# Is it okay to be sick of gratuitous gayity? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 29, 2017, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525 "2017-04-29T21:15:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/81 "2017-05-02T14:07:35Z")
Wait. Outside of arranged or forced marriages, trophy wives and the like, isn’t _all_ sexuality gratuitous, at least in part? ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/82 "2017-05-02T14:45:14Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > But TV keeps throwing it in my face. The new Dr Who companion is gay, as is a character in the spinoff, Class. It doesn’t need to be established in the first five minutes, unless it’s critical to the character’s development. Let it grow naturally, as it does IRL with people who aren’t nosy. Let’s look at the first episode of every other companion: Rose - Dating Mickey Martha - No mention that I can remember Donna - Getting married to a man Amy - Getting married to Rory Clara - Flirts with the Doctor and Rory ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/83 "2017-05-02T23:49:49Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple? I can’t recall any gay characters. I think for the time and place it would have been scandalous. No, I’m pretty sure at least one of the original stories had ‘female companions’ of that sort. And it was the gay 30’s Actual hetrosexual activity was limited by the lack of female contraception, but female characters wearing light cotton and no underwear seem common – I don’t think they were as easily scandalised as people in the 2010’s. ---
**Author:** ![velomont](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/8491ac/32.png) [@velomont](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velomont)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/84 "2017-05-03T01:11:30Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Please note that I’m me, your friend for 17 years. My point is not anti-visibility! The more visibility the better. I simply do not want to know a TV character’s preferences–straight or gay–if it does not advance the plot. There needs to be a reason, because otherwise having anybody’s–straight or gay–preferences is gratuitous. > > And duh about the Jeeps, right? 😉 But IMHO, IRL, there are tons of straight sexuality references. If I am with a group of guys having a beer and an attractive woman walks by, we’ll notice and probably remark about her to each other. We talk about whatever dumb thing we did that pissed off our wives. Or how a female co-worker’s cancer treatment is going. It’s not advancing any plot and if that “slice of life” stuff is completely omitted from entertainment, then that entertainment will look stilted and unrealistic. Having said that, I hate to think of the poor, closeted gays amongst us who feel that they must lie their way through life as they’re surrounded by us guys that I referred to above. For god’s sake why shouldn’t they see some gay-positive, slice of life stuff in various entertainment which portrays gays as “normal” (which they are FFS)? If anything pisses me off about gratuitous portrayals, it’s the gratuitous portrayal of more smoking than I see IRL. And I’m serious - that absolutely disgusts me. Sorry Dropzone, if that sounded snarky. It’s not supposed to be. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/85 "2017-05-03T01:33:41Z")
If your complaint really was about unnecessary references to characters’ sex lives in general, you wouldn’t have started a thread asserting that you were “sick” of “gratuitous” references to the sex lives of homosexual characters. I for one won’t accept that goalpost once the OP was written. You’re sick of learning that a character is gay. That’s your position. And no, that’s not okay. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/86 "2017-05-03T01:40:05Z")
Sorry - I thought it said gratuitous gravy. There is no such thing as gratuitous gravy. Also no such thing as too much gravy. Regarding characters in stories - stories are about what characters want. When characters don’t want anything, there is no story. Pilot episodes need to let us know what characters want and some of the conflicts that are keeping them from getting what they want. If the characters are interested in hooking up or starting a relationship, that’s probably going to be mentioned early. If they’re not looking or not looking in the vicinity of the rest of the characters, their preferences are less likely to apply to the story and it would make more sense not to bring them up at the beginning. You know, now that I think about it, neither the Doctor Who opener nor the pilot for Class had any gravy in it. I’m feeling the lack. ---
**Author:** ![Randolph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Randolph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randolph)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/87 "2017-05-03T02:21:41Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > But TV keeps throwing it in my face. I believe the correct terminology is _shoving it down my throat_. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/88 "2017-05-03T03:45:12Z")
If your talking about the Pride parade stuff, yeah, that sickens me too. Get a bunch of gays together and they really go crazy trying to so who can be more outrageous. Look up that recent lesbian event “The Dinah”. I have worked with some gays and lesbians and have lesbian neighbors and have tried to be friendly but they really rebuff attempts at friendship. I have come to the conclusion they really want to be their own community and want to interact with outsiders as little as possible. With events like “The Dinah” and others, they really dont need to. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/89 "2017-05-03T05:42:07Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > If your talking about the Pride parade stuff, yeah, that sickens me too. Get a bunch of gays together and they really go crazy trying to so who can be more outrageous. Look up that recent lesbian event “The Dinah”. > I have worked with some gays and lesbians and have lesbian neighbors and have tried to be friendly but they really rebuff attempts at friendship. I have come to the conclusion they really want to be their own community and want to interact with outsiders as little as possible. With events like “The Dinah” and others, they really dont need to. Bless. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/90 "2017-05-03T10:54:31Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I have worked with some gays and lesbians and have lesbian neighbors and have tried to be friendly but they really rebuff attempts at friendship. I have come to the conclusion they really want to be their own community and want to interact with outsiders as little as possible. More likely you should take their rejection personally and not an indication of how they treat people in general. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/91 "2017-05-03T11:05:46Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > … I have come to the conclusion they really want to be their own community and want to interact with outsiders as little as possible. … A good friend of mine, a gay man, and my nephew, gay too, are the life of the party wherever they go. They draw people in like magnets, and everyone wants to be around them. > [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > More likely you should take their rejection personally and not an indication of how they treat people in general. Well said. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/92 "2017-05-03T11:09:16Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > If your talking about the Pride parade stuff, yeah, that sickens me too. Get a bunch of gays together and they really go crazy trying to so who can be more outrageous. Look up that recent lesbian event “The Dinah”. > I have worked with some gays and lesbians and have lesbian neighbors and have tried to be friendly but they really rebuff attempts at friendship. I have come to the conclusion they really want to be their own community and want to interact with outsiders as little as possible. With events like “The Dinah” and others, they really dont need to. No, it’s you. Some participants in Pride parades are deliberately outrageous and they attract more cameras than the women in sensible shoes who outnumber them. Doesn’t bother most folks any more than the outrageous "Drunken Leprechaun " shite that goes on during St Paddy’s Day parades. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-T377A using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/93 "2017-05-03T12:07:44Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Fast forward into the 1990s and now lots of commercials for ordinary products have a white man, a vaguely oriental woman, and a black man. Usually with an improbable spread of ages to boot. Commercials today are still very much more of a UN meeting than are most people’s real lives. But it hardly looks out of place now. They’ve become more subtle and we’re far more used to the idea. One of the areas in which this has really exploded is the portrayal of interracial couples. On UK television this has virtually become a non-issue, so common are they in television shows and commercials. The US appears to be several years behind, judging from the big Cheerios commercial kerfuffle, but it’ll happen there too. And soon no one (or no one who isn’t a major asshole) will care at all… > [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Well, let’s assume that \*someone \*on Firefly is gay. Zoe and Wash are ruled out, as are Kaylee and Simon. I don’t think River even has a sexuality. Inara is probably somewhat omnisexual, but I’m not sure if she counts. Mal has the hots for Inara, so no. Which leaves us with Jayne or Shepherd… > > You know what? You’re right. It’s Jayne. He even has a girls’ name. There’s a lady at the Heart of Gold who might beg to differ on the subject. > [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > The new Doctor Who companion Bill was established as a lesbian in the first episode (by simply catching the eye of another woman. They don’t kiss, I forget if they even touched at all. Maybe they danced together. I guess that’s “gratuitous” for some people.) And then she got eaten by some alien motor oil. THAT WILL TEACH HER TO BE A LESBIAN. (To add a counter-anecdote to one posted above: the spouse and I met a lovely lesbian couple last week whose adopted daughters have swimming lessons the same time as our daughter. Couldn’t be friendlier. I foresee playdates in our future (for the kids; get your minds out of the gutter).) ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/94 "2017-05-03T12:25:44Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > More likely you should take their rejection personally and not an indication of how they treat people in general. This exactly. Since LGBTQ people are people and not some strange mutants, they can tell when the person doesn’t have respect for them. My sister and her 30-year partner (longer than I have been married) are heavily involved in their groups _of people_, straight or gay. When I met my wife, she had a group of friends with a large number of gays in it. There really wasn’t any difference between how they interacted with others. A couple of funny happenings. A group of these friends sat together at our wedding party and my wife had to disappoint one of her female friends who was hoping to get introduced to them. Another time, we were all out to a Turkish restaurant in Yokohama that had a belly dancer. She was a little miffed with the subdued reaction from out table and then I noticed that that end of the table was mostly gay guys. I took one for the team and went over provide proper appreciation. (Even as a feminist guy, I can ogle when appropriate.) My wife thought it was hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/95 "2017-05-03T12:39:44Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > More likely you should take their rejection personally and not an indication of how they treat people in general. No, they reject most people from what I see. At work they just want to be alone and my lesbian neighbors, when they are home, have few visitors. One gay guy explained it to me “I can’t stand straights and their shit”. Which makes sense because dont most gay men just prefer to be around other gay men? And lesbians, I think they just would prefer to not be around men in general and straight women often come with husbands and boyfriends so they dont tend to get to close with them either. I remember this one lesbian couple at work who would be friendly to others in a professional sense but any other times like at breaks they only were with each other. Not rude, but only wanted their privacy. Another lesbian I used to work with was a quite, reserved person to just about anyone. But, get her around some good looking athletic women (she was a softball coach) and she really opened up with a gleam in her eyes, big smile, and crazy laugh. Which also makes sense because if you become friends with others you have to open up yourself a bit or become involved in others lives. The few gay guys I ever became associated with we really only talked 1 or 2 subjects like cooking or movies. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/96 "2017-05-03T12:43:32Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > This exactly. > > Since LGBTQ people are people and not some strange mutants, they can tell when the person doesn’t have respect for them. > > My sister and her 30-year partner (longer than I have been married) are heavily involved in their groups _of people_, straight or gay. > > When I met my wife, she had a group of friends with a large number of gays in it. There really wasn’t any difference between how they interacted with others. > > A couple of funny happenings. A group of these friends sat together at our wedding party and my wife had to disappoint one of her female friends who was hoping to get introduced to them. > > Another time, we were all out to a Turkish restaurant in Yokohama that had a belly dancer. She was a little miffed with the subdued reaction from out table and then I noticed that that end of the table was mostly gay guys. I took one for the team and went over provide proper appreciation. (Even as a feminist guy, I can ogle when appropriate.) My wife thought it was hilarious. So you dont think if most gays would have their way, they would just be around other gays? I mean even like your belly dancer thing you described, wouldnt they prefer to just go to places with male dancers and not have to worry about a female being put off? And would your lesbian friends just prefer lesbian weddings? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/97 "2017-05-03T12:45:11Z")
It’s probably worth noting that, even excluding personal experiences one way or the other, homosexuals are just like heterosexuals in that a certain percentage of them are jerks. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/98 "2017-05-03T12:51:25Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > If your talking about the Pride parade stuff, yeah, that sickens me too. Get a bunch of gays together and they really go crazy trying to so who can be more outrageous. Look up that recent lesbian event “The Dinah”. Unlike you straight guys, who spend every second of your lives grabbing chicks by the pussy, groping their tits and asses and talking “locker room talk”. Outrageous! And you don’t have the common decency to only do these things only one day a year, you do these disgusting things every single day, 24/7! That sickens me too! > [@](#): > > If your talking… And you don’t even know how to use apostrophes. Get a bunch of straight guys together and they totally forget all about grammar and spelling. > [@](#): > > I have worked with some gays and lesbians and have lesbian neighbors and have tried to be friendly but they really rebuff attempts at friendship. I have come to the conclusion they really want to be their own community and want to interact with outsiders as little as possible. With events like “The Dinah” and others, they really dont need to. Have you tried using deodorant and mouthwash? ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/99 "2017-05-03T12:51:52Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > So you dont think if most gays would have their way, they would just be around other gays? I mean even like your belly dancer thing you described, wouldnt they prefer to just go to places with male dancers and not have to worry about a female being put off? And would your lesbian friends just prefer lesbian weddings? I would be willing to bet they are rebuffing you because they can see how you truly are. No gay people I know are anything like what you describe. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2017, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525/100 "2017-05-03T13:02:29Z")
Shouldn’t the OP have complained about “gratuitous gayity” being “shoved down his throat”? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-be-sick-of-gratuitous-gayity/785525.md?page=6)