# Is it gay? You decide. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 15, 2012, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976 "2012-02-15T23:00:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/21 "2012-02-16T20:05:29Z")
This question is insane to me. _Of course_ it isn’t gay! What the hell? Firstly, it may very well have been a woman. I’m a woman (double check… yep) and I’ve done the cyber sex thing, especially when I was younger. Contrary to what 4chan says, there are girls on the internet. Secondly, if you were thinking of a woman, it isn’t gay. Jesus fucking Christ. You know, you can’t _actually_ catch “teh gay,” right? If you have sexy-times with someone you believe is your gender, that is gay. If you have sexy-times with someone you believe isn’t your gender, that is not gay. Do you also think it’s gay when you masturbate, because it’s a dude’s hand on your dick? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/22 "2012-02-16T20:11:24Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > Do you also think it’s gay when you masturbate, because it’s a dude’s hand on your dick? Hahaha! Thanks for making me spill my coffee! ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/23 "2012-02-16T20:56:56Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > This question is insane to me. _Of course_ it isn’t gay! What the hell? Firstly, it may very well have been a woman. I’m a woman (double check… yep) and I’ve done the cyber sex thing, especially when I was younger. Contrary to what 4chan says, there are girls on the internet. > > Secondly, if you were thinking of a woman, it isn’t gay. Jesus fucking Christ. You know, you can’t _actually_ catch “teh gay,” right? If you have sexy-times with someone you believe is your gender, that is gay. If you have sexy-times with someone you believe isn’t your gender, that is not gay. Do you also think it’s gay when you masturbate, because it’s a dude’s hand on your dick? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, the penetrating glare of logic, it burns!!! _Dissolves into ashes and wafts away on the breeze, the sound of “dude, that’s gay” lightly audible on the wind_ ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/24 "2012-02-16T21:08:12Z")
It’s only gay if you cuddle afterward. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Know\_Nothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@I\_Know\_Nothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Know_Nothing)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/25 "2012-02-16T21:10:10Z")
Were you on top or on bottom? It’s not gay if you were on top. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/26 "2012-02-16T21:20:42Z")
Not gay, and here’s why. I am a gay man, and if I were to replace you in the scenario with myself, I would not be masturbating with this person who claimed to be a girl. It would only happen if the other person claimed to be a guy. \*\*\*That \*\*\*would be gay. Sexuality is a lot more about perceptions and intentions than about facts. This is why some straight guys are into TVs; they actually convince themselves that they’re with a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/27 "2012-02-16T21:26:25Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > It’s only gay if you cuddle afterward. I actually agree with that, because no straight man would cuddle after fucking another guy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/28 "2012-02-16T22:37:34Z")
It’s only gay if you make eye contact. ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/29 "2012-02-17T01:37:53Z")
You didn’t know that telling that story would poloroid your friends? It was probably gay only in the “happy” sense. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/30 "2012-02-17T02:36:53Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > This question is insane to me. _Of course_ it isn’t gay! Right. If you’re getting off to fantasies of women (and you’re a man), how is that gay? And yet the poll show thee votes for “gay”. Weird. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/31 "2012-02-17T03:45:53Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Not gay. You were attracted to this person because of their perceived female qualities. Whether or not they actually possessed those qualities is immaterial. Your comment reminded me of a clip from It’s Always Sunny. Broken for being somewhat NSFW. Relevant quote is 1:35, but watch the whole thing for context. > **[Breaking News Now! Archives](https://entertainmentnow.com/news/)** > > Your source for breaking entertainment news and celebrity updates. Today's latest news about your favorite movie stars and TV actors. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/32 "2012-02-17T07:54:32Z")
… so the bear says “you’re not here for the hunting, are you?” ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/33 "2012-02-17T08:04:59Z")
If your “friend” was underage, would you be a pedophile? ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/34 "2012-02-17T13:20:49Z")
Another possibility is the “girl” was someone’s 400 pound grandmother with a cyst the size of a golf ball growing off the tip of her nose. She may even have been raising cash to get the cyst removed. Or it may have been the same scenario, only someone’s grandfather. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/35 "2012-02-17T14:51:44Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > This question is insane to me. _Of course_ it isn’t gay! What the hell? Firstly, it may very well have been a woman. I’m a woman (double check… yep) and I’ve done the cyber sex thing, especially when I was younger. Contrary to what 4chan says, there are girls on the internet. > > Secondly, if you were thinking of a woman, it isn’t gay. Jesus fucking Christ. You know, you can’t _actually_ catch “teh gay,” right? If you have sexy-times with someone you believe is your gender, that is gay. If you have sexy-times with someone you believe isn’t your gender, that is not gay. Do you also think it’s gay when you masturbate, because it’s a dude’s hand on your dick? Congratulations on being so predictable. People like you are the reason those stupid disclaimers have to be made any time a thread like this is started. Did you not see my disclaimer? Anyway, if you fail to see the humor in this thread, maybe you shouldn’t participate. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/36 "2012-02-17T15:04:59Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Congratulations on being so predictable. People like you are the reason those stupid disclaimers have to be made any time a thread like this is started. Did you not see my disclaimer? > > Anyway, if you fail to see the humor in this thread, maybe you shouldn’t participate. You never said this was a joke thread, so I don’t see why posters can’t express frustration at the ridiculousness of your rationale. Plus your disclaimer isn’t a get out for asking what is in essence a pretty dumb question, if that’s what you thought you were getting. You saying there’s nothing wrong with being gay doesn’t mitigate that it’s non-nonsensical to ask whether masturbating online with what you thought was a woman could in fact have been a homosexual act because it might (MIGHT!) have been a man. Unless you’re open to the possibility of being laughed at for asking something so silly, but it doesn’t look like it from this post. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/37 "2012-02-17T18:00:23Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Congratulations on being so predictable. People like you are the reason those stupid disclaimers have to be made any time a thread like this is started. Did you not see my disclaimer? > > Anyway, if you fail to see the humor in this thread, maybe you shouldn’t participate. The only thing predictable about me is how awesome I always am. And, if you fail to see the humor in my post, maybe you shouldn’t open retarded threads that give me no choice but to make jokes at your expense. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/38 "2012-02-17T18:12:26Z")
Since you don’t know the gender of the person involved I chose other. Perhaps ipsosexual? autosexual? cybersexual? cryptosexual? ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/39 "2012-02-17T21:13:54Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > The only thing predictable about me is how awesome I always am. > > And, if you fail to see the humor in my post, maybe you shouldn’t open retarded threads that give me no choice but to make jokes at your expense. Do you have a youtube channel I can subscribe to? If not you really should have 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976/40 "2012-02-17T21:16:21Z")
Not gay. If a woman beckons me down a dark hall and I accidentally turn the wrong corner and end up touching a naked dude, that’s not gay–that’s a mistake. Intent is an element of the situation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-gay-you-decide/612976.md?page=3)