# Is it OK for men to cry in public? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 29, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398 "2003-09-29T00:58:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/81 "2003-10-03T23:29:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > **A strong man weeps; a weak man doesn’t because he’s afraid of what other people think.** Well said. I’m aghast at the amount of macho posturing we’ve seen in this thread; it’s OK guys, you can give it a rest now - I got the message - you have really phenomenally large penises and I should stand in awe. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/82 "2003-10-03T23:35:55Z")
It’s not macho, IMHO a grown hu-man does not fight in public either, unless physically assaulted. It’s a matter of self-control, civility and decorum to act rationally in public space. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/83 "2003-10-04T02:12:39Z")
Like I give a shit what Scumpump, Jennyrocity or DirtyKash thinks about this. They’re my emotions and my tears. I don’t go out in public and start bawling for no reason shouting, “Hey everybody, look at me. I’m crying.” But if a cry sneaks up on me and takes me over, I wouldn’t care if I was on TV, let alone in public. “It’s all about dignity.” What are you people? Vulcans? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/84 "2003-10-04T03:54:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sezme \* > \*\*You are joking, right? I mean you can’t possibly have made the connection between mental illness and crying in public based on one example. > > For you to think ( and I am granting that you are thinking) that “he cried and later attempted suicide” means that crying in public = posssible mental breakdown/suiciede attempt around the corner, based on just one example is just plain ignorant. > > I would hope you have much larger sample of men who have cried in public and have noticed a large percentage of them head off to the funny farm. Like 4 out of 5 guys who cried in public have tried to off themselves before you went around making these generalizations > > ``` > ___________________________________________ > > ``` > > No Zebra I do not have a larger sample of men who have cried in public. Where I come from they just don’t. I have only ever seen the odd man brush away a solitary tear. Emotion is a no no. > > I am not saying that crying like a baby always equals a mental breakdown. Just cause for concern in my book. Just looking out for my fellow man. > > Are you always such a rude prick? \*\* Well, (I have been out of town all week so I couldn’t respond to this sooner) The mods have seen fit to move this thread to the Pit. NOW you can call me names. Calling me a rude prick while this thread was in the other fourm was wrong **Sezme** , but then again you must be used to being wrong. Here is your first post. > [@](#): > > I’d keep an eye on him, if I were you. To cry like that in public could possibly mean he is having a mental breakdown. I was witness to a close male relative having a crying session - the next thing I knew he tried to commit suicide. He tried to shoot himself but by a one in a million chance the bullet jammed in the chamber. So fortunately he didn’t succeed. \*\*Today he is A okay and would never dream of shedding a tear in public \*\*so a little understanding may be in order. Bolding by Zebra This is your idea of watching out for your fellow man? Then what ever happens, no matter how much I beg, no matter how much I plead, please for the love of God do not ever watch out for me. You, **Sezme** are a moron. I am not a psychologist but I’ll bet money that the repression of emotion is a far bigger cause of mental breakdowns than expressing them ever will but since you dont’ have a soul you also don’t have any emotions to express. That is why they baffle you so much, and of course what you don’t understand you fear. I bet you’re afraid of a lot of things. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/85 "2003-10-04T04:05:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by msmith537 \* > I think you are refering to Magnus Ver Magnusson. Coulda sworn I’d seen Samuelsson win the event twice. Maybe I saw the 1998 competition once too many:) Magnus Ver Magnusson won 4 times, joined by Jean Paul Sigmarsson, with Bill Kazmaier one behind them. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/86 "2003-10-04T04:23:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ellis Dee \* > **Yup. They acted like little boys, what with the raping and pillaging. Real men respect other people.** How about you gain even the slightest knowledge of classical civilization, and then you get back to me? Same for you, **MGibson**. You may know the plot of the Iliad, but you seem to have missed some steps in applying it to social history. Odysseus also cried, but not for anyone’s death, just at his own sorrowful journey. Know what I think I’m going to do? I’m going to go to bed and pretend this thread never happened. I refuse to believe that I not only live in the same world as some of you folks, but post on the same message board. Sexism goes both ways. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/87 "2003-10-04T10:01:29Z")
Ellis Dee > [@](#): > > All that aside, I fail to be moved by the “Jesus was a real man” argument. First off, didn’t he die a virgin? Or did he hook up with Mary? I hope it was the latter, because 30-something virgins don’t cut it in my “relate to the human experience” scale. So you measure manhood and humanity by the volume of fucking that a person does? Your “relate to the human experience” scale needs some calibration. There are lots of reasons, aside from moral conviction, that a person might abstain from sex and — NEWSFLASH! — still be a person. Various sexual dysfunctions, physical abnormalities, deformities, and paralysis are but a few. Know what? You’re a dick, but I bet you’re glad you are. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/88 "2003-10-04T11:02:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*“It’s all about dignity.” > What are you people? Vulcans? \*\* Honestly, if there were Vulcans, and I could be one, I would. I would be hanging with a better class of people, where reason and rationality trumps emotionalism and dogmatism. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/89 "2003-10-04T11:06:38Z")
If a person is in the grip of profound depression, crying is often not controllable----it just happens. The person in the OP might well be profoundly depressed after going through a divorce. Leaving him alone with his misery is the act of a coward, and one who is not a friend, at that. You people who feel that a man cannot cry in public, no matter what, deserve to experience great emotional pain and to be abandoned by your “friends” when you need them the most. Since this is now in the pit, who needs enemies when the world is full of assholes like you. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/90 "2003-10-04T11:45:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Boyo Jim \* > \*\*Honestly, if there were Vulcans, and I could be one, I would. I would be hanging with a better class of people, where reason and rationality trumps emotionalism and dogmatism. \*\* Why does dogmatism go with emotionalism? Logic is a dogma for Vulcans. (Incidentally, all they ever use is primitive first-order logic, so they’re not even very sophisticated.) ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/91 "2003-10-04T12:05:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Boyo Jim \* > \*\*Honestly, if there were Vulcans, and I could be one, I would. I would be hanging with a better class of people, where reason and rationality trumps emotionalism and dogmatism. \*\* A class of people who deny their emotions would be better? Without emotions there would be no poetry; there ould be no music; there would be no art. Emotions make people interesting. That’s the world I want to live in. Not the one where it isn’t “cool” to be myself. I’m not saying you shouldn’t endeavor to control your emotions because, let’s face it, without emotions there may not be wars. But on the whole, I’d say, “I wish I was a Vulcan” is the battle cry of the emotionally repressed … or the treminally nerdy. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/92 "2003-10-04T12:23:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > OK, I wanna be in the bar when you call a 6’4", 250 lb Norseman brickthrower a sissy for crying. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scumpup \* > Hey, I’ll pimp-slap his whiney crybaby ass all over that bar. People with tears in their eyes can’t see clearly. It’s that much sweeter that the outer manifestation of his lack of masculine self-control is what will make said pimp-slapping even easier. > > “Husker du muthafucka?” _slap!_ Scumpup may be my new favorite poster. ::runs away, crying:: ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/93 "2003-10-04T14:21:51Z")
From Papermache Prince- > [@](#): > > Which takes more courage? Crying in public, or sneaking off into the bathroom because you’re too much a chickenshit to stand by your friend? DirtyKash - Repeat this untill you understand what it means to be a man. May take a decade or so. Part of being a man is doing what needs to be done. Dosen’t matter if it’s raining, dosen’t matter if it’s cold. Doesn’t matter if for some stupid fucking reason it embarrasses you. A bigger part of being a man, or a person, is supporting your family and friends. You abandoned your friend when he needed you. ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/94 "2003-10-04T15:16:00Z")
Jesus wept, this is a tragic thread! A few years back, one of my in-laws kids fell down and hurt himself. He was about 4 at the time, and started trotting back to the house crying. I met him on the path and asked what had happened. When he saw me, he stopped running, turned his face away, and taking a deep breath wiped his tears away. He then walked straight past me. I wanted to go in and kick the shit out of his parents. 4 years old and brainwashed, great. I swear to god, I thank christ I am a woman. I mean ok, I get paid less for the same work, but at least I haven’t been socialised into being an emotional cripple. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/95 "2003-10-04T15:32:02Z")
Thanks, iteki. Good to hear from a dubliner in sweden. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/96 "2003-10-04T15:42:47Z")
Iteki - I have a funny story that’s just the opposite, I think. Years ago, I was helping a neighbor load up her car. I ended up putting her daughter in the car. I’m afraid that I accidentally bumped the little girls head when I put her in. Her mom saw all of this and thought nothing of it. Her mom then asked the daughter to thank me. The little girl turned to me, and in an immediate crying fit said - Thank you. But really, why do we cry? I lost a beloved dog of 13 years a month ago. I still cry about that. I slammed my finger in a door loosing the nail, 6 weeks ago. Didnt’ cry, but let out a quick yelp. DirtyKash has been spanked hard within these posts, I’ve done it myself. Don’t know if he/she is reading these or not, but I hope it makes them think a bit. All this ‘manly’ crap aside, no one should abandon someone in desperate need. You are not a monster if you run away from a difficult situation. But you will become a better person if you stay and deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/97 "2003-10-04T17:26:33Z")
What female comic said “I like men who cry, just not men who cry more than me”? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/98 "2003-10-04T17:56:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Libertarian \* > \*\*Why does dogmatism go with emotionalism? Logic is a dogma for Vulcans. (Incidentally, all they ever use is primitive first-order logic, so they’re not even very sophisticated.) \*\* Logic is a method making decision and answering questions. Logic is the underpinning of the scientific method. Dogma supplies the answers before the question is even asked. Bad dogma goes so far as to deny its adherents the freedom to investigate questions that could conceivably provide answers contrary to the dogma. Spare me the details of how Vulcans are bad at it, as my point in suggesting a Vulcan society is preferable is about preference for logic to emotion. Listen, I do not defend abandoning a friend who is undergoing a crisis. Nor do I deny the value of emotion. It is the flavor of life. But I’m repressed because I prefer not to witness the emotional agony of a stranger? WTF? Do you stop and take a good stare at a wreck on the highway? I’m sorry they’re suffering that agony. I wish they weren’t, but since they are, I wish they displayed it elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/99 "2003-10-04T19:39:54Z")
**Boyo Jim** So, If I were to get into a wreck on the HWY with Mrs. Zebra and Mrs. Zebra died in that accident but I somehow walked away. I should not cry to the heavens there over my wife’s dead body becasue it would inconvenience you to have to watch it!?!?!?!?! Fuck you! Besides, people who look at accidents on the HWY are looking for heads rolling around. If I feel upset and, unfortunatly it happens in public, I dont’ give a rat’s ass that some stranger may feel uncomfortable with my pubilc display of emotion. What sort of world do you want to live in? In pubilc everyone is an emotionless drone? Count me out! Actually check that. I’ll count you out of my world where people are allowed to show emotions in public. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/100 "2003-10-04T20:55:42Z")
Sure, if you want an exception so it’s okay to cry about the death of a family member in the previous few moments, I’m okay with that. But if you are able to stifle yourself, yes, it would make my drive easier. And all I’ve said here is that crying in public is inappropriate behavior that makes me uncomfortable. That is my opinion. I don’t suggest it be made illegal, I don’t suggest that criers should be in any way “challenged” by passers-by. Just that it’s bad form IMO. And, highway accidents aside. most crying people I’ve personally encountered have been involved in relationship issues, which (again IMO) does not need to be played out in the mall. And fuck you too, Zebra. At least I haven’t personally attacked anyone here with a contrary opinion to mine. Why? Because I am rational, and willing to concede that other opinions that mine might have some validity. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=6)