# Is it OK for men to cry in public? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 29, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398 "2003-09-29T00:58:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/41 "2003-09-29T21:13:22Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t make the rules, I just try to follow them. No, you acknowledge a subset of stupid, contradictory, and arbitrary rules as valid. You therefore both make and follow them. I do neither. ---
**Author:** ![Sezme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Sezme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sezme)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/42 "2003-09-29T21:47:31Z")
You are joking, right? I mean you can’t possibly have made the connection between mental illness and crying in public based on one example. For you to think ( and I am granting that you are thinking) that “he cried and later attempted suicide” means that crying in public = posssible mental breakdown/suiciede attempt around the corner, based on just one example is just plain ignorant. I would hope you have much larger sample of men who have cried in public and have noticed a large percentage of them head off to the funny farm. Like 4 out of 5 guys who cried in public have tried to off themselves before you went around making these generalizations ``` ___________________________________________ ``` No Zebra I do not have a larger sample of men who have cried in public. Where I come from they just don’t. I have only ever seen the odd man brush away a solitary tear. Emotion is a no no. I am not saying that crying like a baby always equals a mental breakdown. Just cause for concern in my book. Just looking out for my fellow man. Are you always such a rude prick? ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/43 "2003-09-29T22:00:17Z")
I cried at my brother’s funeral. I couldn’t help it…the tears just washed over me. But in my defense, I didn’t sob, bawl, or even lose my composure, really. Just a steady stream of tears. I don’t see anything wrong with that. That was my one epsiode of crying in the 90s. Still all dry in the 2000s. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/44 "2003-09-30T00:31:43Z")
And that, I think, is the difference. It’s not the tears. It’s the “sobbing like a little girl”, which calls to my mind blubbering, whimpering, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/45 "2003-09-30T00:58:29Z")
My brain is now throbbing. I was appalled quite enough by the OP, but some of the other posts in the thread really put it over the top. I’m saddened to see that some men feel that they (and their brethren) shouldn’t ever express emotion by crying. Luckily for me, I can cry over it; I’m a woman. The rest of my comments, I’ll save - in case this thread makes it down to the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/46 "2003-09-30T01:25:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*And that, I think, is the difference. It’s not the tears. It’s the “sobbing like a little girl”, which calls to my mind blubbering, whimpering, etc. \*\* The guy just lost the love of his life. I think that some blubbering is warranted. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/47 "2003-09-30T01:47:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scumpup \* > \*\*It is also acceptable to show one’s grief by wearing a mask and cape and running around kicking criminals in the nuts. Crying is for women and children. \*\* Bruce? Is that you? ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/77aa72/32.png) [@Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_On_My_Sleeve)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/48 "2003-09-30T03:00:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*And that, I think, is the difference. It’s not the tears. It’s the “sobbing like a little girl”, which calls to my mind blubbering, whimpering, etc. \*\* I feel the need point out that I have never seen a woman sobbing in public, either, and I don’t think society thinks it’s any more acceptable than a man sobbing in public. Man or woman, the appropriate thing to do is put your arms around your friend, and guide them to a more private place. Emotion happens. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/49 "2003-09-30T04:25:26Z")
If crying in public is wrong, I don’t want to be right. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/50 "2003-09-30T06:13:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfbabe \* > \*\*Is there some corresponding way of expressing emotion that women aren’t allowed to have? > > Really, now. I’m curioius. \*\* Lust. Seriously. The same culture that cast men who cried as weak made it clear that only whores enjoy or desire sex. Sex was something a wife endured. Back To The OP- If the occasion warrants it cry or sob. Suddenly being hit by the emotional certainty that you’re really getting a divorce is definitely something to cry about. To quote the Bard “Being a man, I must feel it as a man.” ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/51 "2003-09-30T06:47:54Z")
Personally, I think the OP is yanking our chain to get a reaction; nobody could actually be that callous with someone they called a friend. But what the hell, I’ll humor him with a response. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DirtyKash \* > **I faked an excuse and pretended to go to the washrooms, just to avoid the humiliation of being seen with a man who cries.** Had it been me who was abandoned, not only would it have ended our friendship, I would have actively badmouthed you to every single person I knew. And to everybody who’s trying to make the case that it’s rarely if ever acceptable for a man to cry, I hope you get volume discounts on the Band-Aids to patch up your dragging knuckles. ---
**Author:** ![pencilpusher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d6d6ee/32.png) [@pencilpusher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pencilpusher)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/52 "2003-09-30T12:33:35Z")
It’s totally acceptable for a man to cry in public! What is wrong with you people? Would you rather a person cry or suffer from road rage? Would you rather see your best friend crying or dying from a broken heart? They say that stuffing your emotions like you all are talking about is bad for your health. It raises blood pressure and co2 in the system. Your less able to deal with minor stressors and become short tempered. You “men” are killing yourselves because you want to give the impression that you are “strong” Whats so weak about crying? If the Higher Powers didn’t want men to cry they wouldn’t have been born with tear ducts. Cry darnit. It’s GOOD for you!! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/53 "2003-09-30T12:51:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > I would have actively badmouthed you to every single person I knew. > \*\* So you would have compounded crying with tattling? ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/54 "2003-09-30T13:34:50Z")
It’s about dignity, God damn it. And sobbing in public is also undignified if you’re a woman too, btw. But it’s still worse for a bloke. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/55 "2003-09-30T13:52:25Z")
My parents got divorced a few years ago. My dad – my stone-hearted dad whom I had never seen get sad, let alone cry, in all my life – cried when he told me my mother was leaving him. He cried on and off for weeks after that, crying in front of me and my brother, crying alone in his room, calling me up and crying on the phone. I was terribly uncomfortable seeing him like that, in part because of the pain he was feeling, and in part because I didn’t like seeing my tough dad break down like that. But I didn’t run away from him. And now, my brother and I have a great relationship with our dad. He changed so much for the better after he grieved: he is so much more spontaneous and open-hearted, he laughs a lot more, he rarely gets angry… I strongly believe it’s because he saw that we didn’t reject him when he was weak in front of us. When he was at his lowest and most embarrassing, we showed that we still loved him by staying with him. He’s now a much stronger and healthier person now than before he cried. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/56 "2003-09-30T14:01:13Z")
Amusing to see how there are those who would have us believe that publicly making a snotty, tear-stained spectacle of yourself is not only okay, but a positive virtue. No thanks, I prefer to retain my dignity and associate with those who do likewise. If a man really, _really_ needs to cry, he should do it at home, behind closed doors, and tell nobody the details. It’s sort of like masturbating in a lot of ways. Would you continue to sit with a friend at the mall when he publicly starts greasing his wheezer? ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/57 "2003-09-30T15:04:23Z")
That’s a silly analogy. What you should do is comfort your public-crying friend, which will stop his tears and make him and you feel better. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/58 "2003-09-30T15:12:02Z")
Crying is supposed to make you feel better. So is masturbating. Seems like a perfectly good analogy to me. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/59 "2003-09-30T15:47:48Z")
Anybody here ever read John 11:35? It reads “Jesus wept”. That’s right, the Sonf of God wept at the death of a friend. Seems to me that a carpenter who willingly dies an agonizing death to redem humanity is no sissy, yet He wept. Go bak and read Homer, his heroes wept when they felt strong emotion. Ditto for the Viking warriors in the Norse sagas. Are you going to call them sissies? A strong man weeps; a weak man doesn’t because he’s afraid of what other people think. And my opinion of the OP is best not mentioned here. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/60 "2003-09-30T16:01:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\*Are you going to call them sissies? \*\* If necessary. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=4)