# Is it okay to ask out a girl at her job? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2005, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078 "2005-08-29T07:24:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kyle\_Rayner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58f4c7/32.png) [@Kyle\_Rayner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyle_Rayner1)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/21 "2005-08-30T06:15:10Z")
Yeah, true. I can see how it would be annoying but this is my only contact with her. Believe me if I wasn’t such an idiot in high school I would have her number or she would have mine, at least. I just feel nervous as hell walking into her job, it just makes me feel weird. Not because of her but just, I don’t know, it just seems weird. It would only complicate matters because I would have to do my usual thing and I can’t do that at a workplace, no way. I should just ask her when she gets her break like another Doper suggested. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/22 "2005-08-30T08:15:48Z")
> [@white rabbit](#): > > That would creep the hell out of me. > [@Anastasaeon](#): > > Me, too. It’s happened to me several times before. I thought the guys were all right until this popped out of their mouth. That’s because creeps asked you two. Creeps aren’t subtle. Don’t blame the good guys when twits try and bite our moves. Ladies, please go back and re-read what I wrote. I’m _hinting_ for the number, not demanding. Personally I still wouldn’t _ask permission_ to get a woman’s number. I never have. None of this: “I was wondering if it’ll be alright with you if you would give me your number,” or “I’d really like to call you sometime, do you mind giving me your phone number? Please? Please?” A warm smile and a honest request. “I _want_ your number.” “I _need_ your number to call you sometime.” “I’d _love_ to call you and talk some more.” “Let’s trade numbers.” That’s it. If she really likes you, she’ll take the hint. Be enthusiastic and assertive. It’s still her choice to say yes or no. At least make sure she knows your name before you ask, too. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/23 "2005-08-30T08:46:56Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > That’s because creeps asked you two. Creeps aren’t subtle. Don’t blame the good guys when twits try and bite our moves. I agreed with the rest of your first post, and I can see how I could have misinterpreted the “creepy” part. It’s hard to hear tone in posts 😉 You are correct: The guys were very probably just creeps. I apologise for painting you as one - I didn’t intend to, but now that you point it out, it seems that’s what I did. Humblest apologies. I don’t like it when men paint women with a broad brush, there’s no need for me to do the same to you with my own biases. I still think it would be more polite to _ask_, however, if you played your cards right, as you explained it, it might go over well. You might have to be pretty smooth to pull it off, though - might not be a good beginner trick. 😛 Too shy and bumbling and you could come across as sounding stalker-ish. But I think I can see, if you come across as confident (yet not cocky) and make her feel confident (but not gush over her), it could work. Ah, yes, as you yourself said: “subtle”. That’s the key. I once had a man who turned out to be genuinly stalking me ( :eek: ) watch me as my girlfriends wrapped my up in a gigantic, plastic wrap gown (bored at work in the warehouse one day, don’t ask), and when it was finished, I flounced around, showing off my new couture to everyone. When I got to him, he dropped the boxes he was holding and said, “I WANT. TO BE. YOUR DOG.” All I could mutter was “That’s an Iggy Pop song!” and then I hurried the hell away. This is an example of “not subtle”. This is the type of thing you do not do! 😃 We women, we’re complicated critters. My husband just said “Ah, screw it”, got out the club and dragged me here by the hair. Assertive, but not suave. But who cares? I don’t remember a thing. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/24 "2005-08-30T13:29:31Z")
See, _now_ I want your number. 😉 VIN-DI-CA-TED! ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/25 "2005-08-30T15:58:10Z")
> [@raz](#): > > I work at Wal-Mart and I think it’s kind of skeevy when guys hit on me/ask me out while I’m at work. It kind of gives off a “desperate” vibe to me. Shopping at wal-mart gives off a desperate vibe all on its own. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/26 "2005-08-30T21:54:17Z")
Oops. I read **Askia’s** post as: > [@Askia](#): > > I mean, she could be a lone with five kids under **there**. You need to feel her out. Man, that was a weird picture in my head, let me tell ya. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/27 "2005-08-30T22:09:19Z")
Judging from what I’ve read so far, how about “You know, for quite some time I’ve been wondering what your response would be if I asked you out.” I think that would leave a lot of room for her to respond or not respond comfortably and she doesn’t have to yea or nay on the spot. Might give her time to entertain the idea and if she needs the time to consider it might respond positively the next time you are in the supermarket. God, I’m glad I’m married ! ---
**Author:** ![yerba\_buena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/7ea924/32.png) [@yerba\_buena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yerba_buena)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/28 "2005-08-30T22:19:32Z")
I think there are a few conditions to the advice given above: (a) You hit on everything that moves, and waitresses / cashiers are captive audiences so you hit on them too. =\> You are unlikely to succeed whether you ask them out before, after, or during work. (b) You develop a rapport with a waitress / cashier whose workplace you regularly shop at. =\> You are likely to succeed whether you ask them out before, after, or during work. Waitresses and cashiers get hit on all the time, and they’re paid to smile and be friendly. Make sure you aren’t mistaking that for genuine interest. ---
**Author:** ![Kyle\_Rayner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58f4c7/32.png) [@Kyle\_Rayner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyle_Rayner1)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/29 "2005-08-31T04:54:21Z")
Hey thanks for the advice but I just remembered that her workplace is pretty relaxed and as long as she doesn’t have a lot of custumers in her checkout line than I can ask her to show me where the condoms are as a joke and that will give me a minute or two right there. **grienspace** , I like it but I’m going to change it to "you wanna chill and get drunk sometime soon I know you got school and I got college. Here’s my number and you better call me back and not act like a slut (something in that vein I’ll probably think of something better in a couple days). **yerba buena** , I know this girl and we were friends in high school so she wouldn’t pretend to be polite to me, she’ll be honest and probably crude but that’s what I expect. ---
**Author:** ![La\_Llorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@La\_Llorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/La_Llorona)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/30 "2005-08-31T05:05:53Z")
> [@Kyle Rayner1](#): > > Hey thanks for the advice but I just remembered that her workplace is pretty relaxed and as long as she doesn’t have a lot of custumers in her checkout line than I can ask her to show me where the condoms are as a joke and that will give me a minute or two right there. **grienspace** , I like it but I’m going to change it to "you wanna chill and get drunk sometime soon I know you got school and I got college. Here’s my number and you better call me back and not act like a slut (something in that vein I’ll probably think of something better in a couple days). :eek: Maybe I’m old-fashioned here, but I’ve got to say that I really wouldn’t appreciate 1. Salacious condom references 2. Being asked to “chill and get drunk” 3. Being jokingly admonished not to act like a slut anywhere, but especially not at my workplace/near my cow orkers, in front of whom I’d like to maintain a modicum of professional decorum, especially if I would be planning to stay at this job for quite some time. You can’t try anything that’s less likely to make the boss cast a suspicious eye on this girl if s/he happens to overhear you? ---
**Author:** ![Kyle\_Rayner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58f4c7/32.png) [@Kyle\_Rayner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyle_Rayner1)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/31 "2005-08-31T05:09:22Z")
Yeah true, your right. I’ll just ask her when her break is and than talk to her freely outside. ---
**Author:** ![OrangeJumpsuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/45deac/32.png) [@OrangeJumpsuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrangeJumpsuit)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/32 "2005-08-31T06:10:46Z")
I sincerely hope you have very _strong_ reasons to think she would be interested in you. Otherwise, PLEASE, for the love of God, do not ask her out on her job. Women hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate (is that enough hates?) hate, fucking HATE being asked out while they’re working. It happens nearly every single day. Cannot a woman do her job in farkin’ peace without a bunch of _men_ harassing her? The only way it’s not going to piss her off is if you’re actually the one guy she’s interested in. ---
**Author:** ![Kyle\_Rayner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58f4c7/32.png) [@Kyle\_Rayner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyle_Rayner1)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/33 "2005-08-31T06:27:30Z")
Okay maybe you missed it too, I was friends with her in high school and she knows me very well. Besides, I’m just asking her if she wants to chill sometime. I think the best way to do it is to ask her when her break is because I have to ask her something and than take it from there. ---
**Author:** ![OrangeJumpsuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/45deac/32.png) [@OrangeJumpsuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrangeJumpsuit)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/34 "2005-08-31T06:33:01Z")
That’s fine, I knew people in high school. I’d still be pissed off if one of them came to my job to ask me out. That is, of course, unless this was actually a person I might be interested in, which almost certainly is NOT the case. Just please, for me, a complete stranger (;)), make sure you have good reason to think she’d be willing to hang out. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Kyle\_Rayner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58f4c7/32.png) [@Kyle\_Rayner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyle_Rayner1)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/35 "2005-08-31T06:38:37Z")
Yeah, true I see what you mean. It’s more of an invitation to chill and get drunk even, though, I would like a sexual relationship with her but it would be cool just being friends because I really like this girl. ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/36 "2005-08-31T07:33:21Z")
Is it okay to ask out a girl at her job? No. Unless you want to embarrass both of you. Talk to her. Find out where she hangs out. Then, run into her there, talk and ask her out. But at work? No. ---
**Author:** ![Kyle\_Rayner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58f4c7/32.png) [@Kyle\_Rayner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyle_Rayner1)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/37 "2005-08-31T07:45:25Z")
True, but I know this girl and you’re right I wouldn’t ask her out on a date inside the store or outside. I think it would be better just to see if she just wants to chill and get drunk. I’m just going to say when do you get on your break because I want to talk to you about something. Then, get her outside and do my thing. ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/38 "2005-08-31T08:05:24Z")
> [@Kyle Rayner1](#): > > True, but I know this girl and you’re right I wouldn’t ask her out on a date inside the store or outside. I think it would be better just to see if she just wants to chill and get drunk. I’m just going to say when do you get on your break because I want to talk to you about something. Then, get her outside and do my thing. Sorry. On her break is still at work. Chilling and getting drunk is fine. Just don’t bring it up at her work. Or on her break. Ok, you know her. Find out where she’s hanging out later. A much better setting. Trust me. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kyle\_Rayner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58f4c7/32.png) [@Kyle\_Rayner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyle_Rayner1)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078/39 "2005-08-31T08:12:45Z")
Yeah, that’s going to be kind of hard to do. I know someone I could ask but that would just make things weirder because this guy is kind of in love with her so that would be extremely uncomfortable (there not dating). Would buying a soda or something make things better because at least I would have a reason to be at the cashier besides from just asking her to chill. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-ask-out-a-girl-at-her-job/319078.md?page=1)