# Is it inappropriate to ask a work colleague what their religion is? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 5, 2010, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180 "2010-10-05T22:06:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/161 "2010-10-08T22:30:03Z")
It’s true - I’d be a little offended if somebody asked me my religion, but I would VASTLY PREFER it to assuming I give a rat’s ass about Carolina football. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/162 "2010-10-08T22:35:19Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > [@acsenray](#): > > > > Conversation is not interrogation – “Are you married?” “No, do you have a boyfriend?” “No, are you having sex with anyone at all?” “Do you have children?” “Yes, but you said you weren’t married.” “But how old are you? You don’t look that young. Don’t you want to have children?” “What’s your religion?” “Where are you from?” “What does your name mean?” “What are your hobbies?” "What’s your job? > > there’s a difference between firing off a series of interview questions in short order, immediately moving on to another personal question as soon as the first one is answered, and asking a question about the person and letting the conversation develop from there. I think the point for me is that religion is one of those topics, like sexuality, where a lot of people have a lot of thoughts and opinions about what other people do and, especially if you’re in a minority and especially ESPECIALLY if you’re Muslim in this country, being singled out by questions can feel like someone shining a bright light on you. Yes, of course religion can come up naturally, and of course someone can choose to share and then of course you can say, “That’s so interesting. I’d love to hear more if you’re comfortable talking about it.” Yeah, it might mean that there is some curiosity that goes unanswered. To use an analogy, say there is someone you work with who has scars like [Seal](http://www.arjanwrites.com/arjanwrites/images/2007/09/22/arjanwrites_seal2.jpg). I’d be curious where scars like that come from. The first time I saw Seal I was curious where the scars came from, so I looked him up and read about it. But obviously a coworker is unlikely to have a wikipedia page, so there’s no way to look them up. So what do you? You wait. It’s possible the person will volunteer the information, maybe as an aside. Maybe they’ll be complaining about how some utterly rude person came up to them and asked them why their face is scarred and in telling the story they’ll reveal it. I might be an outlier since I drive my boyfriend crazy because I don’t often ask people personal questions. I just wait for information to be volunteered, so I often know less about people’s personal lives than others do. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/163 "2010-10-08T22:46:36Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I think the point for me is that religion is one of those topics, like sexuality, where a lot of people have a lot of thoughts and opinions about what other people do and, especially if you’re in a minority and especially ESPECIALLY if you’re Muslim in this country, being singled out by questions can feel like someone shining a bright light on you. I would think that, to take my example, someone going around in the USA while wearing a full-face veil would be used to being singled out. Same thing with my accent when I moved here. I expected that people would notice I’m from somewhere else. And I expected that a lot of people would ask about it, as a conversational ice breaker. > [@](#): > > To use an analogy, say there is someone you work with who has scars like [Seal](http://www.arjanwrites.com/arjanwrites/images/2007/09/22/arjanwrites_seal2.jpg). I’d be curious where scars like that come from. The difference is that the scars were presumably something that the person was born with, not something that the person chose to have, and also something that would be related to a painful past experience, that I wouldn’t want to dwell on. But if a person had tattoos on their checks, made to look like scars, then I would assume that it was their choice to have those tattoos, and I would have no qualms asking them “neat tattoos! What are they supposed to represent?” ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/164 "2010-10-08T22:52:37Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > [@jsgoddess](#): > > > > I think the point for me is that religion is one of those topics, like sexuality, where a lot of people have a lot of thoughts and opinions about what other people do and, especially if you’re in a minority and especially ESPECIALLY if you’re Muslim in this country, being singled out by questions can feel like someone shining a bright light on you. > > I would think that, to take my example, someone going around in the USA while wearing a full-face veil would be used to being singled out. Same thing with my accent when I moved here. I expected that people would notice I’m from somewhere else. And I expected that a lot of people would ask about it, as a conversational ice breaker. Asking an often persecuted minority about their religion is a conversational ice machine. Accents in the US are often considered “cool.” Being a “terrorist MOOSLIM!” isn’t cool, it’s dangerous. She has no way of knowing if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re a Muslim!” or an “I’ve got my eye on you, terrist!” person, just as a gay person can’t know if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re gay!” or a “You’ll burn in HELL YOU FAGGOT!” person. > [@](#): > > The difference is that the scars were presumably something that the person was born with, not something that the person chose to have, and also something that would be related to a painful past experience, that I wouldn’t want to dwell on. But if a person had tattoos on their checks, made to look like scars, then I would assume that it was their choice to have those tattoos, and I would have no qualms asking them “neat tattoos! What are they supposed to represent?” No, the scars weren’t something he was born with, and the women in hijab don’t consider it a “choice” like a tattoo. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/165 "2010-10-08T23:00:06Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Asking an often persecuted minority about their religion is a conversational ice machine. Accents in the US are often considered “cool.” Being a “terrorist MOOSLIM!” isn’t cool, it’s dangerous. She has no way of knowing if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re a Muslim!” or an “I’ve got my eye on you, terrist!” person, just as a gay person can’t know if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re gay!” or a “You’ll burn in HELL YOU FAGGOT!” person. And then, when you discuss it, she gets to find out that not all Americans hate muslims, and some people are just interested in what their religion is about, and friendship between cultures is promoted. Good deal! > [@](#): > > No, the scars weren’t something he was born with, and the women in hijab don’t consider it a “choice” like a tattoo. I meant “something he was born with or that happened to him without him choosing to have them.” We can quibble on terms, but the hijab is a choice, in that not all Muslim women wear them. And like I said, I wouldn’t run up to a random woman in the street to ask my question, but if the lady is coming over to my house to bring me a cake, then there’s nothing wrong in asking about it during the “getting to know you” conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/166 "2010-10-08T23:04:13Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > [@jsgoddess](#): > > > > Asking an often persecuted minority about their religion is a conversational ice machine. Accents in the US are often considered “cool.” Being a “terrorist MOOSLIM!” isn’t cool, it’s dangerous. She has no way of knowing if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re a Muslim!” or an “I’ve got my eye on you, terrist!” person, just as a gay person can’t know if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re gay!” or a “You’ll burn in HELL YOU FAGGOT!” person. > > And then, when you discuss it, she gets to find out that not all Americans hate muslims, and some people are just interested in what their religion is about, and friendship between cultures is promoted. Good deal! Try looking at it from the point of view of the minority being asked the question. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/167 "2010-10-08T23:04:14Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > And like I said, I wouldn’t run up to a random woman in the street to ask my question, but if the lady is coming over to my house to bring me a cake, then there’s nothing wrong in asking about it during the “getting to know you” conversation. So, out of curiosity, if she says when you ask, “I consider that a very rude question” THEN is there something wrong in asking it? Or is this one of those things, as it’s beginning to appear, where it doesn’t matter if everyone you encounter is uneasy with it, you’re still right? ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/168 "2010-10-08T23:10:33Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Try looking at it from the point of view of the minority being asked the question. In the case I present, I know she’s a muslim anyway! Would she think “hey, he didn’t ask me about my veil, maybe he hasn’t figured out I’m a muslim?” ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/169 "2010-10-08T23:16:00Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > So, out of curiosity, if she says when you ask, “I consider that a very rude question” THEN is there something wrong in asking it? What if you’re at a party, and ask someone “what do you do for a living”, and they tell you “that’s none of your business”, does that make you wrong in asking it? > [@](#): > > Or is this one of those things, as it’s beginning to appear, where it doesn’t matter if everyone you encounter is uneasy with it, you’re still right? You mean the three or four people who seem to oppose it in this thread, or every single Muslim I’ve asked in real life? I worked with a guy from Pakistan once. In the first week he was there, while we were both in the kitchen getting coffee, I asked him how many languages they spoke in Pakistan, if there were different branches of Islam there, etc. He didn’t mention that I was being an obnoxious jerk. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/170 "2010-10-08T23:21:36Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > [@jsgoddess](#): > > > > So, out of curiosity, if she says when you ask, “I consider that a very rude question” THEN is there something wrong in asking it? > > What if you’re at a party, and ask someone “what do you do for a living”, and they tell you “that’s none of your business”, does that make you wrong in asking it? If people start being persecuted for their line of work, it’ll start being an improper question. > [@](#): > > You mean the three or four people who seem to oppose it in this thread, or every single Muslim I’ve asked in real life? I worked with a guy from Pakistan once. In the first week he was there, in the kitchen asking for coffee, I asked him how many languages they spoke in Pakistan, if there were different branches of Islam there, etc. He didn’t mention that I was being an obnoxious jerk. If you know she’s from country X, you can ask about country X. That’s not a personal question, generally. You can ask me about Ohio. Don’t ask me about my religious beliefs or practices. Don’t ask me about my sexual preferences or practices. Your curiosity doesn’t outweigh my comfort. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/171 "2010-10-08T23:28:47Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > If you know she’s from country X, you can ask about country X. What if the country is North Korea, or some other country that is dimly viewed in the USA? Can I ask about it then? In that conversation about the guy from Pakistan, he told me about there being Sunni and Shi’a muslims in Pakistan, then I asked him which his family was, he said Sunni, execpt that he didn’t practice much in the USA. He didn’t seem offended at all. If I know you’re a Muslim, why can’t I ask about Islam? I don’t see the big difference between countries and religions. Making such a big deal about it is what causes this prejudice about different religions. Maybe it would make you uncomfortable. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all when people ask about my religion. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/172 "2010-10-08T23:29:54Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > Making such a big deal about it is what causes this prejudice about different religions. Maybe it would make you uncomfortable. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all when people ask about my religion. Are you a persecuted minority? ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/173 "2010-10-08T23:31:27Z")
I’m an atheist. If you read what people are saying in this thread, atheists don’t seem to be too popular. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/174 "2010-10-08T23:32:31Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Asking an often persecuted minority about their religion is a conversational ice machine. Accents in the US are often considered “cool.” Being a “terrorist MOOSLIM!” isn’t cool, it’s dangerous. She has no way of knowing if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re a Muslim!” or an “I’ve got my eye on you, terrist!” person, just as a gay person can’t know if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re gay!” or a “You’ll burn in HELL YOU FAGGOT!” person. I work in Dearborn, Michigan. There are so many Muslims that that’s not an issue. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/175 "2010-10-08T23:33:03Z")
Actually, I’m that odd creature, a church-going atheist (Unitarian Universalist church). When I say that, believe me, I get tons of questions. Lots of people telling me it’s pointless, why do I bother, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/176 "2010-10-08T23:38:22Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > > [@jsgoddess](#): > > > > Asking an often persecuted minority about their religion is a conversational ice machine. Accents in the US are often considered “cool.” Being a “terrorist MOOSLIM!” isn’t cool, it’s dangerous. She has no way of knowing if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re a Muslim!” or an “I’ve got my eye on you, terrist!” person, just as a gay person can’t know if you’re an “Oh, cool, you’re gay!” or a “You’ll burn in HELL YOU FAGGOT!” person. > > I work in Dearborn, Michigan. There are so many Muslims that that’s not an issue. But if you were in Memphis, Tennessee, and a Muslim, you’d be inclined to be suspicious of persons asking that question at work. The other day, while getting my weekly haircut, I overheard a conversation between two of the idle barbers in which one was saying, in all seriousness, that America was not going to be safe from the evil Muslims until we began emulating their practices. He explained that overseas we needed to send in suicide bomberss to show our dedication to Christ, while here it was sufficient just to wipe 'em out with regular armed forces. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/177 "2010-10-09T05:24:25Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > > [@Guinastasia](#): > > > > If the FBI is snooping around, then it’s DEFINITELY better for your friend to stay out. > > > [@](#): > > > > You mean not be her friend? When the neighbour comes over with a cake, hide in the back and pretend you’re not home? Or something else? > > Oh yes, it’s all about being her friend, isn’t it? Not wanting to interogate about her faith. :rolleyes: > If she comes over and introduces herself, that’s fine. BUT LEAVE RELIGION OUT OF IT. However, I’d still stay out of the way, unless the other person initiated something. You seriously cannot be that naive. > > > [@](#): > > > > And even if it wasn’t, what different would it make WHICH branch of Islam? If you’re that curious about whether it’s Sunni or Shi’ite that wears a certain type of clothing – look it up. The poor neighbors probably have enough to deal with right now. > > It doesn’t make any difference in my life, in the same way that knowing that they have huge land tortoises in the Galapagos islands makes a difference in my life. I just like knowing things. There’s this thing, it’s called the “internet”. Maybe you’ve heard of it. > [@](#): > > And I don’t know if those poor people have suffered at all. The FBI could be doing a background check for a job with a security clearance. Whatever the reason, it’s none of your damned business. And if you think atheists are being persecuted as much as Muslims are in this current climate, you haven’t been paying attention. (Note: I’m not saying there isn’t a stigma attached to atheism, or whatever. But **right now** I’d say that Muslims are getting the worst of it.) Go to Free Republic sometime and do a search for “islam” or “muslim”. In this case, I’d err on the side of caution. Seriously, why did you even bother asking the question, since you had already made up your mind? You were given an answer. You decided you didn’t like it. Too bad – next time, don’t bother asking. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/178 "2010-10-09T05:34:58Z")
Gah!!! Stupid quote tags!!! Here is what I said in the last post: > [@](#): > > Oh yes, it’s all about being her friend, isn’t it? Not wanting to interogate about her faith. > If she comes over and introduces herself, that’s fine. BUT LEAVE RELIGION OUT OF IT. However, I’d still stay out of the way, unless the other person initiated something. You seriously cannot be that naive. > [@](#): > > And even if it wasn’t, what different would it make WHICH branch of Islam? If you’re that curious about whether it’s Sunni or Shi’ite that wears a certain type of clothing – look it up. The poor neighbors probably have enough to deal with right now. > [@](#): > > There’s this thing, it’s called the “internet”. Maybe you’ve heard of it. (in reply to **Arnold** ’s comment about wanting to learn about turtles and such) > [@](#): > > Whatever the reason, it’s none of your damned business. > And if you think atheists are being persecuted as much as Muslims are in this current climate, you haven’t been paying attention. (Note: I’m not saying there isn’t a stigma attached to atheism, or whatever. But right now I’d say that Muslims are getting the worst of it.) Go to Free Republic sometime and do a search for “islam” or “muslim”. > > In this case, I’d err on the side of caution. Seriously, why did you even bother asking the question, since you had already made up your mind? You were given an answer. You decided you didn’t like it. Too bad – next time, don’t bother asking. ---
**Author:** ![rayman5321](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@rayman5321](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayman5321)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/179 "2010-10-09T10:27:57Z")
It’s inappropriate. If I’m asked, I say “Reformed Druid”. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180/180 "2010-10-09T17:27:21Z")
> [@rayman5321](#): > > It’s inappropriate. If I’m asked, I say “Reformed Druid”. [Kemetic Orthodox](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kemetic_Orthodoxy) _sounds like_ it’s a branch of a very different religion then what it actually it. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-inappropriate-to-ask-a-work-colleague-what-their-religion-is/556180.md?page=10)