# Is it OK for men to cry in public? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 29, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398 "2003-09-29T00:58:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/121 "2003-10-06T13:12:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Priam \* > **This thread makes me wanna become a transsexual. I can now, however, say without shame or regret that I am no man. I am not macho, nor am I strong, nor do I wish to be completely rational and stoic. What I am, however, is _me_. Maybe you could beat my ass up in a bar fight. Actually I’m almost certain you could do that. Lord knows my fellow classmates did it on the playground when I cried. But you know what? I DON’T CARE. My life is my party and I’ll cry if I want to, bitch! If I’m making you desperately uncomfortable, either leave or confront whatever issues you’ve got in your head which are causing such an aversion to my expressing strong emotions because that sounds _strongly_ like a phobia.** This gift certificate is valid for one (1) blowjob For Mr. _ **Priam\_** _ Redeemable at **matt\_mcl** Enterprises, 1, rue **matt\_mcl**. Montreal, Quebec. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/122 "2003-10-06T13:15:37Z")
It’s OK for a guy to tear up in public if he has good cause, maybe have a few run down his face, but if he starts scrunching up his face and sobbing that’s just not right. I won’t say I don’t sob, I’ve been through a lot and I have let it out sometimes, but in most cases I am home alone. ---
**Author:** ![Weird\_With\_Words](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weird_with_words/32/385_2.png) [@Weird\_With\_Words](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_With_Words)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/123 "2003-10-06T15:50:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Uzi \* > \*\*I haven’t expressed a single opinion on the subject at hand, so I don’t know why your panties are in a knot. Frankly, I think that someone who prefers to show self control isn’t any worse than someone who shows emotions in such a way. “Machismo” isn’t the problem. People telling others what they should do, or shouldn’t, is. I was responding to that attitude. \*\* I didn’t mean to come off as attacking you, so I apologize if I did. I was more concerned with making a clever turn of phrase than refuting or knee-jerking to anything you said. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/124 "2003-10-07T01:16:10Z")
Gee, it looks like some of you are so upset that you should go have a good cry. The rest of us will get on with things, but don’t expect us to wait for you to catch up. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/125 "2003-10-07T01:37:12Z")
> [@](#): > > The rest of us will get on with things, but don’t expect us to wait for you to catch up. We would rather you didn’t wait for us, since we don’t want anything to do with you. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/126 "2003-10-07T02:59:33Z")
So, what’s the position on men crying at work? ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/127 "2003-10-07T03:13:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weird With Words \* > \*\*I didn’t mean to come off as attacking you, so I apologize if I did. I was more concerned with making a clever turn of phrase than refuting or knee-jerking to anything you said. \*\* NP. Upon reflection, I realized that if I was going to take a stand against people being judgmental, I’d be limiting my own posting opportunities. Being a judgmental SOB myself, I’d be acting pretty hypocritical by taking such a stand. So, Zenster, I apologize for suggesting you are anything other than what I am myself. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/128 "2003-10-07T07:19:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scumpup \* > \*\*Gee, it looks like some of you are so upset that you should go have a good cry. The rest of us will get on with things, but don’t expect us to wait for you to catch up. \*\* I’m afraid you overestimate the value of your opinion. Frankly, it’s not like anyone is going to get upset over the attitude you display. Perhaps they might puzzle over whether you’re just juvenile, naive, callous, or full of shit - but it’s not likely to upset anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/129 "2003-10-07T07:43:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ellis Dee \* > \*\*So, what’s the position on men crying at work? \*\* As with gratuitous crying in public, gratuitous crying at work is strictly _verboten_. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/130 "2003-10-07T07:52:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \* > \*\*As with gratuitous crying in public, gratuitous crying at work is strictly _verboten_. \*\* And the key word there would be gratuitous. Going back to the OP’s example, I would be almost impressed if you tried to claim that divorce is not a circumstance that could cause this behaviour. But out of interest, if you saw such a thing happening. How would you respond? A sneer, a shake of the head? Ask if you could help? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/131 "2003-10-07T07:57:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scumpup \* > \*\*Gee, it looks like some of you are so upset that you should go have a good cry. The rest of us will get on with things, but don’t expect us to wait for you to catch up. \*\* I don’t think you’re too far ahead of the pack, Sparky. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/132 "2003-10-07T08:18:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scumpup \* > \*\*Gee, it looks like some of you are so upset that you should go have a good cry. The rest of us will get on with things, but don’t expect us to wait for you to catch up. \*\* Gee, it looks like you should fuck off. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/133 "2003-10-07T08:28:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat \* > \*\*And the key word there would be gratuitous. Going back to the OP’s example, I would be almost impressed if you tried to claim that divorce is not a circumstance that could cause this behaviour. \*\* I don’t doubt that some freshly divorced men cry after a divorce; I do doubt that it is in any way productive. \*\* > [@](#): > > But out of interest, if you saw such a thing happening. How would you respond? A sneer, a shake of the head? Ask if you could help? \*\* Unless the person was an friend of mine, I wouldn’t say or do a thing, except go about with my business. I am a system adminstrator, not a counselor. Truth be told, I would probably get annoyed if the fellow in the next cube over was blubbering while I plumb the depths of .NET. Certainly, unless he was crying over the actual death of a loved one, my opinion of them would plummet. I am not saying that there should be a law against men crying in public; But, barring extreme circumstances, men should avoid doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/134 "2003-10-07T09:33:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \* > \*\* I am not saying that there should be a law against men crying in public; But, barring extreme circumstances, men should avoid doing so. \*\* What? Are you saying that guys think “Well, this public place would be good to break down and cry in”? No one _decides_ to cry in public. Those that do are _overcome_ with emotion. I’m sure they would have preferred to break down in solitude, or amongst only close friends and/or relatives. What we are trying to say is that it’s OK if you’re overcome with emotion and let out tears. There is no reason to be ashamed of it. That’s all \*_I’m_ saying… ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/135 "2003-10-07T09:34:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \* > **I don’t doubt that some freshly divorced men cry after a divorce; I do doubt that it is in any way productive.** \*\* Your claim that it is not productive behaviour is far from your original comment about gratuitous though. I’d also point out that a person does not tend to cry out of any conscious urge to be productive. As such, and combined with your acknowledged point that you’re not a counsellor, I don’t see what you’re trying to say. > [@](#): > > \*\* Unless the person was an friend of mine, I wouldn’t say or do a thing, except go about with my business. I am a system adminstrator, not a counselor. Truth be told, I would probably get annoyed if the fellow in the next cube over was blubbering while I plumb the depths of .NET. Certainly, unless he was crying over the actual death of a loved one, my opinion of them would plummet.\*\* But as you’ve just said you wouldn’t say or do anything, you won’t know whats caused this…so how can you make an opinion. And I must ask why you think it’s reprehensible behaviour to cry in public, but acceptable to ignore a person in distress? It is an interesting definition you seem to have for what constitutes manly behaviour. Afraid to show your emotions, afraid to offer help, worried about the judgement and opinions of others, but not their wellbeing. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/136 "2003-10-07T10:26:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat \* > \*\*Your claim that it is not productive behaviour is far from your original comment about gratuitous though. > \*\* Absolutely untrue. Crying in public _is always_ unproductive, and _may be_ gratuitous. It all depends on the specifics of the incident in question. You shouldn’t have such a black and white view of the world. \*\* > [@](#): > > But as you’ve just said you wouldn’t say or do anything, you won’t know whats caused this…so how can you make an opinion. > \*\* Whoa, don’t get all teary-eyed on me! Doing and/or saying something is completely independent of forming an opinion. \*\* > [@](#): > > And I must ask why you think it’s reprehensible behaviour to cry in public, but acceptable to ignore a person in distress? > \*\* There is distress, as in a person suffering (or about to suffer) physical harm, and then there is nancy-assed crying to anyone that’ll listen about \. I will ignore the latter all day long, giving exceptions depending on the particulars. Hey, you go ahead and cry your little eyes out when and wherever you want. But since roughly half of the population is already composed of women, I will stick to being a man. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/137 "2003-10-07T10:36:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \* > \*\*Absolutely untrue. Crying in public _is always_ unproductive, and _may be_ gratuitous. \*\* How are we defining unproductive, here. Some folks break down and cry and it really helps them get over a tragic episode in their lives. That whole ‘expressing emotions’ thing. It has been alleged, by alleged mental health professionals, that folks who _don’t_ express their emotions have problems in other areas of their lives as a result. So, the crying could be productive for the individual, and not crying counter-productive for those who can’t. Although, again, I’m sure they would have rather been able to hold it together till they were alone. If you mean productive as in work (crying AT work), then yeah, someone crying at work ain’t gonna get a lot done should have called in sick or something. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/138 "2003-10-07T10:43:29Z")
I recognize crying as part of ‘the grieving process’. That process, however, should not take place in public. Not to mention, that process should not kick in if your favorite fern died or some musician ODs. Too many men cry for too petty a reason these days. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/139 "2003-10-07T10:49:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \* > \*\* Too many men cry for too petty a reason these days. \*\* Where are you, exactly? Seeing a man cry in public is a _pretty_ rare event in these parts… ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398/140 "2003-10-07T11:04:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \*Hey, you go ahead and cry your little eyes out when and wherever you want. But since roughly half of the population is already composed of women, I will stick to being a man. \*\* Oh fuck me, that’s truly dull even by your standards. You’ll “stick to being a man”. You’re a fucking system admin for fucks sake - hardly the profession of testosterone and manliness. And just how cliched a macho shtick do you want to go for. Why don’t we pull out all the stops, and start bragging about who’s better hung, punches harder, drinks more, slept around more, has more scars, drives faster, shoots straighter, dives deeper, skis better or whatever. Come on, go for it - with the internet, no-one can see you lying. Get those boasts in, impress one and all. The comedy is just too great. You insult the masculinity of others, yet admit you’d not be prepared to simply ask an upset person if you can help. I think your priorities on the whole “being a man” issue might be slightly screwed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-ok-for-men-to-cry-in-public/204398.md?page=8)