# Is it OK for men to cry in public? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 29, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398 "2003-09-29T00:58:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bb73d2/32.png) [@MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MC_Master_of_Ceremonies)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/21 "2003-09-29T13:02:05Z")
It’s a matter of dignity, there’s nothing less dignified than a man bawling his eyes out in public, despite what people may say it doesn’t show that you’re in touch with your emotions it just shows that you have no self-control. That said to leave your friend by himself esp. with a divorce coming through is extra-harsh. ---
**Author:** ![Sezme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Sezme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sezme)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/22 "2003-09-29T13:26:00Z")
I’d keep an eye on him, if I were you. To cry like that in public could possibly mean he is having a mental breakdown. I was witness to a close male relative having a crying session - the next thing I knew he tried to commit suicide. He tried to shoot himself but by a one in a million chance the bullet jammed in the chamber. So fortunately he didn’t succeed. Today he is A okay and would never dream of shedding a tear in public so a little understanding may be in order. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/23 "2003-09-29T13:45:11Z")
If you ask me a real man would cry where ever he god damn want to cry and people don’t like it can go to hell. OH and I agree that **DirytKash** was a lousy friend that day. ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/24 "2003-09-29T13:46:11Z")
My grandfather’s lived through 2 world wars, the death of a child and countless other traumatic life events, and I’ve never seen him shed a tear. This does not mean he doesn’t have emotions - on the contrary, he’s a very compassionate, humane man with very deep emotions. He just believes - as do I - that they should remain private. Call it a stiff upper lip, call it machismo, call it what you like, he’s still my ideal of what a man should be. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/25 "2003-09-29T13:52:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sezme \* > \*\*I’d keep an eye on him, if I were you. To cry like that in public could possibly mean he is having a mental breakdown. I was witness to a close male relative having a crying session - the next thing I knew he tried to commit suicide. He tried to shoot himself but by a one in a million chance the bullet jammed in the chamber. So fortunately he didn’t succeed. Today he is A okay and would never dream of shedding a tear in public so a little understanding may be in order. \*\* You are joking, right? I mean you can’t possibly have made the connection between mental illness and crying in public based on **one** example. For you to think ( and I am granting that you are thinking) that “he cried and later attempted suicide” means that crying in public = posssible mental breakdown/suiciede attempt around the corner, based on just one example is just plain ignorant. I would hope you have much larger sample of men who have cried in public and have noticed a large percentage of them head off to the funny farm. Like 4 out of 5 guys who cried in public have tried to off themselves before you went around making these generalizations. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/26 "2003-09-29T14:00:53Z")
How about at the opera? I only ask because I – or, actually, this friend of mine, who’s not the tough, manly bastard that I am - has shed a tear or two at the opera, and at the end of _Miss Siagon_, and when Eponine dies in Marius’ arms near the end of _Les Miserables_. Just checking. So I know what to tell my friend. ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/27 "2003-09-29T14:14:14Z")
> [@](#): > > _quoth Zebra:_ > You are joking, right? I dunno. I cried in public the other day, and now those goddamn invisible flying elves won’t leave me alone no matter how much I pound my head against this nice padded wall. The new jacket’s comfy and snug, though. It’s just a cultural thing. Many people will think much less of a man who cries than a woman who cries, all else being equal. Others will think less of the aforementioned people, inasmuch as those aforementioned tend to have squirrels nesting in their heads. To be fair, some only have field mice. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/28 "2003-09-29T14:57:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wesley Clark \* > It is in mediterranean, Arab & latin american (if im remembering right) countries. but not here. Yeah…It’s also acceptible to emit a Xena war cry-like sound to express happiness however it is one of the many things that makes their culture diferent from ours. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bricker \* > How about at the opera? > > I only ask because I – or, actually, this friend of mine, who’s not the tough, manly bastard that I am - has shed a tear or two at the opera, and at the end of Miss Siagon, and when Eponine dies in Marius’ arms near the end of Les Miserables. > > Just checking. > > So I know what to tell my friend. Dude!! The opera? Miss Saigon? What you should tell your friend is that it’s perfectly ok to be a homosexual in this day and age. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sezme \* > I’d keep an eye on him, if I were you. To cry like that in public could possibly mean he is having a mental breakdown. Somehow, I think that would be MORE acceptible. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by whistlepig \* > Your daughter is getting married, you lost a limb, the funeral of your lifelong best friend. > > Only examples I can think of. You are not allowed to cry at the funeral. You are, however, allowed to cry during the following: -your best friend just saved your life by jumping on a grenade in combat -your best friend just got gunned down in a drive by right after finding out his lifelong dream (college, new job, whatever) was about to come true You may cry at the loss of the limb one you wake up in the hospital and find out your career as an Olympic swimmer, concert pianist or Navy SEAL is over. You may not cry if you cut off the limb yourself to escape being trapped under a rock. Look. It is just not acceptible to weep like a little girl. Guys can express their pain in sadness in any number of other acceptible ways: -Bellowing (NOOOOOO!!!, DAMN YOU GOD!!!, YOU MANIACS!!!YOU BLEW IT UP!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!, KHAAAAAAAN!!, etc) -Punching holes in sheetrock -Overturning tables and smashing stuff (make sure it’s YOUR stuff) -5 day drinking binges -Standing around stoicly ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/29 "2003-09-29T15:17:11Z")
It is also acceptable to show one’s grief by wearing a mask and cape and running around kicking criminals in the nuts. Crying is for women and children. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/30 "2003-09-29T15:18:58Z")
It also depends on WHY he started bawling. Is it just that things have been hard on him? Then it might be ok. Or was it one of those lame connections, like “We’re eating hamburgers…Ex and I used to always eat hamburgers…sniff…BOOO HOO HOO”? ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/31 "2003-09-29T15:21:13Z")
Only in 2 situations 1. During Lou Gherig’s farewell speech at a public showing of “Pride of the Yankees” 2. You are a Pittsburgh Pirates fan ---
**Author:** ![cadolphin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c37758/32.png) [@cadolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cadolphin)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/32 "2003-09-29T15:27:40Z")
According to [History of Shoreham-by-Sea](http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/BMLSS/History.htm) > [@](#): > > 30 thousand years ago - Neantherdal Man became extinct in Europe. I didn’t know “extinct” was a reversable condition. Kathy ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/33 "2003-09-29T17:54:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scumpup \* > It is also acceptable to show one’s grief by wearing a mask and cape and running around kicking criminals in the nuts. Crying is for women and children. \*\* For some reason, this statement is causing me to shed uncontrollable tears of laughter. It is also acceptible to cry: -When your team wins the Superbowl, Stanley Cup, etc so long as they have not won one within 5 years and they were the underdog. -Your pet Terminator has decided to self-terminate in order to save the world. But learn from the T-1000s example that it is something you “should never do”. Men may also express pain or sadness by not showering, shaving or cutting their hair for long periods of time. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/34 "2003-09-29T18:01:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scumpup \* > It is also acceptable to show one’s grief by wearing a mask and cape and running around kicking criminals in the nuts. Crying is for women and children. \*\* For some reason, this statement is causing me to shed uncontrollable tears of laughter. It is also acceptible to cry: -When your team wins the Superbowl, Stanley Cup, etc so long as they have not won one within 5 years and they were the underdog. -Your pet Terminator has decided to self-terminate in order to save the world. But learn from the T-1000s example that it is something you “should never do”. Men may also express pain or sadness by not showering, shaving or cutting their hair for long periods of time. ---
**Author:** ![Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuji_Kitakyusho)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/35 "2003-09-29T18:39:30Z")
Maybe it’s just me, but the whole incident could probably have been avoided if the guy had had a better divorce lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Moo\_the\_Magic\_Cow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@Moo\_the\_Magic\_Cow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moo_the_Magic_Cow)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/36 "2003-09-29T18:41:11Z")
Doesn’t matter much to me, I don’t see what society has against men crying. The ‘when it is acceptable to cry’ lists are shameful. Like I’m supposed to jot down all this crap about sports victories and show strangers the list when the bulls win the pennant – no way. I’m an emotional, moody bastard, I’ll cry whenever it suits me. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/37 "2003-09-29T18:48:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cadolphin \* > \*\*According to [History of Shoreham-by-Sea](http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/BMLSS/History.htm) > > I didn’t know “extinct” was a reversable condition. > > Kathy \*\* Well those colacanth fish pop up every now and then. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/38 "2003-09-29T19:10:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Papermache Prince \* > Which takes more courage? Crying in public, or sneaking off into the bathroom because you’re too much a chickenshit to stand by your friend? Wow, **DirtyKash** , I’m predicting that a walk through the ocean of your soul will scarcely get my feet wet. How manly of you to bolt for the powder room the instant a tear was shed. I guess his trembling lip was the cue for you to lace up your track shoes. Next time, play the classic World War II drill sergeant and slap him hard while saying “snap out of it!” I hope he then proceeds to kick the living crap out of you. Twice. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/39 "2003-09-29T20:02:02Z")
Mods, any chance of moving this to the Pit (where it belongs)? I do believe it would permit more people to express themselves in a fashion to which they’ve become accustomed. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/40 "2003-09-29T20:04:14Z")
Zenster - I believe you are refering to the “classic role” of general Patton. Hey I’m just not too keen on the whole “men crying” thing. If I drop something on my foot and emit a sound like [this](http://www.tomandjerryonline.com/sounds/Tjscream1.wav), my girlfriend knows I dropped somthing on my foot. If I sat there holding my food weaping like a baby, she would think I went insane! I don’t make the rules, I just try to follow them. DirtyKash - Are you sure “Ryans” tears weren’t the tears of a man tasting freedom for the first time in many years? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=3)