# Is it odd to send sympathy card to someone you haven't seen in 30 yrs **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 3, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-odd-to-send-sympathy-card-to-someone-you-havent-seen-in-30-yrs/689963 "2014-06-03T21:10:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![LiveFree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@LiveFree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveFree)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-odd-to-send-sympathy-card-to-someone-you-havent-seen-in-30-yrs/689963/1 "2014-06-03T21:10:39Z")
Someone I knew back in high school has recently lost her husband to a tragic accident. (_I dated her sister for about 6 months back then_). Everyone has always said what a great guy he was. Is it odd to send her a sympathy card (or maybe even sign the online obituary) after all these years. She is local, but haven’t seen her at all. Feel terrible that she is going through this. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-odd-to-send-sympathy-card-to-someone-you-havent-seen-in-30-yrs/689963/2 "2014-06-03T21:33:28Z")
Nope. A sympathy card is the right thing to do. I have an ex-friend. We broke up in anger years ago. But when my roommate passed away, my ex-friend phoned me, and he said all the right things, exactly as any friend should. It moved me to tears, and I told him that it meant a very great deal to me. And…we probably won’t speak to each other again for another ten years… But he did the right thing. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-odd-to-send-sympathy-card-to-someone-you-havent-seen-in-30-yrs/689963/3 "2014-06-03T21:40:07Z")
Not odd. Send it. Reverse the positions. Wouldn’t you like to know that she cared enough to send a note? ---
**Author:** ![iftheresaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecae2f/32.png) [@iftheresaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iftheresaway)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-odd-to-send-sympathy-card-to-someone-you-havent-seen-in-30-yrs/689963/4 "2014-06-03T21:43:56Z")
It can in fact be really touching. When my dad died, a friend of his from 20+ years prior drove a couple of hundred miles to the funeral. It mean a huge amount to me. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-odd-to-send-sympathy-card-to-someone-you-havent-seen-in-30-yrs/689963/5 "2014-06-03T22:18:41Z")
I would be deeply moved that you remembered and cared enough to reach out. I think, if there can be any up-side to loss, it is the coming together of people who may have lost touch and all but dropped out of each other’s lives. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-odd-to-send-sympathy-card-to-someone-you-havent-seen-in-30-yrs/689963/6 "2014-06-03T22:22:01Z")
It will mean a lot to the friends and family. A whole lot. Do it. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-odd-to-send-sympathy-card-to-someone-you-havent-seen-in-30-yrs/689963/7 "2014-06-03T23:19:21Z")
I took a sympathy card to the funeral home that was handling the proceedings for one of my second grade teachers. I hadn’t seen her since the class, over thirty five years. Her husband contacted me and brought over a huge vase of flowers that had been at the funeral. It was _gorgeous_! He’d been a teacher in the high school I later attended, although I didn’t have a class with him. He told me that my card had been put on a table with pictures of her for the reception. See, one of the things I’d said had been I remembered when she was young and pretty and bouncing into the classroom in her Halloween costume. Mrs “Smith” died after a decades long battle with MS, In fact, I was part of the last class she was ever able to teach. Send the card. You never know how much it might help. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-odd-to-send-sympathy-card-to-someone-you-havent-seen-in-30-yrs/689963/8 "2014-06-03T23:30:32Z")
you know the person, send a card.