# Is it OK for men to cry in public? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 29, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398 "2003-09-29T00:58:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DirtyKash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@DirtyKash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirtyKash)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/1 "2003-09-29T00:58:06Z")
I was with my recently-divorced friend “Ryan” at the mall today, and at the food court, while munching on some cheeseburgers and downing a few sodas, he started sobbing (like a little girl, mind you) in front of everyone because of his recent divorce. I faked an excuse and pretended to go to the washrooms, just to avoid the humiliation of being seen with a man who cries. So I ask you, is it okay for men to cry in public? I think not. ---
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/2 "2003-09-29T01:08:50Z")
Your daughter is getting married, you lost a limb, the funeral of your lifelong best friend. Only examples I can think of. ---
**Author:** ![RahRahMah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/54ee81/32.png) [@RahRahMah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RahRahMah)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/3 "2003-09-29T01:14:23Z")
Oh my god! That’s terrible! He’s getting a DIVORCE! A love that he probably assumed would last a life time is ending! And you left him in this vulnerable position to save yourself some embarrassement? Shame on you! Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean that he’s not allowed to show emotion! Who cares what that old guy eating bad chinese two tables from you thinks? ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/4 "2003-09-29T01:22:26Z")
If you get kicked in the cojones. If your team–that you are ON, not just a fan of–wins the Championship. When your kids get married or graduate. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/5 "2003-09-29T01:38:58Z")
No, not cool, go to the privacy of your own home, if you absolutely must. But just remember that, as a man, you only get to cry once per decade, so choose your times carefully. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/6 "2003-09-29T01:40:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RahRahMah \* > \*\*Oh my god! That’s terrible! He’s getting a DIVORCE! A love that he probably assumed would last a life time is ending! And you left him in this vulnerable position to save yourself some embarrassement? Shame on you! Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean that he’s not allowed to show emotion! Who cares what that old guy eating bad chinese two tables from you thinks? \*\* true, thats what i was thinking. Its not really accepted for men to cry in Western countries right now. It is in mediterranean, Arab & latin american (if im remembering right) countries. but not here. Its better than it was 50 years ago but its still taboo for men to show weakness in public. ---
**Author:** ![Papermache\_Prince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f05b48/32.png) [@Papermache\_Prince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Papermache_Prince)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/7 "2003-09-29T01:44:36Z")
Which takes more courage? Crying in public, or sneaking off into the bathroom because you’re too much a chickenshit to stand by your friend? ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/8 "2003-09-29T01:44:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DirtyKash \* > \*\*I was with my recently-divorced friend “Ryan” at the mall today, and at the food court, while munching on some cheeseburgers and downing a few sodas, he started sobbing (like a little girl, mind you) in front of everyone because of his recent divorce. > > I faked an excuse and pretended to go to the washrooms, just to avoid the humiliation of being seen with a man who cries. > > So I ask you, is it okay for men to cry in public? I think not. \*\* You did a terrible, terrible thing, **DirtyKash**. I don’t think you were much of a friend at all. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/9 "2003-09-29T06:00:47Z")
“Is it OK for men to cry in public?” Ok with whom? With you, apparantly not. With me, yes. (Although someone, anyone, sobbing hysterically can be annoying for others, so it would be best if possible to guide such a person to an area where they could cry their eyes out with a little privacy.) ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/10 "2003-09-29T06:24:20Z")
I’m having a hard time believing the OP is serious. I mean… it can’t be, can it? Because abandoning a recently divorced friend for crying because you _don’t want to be seen with a sobbing man_? Is truly awful. If I was “Ryan”, and my friend came back 5 minutes later and said “hey, sorry, but I just didn’t need to be seen with you when you were all crying like that!” I’d be torn between smacking them and crying some more. ---
**Author:** ![WereOtter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ac91a4/32.png) [@WereOtter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WereOtter)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/11 "2003-09-29T07:42:43Z")
One time at work I had to have my eyes flushed out after accidentally getting a chemical splashed in my eyes. My eyes were tearing up a lot afterwards, so that it looked like I was crying. I could tell from the whispering that the women employees were really freaked out about this. If I’d been a woman, I’m sure they would have been wildly sympathetic, but since I was a man, they treated me like a freak. The funny thing was, the guys figured out for themselves that it was just a normal reaction to an eye irritant. The OP’s response is probably the most common among American women. If they see a woman crying they respond with sympathy, if they see a man crying, it’s time to call security. ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/12 "2003-09-29T09:16:21Z")
Sorry, but it’s NEVER ok for a guy to cry, in public or at other time, barring things like death of a parent - and even then I expect a manly tear, quickly wiped away, NOT sobbing! Be a man, for God’s sake. As for as I’m concerned, this sensitive, in touch with his emotions new man thing is the worst thing to happen to mankind. ---
**Author:** ![cadolphin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c37758/32.png) [@cadolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cadolphin)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/13 "2003-09-29T10:11:52Z")
In the words of Dr. Phil, “Big boys don’t cry, but men do”. It takes someone who’s secure within themselves to stand by another person when they need you. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/14 "2003-09-29T11:10:24Z")
It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to point and laugh at that first man. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/15 "2003-09-29T11:50:44Z")
Geez. Of course it’s OK for a man to cry in public. He just got a divorce. The nice thing in my book to do would be to take him to the bathroom or out to his car, or wherever, with you. He doesn’t need to be having a breakdown in public. I’d do the same if it were a woman sobbing. And I’ve had men cry on my shoulder before and in the context of what it was that was going on in their lives I was honoured that they could trust me enough to let me be the strong one right then. ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/16 "2003-09-29T11:56:58Z")
Crying in public, hey, it happens. _Blubbering?_ No. Get a grip. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/17 "2003-09-29T12:03:39Z")
As a product of equality-based feminism, as well as a person who has to have gender differences specifically pointed out to her to notice them sometimes, my response is “Huh?!” I’m aware that most women cry more than most men. Judging by accounts I’ve read of transsexuals beginning hormones and finding themselves bawling over everything (or not over anything, depending on the case), as well as the annoyance expressed by some males I know that, since puberty, even the death of major relatives isn’t enough to jerk out a tear… it seems to be at least partly hormonal. Which is kind of neat, actually. But… disregarding indiscreet public wailing that looks bad for anyone, why are men not allowed to cry? Is there some corresponding way of expressing emotion that women aren’t allowed to have? What punishment is in order for a man who does cry? Shunning? Public decapitation? Being made fun of during recess? Really, now. I’m curioius. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/18 "2003-09-29T12:07:21Z")
It isn’t cool for a man to cry in public, but then again, being cool is totally fucking pointless, so yes, it’s OK for a man to cry in public. ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/19 "2003-09-29T12:08:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfbabe \* > \*\*What punishment is in order for a man who does cry? Public decapitation? \*\* Now _that_ would be cool. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/20 "2003-09-29T12:44:38Z")
I’m sorry, but I gotta side with the crew who says you should have been a better friend and offered your support. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=2)