# Is it OK for men to cry in public? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 29, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398 "2003-09-29T00:58:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/301 "2003-10-14T19:00:06Z")
Trolling goes much too far, we perfectly accurately categorised **Scumpup** ’s posts as “macho-posturing” pages ago, didn’t we? FTR, I would say that it is the action of a scoundrel to accuse others, who disagree with them, as doing so because they lack a sense of humour. The obvious intended humour (and I thought at times he turned a phrase well enough) in some of **Scumpup** ’s posts, in no way compensates for the embarrassingly small world-view that he clearly holds. nor disguises his sneering beligerence, off-colour references, and, snide attacks. And, like **LouisB** , I’ve had enough. Tara a bit. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/302 "2003-10-14T19:08:14Z")
Uch. Y’all are making me quite ill here. Yeah, sure, pile on **Scumpup** because he bruised you with a funny. BTW: **KellyM** , no matter how obliquely you snipe with the word “troll,” you’re breaking the rules. So bombast is dead? Are we all relegated to deadpan or exclamation, then illumination by _just kidding_ or _heh_? Is that what you’re all so angry about? For the love of God, gang, ease up on **Scumpup** , and ease up on the jangly-spurs bit. If you’d taken the time to engage him (as I did) you’d realize he was simply reacting to the tenor of this overly-whiny thread; when confronted, he did not strike back or beat his own chest. Why don’t you all just admit you didn’t get his posts? I was embarrassed to have engaged him without understanding there could be [sub]desiccated[/sub] humor there – as is evidenced by my hat-in-hand post above. **Scumpup** , word to the wise: use a fuckin’ smiley or 12 next time. It’ll save you a raft of shit. \ ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/303 "2003-10-14T23:03:42Z")
People who winge about having violence wished upon them after they’ve repeatedly glorified “pimpslapping” don’t get a lot of slack in my book. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/304 "2003-10-14T23:25:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*People who winge about having violence wished upon them after they’ve repeatedly glorified “pimpslapping” don’t get a lot of slack in my book. \*\* Couldn’t agree with you more, **Zenster**. I’m just saying this Pit decorum crap is getting old. At no one in particular: If you’ve got a problem with pimp-slapping, Pit the guy, don’t hijack this thread because you don’t like or get his jokes. BTW: I cried in public just the other day. I had to lay off, among others, a 64-year-old man who had been with us for 14 years because the former president of my family’s company embezzled _mucho casha_ and siphoned just about every viable contract into a side business. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/305 "2003-10-14T23:27:25Z")
Who’s winging, Zenster? I simply pointed out some facts from this very thread. You’ve had plenty to say about how horrible you think I am based on some satirical statements you weren’t clever enough to “get.” Yet it is you, not me, who was wishing violence on another member. The way I see it, you really are a sneering, unpleasant little man, and rather a hypocrite as well. Or are you falling back on the “but it’s cute when _I_ do it!” defense? ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/306 "2003-10-14T23:41:25Z")
You weren’t being satirical about your cowardly retreat to the powder room when your friend was crying. That was reprehensible. Get it? ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/307 "2003-10-15T03:15:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*You weren’t being satirical about your cowardly retreat to the powder room when your friend was crying. That was reprehensible. Get it? \*\* Uh, wasn’t that DirtyKash? Hopefully, you haven’t been pissed at Scumpup all this time for someone else’s actions.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/308 "2003-10-15T05:17:49Z")
Thank you, **Uzi** , good point. **Scumpup** ’s merely been making such cowardice look defensible. Sorry for the confusion. It’s been a long day. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/309 "2003-10-15T07:48:26Z")
Absolutely it’s ok. Why the hell wouldn’t it be? ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/310 "2003-10-15T09:17:12Z")
I don’t think it’s acceptable for men to cry in public, nor do I think it should be. If you feel the need to have a good cry, it should be done in private. If it comes upon you without you suspecting it, then try to remove yourself from the situation at hand to get to a private place. The nearest restroom, for example. Unexpected sobbing should be treated the same way as unexpected vomiting. Get thee to a toilet stall. It is uncouth to break down crying at a restaurant without excusing yourself from the table. It is not a tremendous leap in logic to apply this to the foodcourt at the mall. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/311 "2003-10-15T11:27:44Z")
Actually, Zenster, I was satirizing the idea that it is wrong for men to cry. Your pride will not let you admit that you never got that, so you continue to cling to your fantasy that what I said was to be taken literally. I stand by my opinion of you personally. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/312 "2003-10-15T16:06:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jennyrosity \* > \*\*My grandfather’s lived through 2 world wars, the death of a child and countless other traumatic life events, and I’ve never seen him shed a tear. This does not mean he doesn’t have emotions - on the contrary, he’s a very compassionate, humane man with very deep emotions. He just believes - as do I - that they should remain private. Call it a stiff upper lip, call it machismo, call it what you like, he’s still my ideal of what a man should be. \*\* … Bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/313 "2003-10-15T16:08:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jennyrosity \* > \*\*Sorry, but it’s NEVER ok for a guy to cry, in public or at other time, barring things like death of a parent - and even then I expect a manly tear, quickly wiped away, NOT sobbing! Be a man, for God’s sake. As for as I’m concerned, this sensitive, in touch with his emotions new man thing is the worst thing to happen to mankind. \*\* Oops, I’m sorry, I meant to call you a bitch because of this one post. I quoted the wrong one up there. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/314 "2003-10-19T14:06:11Z")
It’s ok for anyone to cry in public if they are feeling intense emotion, for example: mourning. That is what **DK’s** friend was going through, greif, the death of a marriage. Of course he is going to be running on overdrive, and crying is cathartic, a much needed healthy release. I hope those of you who advocated the “Shhh” stance, or even the “Not at all” stance never have to deal with the death of a way of life, or of a loved one. I don’t think you are emotionaly mature enough to be able to weather the storm, self heal, and grow from it. It takes a great deal of inner strength to own up to negative feelings, and deal with them, instead of “shelving” them and letting them fester inside of you. It’s a “myth” that society has fed, that “Boys don’t cry!” and it’s BULLSHIT! Even in historical accounts, males are portrayed as “weeping” and they are not looked down upon. Somehow though, the “ideal” has been perpetuated, much to society’s detriment. I think that if the pressure were not on males to keep their “softer” negative emotions inside, their non-aggressive ones, that society would run much smoother, and stress levels would be much lower. Somehow, it’s ok for a male to be “pissed” and puff up, and make threat displays, but it’s not ok for them to show sadness. Those of you who want a “real man” who doesn’t cry should ask themselves this. If you want a male who doesn’t cry, wouldn’t a gorilla, chimpanzee, or orangutan do just as well? (Although I think even they show sadness in “public”…) ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/315 "2003-10-19T14:11:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zabali\_Clawbane \* > \*\* It’s a “myth” that society has fed, that “Boys don’t cry!” and it’s BULLSHIT! Even in historical accounts, males are portrayed as “weeping” and they are not looked down upon. Somehow though, the “ideal” has been perpetuated, much to society’s detriment. > > \*\* I think those portrayed as ‘weeping’ had a history and rep of being an ass-kicking MoFo before they wept. So I think they were wisely cut some slack… ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/316 "2003-10-19T14:34:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally by Spooje **I think those portrayed as ‘weeping’ had a history and rep of being an ass-kicking MoFo before they wept. So I think they were wisely cut some slack…** Females kick ass and take names too ya know. And we cry as well. Joan of Arc, Japanese Samarui who were female, and Annie Oakley to name a few. So, what’s your point? That because males are judged by a different “standard”, they cannot show sadness and loss openly unless they are “alpha”? Your logic is flawed. Look at what that means, those who are “alpha” males can be emotionally healthy and further the healing process, thus enabling themselves to grow and move on, but those who are not “alpha” cannot do this because they can’t “kick ass” and defend that right? That’s a societal structure that is unstable to say the least… It would leave all the little guys resentful and seething, until they “boil over” and take it out on someone lower in the “pecking order” than themselves. Guess to some extent it’s true though. To societie’s detriment. ☹ _mutter_ Deluded people furthering myths and tearing down society… _grumble_ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/317 "2003-10-19T15:27:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zabali\_Clawbane \* > _mutter_ Deluded people furthering myths and **tearing** down society… _grumble_ [_impatiently_] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! That’s what this whole thread has been about, dammit! [_/impatiently_] ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/318 "2003-10-19T15:30:25Z")
Very pun-ny \*\* The Great Unwashed\*\*… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=15)