# Is it morally wrong to think of a friends spouse/significant other naked? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 13, 2021, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431 "2021-01-13T10:01:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/1 "2021-01-13T10:01:59Z")
I got asked this question as part of some shitty “party” board game a year ago and I truthfully said “Yes” to the question of “Have you ever thought of someone’s in the room’s spouse naked?” and apparently my friend and his wife got really offended about it. They’ve since recovered but you would think I had literally described having graphic fantasies of a threesome with both their mothers. They claimed that “No mature adult thinks of things like that” If I randomly think of my friends wife naked and I’m not acting on this impulse and am keeping it to myself except when being directly prodded to say it, how is it not okay to do? ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/2 "2021-01-13T11:01:59Z")
In **ThelmaLou World** ® thoughts are not “moral” or “immoral.” You can think whatever you want whenever you want. You can imagine the priest naked while he’s saying Mass (if that’s your thing). If thoughts were immoral, how could we have novelists and fiction writers of any kind? Imagination is your playground. So-called _white lies_ are likewise not immoral. Keep that in mind the next time you’re asked a loaded question like that. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/3 "2021-01-13T11:02:03Z")
“Thinking” is allowed; indeed, it is often involuntary. What “mature adults” do is not act on those thoughts or mention them to others inappropriately (unless, I suppose, explicitly asked in a “party game” - but then, how “mature” are adults who play party games in which such questions are asked?). ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/4 "2021-01-13T11:08:02Z")
You gots to know your surroundings and situation. At some parties that game and question are an acceptable prelude to the orgy they’re counting on. In that case he answered “correctly”. Obviously at other, different sorts of get-togethers discretion would be the better part of valor. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/5 "2021-01-13T11:09:12Z")
I think party games such as this cause a lot more trouble than is generally reported. Being truthful can get you in an ocean of hot water. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/6 "2021-01-13T11:20:45Z")
This reminds me of the time I took a psych eval’ for a job. One of the questions asked: “Have you ever fantasized about being in the Mafia?” This was during the 90’s when mafia movies were all the rage. I answered honestly: Yes (What guy hasn’t?) I didn’t get the job but learned a valuable lesson that day. Honesty is NOT always the best policy. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/7 "2021-01-13T11:38:28Z")
With a workplace psych eval, there is definitely a right answer and a wrong answer, but you have no idea which is which. Saying “yes” could be wrong, because it means you’re criminally inclined, or saying “no” could be wrong, because they assume everyone has, and so it means you’re dishonest. Best bet with those is to answer honestly, and then in the fairly likely event that it keeps you from getting the job, consider it a blessing, because the job would probably have been a toxic one. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/8 "2021-01-13T11:49:02Z")
That strikes me as a question with no-win answers. Yes = “how dare you,” as you have observed. But also: _Have you imagined anyone here naked?_ (slow look around the room) “No.” _(offended looks)_ “Are you saying you don’t think I am / my partner is attractive?” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/9 "2021-01-13T11:53:32Z")
Job wasn’t with the mafia then? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/10 "2021-01-13T11:58:35Z")
I can safely reassure every one of you in this thread that I have not imagined any of you naked. I find it hard enough to imagine you all as real people as it is, you’re all just amorphous blobs with colourful avatars, in my head. On the other hand, I have imagined my neighbour naked. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/11 "2021-01-13T12:39:15Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > If I randomly think of my friends wife naked and I’m not acting on this impulse and am keeping it to myself except when being directly prodded to say it, how is it not okay to do? Think whatever you want with absolute freedom and inhibition, no matter how perverted, depraved or felonious - but be very careful about who you share those thoughts with. > [@Asuka](#): > > They claimed that “No mature adult thinks of things like that” Your friends are very weird. I’m pretty sure the only mature adult who doesn’t think of things like that is one with no imagination whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/12 "2021-01-13T13:04:25Z")
Does a narcissist imagine themselves naked? ---
**Author:** ![FriendlyCurmudgeon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friendlycurmudgeon/32/5786_2.png) [@FriendlyCurmudgeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriendlyCurmudgeon)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/13 "2021-01-13T14:46:25Z")
Sounds like a question that I would preface with the caveat; "Only if I found them attractive " Apologies, I’m just a talking monkey. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/14 "2021-01-13T14:52:56Z")
Stop thinking of my avatar naked! ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/15 "2021-01-13T14:53:13Z")
That sounds a lot like someone asking whether you masturbate. Most people do it but not everyone admits it because some people are offended when they do. If your friends are pretty prudish I’d find some way to dodge the question in the future (assuming it ever comes up again; I’m guessing it won’t). Definitely keep in mind who’s in the room. Not everyone appreciates full honesty, especially when it comes to weight and sex. Edited to add: to answer the original question, no, it’s not morally wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/16 "2021-01-13T15:57:48Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I think party games such as this cause a lot more trouble than is generally reported. Being truthful can get you in an ocean of hot water. I’m inclined to agree. Thinking of someone naked is one thing; letting them (or someone else close to them) know that you think about them naked is something else. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/17 "2021-01-13T16:01:00Z")
Ever since I first saw this thread, I’ve been thinking about friends naked. If it is not morally wrong, you’re not doing it right. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/18 "2021-01-13T16:12:57Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > I’m pretty sure the only mature adult who doesn’t think of things like that is one with no imagination whatsoever. Decades ago, before Matt Groening became famous for The Simpsons, he had a marvelous comic strip called “Life In Hell” which featured humanoid rabbit characters. Obviously I’m not going to get all the details just right since I’m relying on ancient memories, but one of the strips was titled something like “Things to do at work when you’re bored.” There was a drawing of a receptionist labeled, “Imagine you had to have sex with every person who enters the office.” I got a huge chuckle out of that one, because one of my bored-on-the-subway mental exercises used to be, “look around at all the people sharing the subway car with you. You must have sex with one of them, but you get to pick which one.” (One thing I learned about myself from repeated instances of that activity was that even though I’m an extremely straight female, I’d choose to have sex with a reasonably clean and normal-appearing woman rather than a stanky, grubby male.) ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/19 "2021-01-13T16:21:20Z")
Your avatar is naked. And glistening. And a hippo. 🤷‍♂️ Back to the original question, I don’t think “morally wrong” maps well to “offensive to the insecure and easily triggered”. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2021, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431/20 "2021-01-13T16:28:31Z")
To me, the bigger issue is the party game itself. If these yahoos wanted to play this “truth or dare” variation, then they should be accepting of the answers - full stop. This nonsense of asking the question (titter tee hee), and then feigning outrage at the answer is the immature stance. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-morally-wrong-to-think-of-a-friends-spouse-significant-other-naked/930431.md?page=2)