# Is it inappropriate to ask a work colleague what their religion is? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 5, 2010, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180 "2010-10-05T22:06:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/61 "2010-10-06T14:28:45Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > > [@Desert\_Nomad](#): > > > > My thoughts exactly. I am Muslim and currently wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt from a university in Lebanon. With my blonde hair and blue eyes, I doubt you’d assume I was Muslim. > > Not to mention I have been thought of as Muslim because of my dress and I most definitely am not. I don’t cover my head, so I’m not sure how they thought of it, just because I have worn a salwar kameez is not a good enough reason! Ignorance, obviously. The same reason many persons think that Iran and Afghanistan are Arab countries. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/62 "2010-10-06T14:38:00Z")
Yes, it’s inappropriate in a work setting. Now, if you are friends beyond that, anything’s fair game. It’s quite simple, really. Religion is one of the oldest ways to discriminate. Any interaction you have with that person might be colored, or they might perceive it to be colored, by your knowledge of their religious preference (or lack of one). Just as how you can’t ask questions about race, marital status, sexual orientation, or whether someone is pregnant or not in an interview, you can’t ask about religion. And as many have said here, why would you want to know in the course of us working together? How is it relevant? ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/63 "2010-10-06T15:02:13Z")
I don’t mind at all, but I’ve found nearly every time it’s been asked that the person earnestly follows up with “but do you believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour?” and then gets pretty upset/confused or irritable when I say “sure, but not exclusively.” And that was in California…it used to be much worse when I lived in more conservative places. So the answer is “No, I don’t care” but I also don’t care to have any commentary based followup when I answer. And even asking me more questions about my practices/religious beliefs makes me uncomfortable. First because I don’t believe in prosletyzation, that’s a pretty fundamental belief for me and I loathe others prosletyzing to me, and second because there’s Google or the library if you really want to know more. ---
**Author:** ![This\_Just\_In\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@This\_Just\_In\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/This_Just_In_2)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/64 "2010-10-06T15:30:27Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > Is it inappropriate to ask a work colleague what their religion is? Yes. I especially hate it when people ask me in this leading way. I am not religious - so for someone to presume I am by asking me which one I follow is beyond annoying. You may as well ask me what kind of Ford I drive while you at it, while at the same time implying that if you’re a decent person surely you drive a Ford. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/65 "2010-10-06T15:35:27Z")
Asking? Not at all. Using it as a springboard to witnessing? Absolutely Not! And that works for non-religious agnostics and atheists too. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/66 "2010-10-06T15:37:22Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Why do you want to know? That’s what I’d wonder. > > Why is it important? If it was important, you’d know already. Eggzactly. The kind of person who wants to know is likely the kind of person who _shouldn’t_ know. > [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > If you are religious, you might try casually mentioning where you attend services or something very distinct about your own faith that could lead to them volunteering information. Or you could ask politeness hedge questions (i.e., would it offend you if . . . ?) In my opinion, that’s even worse than asking outright. > [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > It seems that most people think that my opinion is way off-base. I don’t see how it’s wrong to ask someone what their religion is. I _would_ think it’s wrong to follow the question up with a speech on how their religion is incorrect. It doesn’t matter whether your personal intentions are pure. The point is that religion, especially in places where there is an overwhelming majority of a particular flavour of religion, is felt as a coercive power against people who are not a member of the majority. > [@Leaffan](#): > > So why, do you in the US, care so much about the religious status of your elected officials? > > It seems to me that you’re less open to asking about coworkers than the rest of the world, and more fanatical about the beliefs of your politicians. > > In other words, why the dichotomy? It’s actually perfectly consistent. We want to know our politicians’ religion so that we can discriminate against minority religious beliefs in the public arena. But in our personal relationships, we want to be able to get along without excessive unpleasantness, so there are taboo topics – politics and religion, for example. The same goes for sex. We are infinitely curious about the sex lives of politicians and celebrities, but we are uncomfortable with colleagues discussing their own sex lives with us at work. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/67 "2010-10-06T15:46:09Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > To me, it would be like asking someone “what are your hobbies” or “do you have any children” or “what did you do last week-end”. I’m just going to add that I’m not a big fan of being asked about kids, either, because I answer no and almost inevitably get a “why not?” follow-up. There’s nothing like being cross-examined about my reproductive status to brighten my day. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/68 "2010-10-06T15:53:55Z")
I just answer, to the kids question, “Just never been interested, I guess”. In my thirties apparently I exude a great deal more self-confidence, because rarely do people follow up on that one anymore. Nowadays, they bug my SO more. I hate witnessing, though. With a fucking passion. I always get slightly wary when people show an undue interest in my religion. I once worked with a woman for six months who loved Jesus Christ very much and made a point of saying so often, but she never tried to witness to me, so I just ignored it. She quit, and as she left, she sent me an e-mail telling me she hoped I would have a great life and that eventually I would find my correct path to Jesus Christ. So the whole time she was thinking in her head how misguided I was. That means that any friendship we had was always colored by my religion or lack thereof. Grr! It still makes me grit my teeth. I had another coworker who I was tentatively getting to be good friends with, stop talking to me because I “celebrated” Halloween. Halloween! I give candy to the kiddies! That’s not celebrating a damn thing. Mostly these days this is how I get the question, “We’re going to have a Christmas party…er…do you celebrate Christmas?” And I’m like, “Sure I do.” That is acceptable - you are trying to be polite to me and not exclude me. Beyond that, it really isn’t any of your business, but people have followed up with, “Are you Christian?” And I say no, and nothing else, please be polite enough to take the hint and drop it. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/69 "2010-10-06T15:56:13Z")
I don’t _want_ to answer that question at work because I am an atheist swimming in a sea of bible-thumping fundie christians. It’s not that I find the question rude and intrusive, it’s that I don’t think work is the appropriate time or place for the religious debate that will surely ensue the minute I open my mouth to claim atheism. I don’t need co-workers refusing to cooperate on deadlines because I’m a godless heathen. So, no, I think it’s out of place in the office. I’m usually intensely curious about other people’s religions, but I will not ask questions like that unless I have either A) been out drinking with that person and have gotten to know them B) am reciprocating because they took interest in my personal life and/or C) have seen them nekkid at least three times (GEICO translation: we’re already intimate). I won’t even _date_ Christians because I have such a hard time _not_ expressing contempt for christianity. I respect other people’s right to believe stupid shit, but I cannot bring myself to respect the stupid shit beliefs. So yeah, I don’t wanna talk about it at work. I might offend or piss off someone whom I really need on the team. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/70 "2010-10-06T16:00:05Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > > [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > > To me, it would be like asking someone “what are your hobbies” or “do you have any children” or “what did you do last week-end”. > > I’m just going to add that I’m not a big fan of being asked about kids, either, because I answer no and almost inevitably get a “why not?” follow-up. There’s nothing like being cross-examined about my reproductive status to brighten my day. Same here. I am childless for many reasons, partially against my preference, for many reasons, some of which are very personal. I’m not happy being interrogated on the topic, or being “encouraged” to have children. (If it’s a woman who starts in on this, my fantasy response is – “Oh, you’re really concerned that I don’t get the joys of having children? Knickers off then, let me knock you up and we can both enjoy the experience.”) ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/71 "2010-10-06T16:06:16Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > Inappropriate to ask a work colleague. > > May be appropriate to ask a new neighbour, but only in very specific situations. > > “We’re nailing down details for the BBQ next week for the block- The Cohen’s are doing the Kosher food, the Amirs have the Halal stuff covered, Mrs Gupta is sorting out the vegans and veggies, and I’m doing basic hamburger and hotdogs. So whose list should I add you to?” > > “Summer schemes for the kids you say…well there are a few in the area, but most are affiliated with religious organisations, so I’m not sure which direction to point you in…” > > “The neighbours usually usually organise Carol singing for the kids, but obviously the Cohens, the Guptas and the Amirs opt out for religious reason- would you be interested in getting involved?” Is “Cohen” a Jewish name? I didn’t have that association with that one. My trouble usually lies in that I’m fairly knowledgeable about Christianity and I consider myself Christian in some ways, but voicing my opinions about Christianity tends to offend both the quite religious and the vocal atheists. I love talking about it, but I avoid doing so at work because the Baptists mostly don’t want to hear me critically compare the Gospels and the atheists have no interest in doing anything but slamming the religion. I’ll ask a co-worker what church she grew up in if she brings up church, but that’s usually as far as it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/72 "2010-10-06T16:08:19Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > So why, do you in the US, care so much about the religious status of your elected officials? > > It seems to me that you’re less open to asking about coworkers than the rest of the world, and more fanatical about the beliefs of your politicians. > > In other words, why the dichotomy? Because my elected officials are _supposed_ to represent my interests in in the government. If I vote for Mitt Romney and his religion causes him to relax polygamy\* laws nationwide (to allow it, but only for men), then his personal belief stomps all over my rights to worship or not as I see fit. Some pro-polygamy does\* not \*represent _my_ interests (as an educated, firmly feminist female) and therefore, Romney’s religion will cause me to vote against him. (So I won’t have any more mormonism shoved down my throat against my will than I’ve already had.) Note: Mainstream mormonism does not currently teach the practice of polygamy, however. Polygamy is still in canonized mormon scripture and therefore, is still part of their doctrine. And. Any mormon man who is widowed may remarry and be sealed to a second (or third) wife. After his death, he gets to still be married to all the women he married on earth. This is, essentially, the practice of polygamy in the afterlife. [Cite.](http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132) My intent with this post was not to start a mormon doctrine debate, but to choose a controversial doctrine with which I am familiar for the purpose of illustrating why this isn’t a double standard\* to me\*. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/73 "2010-10-06T16:08:23Z")
> [@appleciders](#): > > Is “Cohen” a Jewish name? I didn’t have that association with that one. [Cohen is an _extremely_ Jewish name.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cohen_%28surname%29). From the linked article: [QUOTE=various untrustworthy wikipedia editors, including me at one point] Bearing the surname indicates that one’s patrilineal ancestors were priests in the Temple of Jerusalem. A single such priest was known as a Kohen, and the hereditary caste descending from these priests is collectively known as the Kohanim.[2] Being a Kohen imposes some limitations: by Jewish religious law a Kohen may not marry a divorced woman, and may not marry a proselyte (someone who converted to Judaism).[3] Nor should an observant Kohen come into contact with the dead.[4] An effort to trace whether or not people named ‘Cohen’ actually have a common genetic origin has been undertaken in the specific DNA signature associated with the name known as the Cohen Modal Haplotype.[5] [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/74 "2010-10-06T16:13:48Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > > [@elfkin477](#): > > > > Yeah. Unless the coworker is talking about something that happened/will happen at church, there’s no reason questions about their religion should ever come up. > > Are we talking at cross purposes? In my post I was agreeing with \*\*Arnold Winkelried \*\*that it was reasonable to ask about a colleague’s religion. I have certainly done so on occasion. No, I was _supposed_ to have quoted **Chicken Fingers** , but didn’t realize I hadn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/75 "2010-10-06T16:15:20Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > \ > > Getting offended by a question because you don’t want to answer it seems silly to me. But, as I said above, the way around it is to not directly ask. > > \ I am not offended in the least by being asked the question. However, 8 times out of 10, I _am_ offended by the _reaction_ to my answer. I have also attempted to refuse to answer and been badgered/nagged and/or my email inbox filled with Christian messages until I finally wore down and said, “I am not a Christian; quit sending this shit!” Sometimes, the fundies just want to debate and prove to me that I should come back to Jesus. I am not interested in distracting myself from work to that degree. To me, one’s religion is every bit as private as one’s sex life and neither should be discussed in mixed company. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/76 "2010-10-06T16:52:19Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > > [@Leaffan](#): > > > > So why, do you in the US, care so much about the religious status of your elected officials? > > > > It seems to me that you’re less open to asking about coworkers than the rest of the world, and more fanatical about the beliefs of your politicians. > > > > In other words, why the dichotomy? > > Because my elected officials are _supposed_ to represent my interests in in the government. If I vote for Mitt Romney and his religion causes him to relax polygamy\* laws nationwide (to allow it, but only for men), then his personal belief stomps all over my rights to worship or not as I see fit. Some pro-polygamy does\* not \*represent _my_ interests (as an educated, firmly feminist female) and therefore, Romney’s religion will cause me to vote against him. (So I won’t have any more mormonism shoved down my throat against my will than I’ve already had.) > > Note: Mainstream mormonism does not currently teach the practice of polygamy, however. Polygamy is still in canonized mormon scripture and therefore, is still part of their doctrine. And. Any mormon man who is widowed may remarry and be sealed to a second (or third) wife. After his death, he gets to still be married to all the women he married on earth. This is, essentially, the practice of polygamy in the afterlife. [Cite.](http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132) My intent with this post was not to start a mormon doctrine debate, but to choose a controversial doctrine with which I am familiar for the purpose of illustrating why this isn’t a double standard\* to me\*. Would any one, singular, elected official be able to unilaterally bend laws based upon his own religion? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/77 "2010-10-06T16:54:39Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Would any one, singular, elected official be able to unilaterally bend laws based upon his own religion? How will you ensure that this would be the sole person elected to office holding this philosophy? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/78 "2010-10-06T16:57:55Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I have also attempted to refuse to answer and been badgered/nagged and/or my email inbox filled with Christian messages until I finally wore down and said, “I am not a Christian; quit sending this shit!” Sometimes, the fundies just want to debate and prove to me that I should come back to Jesus. I am not interested in distracting myself from work to that degree. Mmmm. I had to call up a colleague once and ask her to please stop sending me gigantic pictures of Jesus because it was clogging up my inbox. It never even occured to her that everyone wasn’t Christian. And that’s mainly what I find about Christians in the States - they hardly realize how many religions are around them. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/79 "2010-10-06T17:01:31Z")
Well, in all fairness, Christianity is the correct religion, and all the others are mistaken though. Right? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/80 "2010-10-06T17:01:57Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > > [@Dogzilla](#): > > > > I have also attempted to refuse to answer and been badgered/nagged and/or my email inbox filled with Christian messages until I finally wore down and said, “I am not a Christian; quit sending this shit!” Sometimes, the fundies just want to debate and prove to me that I should come back to Jesus. I am not interested in distracting myself from work to that degree. > > Mmmm. I had to call up a colleague once and ask her to please stop sending me gigantic pictures of Jesus because it was clogging up my inbox. It never even occured to her that everyone wasn’t Christian. And that’s mainly what I find about Christians in the States - they hardly realize how many religions are around them. I don’t think that’s completely true, 'mika. It’s more that the sort of Christians who never realize that there are persons of other religions are (or who think that other faiths need not be respected) are just louder. I have about 80 facebook friends, most of whom are from my church. None of them do crap like that. Several members of my family think nothing of it; one of my sisters, for instance, signs off every text message with a “Praise Jesus” remark and another thinks nothing of putting pentecostalist glurge on my wall. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180.md?page=5)