# Is it inappropriate to ask a work colleague what their religion is? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 5, 2010, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180 "2010-10-05T22:06:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/181 "2010-10-09T18:23:30Z")
This is just a bizarre debate to me. You can ask personal questions of your _friends._ (Hint: if you’re not sure if you’re friends, you’re not.) Even then, unless you’ve been friends on the order of decades, it’s still considerate to preface with “Do you mind if I ask a personal question?” If you and said person are **not** friends, anything about their personal life is none of your business, unless and until they volunteer the info themselves. Then you can ask polite and considerate follow-up questions, and it’s **still** a good idea to ask “Do you mind…?” first. Prying where you are not welcome is rude. If you’re not sure it would be welcome, wait until you get an invitation to ask. You may, in fact, never get that invitation. You don’t have some sort of inherent right to it. Respecting other people’s privacy shouldn’t be that hard. There is _plenty_ to talk about to get to know someone that isn’t personal: hobbies, favorite TV, favorite music, museums, travel. And, here’s a key point, if you establish up front that you’re someone who will respect a person’s privacy and not pry where you’re not invited, that person is more likely to come to trust you and open up later. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/182 "2010-10-09T20:14:26Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > > And then, when you discuss it, she gets to find out that not all Americans hate muslims, and some people are just interested in what their religion is about, and friendship between cultures is promoted. Good deal! > > Try looking at it from the point of view of the minority being asked the question. Having been the minority, often asked the question, I prefer being asked than to constantly have to explain. To me the question, what is your religion?, means “I don’t want to offend you, so would you please tell me how to avoid the obvious minefields.” ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/183 "2010-10-09T21:37:11Z")
It’s hilariously intrusive, like asking someone when the last time they had sex was, or how long they go between bowel movements. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/184 "2010-10-10T01:47:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > > And then, when you discuss it, she gets to find out that not all Americans hate muslims, and some people are just interested in what their religion is about, and friendship between cultures is promoted. Good deal! > > Try looking at it from the point of view of the minority being asked the question. Honestly, **Arnold** is really coming off as an idealistic and naive person who doesn’t _truly_ understand that 1 - a _lot_ of people are _not_ as truly open, honestly inquisitive and friendly to “others” (and that’s not snark at you, **Arnold**. I truly think you have those qualities and they are really good ones to have) 2 - it’s experiences with those jerks that make “others”\* wary and/or sick of those questions. The question may be totally innocent to you, but how are they to know that? and 3 - You are still well within the realm of “average Joe”, other than being atheist (but you’re in probably one of the most accepting areas of the country for that, I’d think). You had an accent when you came over, but it was a European accent. That, to “generic white American” is still “normal”. I’m assuming you just dress like most Americans. You are white. You are male. Intentional/chosen or not, many of the aspects of people that can (sadly) cause discrimination simply are not present in you. If someone asked where you are from? You’re from a nice “normal” European country. You’re white, so you’re “normal” that way\*\*. You’re a man, which yes, does still give you more privileges than women. You don’t wear “other” religious garb. You have [White Privilege](http://academic.udayton.edu/race/01race/whiteness05.htm). No, you didn’t choose to have it. No, it doesn’t mean that, as a white person, you are automatically guaranteed success over non-whites. But being white is still seen as the default in America\*\*\* and there are inherent advantages, even if you’d rather they not exist. Like I said, I truly understand that you personally would _never_ mean a question about religion to be a way to judge someone. But so many people _do_; can you try to understand why if you are on the _receiving end_ of that, you’d be cautious about _anyone_ asking those sorts of questions? Just look at Tea Party demonstrations or the protests about the ground zero mosque. There is so much hateful speech about Muslims. No, you are not one of those assholes. But someone who is Muslim has no way of knowing that off the bat. - I hate that term, but it’s the shortest way I can say “someone different from the mainstream, by ethnicity, religion, sexual preference, or whatever”. \*\* Reminds me of an Indian-American (parents came over and he was born here) guy I knew. _On multiple occasions_, he has had this exact conversation: Stranger: So, where are you from? Guy: California. Stranger: No, I mean, _where are you frommmmm_? (often spoken more slowly) Guy: _Callliiifooorrrniiiiaaaa?_ \*\*\* Why was [Michelle Obama’s dress here](http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2009/11/27/stunning-example-of-the-neutrality-of-whiteness/) called “flesh colored”? It’s not flesh colored on her. Oh, it would be on some generic white woman, though. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/185 "2010-10-10T02:12:02Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > \*\*\* Why was [Michelle Obama’s dress here](http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2009/11/27/stunning-example-of-the-neutrality-of-whiteness/) called “flesh colored”? It’s not flesh colored on her. Oh, it would be on some generic white woman, though. Three things: 1. I can’t believe someone called that “flesh colored.” Jesus. 2. Isn’t it actually kind of goldy yellow? Or am I nuts? 3. Michelle Obama ROCKED that dress. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/186 "2010-10-10T02:22:38Z")
> [@Chicken\_Fingers](#): > > I think it’s almost always inappropriate. Me too. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/187 "2010-10-10T02:29:41Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > [@jsgoddess](#): > > > > If you know she’s from country X, you can ask about country X. > > What if the country is North Korea, or some other country that is dimly viewed in the USA? Can I ask about it then? In that conversation about the guy from Pakistan, he told me about there being Sunni and Shi’a muslims in Pakistan, then I asked him which his family was, he said Sunni, execpt that he didn’t practice much in the USA. He didn’t seem offended at all. > If I know you’re a Muslim, why can’t I ask about Islam? I don’t see the big difference between countries and religions. Making such a big deal about it is what causes this prejudice about different religions. Maybe it would make you uncomfortable. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all when people ask about my religion. Dear Arnold, As a member of one persecuted minority (Roma), allow me to say, please ignore the harping criticism of those of say one should never be friendly and curious. It has been my experience that as long as you are polite and do not seem hostile or criticizing most people are relieved rather than infuriated at your questions. If asked in a polite manner, a co-worker is just as likely to see your inquiries as this person wants to get to know me rather than as too curious. My only caution is that some religions like Islam or Mormonism can be just as feverent missionary types as hard-core born-again Christians. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/188 "2010-10-10T02:39:15Z")
Well, if you have ZPG on your side, you can never be that far from normal. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/189 "2010-10-10T16:28:31Z")
I can’t see how it is particualrly inappropriate. It’s not the kind of question I’d ask onthe first day at work, but if the conversation gets you there, why not? Ifhandled with a modicum of tact, it’s like any other data point. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/190 "2010-10-10T17:10:54Z")
How much tact is in here? A modicum.? Or less? [QUOTE=Arnold] My team leader was walking by, and I said “Hey, X, what religion are you?” He laughed and said "you shouldn’t be asking about that at . [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/191 "2010-10-10T23:44:17Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > How much tact is in here? A modicum.? Or less? > > [QUOTE=Arnold] > My team leader was walking by, and I said “Hey, X, what religion are you?” He laughed and said "you shouldn’t be asking about that at . [/QUOTE] He had -25 modica. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/192 "2010-10-11T03:56:55Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Well, if you have ZPG on your side, you can never be that far from normal. Asking a stranger about religion: completely appropriate. Extending your hand for a woman to shake: grounds for getting fired. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/193 "2010-10-11T04:03:06Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@appleciders](#): > > > > Is “Cohen” a Jewish name? I didn’t have that association with that one. > > [Cohen is an _extremely_ Jewish name.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cohen_%28surname%29). From the linked article: > > [QUOTE=various untrustworthy wikipedia editors, including me at one point] > Bearing the surname indicates that one’s patrilineal ancestors were priests in the Temple of Jerusalem. A single such priest was known as a Kohen, and the hereditary caste descending from these priests is collectively known as the Kohanim.[2] > > Being a Kohen imposes some limitations: by Jewish religious law a Kohen may not marry a divorced woman, and may not marry a proselyte (someone who converted to Judaism).[3] Nor should an observant Kohen come into contact with the dead.[4] > > An effort to trace whether or not people named ‘Cohen’ actually have a common genetic origin has been undertaken in the specific DNA signature associated with the name known as the Cohen Modal Haplotype.[5] [/QUOTE] Oh, ok. Ignorance fought. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/194 "2010-10-12T01:04:47Z")
> [@appleciders](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > [Cohen is an _extremely_ Jewish name.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cohen_%28surname%29). From the linked article: > > Oh, ok. Ignorance fought. Pointless tidbit: Not all Cohens are Kohanim, and not all Kohanim are Cohens, but many Cohens are Kohanim and the majority of Kohanim are Cohens. This can sometimes make funeral planning awkward. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/195 "2010-10-12T17:50:00Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > > [@jsgoddess](#): > > > > Well, if you have ZPG on your side, you can never be that far from normal. > > Asking a stranger about religion: completely appropriate. > > Extending your hand for a woman to shake: grounds for getting fired. The first is an attempt to foster understanding in the work place and avoid offending someone. The second is a an attempt to force a cultural practice on another and may be a deliberate attempt to offend someone. Why is it so difficult to understand the difference? ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/196 "2010-10-12T17:58:13Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > [@Guinastasia](#): > > > > Asking a stranger about religion: completely appropriate. > > > > Extending your hand for a woman to shake: grounds for getting fired. > > The first is an attempt to foster understanding in the work place and avoid offending someone. The second is a an attempt to force a cultural practice on another and may be a deliberate attempt to offend someone. Why is it so difficult to understand the difference? The first can also be a way to see if someone is not like you and follows some heathenistic religion, too. It works both ways. ---
**Author:** ![slagathor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@slagathor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slagathor)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/197 "2010-10-12T19:24:43Z")
I feel like religion and politics have absolutely _no place_ being discussed at work. When I started my current job, my new boss was actually tacky enough to ask me outright whether I was religious _and_ who I had voted for in the presidential election. I cared more about politics particularly then than I do now so I was stupid enough to tell him instead of saying firmly, “That is none of your concern.” I’ve learned my lesson now and never discuss either subject with anyone except my partner. I know some folks enjoy talking about those things and love a great debate but I nearly always bow out because I feel like they’re both private matters and any debate usually ends up in a battle of ego vs. ego, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/198 "2010-10-12T19:29:23Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > [@Guinastasia](#): > > > > Asking a stranger about religion: completely appropriate. > > > > Extending your hand for a woman to shake: grounds for getting fired. > > The first is an attempt to foster understanding in the work place and avoid offending someone. The second is a an attempt to force a cultural practice on another and may be a deliberate attempt to offend someone. Why is it so difficult to understand the difference? Because the bit about holding out one’s hand for a handshake being an attempt to force a cultural practice on another person is bullshit. You’d have a point of the person extending the hand reacted to the refusal to accept it by insulting the other person, and even more so if the profferer grabbed the other person and forced the handshake. But If OFFERING to shake hands, and reacting politely to a refusal, is “forcing” a cultural practice, how is forbidding the hand-shakers to even offer it to anyone any less a forcing? ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/199 "2010-10-13T03:10:12Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Extending your hand for a woman to shake: grounds for getting fired. I thought this was a whoosh, but everyone else seems to be taking it seriously. In all my years in business, I treated women as equals. A handshake is the standard greeting for men, so I offered my hand to women. Noone ever complained, flinched, hesitated, or in any other way reacted negatively. Was this comment actually _serious_? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/200 "2010-10-13T03:15:29Z")
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:199, topic:556180”] > [@Guinastasia](#): > > Extending your hand for a woman to shake: grounds for getting fired. I thought this was a whoosh, but everyone else seems to be taking it seriously. In all my years in business, I treated women as equals. A handshake is the standard greeting for men, so I offered my hand to women. Noone ever complained, flinched, hesitated, or in any other way reacted negatively. Was this comment actually _serious_? [/QUOTE] I, too, thought it was a joke. Run lest you learn Too Much. Save yourself. It is too late for me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180.md?page=11)