# Is it inappropriate to ask a work colleague what their religion is? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 5, 2010, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180 "2010-10-05T22:06:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/81 "2010-10-06T17:10:59Z")
Always a bad idea. I have been asked to attend church from fellow employees. Only once did my answer of “I don’t go to church”, prompt follow up questions of “what religion are you that doesn’t go to church?” After a really long stare from me, I think he got it. He never treated me the same and eventually others started pushing me out of social circles as well. Nothing good comes of asking me and that’s why I keep my lack of faith to myself. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/82 "2010-10-06T17:24:26Z")
I wonder if this is regional, or influenced by the degree of immigrants an area has, or by college education, or even by type of major, but a good number of you seem to have really immature attitudes about expressing your religion or knowing other people’s religions in the workplace. We’re a pretty mixed group, with engineers from all over the world, and none of this petty bickering over religion, or being influenced by someone else’s religion, or attempted conversions, or spam email occurs in our building. I get the idea that everyone else here lives in the middle of Mayberry in the Bible Belt (where I admit that I’m prejudiced into thinking the situation might be different there). ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/83 "2010-10-06T17:35:18Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > So why, do you in the US, care so much about the religious status of your elected officials? Some of us don’t, and would much prefer it if the candidates didn’t have to perform a dog-and-pony-and-Jesus show simply to appear electable. Those who do are either extremely religious themselves and trying to suss out an ideological kin, or perhaps believe that a self-professed person of faith is more likely to be forthright, selfless, and incorruptible, regardless of how many past candidates have debunked this theory in spectacular and public fashion. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/84 "2010-10-06T17:39:43Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > I wonder if this is regional, or influenced by the degree of immigrants an area has, or by college education, or even by type of major, but a good number of you seem to have really immature attitudes about expressing your religion or knowing other people’s religions in the workplace. We’re a pretty mixed group, with engineers from all over the world, and none of this petty bickering over religion, or being influenced by someone else’s religion, or attempted conversions, or spam email occurs in our building. I get the idea that everyone else here lives in the middle of Mayberry in the Bible Belt (where I admit that I’m prejudiced into thinking the situation might be different there). In terms of acreage, Mayberry is a vast majority of the country. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/85 "2010-10-06T17:51:28Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > > [@Dogzilla](#): > > > > I have also attempted to refuse to answer and been badgered/nagged and/or my email inbox filled with Christian messages until I finally wore down and said, “I am not a Christian; quit sending this shit!” Sometimes, the fundies just want to debate and prove to me that I should come back to Jesus. I am not interested in distracting myself from work to that degree. > > Mmmm. I had to call up a colleague once and ask her to please stop sending me gigantic pictures of Jesus because it was clogging up my inbox. It never even occured to her that everyone wasn’t Christian. And that’s mainly what I find about Christians in the States - they hardly realize how many religions are around them. I had a kind of funny opposite experience at work. I’m a Jewish agnostic who used to work in the legal department of a large multinational, doing work visas for people who were mostly not Christian at all, but apparently assumed all the Americans they met were Christian. It amused me to no end to have my mostly Indian and Chinese clients wish me “Merry Christmas” or ask “how was your Easter holiday?” or whatever. (Yes, I am aware that there are Indian and Chinese Christians, but they are not the majority.) I usually took the opportunity to say something like “not bad, considering I’m a Jewish agnostic, but thanks for asking!” because I wanted to make the point that not all Americans are Christian, even nominally. All these responses are making me really glad that I’ve never worked anywhere where my non-mainstream beliefs, or lack thereof, has ever been an issue. (Except when I studied in Madrid in college, and my _hostal_-mates constantly asked if I wanted to go to church with them on Sundays. I went once or twice out of curiosity, but eventually I started explaining that I’m not Christian, and not even a practitioner of Judaism, the religion I was raised in, and if I did decide to be an observant Jew, Jews have a thing called synagogues, which they usually attend on Friday night or Saturday, and which are not churches, so thanks, but no thanks. It never really sunk in, but then Spain hasn’t exactly had a huge Jewish population for several hundred years, so I didn’t know what I should have expected.) ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/86 "2010-10-06T17:52:45Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > I always ask because Xenu demands it. It’s a crime against Ron to refuse to answer… You do realize that Xenu is the Scientology version of the Devil, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/87 "2010-10-06T18:03:27Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > > [@missred](#): > > > > I live at the buckle of the bible belt. Sooner or later, most of my Christian coworkers will make mention of it. It’s usually fairly obvious with the Muslims that I work with; their dress gives them away. The Buddhists are a bit trickier. Some of the Pagans wear jewelry or tats that indicate their beliefs. Even if none of the above gives me a clue, it’s none of my business. I don’t ask. > > Muslim dress gives it away? > > How so? What? Seriously? ETA - in that a woman wearing a headscarf is probably Muslim, not that all Muslim women wear headscarves. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/88 "2010-10-06T18:22:03Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Would any one, singular, elected official be able to unilaterally bend laws based upon his own religion? Not likely, but my point the difference in the standard is that a coworker does not have any influence over local or state legislation, but my elected officials do. My coworkers can only affect my quality of life insomuch as I allow their work behavior to bother me. My elected officials I may not have ever even met in person, nor could I pick 'em out of a lineup, but they can rock my little world with one small-minded discriminatory nonConstitutional law. Like, you know, if I were gay. And living in California. A certain church could start a whisper campaign from behind its pulpits to encourage as many donations as it could to rescind a gay marriage law. And if I were gay, and married in California, my most sacred personal relationship has been declared null and void by some elected officials. My coworkers can’t do that. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/89 "2010-10-06T18:37:18Z")
> [@Eva\_Luna](#): > > > [@Anaamika](#): > > > > Mmmm. I had to call up a colleague once and ask her to please stop sending me gigantic pictures of Jesus because it was clogging up my inbox. It never even occured to her that everyone wasn’t Christian. And that’s mainly what I find about Christians in the States - they hardly realize how many religions are around them. > > I had a kind of funny opposite experience at work. I’m a Jewish agnostic who used to work in the legal department of a large multinational, doing work visas for people who were mostly not Christian at all, but apparently assumed all the Americans they met were Christian. It amused me to no end to have my mostly Indian and Chinese clients wish me “Merry Christmas” or ask “how was your Easter holiday?” or whatever. (Yes, I am aware that there are Indian and Chinese Christians, but they are not the majority.) I usually took the opportunity to say something like “not bad, considering I’m a Jewish agnostic, but thanks for asking!” because I wanted to make the point that not all Americans are Christian, even nominally. > > All these responses are making me really glad that I’ve never worked anywhere where my non-mainstream beliefs, or lack thereof, has ever been an issue. (Except when I studied in Madrid in college, and my _hostal_-mates constantly asked if I wanted to go to church with them on Sundays. I went once or twice out of curiosity, but eventually I started explaining that I’m not Christian, and not even a practitioner of Judaism, the religion I was raised in, and if I did decide to be an observant Jew, Jews have a thing called synagogues, which they usually attend on Friday night or Saturday, and which are not churches, so thanks, but no thanks. It never really sunk in, but then Spain hasn’t exactly had a huge Jewish population for several hundred years, so I didn’t know what I should have expected.) In Re: People making assumptions. True Story. Once upon a time, the husband of the secretary where I work was diagnosed with cancer. Treatments ensued and the family struggled with their bills. So around the office, we took up a collection and gave her a gift cards for gas, groceries, and a couple restaurants (they were traveling a lot long distances to hospitals out of town). Upon presenting this very generous gift to her (it was not during any Christian or other holiday), she of course burst into tears and embarked on an emotional thank you speech. She said, and I quote, “I know _everyone_ is a Christian here and I can’t thank you all enough…” Aaaaaaand I went deaf after that and froze a fake smile on my face. It was not the appropriate place or time to take issue with her assumption that all of us in the office are necessarily Christians, just because we collectively did something nice. Besides myself, there was also a Jew and a Buddhist in the room. We locked eyes with each other, did this —\> :dubious:, and went back to work. Some battles just aren’t worth fighting. ---
**Author:** ![groo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecd19e/32.png) [@groo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groo)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/90 "2010-10-06T18:45:40Z")
Completely inappropriate at work, not very appropriate outside of work (unless you’re at some religious service or event). If someone brings up their religion, that’s fine if the exchange is less than two sentences. Any longer ones, IME, involve people trying to categorize my religious views, which inevitably results in my deciding that they’re idiots and their deciding that I’m a lost soul. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/91 "2010-10-06T18:52:07Z")
> [@Eva\_Luna](#): > > It amused me to no end to have my mostly Indian and Chinese clients wish me “Merry Christmas” or ask “how was your Easter holiday?” or whatever. (Yes, I am aware that there are Indian and Chinese Christians, but they are not the majority.) I usually took the opportunity to say something like “not bad, considering I’m a Jewish agnostic, but thanks for asking!” because I wanted to make the point that not all Americans are Christian, even nominally. Nor are all celebrants of these holidays. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/92 "2010-10-06T18:52:38Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > In Re: People making assumptions. > > True Story. Once upon a time, the husband of the secretary where I work was diagnosed with cancer. Treatments ensued and the family struggled with their bills. So around the office, we took up a collection and gave her a gift cards for gas, groceries, and a couple restaurants (they were traveling a lot long distances to hospitals out of town). Upon presenting this very generous gift to her (it was not during any Christian or other holiday), she of course burst into tears and embarked on an emotional thank you speech. She said, and I quote, “I know _everyone_ is a Christian here and I can’t thank you all enough…” Aaaaaaand I went deaf after that and froze a fake smile on my face. It was not the appropriate place or time to take issue with her assumption that all of us in the office are necessarily Christians, just because we collectively did something nice. Besides myself, there was also a Jew and a Buddhist in the room. We locked eyes with each other, did this —\> :dubious:, and went back to work. > > Some battles just aren’t worth fighting. AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! That would annoy me, too. How about just “I know everyone is a kind, compassionate, human”! ---
**Author:** ![Mops](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mops/32/16494_2.png) [@Mops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mops)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/93 "2010-10-06T19:04:48Z")
My take: it’s appropriate to ask if and when it is pertinent in some way to a topic of conversation that has come up (i.e. when we talk about leisure activities and a colleague talks about a church-related outing). Otherwise it is not (why ask for a data point that is not relevant to anything?) Also membership in a religion/denomination is one thing, and beliefs quite another. I’d consider it quite intrusive to ask or be asked about the latter. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/94 "2010-10-06T19:16:06Z")
Unless you are relatively close friends outside of work, it’s completely inappropriate. My personal life is none of your business, unless I have specifically invited you into my personal life. If you’re a co-worker who could potentially use details of my personal life against me to get me fired, you are very much not invited. You’re welcome to volunteer your own personal details, if you want, but no one else in the office is obligated to reciprocate. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/95 "2010-10-06T19:25:16Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! That would annoy me, too. How about just “I know everyone is a kind, compassionate, human”! Exactly. The woman is a devout Catholic, but she seems to have that tunnel vision about religion. I speak to her as little as possible. She’s a very kind, loving, generous person but the stupid hurts me to experience. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/96 "2010-10-06T19:33:50Z")
I’m starting to notice a pattern here. The people who don’t mind are mostly Christians, and the people who do mind are mostly atheists or otherwise non-Christian. Huh. How about that. Hint. Hint. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/97 "2010-10-06T19:33:58Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > > [@NoClueBoy](#): > > > > I always ask because Xenu demands it. It’s a crime against Ron to refuse to answer… > > You do realize that Xenu is the Scientology version of the Devil, don’t you? I’m playing Devil’s advocate, then. Or …, use Pantheistic Multi Person Solipsism as a fun Heinlein-ish answer to any Qs about beliefs. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/98 "2010-10-06T20:04:42Z")
> [@pedescribe](#): > > I’m starting to notice a pattern here. The people who don’t mind are mostly Christians, and the people who do mind are mostly atheists or otherwise non-Christian. > > Huh. How about that. Hint. Hint. Yep. It is easy to be open about your religious beliefs when you are in the majority. The minority? Not so much. Christians have no idea how weird it is to say “I don’t go to church” or “I am an atheist” when you are surrounded by people who think “of course you’re a Christian, I just want to know if you are Baptist or Church of Christ.” ---
**Author:** ![Rhodes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhodes/32/273_2.png) [@Rhodes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhodes)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/99 "2010-10-06T20:06:15Z")
I kinda wish more people would just ask me so there would be no speculation and gossip. But it’s not something I’m going to announce unsolicited, and few people have asked. Problem is, I’m the new guy. Everyone knows that I am from Utah, that I have a fairly large family, and that I don’t drink at company parties. Which is surely leading people to make an incorrect assumption. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/100 "2010-10-06T20:08:20Z")
\*\*Is it inappropriate to ask a work colleague what their religion is? \*\* Yes, yes, YES. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180.md?page=6)