the countless times I told my kids, “Inside voices.” Or “I can’t understand you when you talk like that.” I think it is likely the sort of thing that, once I’ve decided it bothers me (however much), I’m more attuned to it. If that is the worst thing in my life, I’ve got it pretty good! ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/27 "2024-10-29T13:19:43Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I think it is likely the sort of thing that, once I’ve decided it bothers me (however much), I’m more attuned to it. I can relate. I’m not so bad now, but I used to be hyper-focused on talkers at the movies. I’d hear nothing else and stress out my wife. So I guess I have selective noise tolerance. ---
**Author:** ![GailForce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dfb087/32.png) [@GailForce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GailForce)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/28 "2024-10-29T16:02:15Z")
“It’s so lovely to hear my sweet grandchildren enjoying themselves. I sit here at poolside smiling as my delightful grandkids, paying their poor grandparents a rare visit in the over-55 retirement that we have decided to live in, splash and play their lovely mock-aggressive games, and dive in repeatedly, right next to that ridiculous NO DIVING sign, and blast their music (who needs to be admonished EARBUDS ONLY, as the next sign suggests, for no good reason?), and shout constantly at the top of their lungs. It gives a grandparent such pleasure to observe such frivolous joy for hours on end. The only downside is the occasional dirty glance I get from my sourpussed neighbors who insist on coming to the pool and who seem to want to treat this place as if it were a library or a religious chapel.” ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/29 "2024-10-29T16:23:52Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Yeah - I imprecisely intended to suggest that possibility of “an emotional issue or something.” If so, it does not appear to be profound (to my non-medical eyes.) But, ya know, many kids on the spectrum are nevertheless able to learn to not scream in public. Oh boy, my kid on the spectrum stopped melting down with associated screaming in public _in 5th grade_. (That was when she got socially mature enough to realize that this affected how other people saw her and that she maybe cared about that – something my more neurotypical child grasped at the age of about 3.) So, yeah, she did learn, but not at the age your neighbors kids are. On the other hand, she never screamed except when she was melting down, which also doesn’t seem to be the case for your neighbors’ kids… We have neighbors with a 5-year-old who screams a lot, but this also generally seems to be in the witching hour before bedtime, when he gets upset about just about everything. My kids fortunately did not have the problem where they would get extremely upset when they were tired (though they did get extremely upset when hungry). Doesn’t bother us because we’re so used to it from our own kids 🙂 But yeah, I also have had to tell my kids “Inside voices!” a lot, especially on weekend mornings! ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/30 "2024-10-29T16:38:03Z")
Sudden loud noises are just going to be part of living in a neighborhood, such as leaf blowers, driveway basketball, kids, dogs, cars, stereos, etc. The point that it comes to saying something should be more around the length of time that the noise goes on or the time of day rather than that the noise happens. If it would have been appropriate for the neighbor to run a gas-powered leaf blower for a similar duration and time of day, then it’s probably just an accepted neighborhood noise. But if your neighbor was running the leaf blower for an hour at 10 pm outside your bedroom window every day, then saying something is justified. I feel the same way about kids screaming. Some loud kid screaming is going to just be a normal part of neighborhood life and needs to be tolerated. Kids playing are going to make noise either with their voice and/or with whatever they’re playing (e.g. basketball). But if it’s happening really early or late in the day or goes on excessively, then saying something may be appropriate. If nothing else, you could ask that the kids play on the far side of the yard so that the noise isn’t so loud. You could make up an excuse like your wife is sick and trying to sleep and the kids are playing right next to her bedroom. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/31 "2024-10-29T16:49:28Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > The other day it was “Mom!”, for at least 3 minutes. Do you live in Minneapolis? I walked by a house the other day where a kid was sitting on the front steps screaming “MOM!” over and over again. He stopped for a second when he saw me, then started up again. Didn’t seem to be in distress, just being a shit. Our bane in Portland was the skateboarder with shit skills who decided that right in front of our house was the perfect place to practice his inabilities. ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/32 "2024-10-29T17:03:39Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I just remember the countless times I told my kids, “Inside voices.” It’s exactly this. I’m amazed at all of the scenarios people have come up with, but none are “the parents know, don’t like it, but can’t actually do anything about it.” People always say the parents need to make them stop, like there are some magic words that will turn loud kids into quiet kids. You can remind “inside voices” for years, and it doesn’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/33 "2024-10-29T21:29:01Z")
If you get an opportunity, when one of the two is calling “mom” or “dad” or something similar again, that would be a great excuse to go over to just check that the “kids are ok.” Track down the parents and say something to the effect that you were concerned there was a problem since you could hear the child clearly repeatedly asking for a parent and you wanted to be sure there wasn’t a problem. Neighborly concern and all that. Might give them a poke that the kids are annoyingly loud. Of course, it might not! But at least they’ll realize how “well” you can hear the kids. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Apodder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apodder/32/17727_2.png) [@Apodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apodder)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/34 "2024-10-29T21:37:19Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > I drink silence like it was a fine wine. But like fine wines, I don’t get enough of it. I didn’t know you were my twin! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2024, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/35 "2024-10-29T21:51:48Z")
Agree with this. On the other hand, we have a LOUD child. Every thing out of her cookie hole is decibels above the rest of the kids. She’s trying to be heard above the fray. When we stop and listen to her the noise level lessens. For awhile. Luckily there’s no near neighbors. She does well in school. Her Mom told the teacher the kid has this issue and she has been able to tone her down with out toning her out. She also a delight to be around, otherwise. OP, most parents will not like any input from you, basically a stranger, on the conduct of their children. I’d just try to ignore it, get earplugs and then time will pass. Good luck. ETA, There’s a horrible, sneaky way to get their attention. First off, I’d never do this. Ever. But you could go on a neighborhood Facebook thing and spread it around about that one house of very loud children that’s driving every one nuts. Every family with kids will think it’s their kids. It’s terrible, don’t do it. But, people do worse on those neighborhood sites. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2024, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/36 "2024-10-30T11:36:01Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > But, people do worse on those neighborhood sites. Oh, yeah! Some of it can definitely be termed, “venomous gossip”. LOL ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2024, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/37 "2024-10-30T13:49:29Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > > [@Dinsdale](#): > > > > So, those who WOULD say something, what exactly would you say, and when? > > I would have told the kid almost immediately, nicely but sternly, to stop. Do it in the manner of a schoolteacher: caring, but no-nonsense - like you’re on their side, but this will not abide. My kids are currently adults. When they were kids neither were outside run around be loud kids so this exact scenario would not come up. However if someone attempted to tell my kids how to behave without me present it would not go well for them. The exception would be if there was something dangerous going on. In that case I would expect the neighbor to tell me about it soon after. > [@jnglmassiv](#): > > I can’t really imagine circumstances I’d say anything about 3 & 5 yo kids’ noise, unless they were staging leaf blower vs string trimmer power jousts or something. Yes it seems like a normal part of life. It’s refreshing to hear that some kids actually still go outside. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2024, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/38 "2024-10-30T15:24:41Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > However if someone attempted to tell my kids how to behave without me present it would not go well for them. Huh. I would have no problem with a neighbor telling my kids that the kids’ behavior is bothering the neighbor and need to change it, unless I thought the behavior was innocuous. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2024, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/39 "2024-10-30T17:22:30Z")
I wager Loach’s attitude is far more common than yours. Or, perhaps, a lot of parents think some pretty obnoxious behavior is innocuous. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2024, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366/40 "2024-10-30T17:41:03Z")
I yelled at a 7 year old wielding a running chainsaw in my front yard. His parents threatened to shoot me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-anything-about-screaming-neighbor-kids/1009366.md?page=3)